Momma Angel wrote:You never know about the person on the other end of the keyboard, do you? It might be someone confined to a bed because of an infirmity or because they may be dying of cancer. It might be someone in a wheelchair that isn't able to get out to be with other people. You just never know what kind of situation someone might be in on the other end of that keyboard. They might be in an abusive relationship and the only outlet they have for any chance at sanity is to interact with people on internet forums. It may be someone suffering from clinical depression that is trying desperately to reach out to someone, anyone that will listen to them because they feel they have lost all hope. You never know when one kind word from you may make someone's day. You never know when a silly little joke you make causes someone to laugh hysterically. And, you never know when you might say something that will cut someone's heart in two because you just didn't understand that there really was a human being on the other end of the keyboard.
That is very sensitively and articulately put, MA, and I'm sorry you get to feel that way, but happy that A2K might come to mean so much to you.
I've got to add, tho, that, in such an angle, the S&R (or Politics) forum may be at a crossconnect with your desire to make personal connections, find amiable company, a sense of security. All that can be found on other parts of A2K, but those forums (and several others) are
knowledge forums, not feelgood forums. Threads there are not intended to reach some kind of cosy consensus that everybody can feel good (about themselves) with; they are there to analyse and reflect on facts and assertions in order to gain a clearer or more truthful insight on them. The feeling that it would be so much nicer if we could all just compromise and agree on a consensus therefore might well clash with the goal of testing and increasing knowledge.
If one posts an assertion or proposition (or a comparison, say), in those or such forums, then yes, it will be scrutinized, discussed, questioned and possibly disproven, as those are the ways in which knowledge is developed. As Sozobe said right at the beginning of this thread: reason and logic to most of us do not
get in the way of whats really important; they're the ways to get to it.
None of that needs to be personal: what is up for discussion, as soon as one posts something, is not you, but your proposition, question or assertion. "Reason and logic" will be applied without consideration of whether it might not make you feel uneasy, for if scrutiny was withheld out of protection for people's comfort zone, we'd still believe the world was flat and the sun orbited around the earth.
Of course there will also be posters who are simply mean or churlish - and they will get to each of us every so often, that's for sure! Every interactive site by definition has its trolls. But what bothers me slightly in this thread is the sense that it's not just
them who have been making you feel bad, but also those who "relentlessly" question, or even attack, your proposition, as fallacious or invalid.
But that, I'm afraid, is what the knowledge forum is all about, and none of it need in any way necessarily be personal. So there's an important lesson, perhaps: to learn to separate you as a person and your beliefs or opinions. If someone argues against your beliefs or opinions, (s)he is not attacking
you.
This is a point in your interaction with others, as far as I've observed it, where something often goes wrong. When people argue that your submission or proposition is wrong (relentlessly, yes), you often feel personally defensive, saying, why cant you just respect my opinion? And (basically), cant we just all get along? In both of those questions there's a problem. Noone here, I dont think, would ever argue against your
right to have your own opinion on something, but people will still often enough simply think it's incorrect. So if by "respecting my opinion" you mean, not expressing that they think it's bull, then no, that's not going to happen; in fact, according to the same logic, asking them so would be disrespecting
their opinion. Thats just not a useful road to go down on. People will express their opinions
and express their disagreement with others' opinions - and if they think that your opinion is bull, then no, they're not going to "respect" it, by defintion. That doesnt mean they might not still respect
you.
So yes, of course we can all get along - we do that fine on the joy-and-toy threads. But people who disagree with you wont say, oh your opinion is OK, if they dont agree with it, out of 'respect' - not in a knowledge forum. It would kinda defeat the whole purpose. They might well say, "well I respect your right to your own opinion, but I think its mistaken/wrong/fallacious/whatever, for this and this reason" (and they might even well go on about it for quite some time). If that is not respect enough for you, then I'd cautiously suggest that your problem isn't so much with these or those posters, but with the concept of a knowledge forum, which is scrutinising ideas and propositions, whether comfortable or not?
Thats not to say people couldnt be a bit more courteous (I've never had much up with the Frank Apisa style of confrontation, myself) ... but no, the relentlessness of scrutiny you will encounter is not
itself any sign of discourtesy, at all, and I'd hesitantly suggest that perhaps might be something you'd still need to pick up on?
Oh god that was so long ... someone summarise the above in four sentences, because I'm pretty darned sure it's possible ... but I'm tired with trying to edit it (surreeh..)
