Sun 6 Jun, 2021 07:00 am
First of all, sorry if my english is not perfect, I’m not an english native speaker.
Hi! I had an almost-4-years-relationship like almost 4 years ago and after this, I realized she was toxic so I just decided to spend time in solitude: I wasn’t focusing on dating any other woman, nor even getting to know someone.
Well, In early January I met a girl for language exchange. She wanted to improve her Spanish and I wanted to improve my English, so it looked like a cool plan! The thing is that we madly fell in love and we started dating more frequently and getting to know each other a lot. Well, we had some discussions because she was in love with drugs and I don’t like them, but it’s okay. The point is that she told she was in the mood to have an open relationship at first and I told her I couldn’t do that, because for me sex and feeling go together. She said ‘ok’ and we started a close relationship.
I’m not going to ask for help because we’re already done haha, basically because she was flirting with other guys just while I was right there with her and for me it’s uncomfortable and a lack of respect. But the point is that why are people so focused on those things? I mean, why are people obsessed with going to parties every single weekend, doing drugs, not being committed to anything and don’t even thinking about the future? I’m almost 28 years old and I’ve been thinking in the opposite way since I was 17 or something like that. I don’t know, I like spending time with people but people are overly focused on bullshit things or maybe I am getting crazy because I don’t feel like doing something if I cannot continue doing that in the future, I mean: I could **** with some girls, but for what? I’m going to lose less time if I do it by myself, you know? Like I cannot be there just pretending I like the stupid things she is telling me just because I want to ****. So I’m in the mood to move abroad and find intelligent life out there, but being honest I think that everybody is thinking in the same way nowadays.
So I don’t know. I don’t need to have a relationship, I love spending time in solitude but I’m also a romantic guy and I also would like to spend time with a special intelligent person who I can share moments and create memories with. So am I asking for too much nowadays? Is there nobody out there in the same situation? I really love self development and I know that your reality is nothing but what you learned from the situations you went through and your environment so I don’t know, maybe I’m so weird. I just wanted to say this and I really hope that there are some people thinking the same, because it feels sad.
I’m happy though, I’m a positive and happy person! Haha
You're hanging out in the wrong places if you're looking for the people you say you want to have in your life.
You are not going to find them in bars.
This doesn't mean they never, ever drink or go. It's that they have other options in their lives, and they exercise them.
Where will you find the kind of people with the kinds of values you're looking for, in both a romantic relationship and in friendship? A few ideas:
- School - so go back and take a class in something you like. Not for grades, not for a degree. This is the botany class you were always interested in but didn't have the time, or the extra training in your field that will help you get ahead. Or something more fun, like acting or pottery or how to fix your car. It doesn't have to be at a university. Your local community center may have classes, so check those out.
- Church - keep in mind, you will see a mix of people and, if you're not that religious to begin with, you probably won't get a lasting relationship out of it. But there's no reason you can't get friends out of occasionally attending a church, synagogue, or mosque.
- Meetup - just Google them. Even if there isn't anything local that interests you, there are still online meetups due to Covid. Find your fellow Yoda cosplayers or Ford Mustang fans or whatever it is you're into. You automatically have something in common with them and something to talk about.
- Facebook groups - probably a better option than looking in general on FB or on places like Twitter or TikTok. Much like Meetup, you'll find your tribe.
- Local politics - do you have a passion for getting the roads fixed, or improving the neighborhood elementary school? Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Not necessarily single people, but they may know someone.
- Other volunteering - helping the poor is not a place to pick up women. But it is a way to meet people who are serious about life.
And finally, as someone who is over twice your age - you have your entire lifetime to be serious. Hanging out with drug addicts is, as you are well aware, a waste of your time. But hanging out with people who lighten up the mood can be very good for you. So don't count them out entirely.