What can I do about my relationship

Hi Everyone

I have (or had) an 9 years relationship (since high school). We had many many mistakes as teenagers and some of them included bad sex and me being really really selfish. I did not make any effort to grace with her family and finally now she told me that somethings will never change and that is better to let everything go.

I asked for one chance to talk to her but I did not make (I fell asleep) it and now she blocked me and I don’t even know what to say or how to aboard this issue.

I still really love her I was going to ask her to marry me in this year and now I feel all my world going down I’m even considering suicide.

I don’t know what to think I’m even wondering if both can wait let’s say a year and retake everything but I can not resist the anxiety and the fear that probably this is over for real.

I really don’t wanna give up but how can I get her back? I’m really desperate.

Thanks for all your answers.