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Speaking of unconditional love...

 
 
Mame
 
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 02:25 pm
how would you feel about your son/daughter if he/she committed really heinous crimes? Like murder, mutilation, repeated ratings. Violent and horrible crimes. Do you think you would feel conditional love for them?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 8 • Views: 517 • Replies: 28
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tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 02:31 pm
@Mame,
Unconditional love by definition isn't the same thing as condoning or encouraging any malicious or heinous activity a person has committed. You can still unconditionally love someone and still condemn a person's horrific behavior.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 02:32 pm
@tsarstepan,
I'm asking if a parent could unconditionally love a child of theirs that committed unspeakable acts.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 02:34 pm
@tsarstepan,
I would support the person, but never such behavior.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 02:49 pm
@edgarblythe,
So is that a yes? How would you support your child and not the behaviour?
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:02 pm
@Mame,
Yes. I simply cannot imagine not loving my child.

It would tear me inside but I would still love them.

tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:08 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

So is that a yes? How would you support your child and not the behaviour?

You don't throw the child under the proverbial bus aka never speaking to them again. OR by joining in a literal pitchfork wielding mob against the child. Tell the child that you're disappointed in their actions and how they failed to reach out for help prior to whatever event occurred.

If they go to jail? Write and/or visit them whenever possible instead of completely throwing then aside. Emotional support (after the fact) can go a long way. Help them when they come out of prison (if that's a possibility) to keep them from recidivism.

I never said it would be easy. But that's the literal definition for unconditional love.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:08 pm
@Linkat,
So, what would be lovable about them if they had done something so horrible? Would you even recognize them, know who they were or had become?
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:10 pm
@tsarstepan,
I'm not talking about robbing a bank. I'm talking about heinous crimes that you read about. Kidnapping a young girl, raping her, letting all your friends have at her, beating her, etc. for years, or Charles Manson type of crimes.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:12 pm
@Mame,
I'm not a parent, so the hypothetical situation? I'm not sure how I would really react to it. I would like to think I'd fall towards the unconditional loving side of the equation. So? I can't answer beyond this.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:13 pm
@tsarstepan,
Fair enough. But say it's your father or brother or cousin who was a Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer kind of guy...
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:19 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

So, what would be lovable about them if they had done something so horrible? Would you even recognize them, know who they were or had become?



You can love them without them being lovable. It is one if those things that I can't explain. Mothers instinct? That they are a part if you forever....just some sort of connection I cannot explain.

It is also hard to imagine .... Yeah I would not be able to reconcile that sort of behavior for who they are .... I mean they would have had to completely lose their minds to do acts such as that.

And you said above say it is my brother or cousin...that would be different....but my children ... To be honest I cannot explain it.

Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:25 pm
@Linkat,
I wonder sometimes how the families of people like Dahmer and Manson feel about them. I mean, they have to reconcile what they did with who they used to be. I think I'd cut off all ties with them, and remember them as they were when they were innocent or normal, because, for all intents and purposes, the person you loved really is gone (round the bend or whatever).
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:29 pm
@Mame,
I wonder if part of the problem that with the likes of Dahmer or Manson, that abusive and/or neglectful parenting has helped lead up to their heinous and evil, violent activity. That beyond their criminal activity, their parents are decades long out of the picture. Regardless of whether they would judge their murderous children or not.

That the parent's to these mass murderers and serial murderers never loved these violent criminals in the first place. But that's another story I suppose.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:36 pm
@tsarstepan,
You have to wonder sometimes. You can have 5 kids and one of them is like this while the others are fine. I think it's in a person's DNA. You're born funny or you're not. You're an achiever or you're not. You have a proclivity to ripping off fly wings as a 4 year old or you don't. You can be born a psychopath, sociopath, etc. and nothing the parents can do will stop it.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:42 pm
@Mame,
I would give love but would not attempt to alter justice.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:44 pm
@tsarstepan,
Interesting thought...

For me I honestly think my kids are better people than I was ... And probably am ...now granted I am biased. I just see sincere kindness in them that I don't always see in myself.

People have said to me you did a great job raising them....and here is a secret...I don't think I did that great. I didn't abuse them or anything but I wasn't like this super mom and I know I didn't do everything in the best way...I think I got lucky. I think I just lucked out with good people inherently.

Now they weren't always ...and sometimes even now...that easy...believe me the high school years were tough on my one girl...they were at least kind to others if not always with me.

That being said if something caused them to go over deep end...I just cannot imagine still having that love for them.

Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:47 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:

You have to wonder sometimes. You can have 5 kids and one of them is like this while the others are fine. I think it's in a person's DNA. You're born funny or you're not. You're an achiever or you're not. You have a proclivity to ripping off fly wings as a 4 year old or you don't. You can be born a psychopath, sociopath, etc. and nothing the parents can do will stop it.


Yes but alert parents would get help for their kid if they started showing sociopath behavior.

I have a brother with certain issues....he can be very mean and cruel .. Not violent or a danger. But my mom says I don't like him, but I do love him.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 03:52 pm
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:


That being said if something caused them to go over deep end...I just cannot imagine still having that love for them.


Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Given the whole family is fairly normal and happy, etc., but you have this one child who you wind up not even recognizing. You see certain signs along the way (ripping off fly wings) and you deal with it, or so you thought, but over time it escalates and most of it you're unaware of because it's being done out of your sight or presence. You can sit and wonder how and when this 'happened', but if your other kids are normal, it's really down to the one kid and his proclivities.

I would just doubt that I could love that sadistic child the way I loved the others or the way I did before, especially if there were victims involved in a deliberate crime. Who does this ****? Some kind of psycho who gets their pleasure from hurting and terrifying others. Who can love a monster like that?
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 7 Dec, 2021 04:08 pm
@Mame,
Funny story...when my kids were very young ...one an infant and the other 4 I was driving and both were in the car. The baby crying and crying ...nothing you can do but try and say soothing words.

We get home and I take the baby out. She has scratch marks all down her face and us bleeding from them. I panic rush them in the house and immediately call the doctors.

While I am waiting on the phone find out this precious sweet 4 year iPod got upset with the crying so she scratched her sisters face. I am thinking what sort of mister is this child...I must have yelled at her and so I had two screaming children.

The doctor calms me down as I describe the injury ...she says oh those are just superficial...clean them up and keep them clean and they will heal quickly.

So I then thinking I have a monster child say what do I do about her sister the one that scratched her. The doctor then calmly explained to me how kids that age are impulsive and just react. But from the screaming and crying it seems she learned her lesson.

To this day I remind her of her horrific actions!

But on a serious note...you do love each child differently, but you love them. I love my children just for being my children, that is the unconditional part...but I also love them for being kind people, for helping others for giving me a hug, for being homesick, I can make a list ...I even love them when they do something not so positive...because that is when they really need your love...I think that helps them to become a better person as they know you are in their court no matter what.
 

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