How to Deal

Hello, PrincessM, welcome to A2K.

May I ask how old you are? You say you've noticed this behavior for the past six years. Are you able to talk opening to them about it? Do you have anyone IRL that you can talk to about this?

Sometimes when someone new comes here we need to get more information before we can offer advice. We do that by asking questions to begin with. There are many folks here who are willing to offer help and support. I hope we're able to give you some guidance.

about me
well, I turned 18 in September and I just started college. Some may say that makes it easier but not knowing how bad they are makes it worse. I talk to my parents about the weed but they hide the cocaine well and I never wanted to embarrass them. I am happy to say that although he did not specify my dad today hinted around to him stoping. He is looking into a new job but they routinely drug test and so he's trying to quit. His story to me is that he's quitting the pot but I assume with the test that it's all of it. This makes me feel a bit more secure but I'm not sure if it will last. I don't live too far away from home and visit about every other weekend. I'm a little taken aback at my dads new behavior. He's for the first time ever taking an interest in me. I return however my mother is growing more distant and constantly asks for money and recently fell down the stairs claiming she was just tired. I don't know if she was really tired or high, ,but it scares me to know I can't be there to help.

Unfortunatly, there is nothing you can do to stop your parents. That's the pisser of it all and the first thing you need to learn. Addicts will not stop until they are good and ready (or good and dead). You can express your concern for them as their child and tell them that the coke and the scripts concern you (they won't be dying from pot) and you would like them to consider getting help. Do the research for them and get them phone numbers. Make it easy for them to say "ok, we'll stop". You are probably the biggest reason why they would stop so maybe if you just told them that they are slowing losing their life and their child, they might reconsider. And maybe they won't. Many addicts don't think that far into the future, regardless of how much they love you.

Confront them without attacking them and just tell them that while you love them and don't want anything to happen to them, you can only take care of you and that you have to leave the situation before something bad happens to you. And then go away to college.

You cannot make them do anything and unless they want to quit, nothing you do or say will make them. You might feel like you are abandoning them but staying in that house watching them kill themselves is not doing anything better.

Your situation is much different from the other situation because your parents are dealing with something much bigger and much more dangerous. You sound like a smart girl and I know you know that this situation may not end the way you want it to. But remember that you can only save yourself. You can't save your parents from themselves.

Well said, Bella.