I’m not sure about my problem and whats gotten into me

Mon 29 Nov, 2021 05:16 pm
Hi , for the first two year of college , i succeeded because i cheated, i’ve always felt guilty about that , like i did it while feeling so down and guilty and shaming myself . I dont know why i can’t study
For this year , i promised myself that i won’t do that again and i’m planning to .
My exam is 15 days from now and i have like 23 lectures, i know that i can do it if i put my mind into it , i’m really capable ( i mean natural abilities) but i can’t work hard and the day i dont study i actually just stress out , i continue to waste time , play games while stressing so much i nearly don’t even enjoy that game , i have this urge that i want to make myself more stressed or pitiful idk how
Also i don’t know if this is related but since last year i started reading erotic manga ( graphic comic ) which i find maybe a form of pornography, i spent days just reading them lying in bed without doing nothing , and i feel like its also affecting me ?
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Mon 29 Nov, 2021 07:28 pm
You're bored out of your mind.

Some introspection is in order. Think about why you're studying what you're studying. Is it to make money? To please someone? Because you can't think of anything else to study? Inertia? To use as a steppingstone to graduate work?

None of these are good reasons to study a particular subject. Even the steppingstone to grad work can often be accomplished with some other major—and if your path is different from others', it may help you get into grad school.

This even means med school. I knew a guy in college who was pre-med and majoring in business. All of his peers were majoring in biology or chemistry, with a small smattering of physics majors. He was the only one in his class (and we were at Boston University, which is not a small school) with that particular combination.

Now think about what you like, and what you're good at. Don't think you can make a lot of money? I got news for you—most people who attend college will make more than their peers who didn't go. This is the case even if you don't finish college.

Pleasing someone else (say, your parents) is a fool's errand. They are not living your life. You are. You can be nice and still tell them you are going to dance to the beat of your own drummer. They will get over it.

If you can't think of anything else to study, talk to the people in your school's careers center. Even if you have a certain profession in mind, they can probably let you in on other ways to get the job you really want.

And if it's inertia, seriously consider getting a medical workup and even scheduling a talk with a counselor. I am not a doctor, but if you're depressed, there are treatments out there.

You don't have to continue this way.
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Mon 29 Nov, 2021 07:56 pm
Stop cheating, try your best on your test. The feeling cheating brought to you can be really suffering. Just grab the time, and focus on your study. Do not disappoint yourself and your family.
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Mon 29 Nov, 2021 10:26 pm
Have you seen a counselor? It certainly sounds like you are feeling stress and guilt. It never hurts to get support, and most schools offer mental health support services.

Getting help from a therapist would probably be a good idea. You might also want to get screened for ADD (the cycle of wasting time and feeling guilty about it might be a sign of ADD).
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