Seek advice on how to handle difficult colleagues

Hi miko,

That's just weird. It sounds like disussions I'd have in 3rd grade about getting the high score on the spelling test.

If management decides you're eligible, you're eligible. End of story.

Is the decision as to whether you are eligible or not in the hands of any of these people?

If not, it's none of their business.

If any of these people win, have they stated it's their intention to give the money to the person getting married?

Theyjust sound like a bitchy clique that like to stir the pot.

Be bigger than they are about it and don't even respond.

Good luck on winning!

Oh btw - welcome to A2K

Stick around.

I know sozobe!! Like children.

But I still need help on what to respond to my colleagues when they start saying those statements to me. I need to say something diplomatic so that they don't feel that its 'unfair' (even though I know it's not) yet doesn't make them ostracize me. Any suggestions?

I have so little patience with that kind of thing that I'd prolly just let them ostracize, but I know that's not helpful.

What I would actually do is probably something like, "AA, ya know, management said everyone's eligible. You, me, SS. I wish her all the luck in the world, but it's silly for me just to not even enter." <laugh, change subject to something lighter>

I've seen this mindset before, though not at work. One think to keep in mind is whether they would do something like that for you. Do not, do not, hold yourself back for people like that. It would just allow mediocrity to rise and excellence to hang back. Do your thing, and when you win, it will be on your merits. You don't have any obligation to consider their interests over your own.

Thank you Chai Tea! I think i will stick around...looks like a friendly sort of place

You are spot on that they are a bitchy clique but it's also important to me that I am on their good side or at least be neutral. (ala Rules of Work book)

They may be bitchy but influential (not majorly, but can do some sort of damage) as well.

Not responding and just keeping quiet is an option but won't it be a bit weird if they say "XXX, I think it's sooo unfair for you to join this comp." and then I just look at them and keep quiet? I'm thinking perhaps I should say something like " don't be silly, all of us have an equal chance of winning. You're just as creative as I am" (little white lie?)

The sneaky suspicion I have is that they feel threatened that I may win and not them and they are just expressing this feeling.

They definitely appear threatened. I think the little white lie approach is a good idea. Play along and be nice, but don't hold yourself back.

I'm thinking right now of a person I worked with long ago that had a perfect way of dealing with people who would approach her with negativity or with those that were trying to make their problems hers too.

Very nicely, without being sarcastic or condecending, in fact, saying with the most expressive sympathy in her voice, she mastered the art of responding without commiting herself.

examples:

other: complain complain complain
she: Oh dear.

other: complain complain complain
she: Oh....my.

other: bitch bitch bitch..don't you agree?
she: well <long pause>.....that's really hard to say.....

other: I think you should blah blah blah
she: mmmmm......<long pause with thoughtful look> then, not saying anything else.

other: repeating above....
she: well.........

I understand the necessity of maintaining a relationship with others you wouldn't choose to be with.

My bet is they are so caught up in their own talk, they are not going to listen to your answers anyway. So don't feed them.

People like this REALLY want you to engage in the conversation....don't do it.....separate gracefully.

Sozobe, I like your reply!! Thanks, I think that's such a great perfect response.

Thanks for helping me out of this little minefield.

It's just that I got so caught up in indignation & shock from a colleague who I thought was someone who viewed work with the same sort of values I did and finding out that she actually doesn't at all.

I'll get back to this post on Monday or Tuesday to tell you all what happened

p/s Have you all read the Rules of Work book and what do you all think about it? At first I thought it was such an obvious sort of self-help that I didn't want to spend $ on but after a while I bought it and I thought it was great!! He wrote down very good points in a clear simple manner and I find it helps me personally to flip through the book before I go to sleep so that I remind myself to be the best I can be, not to be petty or quickly irritated at work, etc.

Would love to hear your opinions - good, bad, neither.

Whoa! The speed of this forum is amazing! I can barely keep up!

Chai Tea - your ex-colleague's method sounds perfect!! I shall endeavor to use that method whenever I can!!! Shall start Monday;)

FreeDuck - thanks for the vote of confidence

Are we talking $20.00 or $200.00? Not that it should matter, but it might have some influence over how much you want to give up in order to get along with these people. Are you on best buddy terms with any of them now? And, last question (sorry for the inquisition), are you a new relatively new employee compared to the rest of the group?

This is an excellent technique. Very often, folks (and not just folks like this crowd) just want to vent. They want to feel someone is listening, even if, mentally, that person is alphabetizing their spice rack at home.

Oh to be the serene-faced smiling person who nods and looks concerned. They don't need to know what you're really thinking and you don't need to tell 'em.

Yeah well Jespah

Just don't use that one on me when I'm going off...

I'll know where you got it from.

hehehe

Hated co-worker
How do I handle a know it all, bitch co-worker who doesn't do anything all day and tries to get everyone who dares cross her/ not kiss her ass fired? I could give examples but this would turn into War and Peace. Needless to say I think the bosses are even scared. What can I do, she is making me crazy.

Ah, the poison coworker.

Keep going up the chain of command, and be sure to bring concrete proof (concrete proof is things like a diary showing the times when this coworker came in and when she left every day for, say, three months) and not just your opinions -- and keep your resume up to date. Eventually, someone in the company has to either take a stand or, perhaps, fire you. Sorry, of course that's not what you may want to hear, but it's hard to conceive of a situation wherein bosses are afraid of an underling unless (a) that person is related to THE big boss, (b) that person threatens to sue if fired and/or (c) that person is somehow required to be working there, e. g. a member of a minority and the company has been ordered to diversify and/or (d) there's the specter of work place violence. Or, (e) it's not fear at all, but rather that that person has some sort of a perfect skill set that's 100% necessary and 100% irreplaceable.

This does not mean that the company has to take it, and a poisonous atmosphere isn't good for anyone. Plus, if it's (e), the company needs to know if that person isn't doing anything. After all, if that person was hired to, I dunno, polish the widgets, and they don't, then it kisses that person's uniqueness and necessity good-bye. A worker not using skills is just about the same as a worker who doesn't have skills.

Anyway, let's look at the other scenarios:
(a) that person is related to THE big boss - nothing at all you can do about this, so you need to either learn to live with the coworker or find another job. Nepotism is sometimes okay, but if it brings in an unfireable bitch who does nothing but kill everyone else's morale, then it's doing no one any good. If you leave, and other people leave, then the manager will either get the hint eventually or go down with the sinking ship.

(b) that person threatens to sue if fired - again, little you can do about this, and it really speaks to the wimpiness of some managers. After all, anyone can threaten -- it's only an issue if a threat is carried out. But you won't change a manger's mind easily, and you probably won't find out all the facts if it's this scenario.

(c) that person is somehow required to be working there, e. g. a member of a minority and the company has been ordered to diversify - of all of the scenarios, this is the most pleasant one to work on, although that doesn't mean it's simple. Essentially what the company would need is someone who fits the bill but isn't a bitch who does no work. "Boss, I'd like you to meet my friend, Francine.", you say one day. And Francine isn't submitting her resume and there is no job opening (she may not even necessarily be looking for work); she's just at your office to take you to lunch or something like that. This is networking for your friend and it's a nice thing to do for her, plus it subtly shows your boss that hey, there are other disabled Buddhists in town (or whatever the minority group is). Devious? You betcha. And Francine may never be hired (I would, of course, tell her I was doing this, I would not use my friend and you shouldn't, either). But sometimes managers, despite the number of times they tell us to do so, still fail to think outside the box. So nudge the manager along. This is not a quick fix and it may not work, but it's worth a shot.

(d) there's the specter of work place violence - there is absolutely nothing you can do about this except get your resume together and get out of there as fast as humanly possible. Several years ago, there was a shooting at a company a few towns over from where I work, and that's not the first nor is it the last instance of work place violence. No job is worth that and, if you are forewarned, don't futz around and just go[/b].

If you have an exit interview, use it, and be sure to tell your supervisor why you're quitting.

So, to sum up,
(1) get your resume in gear.
(2) try to determine why that person is allowed to hang around, and what, if anything, you can do about it.
(3) keep going up the chain of command with concrete, objective and unemotional proof of the problem, until you get some sort of satisfaction and, if it comes to it,
(4) use your exit interview to express your displeasure with the company and be very specific about why you're hitting the highway or, if nothing can be done and you don't want to leave,
(5) learn to live with it and channel your stress and frustration elsewhere.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for trying but she is nonne of the above. She acts like this place would collapse without her but when nobody can get their bonuses cause her reports are 3 months behind I don't see her as being useful. I have talked to the owner/president of the company. So have others. "we need to worry about things we can control." They are "aware of what she is doing" so why not stop it????? You are right on the resume thing. I am going to start seeking other employment cause for the pittance they pay me they will never find anyone to do my job as well. I have been doing it 1.5 years and know the software (graphic design) really well. They pay minimum wage so they won't get anyone who knows what they are doing to be able to replace me. They like her so well, they can keep her.

That's the spirit. And if they think her attitude/work speed is something they can't control, they'd best think again. That's kinda what managing workers is all about. You're better off without 'em. Good luck to you.