I know I'm wrong, but what can I do?

it isnt selfish. It feels bad when you learn you physically CANT do something you SHOULD be able to do.
I remember feeling that way. I have had 5 pregnancies. And only 2 survived. Not quite the same situation as you are in but before Bean was born I thought I was less then a woman because I couldnt carry a baby to term. There were medical reasons .. yeah.. but still. I was woman and should be able to do that. DAMNIT. I had the parts.. why the f--k didnt they work.

It isnt easy watching people enjoy and have things that you cant. Espically when it is family.
Does your sister know about how you feel? Aside from the possibility of being jealous.. does she really know how hard it is when you imagine others with kids? And how hard it has hit you lately?
Why is it that you didnt feel bad about it before, but with the thought of your sister having a baby.... all of a sudden .. it is devistating? Have you thought about that? Is there anyone you can talk to about this?
I understand the feelings you are having to a certain extent and I can only suggest talking to someone. Wether it be a professional , or a damn good friend. What you are feeling is normal... you just need to learn that. ;-)

Devious_Britches- What you are feeling is perfectly normal. A woman is constructed to have children. When she can't, often there is a feeling of loss.

I agree with shewolfnm that you need to talk with someone about this, preferably a professional who has no ax to grind. You need to learn to grieve at your inability to have kids yourself. and move on. You don't want this feeling to color your relationship with your adopted children, and other people who have children. You don't want this issue to have a long lasting impact on your life, and the lives of the people around you.

In the meantime, chill out, and allow yourself to "feel the feelings". It will allow you work through all the emotions that you have about not having kids that you carried personally. Good luck!





You are not wrong. You are simply being human.

Thank you for that. I wish I had some one to talk to but I don't relly. I have two sisters lucy and Berny and a brother Art. Lucy has kids and Berny doesn't yet. I did get into a argument with Lucy one tine about how she refers to my daugter who I adopted and to us. When ever she talks about my daughter to a friend or a new person she says This is my sister and Brother inlaw and their adopted daughter. Or they coudlnt have kids and had to go to a baby store. She seems to alway label us as we also hae vision problems. I told her i was tired of her labels why can't she just say this is my sister and brother inalaw Maria and Tim and their lil girl. Anyhow this started a huge thing and Berny who was also there stood up and said hey Lucy you are wrong in what you are saying it doesn't make you better than us just cause you can have kids and she is not saying that it's your fault that she can't. So I think there I kind of felt like oh she knows how i feel I'm not alone. See growing up I always felt like i was on the outside as they had the same dad and I didn't they could see and I coudln't and other things like that then we grow up and they can have kids but Oh wait she hasn't either so it's not just me now. I am one of them. ya know what I mean? I don't know just sounds bad lol. Does help to talk about it and I probly could talk to berny about it but I feel so bad about what I'm feeling that I don't even know how to tell her some thing like that. I mean I'm the oldest i'm supose to have it all together. I have my house a husband and kids and all is supose to be well. happy happy joy joy ya know?