When all the arrows point in their direction: Extraverts

dragon49 wrote:

the problem with me is that i need interaction constantly (which is probably why i enjoy A2K because there is always something going on). it is difficult for me to comprehend that someone wouldn't want to talk to me unless they were upset with me. then of course i want to dig to the reason why they are upset and fix it because being an extrovert i don't like people to be mad at me because then they ignore me (vicious cycle). and this just pisses them off more (when they weren't actually upset in the first place).

Me too.

dragon49 wrote:

. i am so bad, i can't make it my 25 minute drive to work without calling someone on my cell phone and having a converstation.

You and me both. Call me!

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I love the quiet shuffle thing in the morning myself. He feels if he isn't entertaining me then he's lacking. However, the talk itself drains him. I can't seem to convince him that all I need is to be near sometimes. Are there introverts out there who also beat themselves up for not being successful at trying not to be introverted and how can I help him come to terms with all this without being alone for the rest of his life? I honestly think he would like a woman in his life. It's hard to watch the turmoil that he lives in within.

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Chai Tea
Chai Tea, this is a fascinating thread question. I can relate to your experience. I and my children are introverts. And, as you noted, many people in the entertainment industry are introverts, which is not as strange as you might think. For instance, introverted actors like slipping into a role that moves them into the spotlight without it being their actual selves.

Many of us introverts have jobs that require us to be in the spotlight in a variety of settings. But when the spotlight is turned off, we enjoy our own company.

Don't you think introverts have more time to think in depth about things? It may take a little while for us to go public with our thoughts.

Another thought I had while reading the posts in this thread is small talk. Is there a difference in the way introverts and extraverts handle small talk? Have you been with people when silence seems to make them uncomfortable? They appear compelled to make the silence disappear with meaningless babble. Some of my best friends have been people that can drive together in a car and not have to keep up a constant chatter. We can have long stretches of silence until something is noticed that is worth talking about.

What is your experience?

BBB

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It is impossible to be only introvert or extrovert. We are all both. In extreme cases there is often a serious neglect of certain aspects of life that leads to the impression that a person in extrovert only, for instance.

Most people that can't be alone, that has to be busy with something all the time, often have very little to say that is of interest. A person that never has a reflexion is just dull.

On the other extreme there are the introverts that are too reflected. So deep that nobody can follow.

But all in all I think most of us are somewhere in the middle, capable of being whatever suits our purposes at the time.

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Cyracuz

Cyracuz wrote:

It is impossible to be only introvert or extrovert. We are all both. In extreme cases there is often a serious neglect of certain aspects of life that leads to the impression that a person in extrovert only, for instance.

Most people that can't be alone, that has to be busy with something all the time, often have very little to say that is of interest. A person that never has a reflexion is just dull.

On the other extreme there are the introverts that are too reflected. So deep that nobody can follow.

But all in all I think most of us are somewhere in the middle, capable of being whatever suits our purposes at the time.

Cyracuz, so true. It seems that we all are actors in our daily lives. I guess it's called survival.

BBB

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lynnie, you've asked some really good questions. alas, i don't have ready answers, and i suspect others don't either, since no one has attempted to answer them. so let me ask you a question, instead: have you told your friend what you've written here? if i were in his position, i'd find your words reassuring. the only other suggestion i can think off is to gradually get him comfortable in social situations; start with small groups of people he knows, and go from there.

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I am an extrovert, Mr B is very much an introvert. We are the classic case of opposites attracting in this regard. I know of many couples where one partner is outgoing and wears their life on their sleeve while the other is more socially withdrawn and finds personal questions intrusive.

Mr B and I spend a lot of time together separately Smile

. For instance, we have separate places in the house for our computers. We are within loud talking distance of each other but we spend our time working or being on-line in our separate spaces even though we are doing it at the same time. We also spend significant time together working outside. He'll be mowing the lawn or raking leaves and I'll be working in the garden. Again, we are within loud talking distance but enjoying private pursuits. This gives me the company I need and gives him the privacy he needs.

We tend to socialize in small groups. We have weekly fall bonfires/pizza parties for about 10 neighbors and friends. Mr B gets to play pyro and focus on his task, I get to be hostess and focus on the people. It's something we've discovered we can do together separately.

I like larger social events. I am active in my church whereas Mr B does not attend. I have opportunities to be in large groups both during and after services and during other church-sponsored events. Mr B enjoys a quiet Sunday morning to himself. Neither of us begrudges the other's choice of how we spend our time. After 16 years we've settled into routines that give us both what we need.

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J_B, sounds like you & Mr B complement each other. i'm the same way, really; almost all the casual acquaintances i have are the missus' friends. luckily for me, they're interesting & pleasant people, and since they primarily interact with her, i don't feel any pressure to be more out-going.

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JB
Very smart couple, you are.

BBB

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Thank you all for your input. Thing is, I get him. I just feel sad for him that his introversion has somewhat imprisoned him and, well, I feel I'm the baby being thrown out with the bathwater. I have been lucky to know him because I have gained some huge insites into the diversity of personality - it never occured to me, but my mother was very happy being an introvert, when I feared she might have been somewhat lonely. When you truly do love someone, it's hard watching them make bad choices, but ultimately, I suppose they are his to make. Not too much I can do about it I guess. I hope all you introverts are happy as yourselves - don't change. We extroverts love the peace you bring.

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Bella Dea wrote:

dragon49 wrote:

the problem with me is that i need interaction constantly (which is probably why i enjoy A2K because there is always something going on). it is difficult for me to comprehend that someone wouldn't want to talk to me unless they were upset with me. then of course i want to dig to the reason why they are upset and fix it because being an extrovert i don't like people to be mad at me because then they ignore me (vicious cycle). and this just pisses them off more (when they weren't actually upset in the first place).

Me too.

dragon49 wrote:

. i am so bad, i can't make it my 25 minute drive to work without calling someone on my cell phone and having a converstation.

You and me both. Call me!

i have found another!!!!!!!!!!! 8...6...7...5...3...0..9...heehee

haha, actually its funny. i call myself an extrovert, i can't stand to be alone, but i also can't stand clubs. they are too loud, too smoky, and definitely too much overload. i prefer to be at home with some friends playing pool or something. at clubs i feel like there is too much going on to hear someone or have meaningful interaction. its odd, maybe i am half introverted. or maybe that makes me more extroverted because i actually enjoy true interaction between to people.

mr. d and i much like JB and co. we are always close enough so i know he's there, but we don't always talk. funny though, he being the introvert loves to snuggle and i hate it. anyway, moving on, as i said before though the thing that gets me is when he doesn't talk to me. i always assume that when he doesn't talk to me, he is upset with me. much like when friends don't call me. i assume (right or wrong) that for some reason they no longer want to be friends with me and i freak out and call them 100 times until i get them on the phone...then they really dont want to be friends anymore Smile

lynnie-i am sorry for ya. hope it all works out for the best in the end.

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I'm curious Dragon.....

What do you talk about on all these calls?
How long do the calls take?
How many phone calls would you say you have with friends most days?

I can be quite a conversationlist with someone face to face if it's something interesting, or with someone who lives far away, and I only talk to every couple of months.

But to just be on the phone with someone with nothing much to say?

This is literally a typical call I'll make to my husband once a day, just to see how things are:

Me: Hi
Him: Hi
Me: How's everything?
Him: OK
Me: All right then, I'll see ya later. I love you.
Him: I love you too. Bye.

For a while, my boss started calling me in the evenings and on the weekends, I put a stop to that quick....

She'd just call up and start talking like we were at work, at first I'd be polite, but after a couple weeks, I started saying to her, "can we talk about this in the morning, or on Monday?"

Lord and she'd always start the conversation in the same way.
"What are you doing"?

I think once someone is past a certain age, that's not a good question to ask, unless you're really good friends. God knows what I could have been doing, in the privacy of my own home :wink:

Actually, we never even answer our home phone, when the machine picks up, we'll listen to the caller leaving a message, but seldom pick up the phone. I'll call back when I feel like it, maybe.

I know, most people couldn't stand not answering their phone. But, I decided over time that it's MY phone, I can answer it, or not.
It's a very good feeling.

She saw me on my cell phone the other day and she said.."hey, you've never given me your cell phone #."

I said "No, I haven't"

So dragon, I bet you don't answer your phone all the time, right? Laughing

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I'm strange. In my old school I was an introvert. I was so scared of talking in case I said the wrong thing. (Probably because I was bullied!) But in my new one, I think I probably talk too much! I act like an extrovert but inside I'm like "ARGH! Be QUIET!" Maybe that's just me! But then I go home, and can be quiet again! I can be nauseatingly cheerful. Except mornings! I hate mornings!

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felix-

Stop in bed longer.It shortens mornings.

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When all the arrows point in their direction: Extraverts

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