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When all the arrows point in their direction: Extraverts

 
 
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 07:07 am
Recently, I have come into contact with a young fellow with great ambitions to become a lawyer and to be admitted into one of the better law schools in the country.

His approach to getting into these schools is extensive. I believe there are 17 in all where he has set his sights, and he's got all the books and informational manuals to assist him in success. He has been studying arduously for the LSAT.

But, when it comes to the thinking part of his application, the essay, he is a total blank. As a matter of fact, he is so lacking in any knowledge of history that it would behoove him in some way to be even remotely embarrassed about it. However, he has never hesitated to tell his plan to anyone who will listen, no matter how much of stranger they are.

An extrovert, this young fellow is an extrovert, a difficult personality type for those of us who are more inward in nature.

For someone with an outgoing personality, a huge part of their life depends upon being around other people and drawing them in. According to some sources on the web, the ratio of extraverts comprises 60-75% of the population, which mean, introverts are in the minority. Why does the world so greatly reward the extrovert?

Extroverts do not always understand or sense when someone who may be less outgoing might want to be, or prefers to be alone. Often it seems it is not within their capacity to understand when, perhaps, someone who is feeling down, or in despair. For they are the original: "Chin-Up" types. The extravert, seems intolerant, or oblivious, or dismissive of an individual's inherent darker side, a darker side that needs to express itself in some way, not in physical or psychological violence, but in words, in writing, in painting, in art, and all these processes requires time alone for reflection.

Please send along your comments.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,761 • Replies: 33
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kitchenpete
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 07:46 am
Interesting question. I don't have time to consider a real answer now but will be back.
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dragon49
 
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Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 08:09 am
cliffhanger,

you are right. i am a huge extrovert, and i have trouble being alone. i would much prefer to be having a conversation with someone than sitting in a room pondering life. however, that doesnt mean i don't have respect for those who do. it took me a long time to realize that when my hubby said, nothing's wrong i just want to be alone, i needed to leave him alone.

the problem with me is that i need interaction constantly (which is probably why i enjoy A2K because there is always something going on). it is difficult for me to comprehend that someone wouldn't want to talk to me unless they were upset with me. then of course i want to dig to the reason why they are upset and fix it because being an extrovert i don't like people to be mad at me because then they ignore me (vicious cycle). and this just pisses them off more (when they weren't actually upset in the first place).

i did learn to respect my husband's need to sometimes just be alone. i still don't quite understand it because the idea doesn't appeal to me, but i keep my distance and realize that once he is done he won't be mad at me or ignore me any longer. i know i sound like an attention monger, and maybe i am, but just like i can't understand your need to be alone, you wouldn't be able to understand my need to not be alone. it is unfortunate, but its the way of life.

i wouldn't say i was intolerant of your need to be alone, more that i don't understand it and it conveys something different to me than you actually mean it to convey. just as my need to be conversant irritates you when to me is just the way of life. i am so bad, i can't make it my 25 minute drive to work without calling someone on my cell phone and having a converstation.

we are just different people. i work very hard to try to respect those who just simply need their time alone. not all of us extroverts are terrible Smile just those who haven't realized you introverts just need your space.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 09:11 am
Interesting Dragon - I like A2K because I am an Introvert! (more on that later)

Cliff - I definitely feel your pain. My capacity for hands on, face to face social interactions is definitley limited. Whenever I have to be in a large social situation, I feel like I need the weekend to recuperate, it's so draining.
I know every extravert out there is scrathing their heads and saying "huh?" Confused and the introverts are saying "Oh my God, yes!" Smile
But really, it's just mentally and sometimes physically exhausting for an introvert to have to

Even tho introverts are 25% to 40% of the population, it seems like we are only about 2%.
That's because the extroverts are out there 98% of the time, and we're just trying to keep out of their way.

Introverts seem to better understand extroverts than vice-versa. Sometimes it's fun being around them, for a limited time.
I'm really not convinced an extrovert can ever really understand the joy getting involved in something when you're alone can bring. Or being with maybe one or two people at a time.
Maybe that's why crowds are so tiring - when I'm with two people I can talk to both and enjoy it. In a crowd, you can't talk to or connect with everyone, and I feel overwhelmed because it would take forever to get to everyone, and there's so many distractions

Lonely? Naw, It's nice.
I can remember the last time I felt like I wanted to go out of my way to interact with someone because I felt socially starved.

Hey extraverts - here's a couple of clues - when talking to a stranger and telling them whatever's going on - fidgeting, glancing away at something they were doing before you started talking, and answers that seem to limit the conversation from going further like "oh", "all right then" "I suppose" etc are clear signs on an introvert.

INTROVERTS OF THE WORLD UNITE! - Except we would be really uncomfortable all gathered together Laughing
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 09:13 am
Oh Dragon - I like A2k because I can detach at a moments notice........

like this......click
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Mills75
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 12:42 pm
It makes sense that extroverts would outnumber introverts; humans are social creatures, and organizing ourselves into social groups was key to our survival. Let's face it, we like extroverts more because they're friendlier and more personable; extroverts seem to want to get to know you, be friends, while introverts want to be left alone. It's a lot more work being friends with an introvert than an extrovert, and most people don't want someone who's shy or standoffish as an executive, a manager, or a customer service clerk. In addition, introverts are easy to ignore--they keep to themselves and try to blend into the background; extroverts are nearly impossible to ignore--when it comes time to pass out promotions, etc., it's the extroverts who are remembered by the boss.

In short, extroverts are socially agressive while introverts are socially passive, and that's why extroverts tend to get ahead more than introverts.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:09 pm
Hi Mills
Being shy and being an introvert are definately NOT the same thing!

I'm not shy at all, and it's impossible to ignore me if I want to make my needs known.
Shy seems to imply fear. I'm not afraid, I just know what I want, and it isn't the constant whirling dervish activity of an extrovert.

For me, it's more of an uncomfortable feeling that others are trying to get in my personal space, WAY too quickly.
I don't think extoverts are necessarily friendlier, just way more out there, which makes them really rude and obnoxious sometimes. for instance, you mention customer service people, frankly, when they're too extroverted, I'm thinking "Why don't you shut the hell up and listen to me" what I say is "will you give me a moment to finish what I'm saying?" Whew -

Sure, it might be more work to be friends with an introvert - If others want to take the easy way out, fine.

I don't believe it's true extroverts get farther than introvert.
For instance, look at the entertainment industry.
There are many many well know entertainers that while although they make their living being in the public eye, when they aren't working, they really want to be left to their private lives.

Personally, there have been many times in my life I've ended up ahead of the person who's really out there.
When someone isn't talking, there're listening and learning.

Still waters run deep.

Bottom line, one is not better than the other, just different.

What do you say Cliff?
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dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:41 pm
chai, i say you are right. i have no understanding of wanting to be alone. i must be an extreme case, because i can't even sleep at night if my husband isn't home and not because we snuggle just right or whatever, but because i am alone. when i am alone, the radio/tv has to be on just so i have something going on in the background. probably why i love my dog so much because he is always there for me. Smile sad i know.

i think the thing is, when i want to be alone, i am pissed off or upset at someone or something or slightly depressed so when i see an introvert who wants time by them selves, i automatically assume (bad i know) that there is something wrong and i must help (which probably pisses you all off because all you want is to be alone and all i want is to discuss your nonexistant problems).

i would say neither an introvert or an extrovert is better off in our society. i think it is a balance of both which is difficult. oh and your comment about listening and learning, sadly, i had to learn how to listen to people because i never shut up enough in the past.

i have over come this extreme extroversion (except when i am home alone for some reason). at work, i mainly listen and learn and take back and assimilate by myself which is difficult because i learn better by discussion. i drove so many friends off back in the day because i just couldn't shut up and again, i have learned to listen to them and just allow them to vent and be there, not offering anything but an ear.

i think you said it best chai...one is not better than the other, just different. however i think if we could all learn to balance it, we would sitting pretty.
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Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:42 pm
I will make no pretense about this-- someone who needs constant interaction is exhausting just to think about. I've been exploring this intravert/extravert notion intensely for the past few days-- especially since my life, of late, appears to be in the mode of meeting a steady stream of outgoing people. As Chai Tea said, I need at least a weekend to recover after such an event.

Dragon, I understand your need to be with other people, what I don't understand is the need to have it be in constant motion. This is where the two personalities divide. Having a balance between social and silence seems to be the favorable approach. But, some of us do better with more silence than motion.

Mills, I agree with Chai Tea that intraverts are not necessarly shy. I am not shy, and I can give the impression of being an outgoing person, especially if it's a one time meeting. The trouble begins when, over a period of time, those who thought I was outgoing find out I have a fierce need for my own space, even if it's in a room with other people. This is when said outgoing people get offended because I am not the person they thought. Herein lies the other two-fold difficulty-- I don't initially assert my own personality, I more or less blend to the extraverts.

This is not to say I shut people out, quite the contrary, but, if in the mix dwells an extravert, who seems to behave in a way that demands attention then I shut down on them. I simply cannot withstand the repetitiveness, the cheeriness, the need to "bounce-off" one another, or their need to vent, or fume, etc.
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dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:45 pm
Cliff Hanger wrote:
I simply cannot withstand the repetitiveness, the cheeriness, the need to "bounce-off" one another, or their need to vent, or fume, etc.


i swear i can sit quietly by myself! really i can! Laughing

as long as the tv is on...or i can talk to the dog...
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:50 pm
let's experiment! and talking to the dog is not sitting quietly.

ok, I starting to time youuuuuuuuu, now!

<clicks stop watch>



psst, she won't last long.
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Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 01:55 pm
Also, I don't think it's a question of one being better than the other-- This doesn't even come into the debate, as far as I am concerned.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 02:00 pm
yeah, I know....

but as far as being an introvert, I'm a funny introvert.......

I'm just amusing myself......
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dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 02:00 pm
<sits quietly in seat>

<starts to fidget with nails>

<starts to fidget with hair when bored with nails>

oh screw this...ok so i can't sit still. but if the tv is on and a show i like is on, i can sit still for hours.
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dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 02:06 pm
Chai Tea wrote:
yeah, I know....

but as far as being an introvert, I'm a funny introvert.......

I'm just amusing myself......


and the difference being, as an extrovert, i can't amuse myself, someone must do it for me... Laughing
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Mills75
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 04:54 pm
Chai Tea: Nobody's claimed that' one's better than the other, but one does tend to get ahead more. The keyword here is tendency; you may tend to achieve greater advancement than the extroverts you know, but extroverts are generally more successful than introverts. (Of course, you may only think you're an introvert.)

Whether or not introverts are shy or standoffish is besides the point, this is how their social behavior is typically interpreted by others. However, extroversion is not synonymous with rudeness or other modes of social ineptitude. Indeed, extroverts are generally perceived as more socially adept than introverts.

We must be careful, however, not to think of extroversion and introversion as mutually exclusive; they exist on a continuum. Few people are totally introverted or extroverted.
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Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 05:07 pm
mills, please define successful.
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Mills75
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2005 06:22 pm
Cliff Hanger wrote:
mills, please define successful.

I'm using the popular definition. Success tends to be defined as the attainment of prestige, wealth, high income and career advancement/positions of leadership. I don't personally subscribe to this notion of success, you may or may not agree with this notion of success, but it's what most people think of as success. People who are more extroverted tend to be more successful in this regard than people who are more introverted.
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lynnie
 
  1  
Reply Sat 10 Sep, 2005 06:08 am
I have a question for you introverts. I have recently had a good relationship called off by my extreme introvert love. It seems that it was more from his empathy for me in regards to his inability to cope with group situations, when I'm really okay with his not attending dinner parties etc. He has currently retreated, where I fear he'll spend up to years being alone for fear of a repeat performance. Can I help in any way?
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 10 Sep, 2005 06:29 am
Oooh, I love this subject!

I am more of an introvert than extrovert: though definetly not shy.
I simply enjoy time to myself, and quiet time.
Time where there are not other people all around me!

The extreme extroverts are a bit much for me. I can handle it for a while, and then I feel overstimulated. It's like spending too much time at a club. The flashy lights and noise overload my system, or something, after a while. I need to digest.

Sometimes it is just nice to be with people, and not feel the need to be bouncing off each other. Just sharing the same space. I love that feeling. Like hearing the bf in the morning, shuffling around in the apartment, while I'm still in bed. Ahhhh, I love that.

A pet peeve of mine concerning extroverts: the way they can suck ya' dry! Smile THEY seem like more work to be friends with, for me. It's constant. Whereas with a more introverted friend; you can worry less about them. Phone em in a week: no problem. With the extrovert, you get to hear all about every little detail: what kind of deodorant they bought, who thinks they look hot in this shirt, blah blah blah.

I don't think one is better than the other. I do know I couldn't marry an extreme extrovert!
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