Re: Get my life on track
luthorcorp wrote:Hi guys.
Im 21 years old and live in the UK.
I am not working at the moment but have a few ideas for employmnt currently going around in my head.
I want to get get a job. Any old job would do to start off with. I have had various temporary jobs in the past and a part time job for a few years when I was younger.
Some of the things that make working hard for me is that i am a kinda shy person. I hate talking to strangers, Get tongue tied and cant get my words out, etc. Dont know why. Also, I dont drive which is a bit of a problem when loking for work. Heres what I need feedback on:
1/ I am thinking of going for a job as a "labourer' for a while to get some money rolling in. The labouring job says that no experience is necessary. I get nervous at the thought of doing something ive never done before and imagine myself making stupid mistakes. Can someone give me a good idea of what i'll be doing? I am very fit.....
2/ Essentially I am in this state because I have no idea what i want to do with my life. Even though im young, time feels like its running out. It make sense to choose a carreer where my academic strengths lie. My best grades in school were in Maths. I also have a GNVQ in IT. (GNVQ is just something you get after passing a year long course in college). I was thinking maybe try and find a job in something like "Payrolling" I guess at a junior level, as I have no experience in it????
3/ Are there actually any good homeworking type jobs that aren't a scam? They all seem dodgy to me.
Thanks for any replies. I just wanna give my life some more meaning.
Luthorcorp
Well, you do good writing. Maybe the computer field is an area for you. Talking comes with practice. Here is an old post on living within our means written for a 12 step group.
Good Luck,
V
Written for a 12 step group.
(...) #1 writes:
"It looks as though I need a short break about every hour......It's good to be noticing and finding solutions now, instead of berating myself for doing it with difficulty and less than perfectly.....My schedule is beginning to feel too tight now."
*********** REPLY SEPARATOR ***********
Ah ... awareness of our comfortable means. Glad you are 'Asking the Affordability Question' here is my earlier post on this subject.
(...) #2 writes:
<I have a brother who: is married, has 4 children, has a full-time
<medical practice, and has been going half-time to law school, all at
<the SAME TIME. Now, there is a guy who is high cap. I am not he, I
<never will be, I may as well get used to it right now. What he can
<do, has nothing to do with what I can do.
<I'm a sensitive person, an artist, introverted. I cannot go from one
<activity or noisy session with people, to the next, and the next,
<with no downtime. I become frazzled, unhappy, and fragmented. This
<is a fact.
<It is at those times when, frazzled, worn down from trying to be
<high cap, I spend $$, in order to give myself more energy to carry
<on, or to try to keep up with the high cap people, or to just soothe
<my pain.
V writes:
The 12 and 12 talks about justifiable anger on page 90 and how as addicts we cannot afford this emotion whether it is justified or not. It says, "We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified handle it." Well, I am here to remind you that this concept of "affordability" not only goes with justified anger, but covers a multitude of other areas that the recovering addict cannot afford. Asking the question, "can my program afford it" is a big key to my success. I always try to accept what my program wants, otherwise if I put what I want first, my recovery program will come in second and so goes my recovery efforts...second rate...and sometimes even much worse than that. This is why we have to practice step one and surrender to the program as opposed to surrendering to our ego and our will which got us into all this mess.
Identifying our comfortable limits is very important to recovery for without knowing our boundaries we cannot discern how far if too far for us. Many of us will never realize how much is too much until we go way accepts the point of reason, so don't beat yourself up for testing the waters, just learn from your mistakes and make it a point to do better the next time around. This is where self worth building comes in from seeing how we have changed and accepting our limits and living within them.
On staying right size and happiness. Taken from pages 122-125 of the 12 & 12 of AA.
In later life he (the addict) finds that real happiness is not to be found in just trying to be a number one man, or even a first-rater int he heartbreaking struggle for money, romance, or self-importance. He learns that he can be content as long as he plays well whatever cards life deal him. He's still ambitious, but not absurdly so, because he can now see and accept actual reality. He is willing to stay right size...
Still more Wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be. Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God's scheme of things---these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes. True ambition was not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God... (end of quote)
Here are some of my own limits that I have identified, all of which I attribute to having low capacities in these areas. But, as you will read, just because a person has a lower or higher capacity in certain areas doesn't guarantee them of anything, all it means is they have certain abilities that apply to certain areas of living.
1) When I am overworked or stressed I cannot pay the bills.
I used to make it a habit to pay my bills in front of the TV each month, so doing so is not a big deal. Yet, one month I ran late paying them by a few days because I just could not bring myself to pay them. this feeling had nothing to do with money, as I had many times the money needed in the bank. No, the feeling inside me was I don't want to be bothered with a damn thing...jus leave me alone to veg out in front of the TV. This was one of the first areas that enlightened me to this whole concept of shutting down from stress or burnout. I was being overworked during this time and clearly saw the results in my home life.
2) When I don't have the energy to even make a sandwich it is a signpost.
OK, my sandwiches are a little more than peanut butter and jelly, since I like home made bread, lettuce, tomato, pickles and some poached chicken breast, but it is still not brain surgery making one of them. When I'm over stressed I do not want to be bothered with a thing and just grab the easiest and usually not the healthy thing to eat. When I feel like this it is a signpost to slow down and scale back on complexities of living. An overeater once told me that she became aware of a signpost that her program was heading downhill. She said, "The first thing to go is the crudities" (referring to not eating her raw vegetables as a signpost that she was headed in the wrong direction with her program.) There are many signposts that we can look for in our own lives to warn us that we are getting too busy for recovery. The antidote? Voluntary Simplicity aka Simple Living. if you can't keep up, you scale back until you can keep up.
3) If I type recovery work at the computer longer than 1-1/2 hours my stomach ulcer starts acting up.
I can do computer work such as scanning photos or shopping or something like that for longer periods, but inventory or recovery writing irritates my ulcer. I can choose to live within these limits or cause myself pain and ignore my natural warning signs. Obviously, I could not work in this area and type recovery stuff all day and if I was forced to do so would cause my ulcer to bleed.
4) Noisy and disturbing activities and 'sticky' brain syndrome.
My kids high school football games let out about 10 PM and can get me agitated and disturb my sleep. Staying late at a f2f meeting and talking one on one disturbs my sleep. Talking in bed with my wife just before going to bed about some family problem disturbs my sleep. Sponsoring people, even just one person disturbs my sleep. Watching a noisy and loud TV shoe at night disturbs my sleep. Certain radio tunes, especially if played loud, repeat in my brain and disturb my sleep, even if they are played in the morning. I accept I have a 'sticky brain' so I have to be mindful of the activities that do not mesh with such a brain.
Some persons might try and force things and do all sort of psychological work to change or take medicines or whatever. But with 8 addictions I have enough to work on and can't afford putting effort into forcing more areas that don't naturally agree with me. So, I try and accept my limitations and work within the natural laws that govern me. My wife is altogether different in these areas. She does counseling and talks to tons of people with lots of problems all day and even into the late night. Yet, she sleeps with no replay of all these problems. With me, talking with only ONE person could disturb me. Those are the facts and I can live with them peacefully or fight them and live in pain - we are different people with different capacities. Accepting ones authentic and genuine nature is most important if you ever wish to be at peace. My earlier post 'Nature Rules' discusses this concept.
Lets look at moms? Some moms can raise twelve kids without breathing hard, other moms can't raise one kid...and they even end up killing the one kid. Both people are moms, but that is where their comfortable abilities end. In this example, I don't look down on the prospective mom that realizes she is not a kid person and decided not to have kids and try "force" kids on herself. I look up to this person for having the ability to know and live within their comfortable means and practice acceptance for not forcing kids in a home that would not be good for them. I recall first learning about some of my own comfortable limits from my clutter recovery work. I found out that I could never keep a mantle dusted when it had twenty things on it, yet I could keep it dusted when it had only three things on it. You see, there is nothing wrong with you if you do not like to dust - but there is something wrong if you do not like to dust and you have too many things to dust. Here is famous quote from Walden showing Thoreau battling with the this concept back in 1860's:
"I had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily, when the furniture of my mind was all undusted still, and I threw them out the window in disgust. How then could I have a furnished house? I would rather sit in the open air, for no dust gathers on the grass, unless where man has broken ground."
Yes, down time or quite time is important for some of us. Obviously for politicians that are devotees to the "cult of next" down time is considered a waste of time. But for many of us, without down time, relaxation time or contemplative time we start to rebel and can cause ourselves harm through physical and metal abuse. So, if you come under this category, don't fight it, just accept it and be grateful for the clarity to have discovered what your real needs are. Put any effort you previously used to fight this need into cultivating it and giving yourself quality relaxation and mediation time. Remember, no matter how poor you are you can develop a life that the richest men and women could never hope to buy with all the wealth in the world. You can develop a peaceful life and be serene if you work a good recovery program and make it a point to live within your means the best you can. Just because you have wealth or fame doesn't guarantee you that you will be at peace and have a serene and content life. One thing only goes so far with giving a person a good and happy life.
Take Care,
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