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Mon 9 Jan, 2006 10:40 pm
I need some advice....I am 18 a freshman in college and still living at home...I am a very responsible person who most parents I have been told would be lucky to have. I go to college full time while I am also a manager at a local restuarant which requires me to work at least 20 hours a week. But my parents still see me as a little kid.....when at home I have to be constantly working around the house or etc. it seems, they didnt go to college so they dont realize how much time I have to spend studying. THey are always nagging at me for something, always. I have had the same boyfriend for 3 years now who is also very mature and responsible and they still hate him for no apparent reason. In high school, I had to be home if I was any where but work around 9pm, but if I am at work I sometimes wouldnt be home till2 in the morning, in high school I only got to see my boyfriend at the max two times a week for not very long. Anyway back on track....this past semester I struggled alot with the work in college (I picked a hard academic school, that I really dont need for my major) I suggested I transfer before I loose my scholarship but they refuse to let me becuase my mom works at the college I attend. I am not allowed to make many of my own decisions because my dad says as long as I live under his roof and he pays my bills he will tell me what to do. I have never caused them any trouble (at least in the rest of my familys' eyes, only in my parents) I dont party, never been to clubs, drink, etc. and I still dont have their trust nor freedoms..I have offered to pay my own bills but they wont let me becasue if they pay them they have control over me...I recently had a flat on my way home at 9:45 pm and luckily my boyfriend was with me but now I am not allowed to drive unless coming from work after 9 pm (I usually have to be home around eleven) which means if i want to go anywhere someone has to come pick me up. I am at my wit ends with them and have no where else to turn...any suggestions would be helpful...
How do they not let you pay bills?
It sounds like you need to move out. As an 18-year-old college freshman, you have more options than most. Dorms, to start with.
I would be finding a way to leave my parents, too, if I were you. Sorry, but they are controlling and stifling - I was getting claustrophobic just reading your story! MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!! Quit college if you have to - you can always go back - the important thing for you now is to escape! Seriously. I don't think talking to them would help in this case. At any rate, planning your escape will give you many enjoyable hours, even if you don't do it. But if you don't, I think you're headed for a lot more problems. THey are not acting normally, IMO.
ANd yes, for the record, I have kids (2 of them, grown up) and I let them have more and more independence every time they showed they could handle it. My kids were bussing all over the city by hthemselves at 10 yrs of age. They chose their friends, their university, their careers, everything ...we just supported them and helped if they asked... THAT is normal parenting.
Thanks for the support! They are good parents, they have always provided for me, anything I need or even didnt need. But I am at the stage now where they could take my car and everything if they would just let me live my own life and not control every bit of it. No matter what I do it is wrong....I am afraid though if I leave I will never have a relationship with them again.......Thanks for the advice!!
Hello mdg,
good parents prepare their children to be independent and
self sufficient. All parents know that their children will leave
home one day, most of them leave when entering college.
Your parents need to learn that you are an adult now and
capable of making your own decision; good or bad - it
is something you have to experience yourself, and not your parents. Financial blackmail is not something a parent
should do, it always will backfire in the end.
mgd, if you don't leave now, you will do it in a few month or a year, probably with a lot of resentment towards your parents and the relationship with them won't be the same regardless. For whatever reason, your parents are controlling and manipulating your life, and this is never a healthy situation.
The sooner you leave the better!
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