Step-Parents?

Oh, and I guess I also want to add -

How many of you guys are remarried {with kids} that you know your kids don't like your new spouse?

First, I would ask why you don't like him, and my second
question would be if he could redeem himself and if yes, how?

Sarah, could you answer these questions?

sorry for the delay in reply.

1. He's yelled at me a lot {when I was younger} and tried to tell me what to do. He calls me things like "two year old" and stuff like that whenever my mom's not around. He's really mean to me and my sister .. just stuff like that. He shoves himself into my life and insists that we're a "family". He also gets offended when I talk about my dad {I still see my dad all the time}

2. No because I just want him to go away and have nothing to do me and my family.

He sounds horrid.SAdly the word toleration is emblazoned in my head.
They are married and are unlikely to divorce becuase of the situation.

My parents are 99% lovely most of the time and i love them madly but when they are nasty they are heartbreaking.
All parents shout.Mine are still married, just last week they were at each others throats being as nasty as you can imagine to each other.
I had to get away so I went upstairs and cried, and Im 30!!

Soon after I had to go downstairs and pretend to play happy families, as tho everything was OK.

Its very difficult to approach them as I feel like i will be hurting them when they are hurting me no end.

I think the best you can do is somehow make your mum listen.
Say firmly that yuor not trying to break them up but you dont like your stepdad and yuod appreciate it if she had a word with him to stop acting like he is your father, especially when you have your real father in your life anyway.

Good luck.

I'd talk to your mom. Be honest and adult with her. Do not throw accusations. But tell her that he makes you feel small and is often mean to you. Give her examples of when he's belittled you. Tell her that you want her to be happy and you know she wants you to be happy too. Maybe suggest that she talk to him.

Let her know how you feel. She probably has no idea you are so unhappy.

Sarah-Bob--

Welcome to A2K.

I'm a stepmother who accquired six stepsons between the ages of 6 and 18. Unfortunately their mother told them (without meeting me) that I was a rotten lousy person who was dating their rotten lousy father.

By the by, rotten lousy father had custody of all the kids because their Real Mother slept around and didn't want kids around.

Needless to say, the kids loved both parents but made me responsible for all the rotten lousy behavior from both parents.

I could hack, "I hate you." I had more trouble handling a kid who would unfasten the brakes on my wheelchair or flood the kitchen floor so my crutches would slip. I didn't like my dishes being deliberately thrown at me or having my clothes slashed to pieces.

When my kids' father remarried, I took my sons aside and told them through clenched teeth that if they every gave their stepmother one bit of grief that really belonged to me or to their father I would personally beat them bloody and flay their tender egos from here to Mars. They were 10 and 12--rarely spanked--and I used just those words. My sons gave hostility where it was due--usually to their blood parents rather than to their step parents.

I went to bat for my underachieving stepsons through elementary school, junior high, middle school and high school. The guidance departments credited me with great understand. My stepsons did not.

The schools and I agreed that their real mother did not show true love by doing their homework. Their Real Mother said that it wasn't her fault that the kids didn't copy the homework in their own handwriting.

Of course the problems with homework were all my fault because I kept checking with the school...

Etc. Etc. Ad infinitum.

Thirty years later my stepsons are still devoted to their mother.

Four of the six said "Merry Christmas" and "Thank you for the gift". Two of them actually gave their father gifts. None of them gave their father a gift or a card for his birthday. Two made phone calls.

Believe me, the empty nest was a wonderful phenomena.

Now, specificially to your problem:

How do you get along with your mother? Your father?

You say you can't talk to your mother. Can you talk to your father? Or does he just want to make super-nice on visitation weekends? Or does he not want to keep a schedule for visitation weekends?

Is your stepfather more involved in your life than your father is? Is the non-involvement your father's choice?



One of the reasons that stepparent appear so often in fairy tales is that most kids would rather feel that their own parents are perfect and that the step parent is the Real Baddy.

If you really want to discuss this question, let's have some feedback. How often do you see your father? How often does your father come to events that are important to you? Has your father remarried? How much time does he spend with his new family?