2
   

Has the friendzone gone too far?

 
 
njbenda
 
Reply Tue 23 Jun, 2020 10:42 am
Hi everyone, I'd really like anyone's opinion on this, since my friends don't really know what to say. I'm a 22 year old woman who met a really great guy in class this year. We immediately hit it off as friends, but he asked me out and I explained that I'm asexual and I haven't ever been interested in anyone (please don't comment if you think it's not a thing).

I was fine with being friends. About two weeks later, he writes me a love poem; he justifies it saying that he's trying to express himself more and not let societal expectations of suppressing emotion get in the way, etc. Took a small break from him, but eventually went back cause I really do enjoy his company.

Finally, a few months later he tells me about the concept of "bottling up your emotions" and that he realizes how it applies to positive emotion. He says he doesn't know how to channel all these feelings for me. Now, by this time, I'm irritated because I don't see why he needs to bring this up yet again. Either friends or nothing at all are my only options. I'm pretty sure he's just expressing himself but it's quite annoying now and doesn't seem healthy. Should I just end this friendship?
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jun, 2020 11:21 am
@njbenda,
Quote:
Either friends or nothing at all are my only options. I'm pretty sure he's just expressing himself but it's quite annoying now and doesn't seem healthy. Should I just end this friendship?


I would say yes. You should end this friendship.

He wants one thing out of the relationship. You want something else. If you can't accept that, then you should just end the relatinship.

I have been on both sides of this, it isn't that uncommon.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Jun, 2020 11:22 am
@njbenda,
Yes. It’s not fair to him because you have decided it can’t go any further than friends and he sounds like he has a major crush on you.

So he will never get what he wants out of the relationship.

Introduce him to a gal that you think he would like, and she would reciprocate back those feelings. That would be a nice thing to do. Then you could be “just a friend” to him.

maxdancona
 
  3  
Reply Tue 23 Jun, 2020 11:25 am
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
Introduce him to a gal that you think he would like, and she would reciprocate back those feelings.


I strongly disagree with this advice. If you did this to me, it would feel like a slap on the face. Just be honest. Be respectful. And leave the guy with his dignity intact.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2020 11:54 am
@njbenda,
njbenda wrote:

He says he doesn't know how to channel all these feelings for me.

That's his responsibility and burden.

Quote:
Now, by this time, I'm irritated because I don't see why he needs to bring this up yet again. Either friends or nothing at all are my only options. I'm pretty sure he's just expressing himself but it's quite annoying now and doesn't seem healthy. Should I just end this friendship?

He doesn't sound like a good friend. Not the same thing as a bad friend but a little too immature. Tell him that you will need your space and put a temporary hold with your friendship. If he has genuine platonic feelings for you, he'll respect your decision. With a bit of time, he'll move on to other pastures or might learn a better perspective and respect your position and feelings towards the friendship remaining platonic. If he becomes a monster after that point, give him the hard boot and kill what remains of the friendship.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2020 11:56 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

Quote:
Introduce him to a gal that you think he would like, and she would reciprocate back those feelings.


I strongly disagree with this advice. If you did this to me, it would feel like a slap on the face. Just be honest. Be respectful. And leave the guy with his dignity intact.


It also reeks of a bad romcom midplot twist. He needs to mature emotionally and not have any sense of entitlement improperly encouraged.
0 Replies
 
david lyga
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Jun, 2020 05:07 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona has the nerve to be both prudent and wise. Stellar reply which encourages both ethics and decency.

Be truthful and genuine. Sexual attraction is potent and will often not relent until climax is achieved. You do not wish that, therefore be kind to this man by being direct and decent. - David Lyga
0 Replies
 
 

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