First off, I'm sorry about what happened with your ex. It would of course upset anyone.
And getting past that (it seems flip to just call it a tailspin) has got to be tough. But as you said, you're getting there, And already, in a lot of ways, you're in a better place.
Some ideas on your relationship status.
I think you're doing well at working to meet people who have something in common with you. So many people we see here do not, and you almost want to throttle them through the computer screen and tell them, "Your soul mate isn't going to just drop out of the sky! You have to actually work to meet them, get to know them, and build a relationship."
But I digress.
Maybe the thing to do is zig rather than zag. That is, keep doing what you're doing (as it's something of a numbers game, and I think you're heading in the right direction). But...
… with one big difference.
And that difference is, don't take it too seriously.
This doesn't mean you should be insensitive to others' feelings and wishes. It's more that in your head, you've made the stakes very high. So, how's about lowering them? Make the stakes a good time or at least a good hour or, barring that, a story you can tell in the future.
Start with a small goal or two like that when you meet someone. Low stakes. And that means, if it all goes to hell in a handcart, it's no big deal. And the "friend zone" is no problem.
In the meantime, also do more socializing outside of these activities. It can be small bits of socializing, like saying good morning to a neighbor or asking the cashier at the grocery store where they got their neat tattoo. Again, low stakes. Super low.
The more of these that happen, the less fraught with meaning everything will be. Embrace the mantra of "easy come, easy go". But keep playing that numbers game. Say hi to the cutie walking their dog. Nod at the letter carrier. Hell, help little old ladies across the street.
I'm suggesting all of this, BTW, because I get the feeling that you're cannonballing into the deep end when you're meeting these women. And, it's overwhelming. So, go light. And see what happens.
Subterranean stakes. Dang, I should trademark that expression.