Clarm - WTF does it mean????!??!??!

hey, ho, just back away from the clarmin' terrier, bub...

My heart belongs to the clarm dog.

Early on in 1582, Pope Gregory sent for an unknown, but talented German mathematician named Hoisten Heavygroin to aid him with the inter gravissimas {the realignment of the outmoded Julian calendar.} If you have never heard of Mr. Heavygroin, it is of no surprise, as he ran into some problems during the proceedings, of a linguistic nature. His father {Boosten Heavygroin 1526-1581} had died the previous October, on the 5th to be exact, and his dying words to his son were just one…Clarm! Hoisten not being one for the study of the finer languages, never pursued the true meaning or origins of the word, and simply assumed that clarm was some part of an ancient Germanic tribal rite of passing.

After the computations were complete, when Hoisten was asked what he wanted in payment, he declared that he would like the month of October to be changed to Clarmtober in honor of his late fathers last word. And that the 10 day adjustment period to be taken out in ten successive Clarmtober the 5ths, so that he would have at least a decade before he would have to observe the anniversary of his fathers passing.

All were in agreement with this arrangement, and as the papers were about to be signed, a young Latin scholar spoke up, and brought to the attention of the council that the word Clarm had a somewhat negative appeal. The scholar had quite some difficulty explaining what the word meant, until the Pope finally told him to just “Spita it outa”. The young man gave a straight translation….admoveo lutare…which no one understood, {the Papal council and Ol' Greg were fairly dense} so he tried again…”To bring forth a muddy smear”…puzzlement again shone on the faces of the papal council….”To draw mud, to dip into the well too deeply”….still nothing, so he decided against his better judgment to use the common term…”**** skid”. As the “ahhh I see” passed through the crowd, Hoisten suddenly realizing that his father had simply declared that he had shat himself, lowered his head, and walked silently out of the building. Subsequently, his name was stricken from the records and Dr. Lilius received the brunt of the credit. Lilius who was actually not a Doctor at all, but was a common pimp, albeit a good one, had fallen into great favor since he had provided a nice supply of high grade healthy young boys for the council during intermissions.

Hoisten was never heard from again, the only evidence that he was involved in the proceedings was the starting date of the alignment…Oct, 5 1582…and they only kept this date because they had already printed the commemorative stamps, collectors plates, and T-shirts. The young scholar was buggered to death, in a mass orgy that followed the proceedings.

That was clarmin' beautiful.

That sounds more like an uncommon pimp.

It was simply anti Church propaganda. Completely tautological. Any word would have done. Elementary Goebellism. With 2 pack scatto.

Well, clarm my giblets and call me 'Girly'!

Silent clarm
ho-oh-ley clarm
all is clarm
all is fright ...

Girly.

When Jennifer clarmed down I explained that I had only felt up Violet to cheer her up.

I'm glad to see you and J enjoyed that little known historical tid-bit....it's such a special story....I should say that there is more to the Heavygroin legacy, concerning the daughter Moisten, a barrel of beer, and two exceptionally trained Bavarian horses. But I shall keep that little story to myself, for the time being.

And Spendi...I'm a tad upset with you for painting my heresy so broadly....it's called anti-clericalism, not simply anti-church...I know some Catholic folks, and they are....ok...mostly....as long as you don't actually talk to them....and to be honest I've only met one priest in real life...he did give me a weird vibe though....walking thru a spiders web sorta thing....so I just kept my back to the wall until he was gone...but I don't blame him, I know I'm a pretty man, I'm used to that sort of thing. And ok, so maybe saying the young scholar was buggered to death was a bit harsh....I should have said, he died a few days later from complications brought on by too much man love....I think we can all agree that sounds much nicer.

I don't know....maybe I read Voltaire and Locke when I was way too young.

They found Clarmasaurus bones in Ipswitch the other day.

I still haven't read Voltaire, and mean to. When I was young, it was on the Index (of forbidden books). Still may be, for all I know.

At this point, I expect to be clarmed by Voltaire.

When painting barn doors it is better to clarm from the top because clarming at the bottom first leads to the gunk running down as you rise up and it spoils the aesthetic effect of what you have done so far.

Although, come to think of it, if it's only a barn door I don't suppose anybody cares all that much.

Instead of the usual routine of "cutting" the edges of a wall or barn door with a brush and paint before painting the middle, one could save time by clarming the edges.

But wait! I just saw a new thread -

Global Clarming...New Report...and it ain't happy news.

I think people who go on and on and on about priests buggering little lads have got an obsession with that kind of thing.

I went to a school of 600 boys with about 40 priests and brothers doing the teaching. I heard not one iota about this matter in the 6 years I was there. One brother, who taught English Literature, did get cashiered when the Rector's search party found some OVER 40 s mags in his room. Even that was only darkly hinted at.

I wondered if American priests are subject to stringent checks on their personal behaviour because if not it is relatively easy to perform the other duties if you have a thing for little lads. They vet taxi drivers here.

I was in the miltary before I ever heard of buggery and even then it was only applied to ladies. The little lad thing got explained to me when I was posted to a hot, dusty light-brown situation.

Did you know that Germaine Greer claims that the vow of celibacy is much the easiest priestly vow to adhere to. Visiting parishioners is not like leafing through a lingerie catalogue.

If you really are a pretty man you must have seen some pregnant women and wondered how on earth somebody got it up for that.

Anti-clericalism is all very well so long as you have an alternative ready to go in case your words are persuasive enough to convert the whole population in a blinding flash of transcenent wisdom.

There's certainly too much of that Global Clarming, I agree. It must, logically, lead to a Clarming Crunch fiasco,

Wabbit! You can clarm it out, but you sure can't take it!