When to break up?

I've been with my GF for almost 4 months. We met online and dated virtually for several months before that. The issue is that the person I met online is slowly turning into this other person in RL. For instance she's a heavy weed smoker and it's effecting our relationship. We both have kids and I am not liking how I'm seeing her neglectful/tough love with hers. But also our living situations are hard. She has her ex husband living at home. I do have a roommate here too, but they help me with driving and a few things around the house because I'm visually impaired. Even so, I have been trying to talk about our future and getting another home and one day all of us living together but she refuses to leave the home with the ex saying she will get that home once her ex pays it off! I don't feel respected, and I get treated like one of the children most times instead of an equal partner. My children are on the Autism spectrum, and my GF was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I am not, so I'm having a tough time here. I'm being patient because of her disability, but she's not wanting to budge or compromise. Since I have learned of her different negative behaviors I held back some on the moving in together idea. She however is always suggesting I move in with her. Her home has so many animals and 12 chickens out back (In a suburban neighborhood.. lol). I love kids , and she has 4, but the ex husband there and no space for even my kids.. NOT. I just wonder if maybe this is not gonna work.