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Sat 27 Aug, 2005 02:17 pm
I'm divorced and the breakup has been dreadful. I'm the sort of person who recommends mediation etc. my ex wife doesn't believe in this kind of thing. If we have a disagreement she says she is going to see her solicitor: and I would be hearing from him. So that sets the scene for the question I ask.
The arrangement for the children is that my ex has sought residence (custody) but she has not got it. The matter has been withdrawn from the court. But I'm sure she will bring it back if she can. The breakup took place 2 and a half years ago.
So this is the problem. Recently my ex took both children on holiday (aged 4 and 7) abroad to Greece. The 7 year old on his return told me that they spent a lot of time in the childrens Club, infact mornings 9-12, and evenings 7-9, and they had children's tea at 5.
Then my ex put them to bed. She waited for them to fall asleep and then went out. Not necessarily out of the hotel but to the pool where entertainment takes place outside the hotel.
I asked my 7 year old how do you know this is what happened. He said "somnetimes I didn't fall asleep, and sometimes I woke when she came to bed, and it was late."
This worried me because it isn't the sort of thing I'd do. In fact i took them away for a similar fornight to the north of England, and I was with them all the time, as I am when I look after them everyday. So i was a bit upset.
So I asked him which floor were you on. Second (top floor). What could you see from the bedroom? The gardens, he said. So I looked up the plan of the hotel on the internet and there is a pool in the middle of a rectangle of buldings. There are inner bedrooms, and there are outer bedrooms. So they were on the top floor facing outwards, while my wife was arounfd the pool beliveing them to be asleep.
I then rang the hotel and asked about listening devices. they have none, I put myself across as a possible holiday maker and asked about leaving my children in the bedroom and going to the bar or whatever in the hotel. He said how old are they. I said 4 and 7. Well you know what they are like. Will they wake up etc.. I asked him if the door could be locked. he said yes but it can be opened from the inside. What about the balcony. That can be locked but opened from the inside too, he said. My 7 year oild said he could open it by unlocking it, but he said the 4 year old couldn't do it.
So this upset me. Should I be? M<y aim would be to stop her doing it again either in ahotel or even in her home. How can I best sort it out given that she is vexatious - and will of course deny it. Any suggestions?
Call your solicitor. Your ex was being grossly irresponsible. Would she leave the kids in her house, and go to a neighbor's place?
I don't know where you live, but in the US, behavior like that could be considered child neglect.
I agree with Phoenix. I would never leave a child under the age of 12 alone in a hotel room. In fact, when Mr B and I attended holiday parties held at various hotels, we brought our girls and a teenaged babysitter to stay with them, even though we were downstairs in the ballroom.
I would be very worried about leaving your children in the care of your ex-wife. If you don't want to bring the matter back to the courts, you should at least make sure you ex knows how you feel about her leaving the kids unattended while they are sleeping.
Good luck!
You had me at leaving 7 year old alone. Balcony near by just put up all sorts of red lights. I can't imagine she would do such a thing. Yes make a call. If anything they will have a report. even if she denys it you have done a bacground check and proved he was telling the truth. That is just scary though. He could of opened it and like most 7's not think to reclose it and out could of gone 4. You are right to be upset. Sounds liek she is enjoying her new found freedom and Not using her head.
I asked the tour operator
OK I talked to the tour operator. he was very unwilling to discuss it but I explained that i was not asking him whether my ex did it, I was asking him about the safety of the hotel. he said it is a dedicated hotel to the operators. I asked him if he had children. He said no but he knew others who were very happy to leave their children (of all ages) in their hotel bedrooms asleep, and join the general entertainments. HE SAID WE HAVE ONE RULE THAT IS THAT A 3 YEAR OLD AND BELOW CANNOT BE LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
So I went on - he said that bedrroms were no more than 5 doors away from the entertainment- so I said well I assume (I think its a 64 bed hotel) that there are bedrooms on both sides of the corridor and if you are upstairs.....
He said I will ring you back in 10 minutes.
He rang back said he talked to his managing director and they could not answer any questions and that I should talk to my ex wife.
I said but wait I'm not asking about her I'm asking about safety in the hotel. You would have to tell me if I was a prospective customer. He said but you are talking about a specific incident ask your wife.
So I said are there listening devices. If you need them you have to bring them he said. Do people bring them I asked? He didn't reply. He was prepared to say no more.
This is an organisation that supplies Christian holidays, and he seemed to be saying that that made it a "family" holiday. To me that might be an argument to suggest the children are unlikely top be harmed by the guests because in some way they knew each other.
But is it safe? He wasn't prepared to answer questions about the door to the balcony for instance. And he said the entertainment took place maybe 5 bedroom doors away. But the hotel is the following:
Amenities
The modern complex offers: a restaurant for 100 persons where breakfast, lunch and dinner are served buffet style, two freshwater swimming-pools, one for children, with a pool-side bar serving exotic cocktails and refreshments, parking, currency exchange services, car or motorbike rental services and a roof garden with a fantastic view.
Every week the hotel organizes a folkloric evening and animation shows for the guest's entertainment.
We allow pets.
In-Room Amenities
The hotel has 62 rooms, all with a private bathroom, telephone, radio, room service, air-conditioning and a balcony with a marvelous view to the sea.
Sports
Enjoy yourself with a wide selection of water sports on the beach.
He would not allow me to speak to the managing director and said that I would have to ask my wife. He was nervous I thought. Should I go and visit the hotel? Why would they be nervous?
Lawsuits. They don't want to give you any information that might end up as part of a litigation - either against themselves or against your wife. I'm sure their attorneys would insist that they not have this discussion with you.
Under 3 must be supervised? Are you kidding? How bout under 16?
lol I'm afraid to leave mine with a 16 year old lol Only becase i remember how easy it was for me to become preocupied and forget about baby sister or brther at that age. Sure I got respossible right about errrrm 25 or so lol jk i wasn't that bad but still that is crazy
If what your 7-year-old says is true--and why wouldn't it be--your ex-wife (by U.S. law) has endangered a minor and committed criminal negligence.
I doubt that you'll get anywhere by quizzing your wife, because she has her reputation as parent to lose. I assume you don't want to put your children through a tangle in the courts, but why not establish as much detail as you can with your lawyer; then, you are better-prepared for any custody issue your ex-wife may try to raise in the future.
I cannot imagine leaving children this age unattended in a hotel, even if it advertises "Christian holidays." How is it conceivably "Christian" to risk the health and safety of innocents?
Here's hoping you can prevent this sort of episode from happening again. Ever.
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