Time and Punishment
"Time heals everything," they tell me.
Purification of the spirit
But I have heard
The scepticism behind those words
Fever burns
Cold fire and poison
Red rivets
Running through the mind
Raw distillers of energy
Fuelled by time
In the glass I see revenge
A private reckoning
A war that never ends
I'm afraid
I don't recognise my face
This body that shakes
This inarticulate fool
How did I arrive here so soon?
"You're still young," they tell me
But in my head I am already dead
"You've got your whole life ahead of you," they say
But who hasn't until their dying day?
And what's so f
great about life anyway?
This drink tastes so sweet
The mother-f
.. 's got me beat
Killer in my brain
Cutting lines
Disturbances and signs
The only blood I see here
Is mine
Endymion 2006
****************************************************
Note to any it may concern:
Although I may need to address the issue of suicide/self harming in my poetry
- suicide is not (as an option) on my agenda.
I am a survivor.
And I am not without support should I need it this end.
In fact I am being encouraged to write these poems as a way of dealing with the negative ****.
If you are feeling depressed or suicidal I recommend you visit your doctor and be up front about it.
You owe it to yourself and there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
Peace,
Endy
Survival
A little kid hides
With his eyes shut tight
As the Demon approaches
To whisper goodnight
And he has to be brave
And he has to be strong
Deep down in his heart
Where his instinct longs
For survival
One day as a man
He goes off to fight
As the War-Demon charges
To shatter the night
And he hopes to be brave
And he hopes to be strong
Deep down in his heart
Where his instinct longs
For survival
Damaged by war
He's released from the game
Educates himself
And finds a new name
But as War leads to War
Both Demons remain
Deep down in his heart
Where his instinct longs
For survival
Endymion 2006
I'd rather not talk about this one.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
This is not an anti-military poem aimed at any country
It's for a particular individual whose nationality is unimportant
Dead Witness
************
Get stoned and kill
That's your thrill
Smoking tank
Leaves serpent tracks
On children's backs
Take your measure
Hunt for pleasure
See you mirrored in eyes of the dead
Where nothing more
Can ever be said
Endymion 2006
I know some of this **** sounds like self-pty - and I fuc king hate that. But this one wasn't written by me - it's by a kid locked in solitary in the dark. He's been there for over twenty years, too scared to make a sound - so I hope you understand why i'm posting this. It is for him. Wish that I was half as brave as he was.
I Am Alone
If God is real
I would have a father
But there is no God
Nor any life after
I am alone
And I am from nowhere
I have no home
Nor any love to share
If God is real
He would have heard me calling
When I was a boy
Into horror falling
I only begged
For help that one time
I prayed to God
But He was deaf dumb and blind
There's some insist
That God is real
And that's the worse thing
Because if
God is real
I wasn't worth saving
In fact
If God is real
Then in answer to my prayer
He sent me even greater horrors
Much more than I can bare
I hope it means that he's not there
Endymion 2006
After the Funeral
After the funeral
Your family welcomed us
To the house where you were born
Then left us to roam
From room to room
And finally to congregate
In the kitchen
Where a barrel stood
Next to a vast array of food
It was your favourite beer
And I drunk enough for both of us
In the living room
Elderly relatives
Sat swamped by armchairs
Looking small and stunned
Automatically accepting
The cup of tea placed in their hands
Your mother passed around your picture
Taken carefully from the wall
While younger women
Whispered practicalities
And offered plates of food
To the men
Who
Uncomfortable in their grief
Sat by the French windows
Looking out onto a bright garden
Where children ran, laughing
And sometimes
Calling out your name
Endymion 2006
Peace
*********
Suddenly the sun is rising
Drawing mist
From the earth
A glowing gong
Shimmering
With musical notes
That fill the sky
As the land turns to gold
Speckled brightness
And I realize
I am smiling
Suddenly the pain is not an agony
But an understanding
And I feel the touch
Of someone from long ago
There are tears
But even so
I am laughing
Because it's all alright
It doesn't matter anymore
We are all together
A part of the sun
Held up by the earth we stand upon
Endymion 2006
I wrote 'Peace' just now, after browsing through one of Lord Ellpus' threads in General.
I owe him a debt of thanks for reminding me of the good stuff -
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=75106&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
How Many Times?
***************
How many times can they crush you?
How many?
First they birth you
(It's presumed)
Then they dump you as a foreign body
Then they send you into the arms
Of the criminally insane
Deranged barren mother
(Nature knew)
Sadistic father reliving war-games
Twelve years later you up and run
When you dare
And the police pick you up
(Off the side of a bridge)
And put you into 'care'
And when they see your scars they lead you
To 'a very kind man'
Who sits behind a polished desk
(And listens)
With his dick in his hand
Speak up now you can tell me
No need to cry
I want to know what they did
(He sweats)
I want to help - he lies
How many times can they crush you?
How many?
Who can you trust
(Enough)
In this world of abuse? Not any
Endymion 2006
A Gun at Their Heads
Forgive them
For they know not what they do
Sad the same cannot be said of you
Not long ago you were an innocent victim
Now look at all the terror you're inflicting
Not long ago you were beaten to the ground
Murdered and driven underground
Now you're the aggressor
And do the same
And cry of the past to cover your shame
While the blood on your hands will always remain
And those you victimize and despise
Go to their deaths
As once your ancestors went to theirs
With a gun at their heads
Endymion 2006
Bones
*******
Do you think
I cannot laugh
Behind this obsidian mask
Love life
With all the torment
Of the soul?
Do you think
My pride is dead
That the words
Stacked in my head
Should be thought
But never said
Nor ever told?
Do you think
That I should hide
The names of those who died
When the moon
Turned all that sparkled
Into blue?
Do you think
I want to be
This parody of me
This smashed and stoned
Believer in the truth?
Do you think
The time will come
When our minds will heal as one
When the lessons
We have learned
Will save our kind?
I think
Therefore I am
A sick and dying man
Choking on the bones
They've left behind
Endymion 2006
Brave Heart (for Rose Gentle)
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=81165&start=20
Bottom of the page
*******************************************
Hi again Olga
I'm glad you smiled too
prodigy
That night we converged
On the apex
Pushing hard
Leaving the dust
In our tracks
Fighting the heat
With every sweat drop
Vaporized
I heared a child's voice
Singing far away
A tender note
Drifting on the plain
A voice as real
As the corroding of time
Breathtakingly painful
In the night
It wavered
Then faded away
As we pushed on
Fighting tiredness
To rise above
The flickering valley
And straddle the mountain
Stopping to stare
Up at the stars shining
Their magnificent
Acceptance
Of our souls
Endymion 2006
Going back now to what I like to do best - get drunk and write whatever the f*ck comes to me -
I realise that I've been posting **** up here recently with absolutely no sense of humour in it - I'm sorry - because I think that humour (even in times of trouble) is an important asset.
Also, I've gotten nervous about my writing -
Sometimes when I'm playing guitar - say at a party, I get right into it and it starts going really well, and I'm in a kind of trance, then suddenly I realise that people are watching me and ka-blam it all turns to ****...
Anyway, I've got to be myself here - I never was any good on the f*cking guitar.
Let's see what happens
F*ck the Lot of Yers
It's back again
This convoluted pain
Torment of the brain
Unequivocal
Like crystal
Sharp
As a needle
Pumping diesel
Toxic recall
Driving me insane
It's back and it's winning
Bloody mouthed
And grinning
Hungry
For a kiss
For every one
I've nearly missed
I'm falling down
I'm falling out
What the f*ck
This **** about?
The sky is dark
The time is ripe
Let's get f*cked tonight
Endymion 2006
Global Warming
They're talking weather on the radio
Forecasting weirdness
An unusually mild winter
Britain's growing figs
So they say
But hey,
Don't fret
What's the bet
It goes on this way
We'll have the sand
To stick our heads in
Some day
Endymion 2006
In The Head
He's watching the bottle
From a distance
Testing his resistance
Thinking it might stop the killer in his brain
Thinking how easy it would be
To anaesthetize the shame
The same old game
Coming around again
For a push to the edge
Some things are better never said
Pour your lies over his head
His self is dead
His hate well-fed
His self assessment in the head
Endymion 2006
DIARY
1
When I get drunk
And write this ****
And people read it
What do they do with it?
It's lacking wit
It's an ugly sonnet
But most of all
It's vomit
2
Wanna talk about death?
Diving down
Taking a deep breath
Suicide
It's a ride
Swept
On an incoming tide
Get high
Stay inside
Hide
3
Are you sick of it yet?
The sight of my guts
Spilled and wet?
Or is it just a game?
I'm afraid
To be speaking my soul
Into an electrical ear
Listening into the abyss
And feeling
The silent monster
4
Wish I could sleep
Deep
Down where
None of this matters
Rest peacefully
For hours
Relax the tension
In my head
Sleep as if I'm dead
5
I must face up to the ghosts
Of the cathedral
Consider this false offer
Of forgiveness
For where else will I find
Peace of mind?
I cannot believe in God
Can I believe in man?
Believe somehow we will find
The courage to address mankind?
I'm running out of time
Coming to the end
Of the line
6
Passing out once again
Full of smoke
And booze
But I ain't sorry
Or surprised
It's the way I choose
To break the rules
To make sure I loose
No shame
This ain't no game
F"ck off if you pity me
At least I'm free
To be the c*nt I want to be
To cut my flesh
If it suits me
7
Whatever happens
Aquarius will have her time
The fish will be unable
To swim against her tide
8
I'm fried
Running on nothing
06:05
Time to think about sleeping
And staying alive
Through the pain
To live is to resist
Oh God, I'm pissed
Again
Endymion 2006
12:30
In a couple of hours
I have to go somewhere and do something
I wasn't looking forward to doing last night
And I'm still going to have to face it
But now I have to face it with a f....... hangover
That's smartness for you
Endy using his brain
I could make cowardice a hobby
The clothes I have to wear for this occasion
are hanging in my wardrobe like a dead body
I don't feel like talking
I feel like packing a bag and walking
But this won't go away
And if one more person pats me on the back today
I may just loose my f*cking mind, anyway
Stammering out my ****
There's no dignity in it
Endymion 2006
An Old Man Dies
He knew that he was dying
They said
He went around the day before
And settled up with friends
He was eighty-four or more years old
And still working on the land
They showed me an old photo
Of a tall and youngish warrior
With a Lee Enfield in his hands
Serious pride
A farmer's son
With a patient stillness
Born of earth
"A picture of when
He first defended
The land of his birth"
A village spokesman
Smiled and said
Leading me
To the man's bed
He was indeed, dead
Endymion 2006
