Internet Explorer, or, "Why Does Everything Happen To Me"?

Well - for those of you who have followed the stories of me and my li'l old wheezing, creaking, gasping treadle-computer - here is the denouement - I am hourly expecting me darlin' to give up on me - odd harbingers appear - our speed has slowed to a crawl - death is imminent - SO - (although I cannot afford it - even wiv me friend Paddy doing helpful things quietly in the workshop - so I am having to borrow - but, nemmind, it gets me lots of points for a plane trip!) I am expecting to pick up a new li'l darling (with a WORKING monitor!!!!) some time today!!!! Yay!!!!!

I mean, I'll be bitching for the next year as I pay for her - but - a goil needs a 'puter, no?

Oh to see real colour again!!!!

I felt you have all been so involved in the death throes that you deserved to know.....

And - it isn't a Mac - but, I thought this article from The Big Fib might amuse someone:

"Microsoft brings hope to Mac users

R
edmond 01/09/2003

A new survey by Microsoft's public appreciation division today shows that as the stream of security flaws and virus attacks affecting Windows PC's becomes a torrent, Mac users have been feeling left out.
Nigel Itemare of Microsoft told BIGfib: "The truth is that all these virus attacks and fatal security flaws, the stories that PC users may unwittingly be hosting porn or even paedophile websites is very exciting, it's taking over the news and filling the online pages in newspapers and magazines."
"Because MacOs is built on Unix which is amazingly secure, and because no single virus has yet been written to attack Mac OS X users are feeling really left out. No-one is talking about them anymore and most articles in the computer press on how to fight all these problems are of no interest to them at all."
So does Bill have a solution for the sad little Mac users out there other than buying a PC?
"Well of course! Microsoft loves everyone." Ightmare old BIGfib, "Especially for Mac users Microsoft is now offering the Virtual PC product."
Though Virtual PC won't give you the full thrill of being able to actually crash or infect your Mac operating system it will enable you all of the joys of virus fighting, daily security updates and complete Windows re-installations in the safety of a virtual PC environment it creates on your hard disk."

:-)
Hello dlowan,

I'm very happy to hear that you're getting a new puter.

Regarding your previous question, laptops CAN be as good as SOME desktops, but only to a point and only at a dramatically higher cost.
You see, they have to go to a remote island near Finland where they breed special tiny hamsters that go in the laptops and run the wheel round and round which powers the hard drive which allows you to cause trouble on the internet. Desktop computers use "standard" hamsters which are available everywhere, but laptops require the special Finnish ones, which drives the price up quite a bit for the same functionality. And even this can't make a laptop fully comparable to the high-end "standard hamster" desktop models....there simply isn't enough room in the case of a laptop for enough mini-hamsters to run around in and would make the laptop comparable with a hotrodded desktop unit.

When you select your puter, make sure that the capabilities of it will not only fully address your current needs but go beyond that, and also allows for upgrades (extra card slots, extra drive bays, extra USB / Firewire connections, etc). Some manufacturers are evil and use "special hamsters" in their machines, and these machines can only be repaired with these "special hamsters" and oftentimes have extremely limited or nonexistent upgrade options.

Be sure that you get a machine with good and convenient local service as well. It's truly awful when the hairball behind the repair counter informs you that they don't have a tech who can work on your "special hamster" machine and they have to box it up and ship it to the factory for repairs.

I am glad to hear that your puter issue will finally be addressed, although I am sorry that the manner of this rectification brings pecuniary incongruencies along with it. Know, however, that possibly the only thing in Life that is MORE worthwhile going into debt over is a particularly large box of chocolates, and so you really would be well-advised to avoid worrying on this too much.

Oh, and when the question arises of "how much RAM do I need?" The answer is this: Take your most extravagant guess and then double that figure. That's how much RAM you need. :wink:

((((furry wiggle))))

LOL! It is a most generic machine indeed, Sir Stoat - and I know the hair-ball behind the counter - at least on weekends - and I believe I may be able to pay him to do it all privately at a fraction of the cost!! (If we can be very quiet)

He IS a hairball, as it happens - long, curly blonde hair down to his waist - neatly pony-tailed at work, of course - but rather speccy when he is being a rock star!!!

Just to echo stoat here, if your machine is physically capable of accomodating more RAM, you don't have enough installed.

LOL!

Stoats, hamsters,bunnies, rams and eagles!

What is this? Animal Farm?

(Gloats)

Oh my! I can really listen to the radio now - AND watch the lovely patterns that go with the player!!!

I am listening to the BBC World service and damned nearly tripping cos it is so pretty not having the voice and vision stop all the time!!!!


Simple joys of the 21st Century...

We're all happy for you, bunny. Welcome to the 21st Century. Note, however, contemporary technology carries its own bewilderments. I'm sure you'll find continuing, if different, reason to seek help.

LOL! I am sure I will, too!

Frankly, there is only so much techie stuff I am willing to clutter my brain with, speaking of Ram.

Like - is Winsows XP Professional good?

And - I now have Symantec screening my outgoing mail! And the busiest li'l Norton as you ever did see, all an updating of itself, and running scans whenever the whim takes it- with no input from me! AND a Norton Firewall! ME - with a FIREWALL! Whoodathunk?

Is it a GOOD Firewall? And a BURNER!!!!

And the most fetching li'l Nero Express program to burn stuff with - with a burning Coliseum logo as ever was! And me with nary a naked CD ROM in the house - and very few clothed ones, too.

XP, in any of its versions, has flaws, but for all of that, it is the most robust, stable, and capable OS Microfoft has yet put out.... a bigger improvement over preceeding MS OSs than was Win 9x over DOS, IMO. Get yourself a 3-pack or so of CD-RWs, bunny, and practice burning on reuseable media before you start really archiving stuff on write-once discs. All that Symantec/Norton stuff can be configured to "Call Home" at your convenience, and the e-mail scanning and firewall really are good thoings. They too can be configured to suit your particular situation and preferences ... but leave at their default or "Novice" settings untill you figure out your new particular situation and preferences, and have read any included manuals, the on-board and on-line help and tutorials. The most important thing is to get XP fully uodated, something that will require multiple trips to Windows Update. Another good idea is to check the versions of all your drivers and installed software, then to visit the parent website to see if there are updates, upgrades, or patches available. It can take a good bit of fairly constant attention to get a brand new machine fully updated. The more attention you pay to that, the less attention overall your machine is going to be likely to need.

Oh, and get yourself, at the very least, a marking pen suitable for labeling those write-once discs when you start using them. Trust me ... that saves lots of confusion and frustration. I'm gonna do that some day, myself ... really, I am. :wink:

Yee-Haaaahhhh!!!!

Is this the end of dlowan computer funnies??

Or, the start of even more wide-ranging oddities?

No doubt we will start hearing of bigger and stranger bugs as she discovers them...

Hmmmmmm - anything is possible.

Hey! This monitor has its own sound! But - if you plug it in, it stops the other sound.

And - I have No2 installed in the living room - because I need to get stuff off No 1 - which will be fun, as I am using the same keyboard and mouse for both! I momently expect the cats to eat the phone flex stretching across the living room floor...

dlowan's sound
Hello dlowan,

Re the sound issue, you may well be able to adjust that to your liking.
Check in Control Panel under Sounds and Audio Devices and see what output options you have available. This will vary depending on what sort of sound card (if any) is installed on your machine.
Also, if you have a seperate sound card, these will frequently have their own controller software that provides myriad opportunities for adjustments and tweakings. Access to this software may be via your Programs menu, where you should have a listing for the sound card manufacturer's card as a program folder, and you may also have a taskbar icon that provides ultra-convenient control of your sonic landscape. Mouse over unfamiliar icons and you should get a text balloon which identifies it's function. Try both left and right-clicking options, as sometimes the full audio software comes up with a left click and a right click brings up a convenient shortcut menu.
Windows XP Pro is highly customizable, so it's best to get in the frame of mind of "How do I WANT this machine to perform" versus "Oh dear. it's doing things that way... "sigh" I suppose I will just have to get used to it".
In many, many cases, you DON'T have to get used to it, you can change it to work the way you want it to.
Even if you don't have a separate sound card and the sound is coming from the main board, you may well have adjustment options there too. In addition to the options in Control Panel, you may have a software utility associated with the main board that provides adjustment options.
Don't be afraid to explore and click on unfamiliar icons. You aren't going to hurt anything just by exploring. You know not to click buttons like "Apply change" "Delete" and "Reformat hard drive" already without good cause, so I'm sure that you will do just fine

One function of Windows XP that you may wish to familiarize yourself with early on is the System Restore feature, which you can access via Start/Programs/Accessories/System Tools. This is a "system rollback" feature similar in focus to the popular Roxio GoBack software, but in my view better in several areas. Please know that this will not uninstall software and will not be a fix for every single possible problem, but it's a good thing to know about and to know what it will do and what it won't do.
Being aware of how it works may save you from data loss in the future.

Another point that I would like to make is that Windows XP has a DRAMATICALLY improved "Help" function. In previous Windows operating systems, once a person got beyond the basics of system operation, the Help feature was pretty much useless as it simply didn't go into enough depth and detail for anything but the simplest concerns.
Not so with Windows XP Help. Microsoft has completely revamped the entire thing and it's now QUITE comprehensive, and provides external links as well. Many of us who have grown up with Windows have nearly forgotten about the built-in Help because it lost it's usefulness so long ago. With Windows XP, it's really something that is worth looking at once again.

Heehee - I am downloading updates as we speak - naughty Patrick! It was very funny when I was paying (by card of course) to look at my customer data come up on the screen - when it came to customer status or somesuch it said "Patrick's mums's best friend"!!!

This thing has a goddam doggy instead of the paper clip!!!!