Mother in Law chapter II

First another good cry....then plans...

Hold your dominion.

Keep your head up, shewolf. I wish I had some way to help you but I don't know anyone in Austin. I'm pretty mean with a google search, though, if you need some research.

Most house cleaning services will do a basic background check. If you put your own ad in the paper or put a flyer up no one will even think to ask. You also might have option of being paid in cash.

You might want to look for a housing situation where you and your husband can be caretakers. Sometimes people will let you have space in exchange for help around a property or as live in assistants to an elderly person.

I do think it is time to leave Texas. At the very least make sure your MIL has a will in which she leaves the house to your husband. She is obviously on the road to a bad ending.

Blessed be...

I'll start plonking resources here as I find 'em -- after a while I'll synthesize and analyze so you can ignore the plonkings if you'd like:

http://www.lllusa.org/web/AustinTXToddler.html

I think you'd find La Leche League people simpatico in a general way, even if breastfeeding isn't part of the picture for you guys at all. No email address, but two phone numbers, a good first resource for "this is my situation... any ideas?" Can also go to the meetings directly, children are welcome and it's free. (Membership fee encouraged but optional.)

Another one (not sure what would be closer):

http://www.lllusa.org/web/AustinTXWestToddler.html

Lots here:

http://www.austinfamily.com/resources.html

Of that listing, these look most promising:

www.familyforward.org
www.connectionscenter.org
www.utexas.edu/hr/eap/res
www.abcaus.org
www.frugalfamilynetwork.com
www.austinmothers.org

Housing co-ops are often very cheap, often have some sort of childcare situation going on if they allow non-students, or other worksharing measures to offset costs. Often open-minded, not put off by technicalities if they get the whole story. Would most likely be a temporary measure.

A listing of housing co-ops in Austin:

http://michaelbluejay.com/coop/

Shewolf, you might also consider Medical Records Dept., any hospital. I think positions there pay well.

I am stunned by your story here, the poor MIL. who is pouring her baggage all over your family. My sister had this same problem at one time and she and her husband moved the MIL into an apartment, they stayed in the house with their two kids. The woman was, like your MIL, driving her family crazy. Do you think you could find HER an apartment, then you and your family stay in the house. Maybe she will agree with that. Why not? Then, you and her son could help her out but from a distance.

I live close to Austin (Georgetown) and know people who could possibly put you in touch with some organization in Austin that could help you find an apartment. I will call someone tomorrow and ask about what could be open to you.

Well, here I am talking into a computer. I don't even know if I can pm yet. Don't come here real often. I'll be back tomorrow a.m. with any information I find.

It's a good idea, as someone here suggests, to contact the ACLU, get your story retold. Maybe you could also call the Austin Statesman, talk with a reporter. I doubt the public would side up with that doctor.

Another craigslist job you could do I bet:

http://austin.craigslist.org/csr/98607668.html

(I see a lot of these "appointment setter" positions, possible that it's code for spammy calls.)

Yeah, when I was 18 I responded to an ad for an "appointment setter" and it was a position making cold calls for a kirby vacuum cleaner salesman. Ick.

Oh, Shewolf. I just read everything. I don't know what I can say that will help, but please know how much I wish you didn't have to go through all this.

I know exactly how it feels when everyone expects you to be able to handle everything because "you're such a strong person." Yeah, well, strong people still need to cry, to scream, to let down, to wallow in it....to do everything that "weak" people do. The difference is...

Eventually, we get past it.

Anybody who has been through the things you have and come out stronger has more than enough strength to get through this. And I know in my heart that you will.

It won't be easy, but you've got a husband who loves you, a darling little girl, and lots of friends here who believe in your strength. And we know that even strong people need places to go where it's okay to let down. So go ahead. We understand.

You're not alone. We're ALL on your side. And we believe in you...100%.

Shewolf,

You are loved.

Take what solace from that you can.

You'll be in my thoughts.

And the thoughts and prayers of many others here.

Thank you Liontamer, I was just about to say something like that, but using a lot more words, possibly leading to all sorts of confusion.


You know how I waffle..........

Craig's List Albuquerque
shewolf, I just found this thread. I'm heartbroken that your situation has worsened.

The craigslist info for Albuquerque may be useful to you. I grinned from ear to ear when I saw the dog care ad. It would be a refreshing job to care for dogs rather than for people. Can't you imagine you and Bean walking some dogs?

Have you thought of volunteering with a non-profit organization? No money, but might help to restore your self confidence. Sometimes volunteer work can lead to employment. You never know. I wonder if you could find volunteer work re the hurricane evacuees in Texas.

HUGS---BBB

http://albuquerque.craigslist.org/

Dog Daycare worker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-09-15, 11:25AM MDT

Looking for someone to play with dogs! Doggy Daycare in Downtown Albuquerque is looking for someone to work Mon-Fri 1-6 pm at a cage free multi dog enviornment. Must be comfortable with all breeds large and small. Duties include ball throwing, being the alpha dog and yes, cleanup. Person will also need customer service and cash handling skills.
Compensation: $7.50 per hours. Petsitting and dogwalking also available at $8.00 per 1/2 hour.

This is a part-time job.

yes -- OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.

no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!

no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

yes -- Reposting this message elsewhere is OK.

97670626

Glad I could be of some help -- you know we're all pulling for you, Ian and young Miss Bean.

well one thing is for sure shewolf, you are very loved. it's obvious. i did like someone's idea of getting her the apartment and you all staying in the house. wonder if she would go for that?

if you need a support group, you got one. we are all here for you willing to do whatever you need us to. just say the word. i still think you should appeal your felony conviction, i know it may take some time, but it is well worth it. i found all the contact info if you are interested...

Will Harrell, Executive Director
ACLU of Texas
P.O. Box 12905
Austin, TX 78711
(512) 478-7309 (Public)
(512) 478-7303 (Fax)
[email protected]

its worth a shot! big hugs to you and yours...

she owns the house . And has talked about.. even last night... selling it.
wich is shaky scary ground for us.. but, that is another topic all together.

If she were gone, ? dead?
If she were dead, i would sell everything I could out of this house ( wich would end up being alot of money ) and try to pay off and keep the house.
If she just moved out, no , we could not afford this house.
I believe the payment is 1500 or better. That is completely out of our scope of finances.

She has no friends and no other family in this state.
The rest of her family, she treated rather badly during her mothers funeral ... i doubt she could stay with them.



No. but I have watched this part of him unfold and it is pissing me off on one hand , and hurting my heart on another.
He is a strong man, but when it comes to his mom he cant " just say no".
Enabling? - holy cow , he should win an award for it.
On one hand he is very honest to the point of being rude when it comes to her drinking.. then.. just like that... he races around the house cleaning things she leaves and taking all responsibility away from her so she has absolutly nothing else to do BUT drink.
Once this tidal wave is over, i need to approach him about that behavior as well.



No. Im not sure he has reached that position yet. And that scares me to death.



My life long dream, believe it or not , was to be a cardiovascular surgeon.
A doctor? ppbbtthh.. in my spare time maybe, heheheh.



I looked into that last night. That is a great idea. So far, and I am still checking this morning, there isnt a limitation on criminal backgrounds that I can find... except in message therapy.. as I think... dragon suggested.
I cant hold that license.. >sigh<

Could I have lived with myself? absolutly not. I have a hard time STILL to this day , with patients i didnt succeed with even when i did everything i could in the scope of my job. I could not imagine having just ignored that man and that doctors choice and been able to go on working. That man was 34, father of 2. I see him the way I see Mr Wolf. Though my actions were arrogant , and illegal, he had his whole life ahead of him. I feel very validated in my choice. That is my job. ... well.. was. TO save people, correct their physical problems , or comfort them when nothing COULD be done. In my mind at that time there was no other choice.


I love you too. Both of you... soo much. :-)



sad truth, i dont see her alive this time next year.. and there is nothing I can do to help but give her a blessing in her choice...



Bingo.
And I can tell, already today, that my cry helped because I dont feel as trapped or as depressed. Im just raving pissed at the pain she has caused my family and am slipping into survival mode..
Get over it? you betcha ;-)

we also had our suspicions confirmed the other day that she has been driving drunk.

i have her plate number.. she does it again, im calling the police and giving an exact location and direction..

this.. i will never tell Mr wolf..

You gotta do what you gotta do. But with this many people thinking of good things for your future, you just can't fail.

Any chance you could both go to an Alanon meeting or two? I assume they have choices of hours. I know you don't need it but it might help to get him there if you go as We. It might help Ian come to the kind of awareness you have and lessen this divide on enabling. Or talk to someone there about some book he could read, preferably not too lecture-y.

alanon is a great suggestion.
i have to find ones that are in sink with mother in laws sober hours though.. I dont know that I can take bean to one of those.?
but then again.. I dont see why NOT.

double post