Messin' With tha Kidz

Come in and slam your books on the desk as hard as possible. Then speak to them in a fake german accent.

Yes, and wear a monocle. That's not a bad idea.

I used to do freshman orientation so the first impression these poor kids got of the university was me....mmuuwaahhahaha!!!

And whenever someone answers a question, right or wrong, yell NEIN NEIN NEIN!!!

holy ****

you are a teacher???

play porn music

I'm a fake teacher. I'm a TA. Fourth year grad student.

Porn music? Why be so Puritanical? I'll show porn MOVIES.

wear a toga the first day back.

Actually, I had this one idea.

The idea is to behave as if I just crawled out of a time machne from the 1990s. I will rock a pony tail, a Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt, and Umbro soccer shorts. I will rollerblade to school, and change into my Teva sandals or Reebok Pumps on the front steps of the English building.

After I take attendance, I will begin the first unit: "Okay class, today we're going to talk about AIDS. There is no cure, but there is protection. If you're going to have sex, you'll have to wear a 'rubber,' or a 'jimmy hat.' Now I know what some of you kids are thinking--'But that's like taking a shower with a raincoat on!' To that I say, 'Wake up. It's the 90s for goddsakes.' Now take out a sheet of paper, and we'll free-write to Salt N' Pepa."

That should scare the hell out of them.

Tell them you're not going to assign any homework in this course. Their entire grade will depend upon your judgment of their final exam. Which will be oral (not written) of course.

Freshman college class.

Freshman college chicks.

You suck.

You may want to get the point across that you're a successful young man. A real alpha-male, if you know what I'm saying. How to do this? Park your Iroc right up front. Wear your 18K gold-plated initials hanging from your necklace(outside the shirt, of course). And don't skimp on the Drakkar Noir.

A hero. That's what you'll be.