Behavourial problem

Hi SKTan, welcome to A2K.

Why do you think he cries when it's time for homework?

How does he do in school, once the homework is actually finished?

Is he taking about as much time as he is supposed to? As in, is it supposed to be about 3 hours a day, and that's what it is?

Good questions Sozobe! How good is the school he's in? There are tutoring grants available as part of the No Child left behind program, like 1,300. or so.

You might want to lock up the TV and video games so he can't watch or play when he gets home from school. The deal will be he can have those items only once his homework is finished. He can start his homework as soon as he get home and anything he needs help with must wait for you and the family to finish dinner. No TV or video until everything is finished. Sometimes children get upset not because of an activity they have to do, but because that activity is keeping them from doing what they really want to do.

Lots of questions. Sorry, I have some more. Has this been a problem since he started school or just recently? Is he by himself in the afternoon or is he supervised? When would you like him to do his homework and when does he think he should do it? How are his in-class assignments vs the ones he does at home? Does he do well in school but is easily distracted at home or does he generallly struggle?

I'm sorry to bombard you with more questions, but more info on his general situation would be very helpful.

SKTan--

Welcome to A2K. I get the feeling that you're a Single Parent. You have my sympathy--I've been there.

Questions: Who put the eleven year old in charge? Why do you think it is your job to nag until the homework gets done? What is this state of High Hysteria doing for your 7 year old?

Possible solutions:

Obviously, Mommie is taking an interest-- but when that interest means that the entire evening, five evenings a week are devoted to hysteria. I wouldn't call this Quality Time--for you or for your 11-year-old or for your 7 year old.

I don't know about Mr/Ms Homework Hysteria, but you deserve some quality time.

Incomplete homework in the 6th grade is not going to prevent your kid from getting into Harvard. I know you want to enforce good study habits and back up the school's requirements for learning, but the nightly games of Uproar aren't achieving this end.

Try something new.

First: Ask for a teacher conference. Explain any sources of tension in your child's life and tell the teacher that homework has turned into a battleground. Perhaps s/he will have suggestions. Certainly s/he will have warning of your new approach.

Second: (Or even First if you can't take one more evening of Uproar and hysteria): Tell the kid homework is his/her job. S/He can do it--or not do it.

Undone homework will result in poor grades, but they will be his/her poor grades.

Make it clear that you are a mother--not a torturer or a policewoman.

Third:

Make time every evening (during the time when you used to play Uproar) to spend at least 20 minutes of Quality Time with each kid. For the moment, don't make the Quality Time dependent on homework--but if the 11 year old is supposed to help around the house by taking out the garbage and the garbage is in the kitchen.....

...those are house rules s/he's messing with, not school rules.

Bedtime is bedtime--whether or not the homework has been done. You don't assign homework--you enforce bedtime.


Good luck. Remember, spring is coming.