Sat 14 Nov, 2020 12:09 pm
I used to take interest in psychology but not so much anymore. The older and wiser I have gotten I feel people are so predictable it takes all of the fun out of it. I have had a violently bumpy ride to adulthood. I do not know what was wrong with me growing up but I was unable to learn subjects that I wanted to and still do because I felt constant fear and despair even when things were going good or so-so. I always knew I loved learning and knowing things but I always experienced serious depression as a child that prevented me from feeling out on things that would expand my mind for the better. I never wanted to be friends with girls my own age because they were only interested in the opposite sex. I missed out on making friends when I was a little girl because I was kept out of school by my parents, and I never even took interest in men until I was twenty three. I have been homeless three times in my life. Once as a child and twice as an adult. I have a weird unbalanced life and finally being fed up with society and burnt out by constant FEAR and VIOLENCE I finally feel confident enough to focus all of my attention on learning things that I wanted to my whole life. Since the COVID-19 outbreak I feel a major shift in my attention being drawn to intellectual pursuits instead of to people. I want to be the mom to my daughter that I wish I had as a girl.
I do not know if what I am experiencing is common, i.e. feeling uninterested in being social and just geeking out instead. I feel a major change in myself since giving birth to my daughter, who I named after the sorceress in the King Arthur literature. It may just be motherhood but I feel an amazing personality shift that I feel like is healing my life and putting things back to the way they were meant to be for once.
Chalk it up to 2020.
In all honesty, does the cause really matter?