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Hi all,

I am new to this site and in need of advice, words of wisdom. I am a 32 year old male who feels lonely and isolated. I hate my own company and do everything in my power to avoid being on my own. My story is a frustrating one and I feel whatever I do never seems to work. In November, I was dating someone for 9 months and I thought that I really met someone for the long term. We got on so well and everything but then she ran from me for no reason. I learnt last January that she suffered a miscarriage and the pain was too much for her and as a result she never wants to see me again. It hit me really hard and so much so that for a few weeks after I suffered from really bad psychosis and it took me a good while to recover. In fact, I needed therapy to help. It was my first real relationship and that fact that I was almost a father broke me.

A few months on, I am now better in my self. I found myself a good job and that is going well but it is my social life that is the problem. I just do not have anyone to really talk too. I have plenty of acquaintances as such and people who I occasionally talk to but no one to really hear my problems. You know a true friend, a best friend. I’m struggling on the dating side too, I go on dates and click with women but they friend-zone me too much and it hurts. I am struggling so badly with loneliness and get depressed and down a lot over it. I feel I am ready for a proper relationship again. I would just like a chance.

The thing is there is someone who I feel I am compatible with. I have known this women for over seven and years and we speak a lot. We have had nice moments in the past but because of distance it has never really progressed. I feel that there is someone there for me already but the circumstances never work out. I have joined Meetup groups to meet new people but does anyone have any tips to improve my outcome?

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@oaksi567,

Hi!

First off, I'm sorry about what happened with your ex. It would of course upset anyone.

And getting past that (it seems flip to just call it a tailspin) has got to be tough. But as you said, you're getting there, And already, in a lot of ways, you're in a better place.

So!

Some ideas on your relationship status.

I think you're doing well at working to meet people who have something in common with you. So many people we see here do not, and you almost want to throttle them through the computer screen and tell them, "Your soul mate isn't going to just drop out of the sky! You have to actually work to meet them, get to know them, and build a relationship."

But I digress.

Maybe the thing to do is zig rather than zag. That is, keep doing what you're doing (as it's something of a numbers game, and I think you're heading in the right direction). But...

… with one big difference.

And that difference is, don't take it too seriously.

This doesn't mean you should be insensitive to others' feelings and wishes. It's more that in your head, you've made the stakes very high. So, how's about lowering them? Make the stakes a good time or at least a good hour or, barring that, a story you can tell in the future.

Start with a small goal or two like that when you meet someone. Low stakes. And that means, if it all goes to hell in a handcart, it's no big deal. And the "friend zone" is no problem.

In the meantime, also do more socializing outside of these activities. It can be small bits of socializing, like saying good morning to a neighbor or asking the cashier at the grocery store where they got their neat tattoo. Again, low stakes. Super low.

Subterranean stakes.

The more of these that happen, the less fraught with meaning everything will be. Embrace the mantra of "easy come, easy go". But keep playing that numbers game. Say hi to the cutie walking their dog. Nod at the letter carrier. Hell, help little old ladies across the street. Smile

I'm suggesting all of this, BTW, because I get the feeling that you're cannonballing into the deep end when you're meeting these women. And, it's overwhelming. So, go light. And see what happens.

Subterranean stakes. Dang, I should trademark that expression. Wink

™

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@oaksi567,

I think you need to shake that isolated feeling and get used to it. People suck and do not start crap with nobody. Women or men. The miscarriage is a warning from the Lord. Right now is terrible for relationships for 32 something olds.

It is sad and I wish you no luck-- hope it is true and not with a cheater. Where do you live?

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@oaksi567,

It does not matter what your age is. You need to have a skill and stay in shape. You do not need to be Mr. Muscle and go int cardiac arrest, you need to just be fit. Try gymastics or calastetics. It is never too late. Beyond that have goals and set and follow them. I have no idea your talking about "company"??? you have employement now invest, save and be happy.
She had a miscarrage and just send her some flowers, tell her that she is beautiful no matter what. Just ask her to be honest. Their are tons of women out there who gets pregnant when they are younger and have miscarriages, abortions, or something went wrong along the way. That is normal for girls.
Great now get up stop crying and look ahead. My dad probably lost three or four kids before I came along. Maybe even more. Not going into it. Tons of girls I wanted probably got surgery or lost children and have hanging bellies, get over yourself. This is teen stuff let it go.
It is called computer dating. Most of the girls are like robots. Ever seen "Logans Run" same idea. Maybe you will find somebody just to hop-on-cock with. Maybe you will find somebody who has a strong personality, and is able to work with you.
In fact you should read the book called a "Brave New World". A society about education being the great equalizer between an D and a A, no monagamus relationships, and babies are grown in test tubes. That is how the world is literally after you graduate Highschool and the day you run out of money to go to college ( or make your grades too low you will have to bring your average up ). A couple of other books you might be interested in is "The Preditory Female", " The Curse of the High IQ", "Bachelor Pad Economics", and of course "A Boy and His Dog".
Point I am trying to get across your unhappy because you do not have anything to occupy your time. Like investing in Bitcoin, Stocks, and peoples businesses. Instead you want the family bs just so you have a vagina to park your cock. Just like any other animal. The reality if I could higher a girl to get on her knees and keep my head wet, while being my secretary ( reminding me of events ), and making sure I am on a diet working out, and studying or whatever. That is as good as it get.
Their is nothing beyond the bedroom besides child birth, housing, and taxes. While everybody else is out there hammering your sister, mom, aunt, and daughter your just rushing back and forth like an insane maniac just to park your cock inside her vagina meanwhile your picking out your tomb-stone, and however you plan to be burried.
It does not matter what she thinks. It matters what you think. You literally could take a college class, and just talk to college girls. You could be a professor for all I care, and hit it off with somebody. I see it all the time from Highschool. Go to events of your liking or not. Point being between you and a nightclub of dancing with some random gal who speaks some odd language you will never understand is a couple of hundred dollars to blow on the night via a hotel room.
So STFU get back on the horse. Send the girl some flowers, be understanding of her life. Because maybe just maybe she is having issues that are simple to understand. You and her are different religion ? Then convert to hers. You and her have different living standards, Then make yourself worth more. It is not her fault it happens, to many girls out there. Also a woman is just a girl that can have her period beyond that do not think dad and think rad.

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