Reply
Mon 4 Nov, 2002 05:16 am
This article was published in the Tampa Tribune this morning by our local pundit, Steve Otto. Shows that we Floridians DO have a sense of humor about elections.
Helping Florida Prepare Itself For Tuesday
STEVE OTTO
Published: Nov 4, 2002
At last count - so to speak - Florida appeared about as ready as ever to hold an election.
Former President Carter was said to be standing by on a cellular phone in Plains, Ga., prepared to fly into Palm Beach at the first sign of confusion.
Units known as Special Polling Election Count Team Early Responders (SPECTER) were in place, ready to respond to any crisis.
Each unit included a computer technician, an expert in hanging chad, and someone who knows how to get the paper backing off the ``I Voted'' stickers.
Meanwhile, local supervisors of elections issued a joint election eve news release to ensure that voting would be smooth and accurate.
As a public service, tips from the supervisors are being published in this column.
You may cut this portion of the column out and take it with you to your voting precinct.
You might even bring along some tape and put this on the screen, scanner or punch-card machine after you leave to assist other voters in following correct procedures.
Tips For Florida Voters
1. When you sign in to vote, if you are using a touch screen, you might be given a cartridge to insert into the voting machine. If you do this and the screen starts blinking 12 o'clock, you have inserted the cartridge into a VCR.
2. The touch screen does not have channels.
3. If you insert your cartridge and a candy bar pops out, you are at the vending machine.
4. You will be given an option on the screen to vote in English or Spanish. If you pick the wrong one, the rest of the voting might be a little more confusing.
5. If your voting precinct is in a church or lodge and you discover that you only need one more number to complete your bingo card, keep punching. You might not get the candidate you want, but you could win some big bucks.
6. If you successfully get as far as the part where you have to say yes or no on the proposed constitutional amendments and you don't have a clue, do not panic. They are written in a foreign language called Lawyergarble. Just do not confuse the amendment that limits cruel confinement of pregnant pigs with the school-class-size amendment.
Try Again
7. If the poll-worker tries to sell you the machine you are voting on, then you have stumbled into the electronics section of the local Wal-Mart.
8. If, instead of asking you whether you are Republican or Democrat, the poll-worker wants to know if you want paper or plastic, you might not be in the right spot.
9. One of the problems with the new touch screen machines is that the screens are vertical and out there for everyone to see, which means people can see who you are voting for. One solution is to bring your own blanket to throw over yourself and the machine while you vote. This also means you should bring a flashlight.
10. If you show up at the Moose lodge or Legion post to vote and find a bunch of guys standing around the bar drinking and complaining about the election, this means you missed it by at least one day, which might be a good thing for the country.
Columnist Steve Otto can be reached at (813) 259-7809.
Who was the wag who claimed that teams of observers from Uzbekistan and Malawi were being sent in to oversee the Florida election?
I wonder how many Letters to the Editor wil show up in the next few days from irrate readers who don't see the humor in this? Shall we place bets?
Fishin's still recovering from the Abuzz experience.
roger wrote:Fishin's still recovering from the Abuzz experience.
LOL I didn't mean here roger! I meant in the same paper that the story came from. Lot's of people in FL that are still verra touchy about elections.
ROFLMAO!
Great article Pheonix ... we do have a sense of humor, Bush got in, didn't he?
Well, I went to the polls and expected all sorts of changes ... but it was just as easy to blacken the circle as all the other times I voted !
Why did they have to do a recount? Remind me?
Misti26- Didn't your polling place have the touch screens?
No Phoenix, no touch screens for my area. Are we in the dark ages or what?
Now all you need to have a perfect Florida is better driving by those who drive. It was driving in Florida that really worried me when I was there.
Florida and elections
You know that elections in Florida don't count.
We proved it when the current White House inhabitant won!
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace