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Fri 17 Mar, 2006 04:40 am
For whatever reasons I have always leaned more towards being and introvert than an extrovert. Don't get me wrong, I am not a hermit but I am far from being a party animal.
When I was around 51 my wife left me and I proceeded to lead an even more introverted existence. I was retired and I spent a great deal of time reading as well as drinking. Things finally took a turn for the worse and my weigh suddenly shot up from 155 pounds to more than 200. I sought medical attention and to make a long story short I received treatment and easily gave up drinking altogether.
Although no one ever recommended it to me I thought it would be a good idea to become involved in some social activities, get out and meet people.
I joined the VFW and I renewed my acquaintance with the Elks. Both experiences proved to be unrewarding mainly because both functions are made up mainly of old men and both groups naturally involved a drinking atmosphere.
Next I joined a group of retired professionals. It is a fine organization and represented by members of quite a few professions. Most members are well into there sixties and seventies. I am 69. We gather one afternoon a week and usually enjoy lectures by guest speakers. We have a quarterly "get together" each quarter.
I never have cared for anything of "pot luck" nature. I am very particular about the food that I eat. As a matter of fact I become angry if someone suggests something like a "pot luck" event or a picnic or any such social event that includes members of our group. There are some people who obviously believe that restricting our group activities to our meeting place sans food and socializing just is not enough and it aggravates me.
I decline to attend any of these functions and this is conspicuous. Hence I have many occasions to become very aggravated when people ask me if I am going or later ask me why I did not go. Do you see what I mean?
During the past year one of our members has expressed his concern for the health of another member to the rest of us. In other words he wants us to become involved and "share" his concern, spread it all around. Would this not aggravate you? Well it does me. I just do a slow burn but I refuse to get involved.
Anyway the best way to handle all of this is to just ignore it. Whenever somebody starts, even gives a hint of some social idea and I see it coming I open my portfolio and begin writing poetry or working equations. That is the way to ignore. In the event someone asks me to bring food I let them know right there I will NOT be going.
Another social group I belong to is a band. I love playing in the band especially because it gives me a great feeling making music with other people. Well wouldn't you just know there is a woman in my other group that plays the flute and has suggested I come over an practice with her? I almost fell over. And now she is trying to get me to encourage other people in the group to make music which of course I am not going to do. Hey I have a den I practice my horn in every day. What is the point in driving over to the woman's house and practice there? Flutes and brass don't go together well. Sorry, no offense Lydia, leave me and my music alone I said.
I enjoy writing. I write much like people might hold a conversation with another person and I really enjoy it. I joined a writing group of about twenty people. It is nice but I became sick thinking about it two days ago. I just cannot stand the commitment of having to write something prior to each class. I mean I love to write but I don't want to have to write. I can write volumes if I feel like writing. I just don' like having to do it on schedule.
After getting myself worked up I lost my appetite. I felt awful about my obligation to write (even though I already had completed the piece) and I went to bed for a day and a half, didn't eat.
Tonight I decided I needed to quit the writing group before I really got sucked in. So tomorrow morning they won't be seeing me there nor will the ever see me again. Tomorrow afternoon I am going to skip the professional group. Why? Because I know who the speaker for the first lecture is and I absolutely hate the man. If I wait until the second hour I am putting my self into a bind because I would be wasting time that I could use for practicing my horn.
So what I am illustrating here is to watch out. I especially value the company of other people. To a point. At the same time you don't want to get yourself sucked in to commitments that have potential to ruin your health. I like practicing eighth notes because I personally believe it combats Alzheimer's as do all the crossword puzzles I work.
I really feel good tonight knowing I am not going to be "involved" tomorrow and the weekend is here. I'm free. :wink:
I resist most all social contacts. I couldnt even stand AA when I was drying out. I think Im too much of a control freaque, and I can be a terrible noodge when it comes to escalating opinions.
At least on A2k, Its a free will thing were not all stuck in a closed room.
Even though I like A2k, i find no compelling reason to attend get togethers. If I found someone who liked similar things I do, I would seek them out one on one. Social events become competitive recitation sessions and I handle them badly.I think it goes back to being raised Catholic with Orthodox mixed in. Very guilt laden childhood.
Even in my company, we dont "map out" a calendar of social events. If they occur, they are extemporaneous. Like last years Christmas party was a community charity drive for coats for kids and then a small social event later. We have key man insurance and by terms of our policy, certain individuals are restrained by incentive from engaging in totally wacky sports or activities like downhill racing, "freestyle climbing", or dirt track jalopy racing (I just made that one up but we cant engage in NAscar and be on staff.
Some years ago, there was a thread either on A2K or Abuzz. I don't remember which. The question positied was whether a member believed that they were either an introvert or an extrovert.
Not so surprisingly, it was found that many members perceived themselves as introverts, even though they might have been very friendly on the forum.
Personally, I have always thought of myself as an "extroverted introvert", which sounds like a contradiction in terms, but it really isn't. I like people, and can appear very social, but in small doses.
In my work, I made presentations, gave speeches and trained staff. I suppose that I really did not like it, but it was part of my job, so I learned how to do it comfortably. As a retiree, I too, don't like to become involved in aything where I am obliged to do something. I am happy to volunteer, but it needs to be on my terms.
Right now, I fell into the presidency of an organization. I was vice president (I like being 2nd in command), and the president moved away, so I was stuck with the job. I really hate it, and can't wait until my tenure is over.
One of the nice things about being retired, is that you have the luxury to do what you damn please. The problem is, when people discover that you have a brain in your head, you find yourself in the position of being nominated for this or that. Aarrgh!
Enjoying social groups
Personally I detest office parties with their enforced socialization among various levels. The pretense that everyone in the office is equal just doesn't work for me. I am the librarian/clerk/secretary, and not socially comfortable with the Director/Chairman/Dean, whoever.
And I specially dislike having to spend my personal free time on office get-togethers. I remember once having to give up a
Saturday to attend an event involving higher-ups and lowlies. Because I was new to MIT I didn't have the guts to say I had to stay home to trim my cat's claws or something, so I went, and it was horrible.
Further, I couldn't get out of there quickly, because other people were depending on me to chauffeur them.
I get increasingly reluctant to have to do things. Might be from a lifetime of lab timers going off and large scale property developers waiting for plans (I'm a two and a half career, or maybe three and a half careered person.) Partly I've coned things down so that I really like the people I continue to see and communicate with. I continue to enjoy them, learn from them, and vice versa. Lot of richness, but.. I don't put myself voluntarily into aggravating circumstances twice anymore. Usually.
At the same time, some of my understanding of my own possible creativity came from classes where there were deadlines to draw, paint, or design something. Indeed, the shorter the initial deadline - sketch the model, you have five minutes! Paint the model, she or he will pose for two three hour sessions. In my sixth class in advanced painting I was off onto painting the whole class, got into painting the whole space. I was probably getting bored, but my painting loosened up and some of my all-time favorite paintings are from that 'whatthehell, I'll play' class.
Create a concept plan for this space between those five buildings and that road, the north arrow goes here, you have two hours... or one week - that turned out to be a hell of a lot of fun and invigorating.
I understand the thing about writing on your own time. But I suppose there can be added benefits from "assignments", creativity triggers re something you might not be doing on your own since whatever the subject is could be far from your interest. It might expand the envelope, as they say, as your frustration might show in a new writing flow.
Still.... I have never been part of a reading group. I don't want anyone controlling my reading time, it would freak me out. And yet I know I could learn a lot if certain analytic people were in such a group.
Yes the terms extrovert and introvert can be misleading. I believe many of us take them literally but of course there are many degrees in between.
Just being yourself unfortunately, may not work depending on a chosen career. Some people are just normally gregarious others are not and one quality really is not any better than they other. However it is much better to be naturally outgoing if you work in sales for example. I majored in finance and I had convinced myself that I would be happy crunching numbers behind the scene someplace for a large organization. Unfortunately for me I started as a stockbroker and was not at all successful. I simply could not sell anything, was not outgoing enough or convincing enough for the job.
Most of my career was spent in accounting and after I retired I taught for a few years. Oddly, I found no contradiction between being in the classroom as well as enjoying my own private life. Of course teaching and selling are two different things at least where I was concerned.
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