Mother in Law chapter II

Above all else, that is my number one goal as a mother.
bean doesnt need to be scared of her gramma because she is yelling , she doesnt need to see her gramma stumble around, slurring her speech , nor does she need to feel the tension her mommy and daddy feel. It brings about insecurity ( that i see in her now) that is not a necessity.

>sigh<
I can not believe how out of control this situation has gotten.
Sometimes I feel partialy responsible.. then that dissappears because I am NOT responsible for alcohol on HER breath.. know what I mean?
But I can say this-
I have never.... not one minute in this house... felt as comfortable as I do now. I have never felt as secure, nor have I had the strength to just.. roll my eyes at the situation before. That is.. until I started getting a plan in order.

I have just gotten a free credit report for me and the mister. Our credit is a TON better then I thought!! That was an amazing thing to learn. We may not even HAVE TO apply for government grants. We might be able to swing a loan on our own with out assistance. That feels wonderful .
Ian and I also talked about the impending problems in detail and he has been looking into how to put together money as well.. to the point that he has learned he can dig into his retirement money if necessary. He has an account with UT that takes a certain % of his check every month and automatically puts it into a retirement account. When he retires from UT, they will match.. I think.. 90%? ALMOST dollar for dollar.. amazing!
He has , right now, a few bucks shy of 10,000. In the event that she looses her mind and does throw us out, he can tap into that money and we can have it with in a week. Of course, that means he has no retirement fund afterwords.. BUT.. just knowing that emergency net is there is really nice.
He never knew he could use that money until his friend and his boss told him about that option.
So we, at this point are truly NOT in danger of being homeless as we thought.
I also read him the outline you presented Jespah ..
and he at first thought it couldnt be true.
I told him that when a person is drunk, the filter between their head and mouth is gone. They begin to say things they believe to be true. No matter HOW irrational they are. Us being " ****, and worthless" is her point over and over again. It is obviously something she thinks about when she IS sober because it is a HUGE point with her. She also thinks we are bad people because we eat meat. She is Vegan and thinks it is inhuman and evil to eat meat. This is another BIG point with her when she is drunk. She says she is a better person then us and is above us in all aspects.
After pointing that out to him, he saw the truth behind her words for himself.
And nearly yelling at me ( not angry with me though.. just realllllllly pissed off) he said it is time to go.
Later on sunday afternoon , he told me how much he hates his mother . He has his whole life. She allowed him to be abused as a child and never stood up for him. Would tell him that his fathers wrath was his fault and was always drinking then.
He is torn apart at this point because, now that his father is gone, he was hoping to repair and begin a better relationship with his mother. Instead, she is treating him the way she did when he was a child. Like he is worthless and meaningless to her.
He didnt want to admit it and thought the whole time it was just depression from his fathers death + alcohol . That she wasnt really like that as a person. But he admits now that she is, and apologized to me over and over again that he didnt tell me these things about her before we moved in and he said he should have told me everything to prepare me for the woman she is.
I was stunned..not at all pissed at him. Just stunned at the things this woman has done to him , justified, and truly believed about her son.
That explains the ' free-ness' she has with telling him he is **** and to f**k off.
Sad.
But now, with more clarity then I ever wanted, I can see her for the type of person she is and all of a sudden, she has less and less power over me and I have less and less concern for what she thinks she can do to us.
I do care about her as a human. Noone should have to live inside of a bottle and noone should have to loose their husband or wife so suddenly. Noone should ever feel so alone in their own skin.
But as a mother/ mother - in - law/ and grandmother, i am not sure i care much at all. Sad , but true.
Maybe my opinion of her will change later on after we are out of her house and can meet her as an adult on diffrent ground. In fact, I am HOPING for that..
we see if it happens.

If Mr. Wolf is beside you and financial backup is available these are two Big Ducks in a row.

Spring for a newspaper and check out "Apartments To Rent"

Hold your dominion.

It sounds like you have a lot more empathy for her than I would.




(FYI, the UT informal classes have (or had three years ago) a class on home-buying. Includes various financing options, getting the most out of your realtor, etc.... Did we have this conversation before?)

Shewolf...have I told you lately how much I admire you? If not, I should have. You are handling this like a trooper. Very, very good. I am impressed.



<ruffling feathers, quacking, and getting in line behind jespah, BBB, ehBeth, DrewDad, Noddy, et. al...>

Lotsa little fluffly, feathery yellow butts, all in a row.

Plus quacking. That's us.

Truthfully-
If jillian were not around, I would not feel a thing but contempt for this woman. Due to Jillian needing to know her grandmother , and needing to have a big web of love around her, I hope this wench sobers up and becomes half human again. I want her in her life. When she is sober, the is the best grandmother I have ever seen. So patient, so quiet and just full of joy at the sight of Jillian.
Jillian deserves that. And for that I can forget other things. I can be civil with her , but not love her. I can be polite to her , but not be a friend. I can welcome her into Jillians life without offering her my 'care'.. know what I mean?

And yeah.. we did have the conversation about the UT classes before.
I forgot all about that. I will tell Ian to look into that today while he is at work and see if he can get into those for free or next to free as an employee.. THAT would be a tremendous help..


No.. but thank you. :-)



>> scatters sweet duck seed all over the ground <<<

Actually Noddy, I have done one better then the newspaper.
I have registered with an Apartment Locating service here in austin that can, at any time, give me any information I need, will place us in an apt with in our finance level or better and can do it usually with in 2 weeks.
Depending of course, on availability of the place.
But registering is the big part.
That takes 2 weeks. They do all sorts of checks on your rental history and the apt's history.
They tell you everything from reported fights, break ins on the property to the landscaping schedule, to the apartments management credit.
I , before even moving in to some place, will know how safe it is. I will know how big the resident turn over is, how much variance there is in the rental charges, crime rate.. etc.

shewolfnm- I have to give you lots of credit. You have developed an insight into your situation that will stand you and your family in good stead. The important thing is that you have realized that if you are in a situation where someone is behaving horribly, you don't need to get caught up into it. YOU can change the way that you relate to the person, and not be as affected by what she does.

Good luck to you and your family. You know that there are a lot of people here who are cheering for you right now!

shewolf
HIP! HIP! HOORAY!, SHEWOLF!

BBB

shewolf: You're in Austin?

May I recommend

http://www.austingardenapt.com/

Some of the residents have been here for years, even decades.

Kid friendly.

Enormous park. Great view of courtyard pool from almost every apartment.

Safe. Safe. Safe.

Four soothing fountains trickle round the clock and you can even hear them in your bedroom.

The layout for the two bedrooms are amazingly spacious, allowing for ease of navigation.

On the bus line!

Major employer nearly within walking distance. One mile. Two minutes by bus.

Bus goes straight down Lamar to HEB. Many people here do take the bus by choice just because it's so convenient. The bus stops right in front of our building.

Continental residents: India, Germany, Haiti, South America.

Rent? A mere $560 for the two bedroom.

It could be a good starting place for you and your family.

Check out the pictures. All manner of native flowers and trees bloom prolifically with year-round color!

Super award-winning energy efficiency. Years ago they used to pay all the bills, so they designed it for that purpose. Water paid, Cable paid, hot water paid.

Electricity? I pay only $50 per month for my one bedroom.

Nearly sound proof from apartment to apartment.

A better life awaits you and your family and you deserve it.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like hell. Glad to see you are at the "rolling your eyes" phase and hubby has opened up. Y'all are going to be just fine.

shewolf
those apartments are only 3 miles from the university. Great for Ian.

Reading the application requirements indicates Ian should rent the apartment in his name.

BBB

There are UT students here, mostly in the efficiencies. Almost a straight shot down Lamar by bus. Bus stops every 15 minutes. A great central location. And so very safe and quiet. The manager doesn't allow anyone with any criminal background in. Kids here ride their bikes and are cared for. I feel safe taking a walk at night, when I want to. No problems. People here know each other. It's a great place to be.

Everyone who lives here must be on the lease. Is there a problem?

Because there is a $10-per-day charge if someone stays here and they are not on the lease.

My apologies. I broke the rules by not reading all the posts, just the first and then the last three pages.

My excuse? A very slow computer.

But I have now read every page. It took two hours.

I'm so impressed with you, Shewolf.

I've been there. My mother, although she's much better now; my last boyfriend of 10 years, and I think he's worse now than before.

It's certainly not easy.

I also had a cleaning company for 13 years and it was great. I did commercial cleaning of small offices. It's a niche market and a little more profitable than residential. I had the company right here in Austin and my best year we billed out $80,000. Not bad. I sometimes think about starting it up again. I made about $35 per hour and have never made better money in my life. And the schedule, nights and weekends, was great for me.

It's easier than residential because there are no children, pets, full kitchens, or full bathrooms. And they need you, ususally, once a week, or twice, so the repeat business is great. Some of my customers had terrific name recognition, so that helped. Austin Shoe Hospital. McNair's Appliance. Statco. Cash Register Sales and Service. I had about 50 accounts in 1994.

If you want details on how to get that up and running, I'll be happy to tell you about it.

I see you happy in your own place. Happier than you ever thought possible, and counting your blessings every day, and never taking a "normal" "boring" day for granted, but taking it for the wonderful peaceful experience it can be. And I see Mr. Wolf so happy, and always saying how grateful he is to have you in his life every night when y'all go to bed and always saying it as if it's the first time he thought of it.

Joy and Sadness come from the same well, so as deep as is today's Sadness will also be as deep as is tomorrow's Joy.

Yeah. Any place ( wich is 92% of the available apts in Austin) that requires a back ground check will NOT allow me to rent.
That last 8% that can and will?
4% is section 8 , im not section 8.
The rest... ppbbtthh good luck in surviving in THAT neighborhood ( s e austin, to the drug area of MLK)
and even better luck getting an opening.
It isnt LAW that they dont allow you to rent with a back ground. People just hear the word felon and loos their collective minds. On the rare occassions I was able to find someone who would listen to what has happened and WHY i have a felony, they were stunned at the story. Then, all of a sudden, the felony isnt a big deal anymore.
The problem I have all the time is that people dont give me a chance to explain. And if I approach with the felony on my sleeve so to speak, it intimidates people.
I sware, you would think I was a famous murder or something.
In the state of texas, something like 87% of people with felonies return to jail due to " breaking more laws" and I can see why.
Noone hires you , not even McDonalds. they want a few years from the date of the charge before even they give you a 6.12 an hour job. Same for taco bell.
Noone rents to you. You can freely BUY a home, but rent? No way. So where are people with felonies supposed to live?
When I was going to see my probations officer, I would see a DOZEN or so homeless people there reporting as well.
Now I know, they must be felons too. No place to live and no possible work..
>sigh<
anyway that is a soap box I dont want to get on right now.
But I have done so much research on Texas and felony laws that I am " freaked out" for lack of better term, on what I can and cant do with my life. It is like living in a jail cell because there are SO many things I cant do.
Example-
I cant work for a bingo hall. Not even as a cleaner.
And I am not supposed to BE in a bingo hall.. even if I am playing.
hows that for stupid rules..

But yes, actually I would like to hear how you got into office cleaning. House cleaning is so far turning out to be profitable as well, but it isnt " steady". I have 2 people who are 'permanent' ...well.. as permanent as it can be, but there are hundreds of people out there who are offering the same services and some for cheaper then I . So the competition is invisible and always there.
Office cleaning may be a bit more stable and alot easier.

2 hours?
Wow.. this thread must be some good reading for that dedication on dial up!

It certainly is no comfort for you, shewolf, but no houseowner (normally) ever would ask for what you did (re felony). Especially, there would be no legal reason at all allowing him to see your record of previous convictions.

What do you mean?

Renting from someone personaly?
... i never thought about that..

that is great to know!

That also applies to home buying as well.
The back ground check doent even apply. The only thing that applies ( of course) is the credit rating.
It never occured to me that renting from someONE was along the same lines.
That is good to know..

Ehem, sorry, I was referring to Germany, not the USA.

i think you may be on to something though that might apply here as well.
Rentals have to approve you for a 'company' contract.
A person, who just wants to rent their property may/ may not have to go through all of that.
AND- if they do, they dont have to satisfy a companies issue with a back ground check. They can make the decision on a personal level.