The last burn-out, or: retirement at 50, what next?

As I indicated when I was welcomed here, I'm currently in a period of reversal and re-orientation that is quite new for me. Knowing that some of you have experienced the same, I thought I might as well tell something about it, and learn what you have to say about it.

This year will be rather a change for me, having tried to find a decent job for 20 years and failing most of the time. Last time I tried to count, I've had 25 different professions or studied for them, including teacher, shop seller, dramatist, tv subtitler, social care consultant, librettist and computer advisor. For some reason, nothing really worked.

Now, in the course of the newest burn-out, I've decided not to go and try any longer. 'Early retirement' if you so want to call it. At 50, it's a rather drastic thing to do, but those 20 years count double to me, it's like 20 years wartime.

Being 'at home' for six months now, I'm just starting to realize what it means. The 'social war' absorbed every last bit of energy, all but drained all human capacities, to enjoy, to have patience, to care for things, to trust. It's like having to learn to live anew from the bottom. Learn that things can be enjoyed instead of being a duty and a burden.

Besides a material struggle, those years also were a deep personal struggle (I told a bit of that elsewhere), coming with depressions and periodical crises. The 'rat race' meant: never take heed of your limitations as a person, because you can't afford to sit down and relax.
So I'm learning as well, to be more alert on the protests and warnings of my (mental) system. For instance, I have to be very careful with letting in impressions of any kind - I'm just totally saturated.

I have no idea where this will lead to, if to anything at all, I don't even know if I'll be writing again, although writing is the only consistent factor so far. It's not unpleasant either, it's just, well, new. I'd be grateful to hear experiences of others.

Art.

(Somehow, this doesn't seem to fit in 'Elderly Care', if you get what I mean )