All My Philosophy Packets (Files)

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 11/26)

Other Person's Response: So, you treat your miserable struggles as being an aspect of your being, and existence, to be eradicated?

My Reply: Yes. I need to become a beautiful, joyful being of light who lives a beautiful, joyful existence.

Other Person's Response: You say there are specific worries and thoughts that caused you to be miserable. But, other than that, do you feel stress and misery from other thoughts and worries that people normally have, such as work that needs to be done, chores, etc.

My Reply: No. As a matter of fact, I don't have other worries and negative thoughts besides those specific ones I've had, which means those are really the only negative thoughts and worries I had that caused me stress and misery. An example of one of them would be my worry in regards to near death experiences. I talk about it in this packet. It was a devastating worry for me.

Other Person's Response: During your miserable struggles, do things that are normally beautiful to people become horrible, tragic, disturbing, etc. to you, and cause you nightmares?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Could you give me an example of something that's normally beautiful to people, causing you nightmares?

My Reply: Sure. I was listening to a Buddhist mantra that's said to ease mental suffering, so I could ease the worry I was having. There's a woman with a lovely singing voice, and the mantra is supposed to be beautiful. But, it caused me nightmares when I listened to it while asleep. I even felt horror from it in the middle of the night, when I woke up during my sleep. But, I'm still listening to it anyway because, who knows, it might speed up my recovery. However, when I listen to this mantra throughout the day, it doesn't cause me to feel horror, or any other negative emotion.

Since I'm close to a full recovery, then I actually feel a bit of beauty and relaxation from it when I'm awake during the day. So, my positive emotions are starting to slowly return, since I'm feeling that way a bit. But, again, when I listen to it while sleeping, it causes me nightmares. I heard the mantra in one of my nightmares, and it was a horrific experience for me. If this worry were to be all gone completely, then I'm quite sure listening to the mantra would give me beautiful, peaceful dreams.

Other Person's Response: I, myself, have felt horror on many occasions, and I love that feeling! Horror is a very positive experience for me!

My Reply: No. Horror is still a negative experience. It can only be the positive emotions you feel from the horror that are the positive experiences for you. Feeling love (a positive emotion) is also the only way you can love your feeling of horror.

Other Person's Response: For me, positive emotions can be negative experiences. When I feel attraction towards that gal working out, it's embarrassing, and I become ashamed.

My Reply: That feeling of attraction was still a positive experience for you. But, feeling that positive emotion then made you feel a negative emotion, which would be that feeling of shame and embarrassment. That negative emotion was the negative experience for you.

Other Person's Response: You say you sometimes feel beauty and relaxation in regards to this mantra. Do you also sometimes feel like the song is meaningless noise, due to this misery-inducing worry of yours, rendering things in your life morbidly stripped of any experience of beauty, joy, and greatness?

My Reply: Yes. As a matter of fact, this is how I mostly feel about the mantra as of now. But, like I said, over time, that misery fades more and more at a very slow, gradual rate, since my psyche is recovering on its own at a very slow, gradual rate.

Other Person's Response: During this miserable struggle of yours, is there a negative, morbid thought there, making you perceive songs as meaningless noise, morbidly stripped of beauty and greatness?

My Reply: Yes. That negative thought causes me to feel misery, and it's this misery which is that morbid perception/experience.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure listening to that mantra isn't speeding up your recovery?

My Reply: I don't notice that. But, I'll still keep on listening to it, along with a few other mantras meant for stress, worry, and mental suffering. Just so you know, I also listened to those mantras, too. But, I didn't notice anything. So, I'll just keep listening to them, in addition to the other mantra.

Other Person's Response: If the mantra really does work, then does it have to be beautiful to a person in order for it to work? Or, can a person be in a very hopeless state, where everything in his life, including the mantra, is morbidly empty and meaningless to him, but the mantra still works to heal his mental despair?

My Reply: I'm not sure.

Other Person's Response: I think there are healing sound frequencies you can listen to, which are claimed to ease stress and worry. I think they're called the Solfeggio frequencies.

My Reply: I have listened to them. But, I didn't notice a faster recovery from this worry. I'll still listen to them anyway.

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry of yours, and using methods to help recover from it, I think you should be using methods that have been known to work in both a purely naturalistic worldview (a worldview that says this is the only life we have), and a spiritual worldview (a worldview that says we're souls who live on in the afterlife). For example, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been known to work, according to both skeptics, and spiritual believers.

But, if you just use methods that spiritual believers think work, but skeptics think are woo/bull ****, then you might be using methods that don't work, since this might be the only life there is. That means you shouldn't be using methods, such as Solfeggio frequencies, since this is something only spiritual believers think works. You also shouldn't be using methods that skeptics think work, but spiritual believers don't.

My Reply: Since I'm undecided on the existence of the afterlife, then I'm taking your advice, since it's the wise thing to do.

Other Person's Response: When you do fully recover from this misery-inducing worry, and have your joy back to you, are you still going to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

My Reply: No, because I don't need to. Neither would I need to do meditation. Once I'm fully recovered from this worry, I don't think I'll have anymore misery. So, I'll be just fine.

Other Person's Response: But, I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and meditation can help change your philosophy.

My Reply: I'm not sure about this one. But, as long as I have my positive emotions intact, I wouldn't need to change my philosophy anyway.

Other Person's Response: The very fact you've never tried to change your philosophy must mean you were able to constantly enjoy your life and hobbies.

My Reply: That's correct. That means, many years ago, I was a very lucky person, since I hardly had any stress in my life, and there was nothing else that took my positive emotions away. That's how I lived my life for many years. Some people are lucky like that. They get to have all the happiness, or riches in the world, and nothing takes it away from them. But, later on in my life, I struggled with much misery, and that took my positive emotions away.

During these struggles, I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. My medication didn't help me, which means I really didn't know what to do at that point. Especially since my mother isn't that smart, and only gives ordinary advice. But, I later saw a therapist who doesn't really help me (although, he's a very kind person). So, I've just gotten through these miserable struggles on my own. This recent struggle was the worst of them all.

Other Person's Response: There are many people who are unlucky, since positive emotions are very fleeting for them. So, I'm surprised you were one of the lucky ones.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: As a person continues to suffer more and more misery by his own negative thoughts and worries, eventually, he no longer has anymore misery-inducing thoughts or worries.

My Reply: Yes. I eventually learned, on my own, to stop having those negative thoughts and worries if I want to live the happy life I used to live. My struggles have also taught me a lot about just how precious happiness is, and I'm sharing these teachings in my packets.

Other Person's Response: Your predicament would be like a rich person, losing his riches, just to learn how important it is to be rich, and learning that being rich is the only thing that makes life good and beautiful. That wasn't the life lesson he was supposed to learn. You've learned just how important happiness is, after having lost your happiness, and you've learned that happiness is the only thing that makes life good and beautiful. So, I don't think you've learned the right lesson either.

My Reply: But, I've learned to stop having negative thoughts and worries in order to prevent further suffering, and I think that was the right life lesson to learn. Even Buddhists talk about eradicating suffering.

Other Person's Response: If a person loses his riches, then not only is he supposed to be accepting of his loss, but he should find himself transformed as an individual. He should become selfless, giving, and no longer concerned about being rich. So, when you've lost your positive emotions, you should've been accepting of your loss, and transformed as an individual.

My Reply: Sometimes, it can be the case that a rich person becomes accepting of his loss of riches, but is still self-centered, and wishes to seek riches. So, it's possible for a person to reach the stage of acceptance, but not the stage of transformation. As for me, if I were to lose my positive emotions, I'd be accepting of that, and I'd try to find ways to restore them. If there's more positivity to life than positive emotions, and I just haven't experienced it, then it seems I haven't transformed as an individual. Also, my struggles haven't made me selfless and giving. They were just horrible struggles I endured to the very end.

Other Person's Response: When you have miserable struggles that are triggered by devastating worries and negative thoughts, you're not accepting of that, are you?

My Reply: I'm not accepting of that. At least when I'm apathetic, I just don't care about anything. But, those miserable struggles are a state of mental turmoil, and I won't accept that.

Other Person's Response: If you were apathetic, then you wouldn't even have the desire to regain your positive emotions.

My Reply: That's right. But, I'd still choose to try to regain them anyway.

Other Person's Response: As time goes on, you recover more and more from this misery-inducing worry. Not only should you recover more as time progresses, but your rate of recovery should speed up because, when you're very miserable at first, your brain is in a very horrible, unhealthy state. Thus, your rate of recovery will be slow. Other functions will also be slow, such as your ability to think, concentrate, etc. But, as time goes on, those functions should speed up, along with your rate of recovery.

My Reply: Although I've noticed an improvement in my ability to think, make sense of things, etc. as time goes on, I haven't noticed my rate of recovery speeding up. It seems I'm just recovering at the same, slow, gradual rate.

Other Person's Response:

God only helps those who help themselves. If you're going to stick in your mentality rut (this is a mentality. Not spirituality, by the way), then God thinks you're enjoying it there because you're not doing anything about it. If you always do what you've always done, you'll only get what you've always got.

My Reply: Like I said, I was trying to find ways to help ease this misery-inducing worry of mine. But, nothing helped me, and my therapist is unable to help me. So, I had to let my psyche fully recover on its own, and it was a long time to wait. Also, god is an all-knowing being, which means he'd know I'm not enjoying being stuck in that pit of misery, and he'd know everything about me, including all my thoughts, my inner turmoil, and that I was expecting him to heal me. I can't enjoy anything without my feelings of joy anyway (which were shut off during this whole miserable struggle).

In regards to god only helping those who help themselves, it would be unloving for god to not heal me of this worry, even if I wasn't trying to find ways to help myself. An all-loving god would see that I'm suffering, need healing, and instantly heal me, regardless if I was trying to help myself or not. Also, there are plenty of suicidal and miserable people out there who need mental healing, but think it's hopeless to even try to help themselves, and they've given up, and think nothing will help them. So, an all-loving god would understand this, and heal these people anyway. Yet, he doesn't, which means he doesn't exist, or he's not all-loving.

Other Person's Response: You say your therapist is unable to help you, and is just letting you wait until your psyche fully recovers on its own. Personally, I think you've been waiting way too long, and that something needs to be done to get you to that state of full recovery you need to be in.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: The heavenly beings are also all-knowing beings, aren't they?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps god, and these heavenly beings, are all-knowing beings, but aren't all-loving beings.

My Reply: That could be (if they even exist).

Other Person's Response: If you meet god, and these heavenly beings, after the death of your physical body, what if they say something you don't like, such as that they didn't have to cater to you by ensuring your happiness, and healing you of this misery-inducing worry you've had?

My Reply: Then I'd slaughter them, since I'd have nothing but hate for them. If they allowed me to go through pointless, unnecessary suffering, and they just didn't want to heal me, then they're not innocent, all-loving beings in my eyes. If I slaughter them, then that would prevent them from sending me to Earth again in a new human body. I don't want to be on Earth again, since, like I said, it's an unhappy place to be, and there's much suffering. Therefore, I'd choose to remain in heaven, where I can have all the joy I want.

Other Person's Response: I agree god, and these heavenly beings, would need to be slaughtered because their plan and purpose for you goes against your desire to live a life of happiness. Life's all about the positive experiences (positive emotions), as you said earlier. So, by them sending you to Earth again and again, they're just sending you back to an unhappy place.

Furthermore, if you have miserable struggles again when you reincarnate into a new human body, god, and these heavenly beings, would allow you to suffer, and wouldn't heal you. If, under any circumstance, you lose your positive emotions, god, and these heavenly beings, won't restore them for you.

Who knows, you could reincarnate into a human body, and that body has a brain with a depressive illness. You might struggle with that depression much of your life, and be driven to suicide, just like so many other folks out there who struggle with clinical depression. So, to me, it seems god, and these heavenly beings, are doing you a major disservice.

My Reply: I agree, and there are many mental illnesses that can take away positive emotions. That means there'd be many human bodies I'd reincarnate into that would lose their positive emotions, due to mental illnesses.

Other Person's Response: There are people who struggle with treatment resistant depression, since no treatment works for them. People also struggle with a chronic absence of positive emotions, and no treatment seems to help them either.

My Reply: You're right.

Other Person's Response: Once you're fully recovered from this misery-inducing worry, that means you should no longer feel negative emotions, such as misery or rage. So, even if god, and these heavenly beings, are doing you a major disservice, you'd no longer feel enraged about that.

My Reply: That's right. But, I'd still slaughter them, even if I was feeling happy. Like I said, I can still make certain choices, regardless of how I feel. That's why I'd still choose to slaughter them, even if I no longer felt angry at them.

Other Person's Response: I see you think it's cruel and unjust for god, and these heavenly beings, to have allowed you to suffer so much. If your soul meets them in heaven after the death of your physical body, then you should only harm them if you're absolutely sure they're your enemies. But, if they are allies, who've allowed you to go through all that suffering for a very good reason, then don't harm them.

My Reply: Understood. Many people see them as enemies, since they allow so much suffering. They could be right. Or, maybe, these people just have a huge misunderstanding.

Other Person's Response: You said god is an all-loving being, and that we receive his light through our positive thoughts and beliefs, which allows us to experience his light in the form of positive emotions. Perhaps it would be your own personal light received and experienced, since god clearly isn't an all-loving being, and he's doing you a major disservice.

My Reply: You could be right.

Other Person's Response: How would you slaughter god though? He's just a ball of light, or an invisible being.

My Reply: I'm not sure. But, if god's not an actual being, and he's just a ball of light, then there'd be no need to feel angry at god, or slaughter him, since it would be no different than me being angry at water, and slamming my fists into that water.

Other Person's Response: Not only are there heavenly beings, but there are hellish beings. These hellish beings bring bad karma into our lives, and they bring so much hate and suffering into this world, all the while remaining unseen. Maybe that's why you've had so many miserable struggles. So, you should really slaughter these hellish beings, rather than the heavenly beings.

My Reply: I'd slaughter both. I'd slaughter the hellish beings for having brought so much suffering into my life, and I'd slaughter the heavenly beings for allowing me to go through all that suffering, and having me sent to Earth.

Other Person's Response: I realize it was your own unhealthy thoughts that brought all that misery upon you. But, perhaps there were hellish beings at work as well, bringing the situations into your life that would trigger your misery. For example, if someone had the thought in his mind that losing his loved one would be the most devastating thing, then these hellish beings might try to find ways to kill his loved one, just to devastate him. Perhaps these beings would cause bad karma, which would create a situation where a serial killer comes in, and kills the loved one.

My Reply: Yes. In regards to this devastating worry of mine, I first had the idea in my mind that it would be horrible if I experienced something worse than those crippled nightmare states, while in a fully lucid state. I later read up on near death experiences, since I was wanting to have hope in the afterlife.

But, I read about hellish near death experiences, and that's the moment I became devastated, since people have horrible trips, where they experience something much worse than even their worst nightmares. They have these experiences in a hyper lucid state.

So, perhaps it was these beings bringing bad karma into my life, which created a situation where I read up on hellish near death experiences, which then devastated me. That means it was a trap I fell right into. I fell into a trap of mental agony and despair, and remained there for quite some time.

Other Person's Response: In regards to therapeutic methods, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, maybe none of these methods would've helped this misery-inducing worry, since your predicament was such a severe case. So, you might've had no choice but to let your psyche recover on its own.

My Reply: That could be. I really don't know. My brain was tightly jammed (stuck) on the worry 24/7 everyday, since it was such a horrible worry, and I'm not sure any therapeutic method could help something as severe as this. Even though I've read that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) has worked for many people, and hasn't worked for some people, I'm not sure if it would work for me.

Other Person's Response: Well, I'm glad you discovered CBT. Perhaps you could use it.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: CBT is meant for average people who wish to replace unhealthy thoughts with healthy ones. I'm not sure it would work for people in severe predicaments, such as those who've suffered from an emotional trauma. Your misery-inducing worry was a devastating worry for you, it emotionally traumatized you, and your subconscious mind has a powerful, firm grip on that worry, since it's such a troubling worry. So, I'm not sure CBT would work for you.

My Reply: Perhaps you're right.

Other Person's Response: If CBT doesn't work for you, then that leaves you with another option, which would be meditation. That will help calm down that chronically active worry response in your brain. Meditation should get you to a full recovery faster than just waiting this whole thing out.

My Reply: Thanks for the tip!

Other Person's Response: Mindfulness meditation just shifts your conscious focus on the present moment. But, you've already been consciously focusing on your daily activities, and other things during your entire recovery time (which was about 3 years), which means I'd consider that to be its own form of mindfulness. Yet, subconsciously, your brain still remains firmly stuck on this misery-inducing worry, and it's still taking you an extremely long time to recover from it. So, I'm not sure mindfulness would help you, since it doesn't matter how much you consciously focus on other things, whether it be the present moment, your daily activities, etc. It's not going to speed up your recovery one bit.

My Reply: Perhaps you're right. So, maybe, consciously focusing on other things doesn't help me at all, and it just was my psyche recovering on its own that was easing this misery-inducing worry over time.

Other Person's Response: I get what you're saying. It's a long route to get to that state of joy again, and you're wondering why god, and these heavenly beings, are allowing you to take that long route, when they could just instantly heal your mind.

My Reply: Exactly. Also, I did discover a therapy, known as TRE (Trauma Release Exercise), which uses tremors to ease the mind of stress, worry, and psychological distress. So, instead of me having to tremor my way to a full recovery (if this therapy even works for me), god, or these heavenly beings, could've instantly healed my mind. It seems unnecessary and absurd for me to go through all that.

Other Person's Response: I think you'd need to see a professional who specializes in TRE, and that might cost you a lot of money.

My Reply: My mother doesn't have that money. So, perhaps I could just watch youtube videos on how I can perform this therapy on myself. You can't just tremor. There are specific steps to follow. If you don't follow them exactly, then it won't work.

Other Person's Response: If god, or these heavenly beings, instantly healed the minds of those with psychological distress, then that would save these people a lot of time and money. They wouldn't need to spend any money on therapies, and commit so much time and effort.

My Reply: Exactly. There are many people who go through the frustrating trial and error process of finding what therapy works for them, and it would save them all that frustration if their minds could just be healed instantly. Not only that, there are many therapists who don't do a good job, and don't care that much about the patients.

Other Person's Response: Does this worry of yours naturally cause you to tremor?

My Reply: No. Since I don't feel any anxiety or panic from this worry, then I don't have any nervous tremors. This worry just causes me other negative emotions besides anxiety and panic, such as misery, rage, disgust, etc.

Other Person's Response: When trying any therapeutic method to help yourself, whether it be CBT, meditation, TRE, etc., you must be good at following instructions, understanding things, remembering things, and doing certain tasks.

My Reply: That's my weak point though. Normally, I don't feel frustration and rage when I have a difficult time understanding something, remembering something, following instructions, or when I don't do something right. But, during an emotional crisis, I feel extreme, violent rage about this, and I feel the desire to give up right then and there on these therapeutic methods. So, perhaps it's best I find something that can ease my mind that's not going to make me feel rage. Perhaps there's some relaxing music I can listen to that would ease my worry over time. Listening to music doesn't require me to understand any material, follow instructions, remember things, or be good at doing certain tasks. I can just sit back and listen.

Other Person's Response: Are you saying you're not going to try CBT, meditation, or any other therapeutic method, since they're demanding tasks that would make you feel rage?

My Reply: Yes. Since that worry is there, making me feel all sorts of negative emotions, then I'd feel rage when trying these methods. Again, I can't help but feel this extreme rage and desire to give up when I'm having a devastating worry in my life.

Other Person's Response: So, even though you're near a full recovery, you still feel rage, due to this worry still being there?

My Reply: Yes. Once it's gone, I don't think I'll feel any rage.

Other Person's Response: I heard you have autism, and that you had delayed speech when you was a child. Having this mental disability would certainly make it difficult for you when it comes to demanding tasks, such as CBT, meditation, etc.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I don't think there's anything else that's really going to help ease this worry besides those therapeutic methods. It's a severe, devastating worry, and listening to relaxing music simply isn't going to help it.

My Reply: Then god, and these heavenly beings, should see that I've given up on those therapeutic methods, and they should instantly heal my mind of this worry.

Other Person's Response: When you feel rage, that will certainly make it much more difficult for you to understand things, remember things, follow instructions, etc. Not only that, but you'll find yourself giving up, when you shouldn't be giving up. So, perhaps you could do those therapeutic methods in such a way that doesn't bring you rage. Perhaps you could just think to yourself that it doesn't matter if you don't get things right the first time because everyone fails, and it takes practice.

My Reply: When I wish to achieve something, but am not achieving it, then that causes me to feel rage during a devastating moment in my life. Again, normally, that wouldn't make me feel any rage. But, maybe I can have the thought of having no desire to achieve anything. That way, when I fail, that won't make me feel rage. So, perhaps I can try to follow instructions in regards to any therapeutic method, but have the thought of not caring if I achieve or fail. Also, you're right when you say that having rage makes it more difficult for me to understand things, remember things, etc. I find that, when my mind is at ease, I'm able to understand things, remember things, etc. much better.

Other Person's Response: You've given up on your hobbies, since you don't have your positive emotions. So, you might as well spend all your time trying to find ways to help ease this worry, so your positive emotions can be restored. For example, if meditation really is what could help you best, then you might as well spend all your time meditating, until you reach that state of joy you need to be in.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When doing therapeutic methods, is it easier for you to do physical exercises, such as following instructions in regards to TRE, which instructs you to stretch, bend over, etc.? Or, is it easier for you to do mental exercises, such as following instructions on mindfulness meditation, which instructs you to visualize, focus on the present, etc.?

My Reply: It's easier for me to do physical exercises.

Other Person's Response: I realize it's a very long wait for you to fully recover from this misery-inducing worry. Do you wish you could just go unconscious, and remain that way for as long as you wish, so you could wake up many months later, or however much longer you need to wait to fully recover? That way, you wouldn't have to experience all this waiting, and you could just be unconscious during that whole time.

My Reply: I wish I could do that. That would allow me to wake up one day, fully recovered. I'd prefer a dreamless, unconscious state, since I don't want to have any nightmares from this worry.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps you just need more control over your thoughts and emotions. Maybe this will give you a better philosophy to live by, and give you positive experiences, even during moments of worry.

My Reply: Well, I've been choosing to not act out on my feelings, whether they be rage or misery. I just bore through them. So, I was exhibiting some control over them. Still, that did nothing to change my philosophy, or allow me to have positive experiences during this devastating worry.

Other Person's Response: I think you should allow yourself to feel all those negative emotions that result from this worry, such as misery, rage, disgust, etc. By resisting those emotions, you're only prolonging your recovery time. So, the more you allow yourself to feel those emotions, the quicker you should reach a full recovery. Here's a video, which explains:

https://youtu.be/1zMZoO9296s

My Reply: I am allowing myself to feel all those negative emotions, just as how I did with all my other miserable struggles. It only took a few months to recover from all those other miserable struggles and emotional traumas. But, it's taking over 3 years to fully recover from this emotional crisis.

Other Person's Response: As you recover more and more from this misery-inducing worry, if a person were to ask you how you're doing, that's really no different than asking how's your perspective doing because, when we talk about how well your mind is doing, that's the same thing as talking about how well your perspective is. If you're having a morbid perspective, then that says your mind is still not doing well. But, if you have a joyful perspective, then that says your mind is doing well. If you're having an apathetic perspective, then that says you're nearing a state of joy, but not quite there yet.

My Reply: I agree, and I'm nearing a state of joy.

Other Person's Response: I heard this misery-inducing worry has caused you to feel many horrible, negative emotions all throughout the day each day for almost 3 years, and that these negative emotions have slowly subsided over the course of that time. It's possible you'll get to the point where you'll eventually no longer feel any negative emotions whatsoever from this worry, such as misery, rage, etc. But, just because those negative emotions are no longer there, doesn't mean your brain is no longer stuck on that worry. So, that worry could still be there, keeping your positive emotions shut off.

My Reply: That's possible. My subconscious mind could still remain worried, even though all those negative emotions are completely gone. In which case, I'd have to take the advice of others, and try CBT, to try to ease the worry, so my positive emotions return. I'd try other methods as well if CBT doesn't really help me.

As of now, all those negative emotions are almost completely gone, since I'm nearing a full recovery. It's only a matter of time before I find out if my positive emotions return, once all those negative emotions are completely gone, or if my positive emotions still remain shut off. If they still remain shut off, it could actually have nothing to do with the worry still being there.

It might be the case I've developed a mental condition known as "anhedonia" (an absence of positive emotions). In which case, no therapy would help to restore my positive emotions, since therapy is meant for people who struggle with negative thoughts and worries. But, I wouldn't be having that worry anymore.

Other Person's Response: A person will always remain unskilled at drawing, as long as he doesn't try to improve. Likewise, your philosophy will always remain the same, as long as you don't try to improve.

My Reply: I'd try if it's necessary to change my philosophy. But, I can't promise it would change.

Other Person's Response: I don't think you ever had a philosophy, since it's nothing but nonsense.

My Reply: Even if it is nonsense, I'm not sure it can ever change.

Other Person's Response: If there are better values you can live your life by, but your philosophy can never change, since you remain unenlightened to the truth that these better values are real values, then I think it would be the fault of god, and these heavenly beings, for not enlightening you to this truth.

My Reply: Yes. But, even if I was enlightened to this truth, I'm not sure if that would be enough to change my philosophy. So, even if I was enlightened to the truth that positive and negative emotions aren't the only way to have positive and negative experiences, I'm not sure if that would be enough to change my philosophy.

Other Person's Response: If a suicidal, miserable person thought nothing could help him, and he had a discussion with others, then these people would tell him there's help out there. So, it would be his fault if he still doesn't seek out that help.

My Reply: But, if he's still convinced nothing could help him, even after having that discussion, then it's not his fault if he doesn't get that help. It would be like if someone was convinced that psychics are frauds. If that person/skeptic was still convinced of this, even after having a discussion with spiritual believers, then it's not his fault if he doesn't invest some of his time in a seance (a meeting where people contact the dead). To him, it's not even worth bothering with. So, it also wouldn't be the fault of that suicidal, miserable person for thinking it's not even worth bothering getting the help he needs.

Other Person's Response: There are some suicidal, miserable people out there who do gain a very small benefit from therapy, medication, and other methods. But, it's not much, they end up giving up, and thinking it's hopeless to try anything else.

My Reply: Exactly. That's my point.

Other Person's Response: Since there are suicidal, miserable people out there who try their best to better themselves, but nothing seems to work, this means god, and these heavenly beings, are just allowing them to suffer like this.

My Reply: Yes, and I see no reason to allow these people to suffer.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps nothing would work to help ease this worry for you, or change your philosophy. But, if something would work to ease this worry, then it might be of very little benefit.

My Reply: You could be right. Especially considering how severe this worry is. That means nothing would work to change my life for the better. As a matter of fact, this is how I feel right now, and that feeling would be a negative emotion. I feel this way because this worry I'm having triggers all sorts of negative emotions.

Other Person's Response: When you have these miserable struggles, that makes you feel like giving up on trying things that would help you, since you feel like said things won't help you, or will have very little benefit. So, I think it would be better if you was apathetic, rather than miserable, because you don't feel that way. You just don't care about anything, which would make it easier for you to get the help you need. Sure, it wouldn't be as easy as feeling positively motivated to get help, since you'd have to drag yourself out of bed, and do the things you don't feel up to doing, including getting the help you need. But, at least you wouldn't feel any negative emotions that would make matters much more difficult.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: There are suicidal people who feel like giving up getting the help they need, not only because nothing seems to be working, but because it would take too long for them to achieve their goal of getting where they need to be. Life should be a challenge that's experienced as good, beautiful, and amazing. It shouldn't be a challenge where people are in situations where they feel miserable, suicidal, and feel like giving up.

My Reply: I agree. Having such negative feelings makes it much more difficult for someone to persevere in trying to achieve his goals, since that feeling is a negative experience/perspective.

Other Person's Response: You say nothing would work to ease this worry. But, there's one thing that's already working for you, and it's your brain's ability to recover from it on its own.

My Reply: Yes. But, that's a recovery process that's taking an extremely long time, and I hope there's something that would speed up my recovery.

Other Person's Response: I think life should be about the individual's desires. Since your desire is to live a happy life, and since said desire isn't harming anyone else, then you should be allowed to live a happy life. You shouldn't have to suffer like this.

My Reply: I agree. I have my rights as a human being, which means I have the right to be happy. I could say the same thing about my mother. My mother's desire is to be rich, she shouldn't have to be poor like this, and her desire to be rich isn't going to harm anyone else. As a matter of fact, it would be beneficial, since she'd be buying the things I want, the things she wants, and she'd be giving money to poor, innocent people.

She has the right to be rich, which means god, or these heavenly beings, should've made this Earthly existence a rich paradise for her, and a happy paradise for me. I realize my mother said she wants money, and that she doesn't need happiness. But, I'd ask her to think twice about that because I think money without happiness is no way to live.

Without the individual's happiness, then money can be nothing positive in the eyes of that individual. My mother said she does have clinical depression, and perhaps she should get treatment for it. Hopefully, said treatment works for her. That way, she can enjoy any money she manages to get.

Other Person's Response: Not only would your mother being rich be beneficial, but you being happy would also be beneficial, since you'd be taking up composing right now, and wouldn't be giving up on it.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If, let's pretend, you could never recover from this misery-inducing worry, and you had to live with said misery, then it would be best to end your life. It would be like having an abominable monster that's stuck on you. To destroy the monster (the misery-inducing worry), you'd need to sacrifice yourself along with it, since there's nothing that can get rid of it.

My Reply: Fortunately, that's not going to be the case, since my psyche is recovering from this misery-inducing worry on its own.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 12/26)

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry, you're taking medication for it, right?

My Reply: Yes. But, I don't notice any benefit from the medication.

Other Person's Response: In regards to suicide, if a person ended his life, since he couldn't get rich, then that means he's given up on life. He's even given up on his selfish desire to being rich.

My Reply: Sure, he's given up on life. But, I think he'd still have that selfish desire to be rich, and he just ended his life, since he wasn't getting the money he wanted.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your mother's clinical depression, if she couldn't feel happiness and joy about earning money, but could feel other positive emotions, such as pride and beauty, then she could still be proud about earning money, and see beauty in that.

My Reply: Yes. As for me, I need to enjoy my composing. If I'm just proud, and see my composing as beautiful, then that's not enough. I need that feeling of enjoyment, which is a form of motivation that urges me to compose awesome music.

Other Person's Response: I heard your mother has money issues, since she's poor. She's been trying her best to earn more money. But, nothing is working for her. So, why does god, and these heavenly beings, allow her to be poor like this? They should make money magically appear out of thin air for her, since they have the power to do this.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: God could've sent someone to make your mother rich, if he couldn't make money magically appear out of thin air for her.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: So, you don't just blame god, and these heavenly beings, because of your suffering? You also blame them for the suffering of others, such as your mother's life of poverty?

My Reply: Yes. They could've healed my suffering, and they could've made my mother rich instantly, since they have the power.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps your mother is having negative thoughts, and it's these thoughts that are bringing her bad luck/karma. Maybe that's why she's not earning the money she needs.

My Reply: If that's true, then how's she supposed to know that? She'd be bringing bad karma upon herself unknowingly, and it wouldn't be her fault. It would instead be god's fault for not giving her the knowledge that she's bringing bad karma upon herself. As for my miserable struggles, it was obvious to me that it was my own negative thoughts and worries that brought all that misery upon myself. But, as for my mother's predicament, there's no way for her to know that she's bringing bad karma upon herself.

Other Person's Response: Spiritual believers always talk about how having negative beliefs prevents us from getting the things we want. Perhaps your mother is having a negative belief that's preventing her from getting the money she desires (such as the belief that many people hate her, and are spiritually trying to keep her in a pit of poverty through their hate, which would prevent her from ever becoming rich). If she had a positive belief, such as there aren't such people who hate her, that she'll be rich, or that these hateful people have no spiritual power over her, then I bet she'd be having good luck, which might make her rich.

My Reply: If that's the case, then how can she believe otherwise? In order for her to have a positive belief that would give her good karma, she'd have to believe something she doesn't believe in, and it wouldn't be her fault that she can't have this positive belief. For example, let's pretend believing in the existence of fairies would give you good luck, and having the disbelief in fairies would bring you bad luck, then how do you expect someone, who doesn't believe in fairies, to believe? It's not the fault of that person for not believing in fairies. It can only be the fault of god, and these heavenly beings, for not enlightening this person to the existence of fairies, and allowing this person to live a life of bad luck.

Other Person's Response: If spiritual believers are right when they say having negative thoughts and beliefs brings bad karma into our lives, then that means there are plenty of people in this world who are unknowingly bringing bad karma upon themselves.

My Reply: Yes. If there's somehow a way they can change their thoughts and beliefs to bring good karma upon themselves, then they're unaware it's their negative thoughts and beliefs bringing them bad karma in the first place. So, they'd have to address an issue they're unaware needs to be addressed. They'd also be unaware of methods out there that can change one's thoughts and beliefs, since so many people are ignorant in this world. By the way, there are certain thoughts and beliefs that can be changed through certain therapeutic methods. But, there are certain thoughts and beliefs that can't be changed.

Other Person's Response: Is it possible another person can bring bad karma upon someone else by having negative thoughts and beliefs?

My Reply: That might be possible because I thought I heard spiritual believers also say this. Again, the person being inflicted with bad karma might be completely ignorant of this, and the other person might be ignorant as well.

Other Person's Response: Spiritual believers say that misdeeds we've done in a previous life bring bad karma upon us in this lifetime the moment we reincarnate into this lifetime. So, perhaps the reason why your mother is having bad luck when it comes to money is because she has done some misdeeds in a previous life, and is now being punished with bad karma. If she wants good karma, so she can earn a lot of money, then she needs to resolve the cause of her bad karma through past life regression with a therapist. It's where a therapist tries to bring back the memory of who you were, and what you've done, in a previous life.

My Reply: If that's the case, then how's she supposed to know that? I blame god, and these heavenly beings, for not giving her such knowledge, since such knowledge would've been very useful for her. But, if she doesn't believe she's being punished with bad karma, then I also put blame on god, and these heavenly beings, since they could've enlightened her to the truth that she's being punished with bad karma, and she needs to resolve this somehow. As long as they don't enlighten her, then they're allowing her to remain stuck in a pit of poverty.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother believe in reincarnation?

My Reply: No. So, she doesn't believe in this idea that we're punished with bad karma for having done misdeeds in a previous life. But, she does believe in god and the afterlife. She reads the bible, and she's a Christian. However, she doesn't live the Christian life. She thinks that, as long as you're a kind, polite person who doesn't torture, or kill, innocent people and living things, then you'll earn your way into heaven, and that a person doesn't need to refrain from what god considers sinful, such as swearing, using the Lord's name in vain, working on the Sabbath day, etc. I think many Christians today live like this. They just don't live their lives in obedience to the Lord.

Other Person's Response: So, your mother believes in Jesus and the rapture? Does she believe in hell?

My Reply: Yes. She believes that you'll only go to hell if your someone cruel who tortures, or kills, innocent people and living things.

Other Person's Response: Maybe your suffering really was pointless and unnecessary. Yet, god, and these heavenly beings, felt it was the right thing to allow you to go through all that suffering, and not give a damn about you.

My Reply: In which case, they wouldn't be all-loving beings. They'd have to think that way in order to feel that way, and any being who'd think and feel that way wouldn't be an all-loving being.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the topic of suffering, there are forms of suffering that only serve to render people more cruel and hateful. So, there are forms of pointless suffering that serve no benefit for the individual and/or humanity.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: It would be nice if there was a way to end someone's life pain-free and peacefully. That way, people who are going through immense suffering, without any hope, can have their lives ended this way.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I wonder if people reincarnate, and if they have to learn the same life lessons again and again. It would be horrible if you had to go through these miserable struggles again in some other lifetime, just to learn the same life lesson of keeping your thoughts healthy.

My Reply: Yes. It would be absurd and pointless. People shouldn't have to learn the same life lessons if their souls have already learned them in previous lives.

Other Person's Response: If a person gained knowledge, died, and reincarnated as another person, he'd have to learn that knowledge all over again. For example, if I was a professional musician in a previous life, I'd be completely ignorant of musical knowledge in the next life. So, this also says that any life lessons we learn in this life must be learned again in the next life.

My Reply: Like I said, I think that's an absurd and pointless process to go through. It's just a waste of gained knowledge if we lose it before reincarnating.

Other Person's Response: When someone is born, that person is childish and selfish, since he's still a young child. But, he grows up to become a mature adult. When he reincarnates into another human body, he's a child again, and he loses all the maturity, knowledge, and life lessons he's acquired in his previous life.

My Reply: Which means we must relearn things we've lost in previous lives. I don't see the point of that.

Other Person's Response: In this lifetime, you're someone who keeps his body healthy, since you don't do drugs, you exercise, get enough sleep, and eat right. But, if you reincarnate, then you might have a completely different personality. Instead of being a male who keeps his body healthy in this lifetime, you might be a female who destroys her body through drug use in the next lifetime.

My Reply: My form of spiritual growth, in this lifetime, would be keeping myself healthy. But, you're right. If I do reincarnate, I might lose that form of growth in another lifetime. If souls are just going to lose whatever forms of learning and growth they obtain in this lifetime the moment they reincarnate, then that's just an absurd, pointless, and unnecessary spiritual journey for our souls.

Other Person's Response: I heard that, even though your mother strictly encourages you to remain in good, physical health, she didn't strictly encourage you to remain in good, mental health by encouraging you to avoid negative thoughts and worries that would make your life a miserable hell. I bet, if your mother also strictly encouraged healthy thinking, in addition to physical health, you'd never have these miserable struggles, since you would've kept your thoughts healthy since the very beginning.

My Reply: You could be right. God, or these heavenly beings, could've, at least, given me some inner voice before I had all these miserable struggles. It would be a voice that would've always been there with me, which would be a voice that not only strictly encourages me to keep my body healthy, but my thoughts healthy. Actually, I wouldn't need some inner voice to tell me to keep my body healthy, since my mother was that voice. But, I'd need some inner voice back then to tell me to keep my thoughts healthy, so that I would've avoided all these miserable struggles. Sure, during my miserable struggles, my mother was there to help me, and give me advice. But, she never had a strict attitude to keep a healthy mindset.

Other Person's Response: I think it's better to live with a parent who strictly upholds good health habits, and for the children to never do drugs, smoke, and do other things that would damage their health, than it would be to live with a parent who doesn't care about his children, and for the children to damage their bodies through unhealthy lifestyles. Even if the children, who grew up, damaging their bodies through bad health habits, learned the life lesson to never live an unhealthy lifestyle, it's better for children to grow up healthy by living with good parents, since these children would've already learned this life lesson since the very beginning, and wouldn't have to learn it by damaging their bodies.

My Reply: Exactly. That's why it would've been better if I was already given the life lesson to keep a healthy mindset, rather than having to learn this lesson by going through years of misery. God, or these heavenly beings, could've just given me this life lesson upon my very birth. So, they could've bestowed divine knowledge upon me. That, or I could've lived with a mother who strictly upholds healthy thinking, in addition to good health.

Other Person's Response: Have you always kept your body healthy?

My Reply: Yes. I live with a mother who strictly upholds good health habits. But, who knows, in another lifetime, I might live with a mother who doesn't care about my health, and I might be that female who destroys her body through drug use.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend that, in this lifetime, you lived with a mother who didn't care about your health, and even wanted you to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Would you be someone who destroys his body through bad health habits?

My Reply: I'm not sure. If I knew these bad health habits would be bad for me, then it's still possible I'd keep my body healthy anyway. I've always been known to be the type of person to look out for myself, and keep myself healthy. So, I might still keep my body healthy. Even in the scenario you presented. Then again, I didn't keep my thinking healthy. So, it's quite possible that, if I didn't live with a mother who strictly encourages good, physical health habits, that I'd do drugs, smoke, drink alcohol, etc.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your philosophy, there are certain emotions we feel that we just can't explain. They could be very profound emotions.

My Reply: Actually, since emotions are value judgments, then there is a way to describe them. But, it might be too difficult for some people to describe them. Maybe it's because these people don't have the rich vocabulary necessary.

Other Person's Response: Do you have phobias? If so, could you share them?

My Reply: I do have a couple of phobias I'd want to share. My 1st phobia would be being out in an open space or field. Especially on a hot, sunny day. I can explain why that is, since I've figured out the cause of this phobia, and have actually eliminated it myself. When I'm out in the open field or space, I don't have food and water right next to me. My fear was that, if I don't get the proper amount of food and water, I'll faint. The experience of fainting would be a frightening experience for me. So, not having food and water near me would cause me to panic.

When it's hot and sunny, not getting enough to drink would make it more likely for you to faint. That's why I experience more fear being out in an open space or field on a hot, sunny day than on a normal, cloudy day. But, I've learned to no longer fear the experience of fainting if it ever does happen to me. I just allowed myself to face it. That's what eliminated this phobia. I also had a fear of fear. When I was younger, and was home alone, my mother wasn't there, since she'd be out shopping, or doing something else.

My fear was that, if I feel fear, my mother, and anyone else, wouldn't be there to comfort me from said fear. As a I result, I started to feel fear. By not wanting to feel fear, I made myself feel fear. After all, that's how the brain works. By avoiding certain emotions, you only bring more of those emotions upon yourself. That's why people who try very hard to not feel anxiety end up feeling anxiety. So, by facing your fear, you reduce, or even eliminate it. As for my fear of being home alone, I no longer have that fear either. I think this is a fear I simply outgrew.

Now, there's one more phobia I'd like to share, and I still have this phobia. When my mother was driving me around in her car, there was a moment I was excited. I forgot what I was excited in regards to. Anyway, she had some loud music on, and she was driving 40 or 50 mph. All of that was one, big rush for my brain. The high speed, combined with the excitement and loud music, put my mind on a roller coaster. My brain got a sort of rushing or speeding sensation. It was an experience that caused me panic, since it was so overbearing.

When people ride roller coasters, you might see them panic, since it's too much of a rush for their brains. I think, again, the idea would be to allow your mind to go on that roller coaster's experience to eliminate, or reduce the fear. By avoiding it and wanting to have a calm mind instead, that only makes matters worse. It causes your mind to race even more, and just causes panic. So, when driving with my mother, I must find a way to allow that experience. By allowing it, I think I'd rid of this phobia. But, this is much more difficult for me to allow than my previous phobia.

Knowing that my mother would be upset if I panic in the car makes matters worse because I'd be trying to keep my mind calm so I don't panic. But, that only causes that racing mind and panic. Whenever I'm in an energetic mood while riding in a vehicle, it's much more difficult for me to keep my mind calm, since it's so active. Thus, I experience much more of that mental, racing sensation and panic than I would if I was in a calm mood. My mother could even be driving at a moderate speed with no music on, and the speed itself would be enough for me to have that frightening experience.

I can't even take a bus because that would be much worse for me. The driver isn't going to slow down or stop his bus to ease my panic. So, I'd have to wait patiently until I arrive at the destination I need to be. That puts me in a position where I must keep my mind calm during the whole ride. Again, when I try to keep my mind calm, that only causes me to panic, since I'm trying to avoid panic. So, my panic would be worse on a bus than driving with my mother because at least my mother would slow down or stop. I don't think taking a sedative would help much because that phobia is still there.

Medication only helps a little bit. But, it's not a cure. It doesn't rid of the phobia in any given moment. This phobia even applies to my daily life, since the Earth is moving very fast. Just knowing that the Earth constantly moves at a very high speed caused me panic. However, when I do experience that racing mind in this situation, that sensation is nowhere near as intense. That's because there's no high speed being felt, loud music, etc. to amplify the experience. If I could actually feel the Earth speeding, then that racing mind would be a more intense experience. But, since the sensation is at a low intensity, then I'm able to face it.

Even when loud music is being played, it doesn't intensity that sensation much. Therefore, I'm able to face the sensation in my daily life, which means the phobia no longer applies to my daily life anymore. I no longer have the fear in regards to the Earth speeding. But, the phobia still applies to driving in a car or riding a bus, since that mental sensation becomes more intense and, thus, more difficult to face. So, I still have a fear of riding the bus, and I still have moments of fear when driving with my mother, or anyone else. Even riding in a taxi or uber would cause me fear, knowing that I have to keep my mind calm during the ride.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your phobia of riding a bus, you're going to have to ride a bus someday, won't you?

My Reply: Yes. My mother told me I would. So, I'd have to face my phobia, and try my best to just allow that mental sensation. I only face my fears when I have to, and, if I need to ride the bus, then I'm going to have to face my phobia.

Other Person's Response: When a person is attracted to someone, he might experience certain symptoms, such as sweating, and a racing mind.

My Reply: Yes. I experience a racing mind when riding in a vehicle. When I'm in a calm, relaxed mood, it's more difficult to trigger that racing, mental experience. But, when I'm full of energy, it's much easier.

Other Person's Response: Would you experience a racing mind while riding in a vehicle, even when no fear is present?

My Reply: I think so. So, if my phobia was gone, I might still have that racing mind.

Other Person's Response: Even if you did find a way to face your fears, they might not be eliminated completely. A small amount of fear could still remain.

My Reply: That's possible.

Other Person's Response: I know a lot of people who avoid their phobias, which only causes them more fear. But, the goal should be to avoid avoiding the fear. Instead of running away from your fear, you should run away from running away from the fear.

My Reply: Yes. It was the fear I experienced from these phobias, which was what I wanted to avoid, since it was such a frightening experience for me. I knew that avoiding the phobia itself would only cause me more fear. So, by wanting to avoid avoiding the phobia, I eliminated my fear. If you tell someone to just face his phobia, then that makes it difficult because many people have a hard time facing their phobias.

But, if you word it differently by telling people to avoid avoiding their phobias, then that might sometimes work to eliminate their fear. The same idea applies to panic attacks. If wanting to avoid a panic attack is just causing a person more panic, and he doesn't want all that additional panic he's bringing upon himself, then instead of telling him to just face the panic attack, you should tell him to avoid wanting to avoid the panic attack.

You'd basically be using his avoidance to his advantage in preventing him from inflicting more and more panic upon himself, rather than just telling him to be a man, tough up, and face the panic attack. People who don't want self-inflicted panic should use this method because it will actually keep them safe from said panic, sometimes.

In summary, when a person runs away from his fear, that only causes him more fear. Thus, it's worse to run away from fear because that only brings more fear upon yourself. So, by wanting to avoid avoiding the fear, you no longer have that fear.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your bus phobia, you'd have to run away from running away from that fear, wouldn't you?

My Reply: Yes. I'd have to run towards the fear then, in order to run away from the other alternative of having the fear consume me.

Other Person’s Response: I heard you’ve eliminated some of your phobias through a method you’ve invented yourself.

My Reply: Yes. I’ll explain my method. If you had a phobia, such as a fear of spiders, there are two things, which would be: 1.) the spider 2.) the fear of the spider. Pretend that #1 is a safe place for you to hide from #2, since #2 would be so awful, and you don’t want it. After all, it’s the fear of the spider that makes the spider so frightening for you. Without the fear, then the spider would just be a spider in your eyes. Or, it would be a beautiful creature for you, rather than a horrible, frightening one. So, it’s the fear you want to hide from. Therefore, next time, when you’re near a spider, remain next to the spider as though you’re trying to hide from the fear of the spider. Hopefully, this method works for people to eliminate their phobias. It might not work for some phobias though.

Other Person’s Response: So, your method involves both facing the stimulus and avoiding the fear of it because the person would be facing the spider, but hiding from the fear of the spider at the same time.

My Reply: Yes. The person must first separate the fear from the stimulus, which creates #1 and #2, and then act as though the stimulus (#1) is a safe place to hide from the fear of the stimulus (#2).

Other Person’s Response: Many people talk about being courageous and facing your fears. But, according to you, a person just needs to face the stimulus, and hide from the fear.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person’s Response: If this method worked for you, then I think you’ve had fears; not phobias. I don’t think this method would work for phobias. There’s a difference between fears and phobias. Phobias can’t be eliminated through rationalizing or through methods like yours.

My Reply: You could be right. I don’t think this method worked for my spider phobia. Or, maybe, it will work, and I just have to try harder next time I come across a spider.

Other Person’s Response: Does your phobia elimination method work to eliminate the misery, and other negative emotions, from this worry you’re having regarding near death experiences?

My Reply: Not at all.

Other Person's Response: I’m going to talk about something different here, which is that trying to prevent a certain emotion would only serve to make you feel said emotion. If you try to avoid feeling miserable, then you're likely to make yourself feel miserable. If you allow yourself to feel miserable, and to become accepting of it, you reduce or eliminate your misery.

My Reply: That even applies to laughter as well. If you try to not make yourself laugh or smile, then you're very likely to laugh or smile. There were times my mother was angry, and I thought it would be awful if I laughed or smiled, since that would only make her even more upset. So, I tried to not smile or laugh. As a result, I smiled and laughed. She became upset with me, thought I was laughing intentionally at her suffering, or that I had a slight touch of insanity, despite my overall, sane personality.

She looked down upon me as a crazy person, or someone with sinister intentions, when that wasn't the case at all. It was simply a huge misunderstanding on her part. Besides, I've always been a kind individual. I never tortured others and laughed intentionally at their suffering. I don't commit crimes, and neither am I a crazy person. So, I can assure my mother and other people that, if I ever come across as someone with bad intentions, then you're getting the wrong idea about me.

Other Person’s Response: You said that you have a nervous smile or laugh in situations you shouldn’t be laughing or smiling. Could you explain this?

My Reply: Sure. I’m not sure if I’d describe it as a nervous smile or laugh. But, I’ll explain. If someone had a gun to my head and was going to blow me away if I smiled, then chances are, I’d smile. That’s because by trying to prevent myself from smiling, I end up smiling. It’s a known fact that if you try to prevent certain thoughts, feelings, and reactions from happening, you end up making them happen. It’s completely normal, and you can ask any therapist about this.

It would be like if someone presented you a youtube video clip, told you to not smile while watching it, and you end up smiling. It would also be like if you told yourself to not think about elephants, and you end up thinking about them. So, by trying not to make myself smile in that gun scenario, I’d find something funny that would make me smile while the gun is pointing at my head, such as a joke a friend or family member told me in the past.

I could even find the wall funny. When my mother has hardships, such as financial issues, I don’t want to laugh or smile, since that would upset her. So, by trying not to make myself laugh or smile, I end up doing so. There was a time she was having a difficult time in her life, and I found her very presence funny, which made me smile a bit. She was also wearing a furry hat, and I found that funny as well. She took it the wrong way and thought I was intentionally laughing at her suffering, when I wasn’t.

Other Person's Response: Well, I'm glad you can articulate the things you need to explain. If you couldn't do that, then other people wouldn't realize the real truth about you. They'd think you're laughing on purpose, or that you're a selfish, piece of ****, since your positive emotions are the only things that make your life beautiful and worth living. By explaining everything to these people, you help them understand you as an individual.

My Reply: Yes. If I couldn't explain, then people would just be attributing false judgments about me. I was no good at explaining things in the past. But, I've gotten much better at it. So, people should now have a true understanding of me, rather than judging me. My mother had her own judgment about me all along that was never true. I'm not trying to be mean or demeaning of her when saying this.

It's just that we as human beings have false judgments all the time. It's best if said judgments be corrected. If my mother, or anyone else, has a false judgment about me, I'm not going to be mean about it. I'll just simply explain why they're wrong, since I'm now able to come up with the right explanations, and articulate myself well. That's why I'm glad I have a computer, so I can type all this out. I print out my explanations and share them to people.

Other Person's Response: So, if you no longer wish to laugh or smile in situations where it would be inappropriate, you'd have to allow yourself to laugh or smile, rather than trying to prevent it?

My Reply: Yes. Again, that's just how the brain works. Ask any therapist or professional, and they'll tell you that's how it works.

Other Person's Response: You say positive emotions make us angels on the inside, while negative emotions make us demons on the inside. Are all negative emotions inner demons?

My Reply: All negative emotions classify as the inner darkness. But, there are some that classify as the inner demon. If you felt hate or disgust, I'd classify that as an inner demon. But, if you felt sad, hurt, or miserable, then I'd just classify that as the inner darkness.

Other Person's Response: So, if a person felt a positive emotion one moment, that would make him a being of light in that given moment? When he feels a negative emotion another moment, he'd be a being of darkness, or a demon on the inside, during that given moment?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: You say positive emotions are the only way things can be great. That's not true. For example, there can be a great amount of money, regardless of how you feel.

My Reply: The form of greatness I'm talking about is a great work of art, a great, wonderful person, etc. Positive emotions are the only way things can be great and wonderful from our perspective. But, as for the other form of greatness (such as a great amount of money), that form of greatness can obviously exist from our perspective, even without our positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: I think people who struggle with depression and end their lives, such as Robin Williams, were committing a very selfish act.

My Reply: The reason why he ended his life is because he did not have the Holy Light (positive emotions) within him. Like I said before, without the holy light within us, then we are dead and empty on the inside, and our lives will amount to nothing. Since people are ignorant and in denial of this, then they do not understand his suffering. Rather, they just think he was selfish or childish.

Sure, he could have stuck around in this life and got the help he needed to bring back his positive emotions. But, if he has already done so, and this struggle of his just kept on and on without his positive emotions sufficiently returning back to him, then I consider it to be a justified act of suicide.

It would instead be selfish and inconsiderate of others to expect him to drag his life on like this, when it's a virtually worthless life of no beauty and joy that should be ended. In my opinion, people should just give up on their lives, their dreams, goals, and families when they lose their positive emotions and have to live like this.

Other Person's Response: It seems to me you've written these packets as a con, scam, or hoax, and to justify suicide.

My Reply: That wasn't my intention in writing these packets. Everything I've written has been my own personal experience, and all I'm doing is speaking up for myself, since there are so many people who deny and dismiss my personal experience. As for the religious dogma I've written, people are free to dismiss that because there might be no god, paranormal, or afterlife.

But, I wanted to share the religious form of my worldview anyway. However, I take issue when people dismiss my personal experience because feeling positive emotions is what we need. It's how things matter to us in positive ways. That's something personal I need in my life, and for people to deny and dismiss something like that really gets to me.

Other Person's Response: If positive emotions really were this ultimate, divine thing you speak of, then why are there so many people just fine living without them? Why do so many people claim their lives have beauty and joy with no need for them?

My Reply: Again, it's because people are delusional and in denial. They're not awakened to their divine nature as spiritual beings. They just carry on with their lives like robots or machines, believing this is somehow a beautiful way to live, when it never was.

Other Person's Response: A person who struggles with depression needs some advice to help him get through life, and telling him that his life is nothing beautiful isn't going to help.

My Reply: So many depressed people just carry on in life with their mental illness. They take the advice of others who tell them that they just got to make the best of things, and that life isn't happy or perfect. That was never the right thing to do. Sure, giving such advice would certainly help these depressed people cope with their empty lives. But, what really needs to be done here is to find cures for these depressed people to restore their positive emotions, so that their lives can have beautiful and joyful meaning.

Other Person's Response: You said feeling proud is the only way to be proud. What about disappointment?

My Reply: Feeling disappointed is the only way to be disappointed. So, disappointment is also an emotion.

Other Person's Response: I could give another example of a negative emotion, and it would be feeling uncomfortable.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard you feel uncomfortable when you have to urinate or have a bowel movement with other people around. If you couldn't feel any negative emotions, then you'd feel comfortable.

My Reply: Correct. That's another reason why I see no need for negative emotions. Also, I can't help but feel uncomfortable, and I wish I didn't feel this way.

Other Person's Response: If you couldn't feel uncomfortable when you have to urinate or have a bowel movement with other people around, you could just go.

My Reply: Yes. If I could feel comfortable (a positive emotion), then I could just relax and go. Feeling uncomfortable is nothing more than a major inconvenience for me.

Other Person's Response: Another example of a negative emotion would be a feeling of agitation.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Are cute and adorable value judgments?

My Reply: Yes. They would be positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: If something is disturbing, that would also be a value judgment, right?

My Reply: Yes. It would be a negative emotion.

Other Person's Response: If emotions are the only source of value and worth in your life, then that makes you a dysfunctional adult. It seems you don't have the proper, mental functioning needed for greater, more mature, values.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's true. Emotions might be the only source of value and worth.

Other Person's Response: If you were undergoing meditation, and the exercise instructed you to relax, are you saying the only way you could relax would be if you felt relaxed?

My Reply: Yes. I don't feel relaxed too often. The only time I'm in a relaxed mood would be if I was worn out from exercising, or if something else triggered that relaxed emotional state. When I'm not feeling relaxed, I'd be listening to the meditation exercise no differently than someone casually reading the newspaper or an article. In other words, my mind would just be aware and attentive. But, I wouldn't be in a relaxed state. So, I don't think meditation exercises would work for me, given that the main goal when doing these exercises is to be in a relaxed state of mind. Even if I did feel relaxed when doing these exercises, that relaxed mood wouldn't last long.

Other Person's Response: So, people without their positive emotions can't be in a relaxed state of mind when they do meditation?

My Reply: Correct. Their minds can only be aware and attentive. If they were feeling other emotions, such as fear or misery, then they'd be in a fearful or miserable state of mind. These people would have to find a way to feel relaxed, so they can be in a relaxed state. If they can't, then they're out of luck. So, they'd have to wait for that positive emotion (that feeling of relaxation) to return.

Other Person's Response: I know plenty of people who don't have positive emotions. They can't be in a relaxed mood. Yet, meditation still helps them.

My Reply: Then, maybe, you don't need to be relaxed in order for meditation to work. You can simply have a mind that's aware and attentive. So, maybe, you can just listen to the instructions, and it would still work for you.

Other Person's Response: If feeling relaxed was the only way to be in a relaxed state of mind, then why are there people claiming they're in a relaxed state of mind, when they're not in a relaxed mood?

My Reply: It's because they don't realize they're not in a relaxed state of mind. They think they're in a relaxed state, when they're not. They confuse a mind that's aware and attentive with a mind that's relaxed. They're not the same thing. People are also confused when it comes to love, joy, beauty, and worth. They also think they can experience love and joy without their positive emotions, when that's false.

Other Person's Response: If you want greater values in your life, then you must become the opposite of wild and impulsive. I realize you're no good at this. That's why there's meditation.

My Reply: I'll do meditation if it's my last resort.

Other Person's Response: When you feel any given emotion, and you describe that emotion as being the experience of value, wouldn't that just be you attributing value to emotions when, in reality, they're nothing more than just emotions?

My Reply: No. If I feel beauty in regards to something, such as watching children play, I can clearly tell this positive emotion has that beauty to it. I can clearly tell this positive emotion possesses a playful, childish, beauty to it. If I feel beauty in regards to a sad song, I can clearly tell I'm experiencing a form of beauty that isn't sad (since feeling sad is the only way I can experience sadness).

Rather, it's a form of beauty that has a serious tone to it. But, that tone isn't anything negative, since negative emotions are the only way I can experience negativity. I could also feel forms of beauty and joy that have a powerful, dramatic, serious tone to them. But, it would be nothing but a positive experience for me, since I'd be feeling a positive emotion.

Other Person's Response: Just how do you know for sure positive emotions are the only way we can love, and the only way things become good, amazing, beautiful, etc. for us?

My Reply: Well, when something is good, amazing, and beautiful for you, that's the ultimate experience one can have in life. It's the ultimate mental state one can be in. The same thing applies to love, since that's the ultimate experience one can have. I can clearly tell I'm not having those experiences without my positive emotions. Therefore, that's why I conclude positive emotions are the only source of beauty, goodness, love, etc. The same idea applies to negative emotions. I can clearly tell nothing's horrible, disgusting, disturbing, or tragic to me when I'm not feeling negative emotions.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 13/26)

Other Person's Response: So, no discussion or reasoning can convince you there's more beauty and goodness to life than positive emotions? It's instead your inner experience that determines whether you'll be convinced of that or not?

My Reply: Correct. If a person wanted a certain experience (such as hunger), then it's about whether he's actually hungry or not. It's not about sitting there, trying to convince him he can be hungry, when he's not feeling hungry. If I was in such a situation of wanting to be hungry, then only me feeling hungry would convince me I'm hungry.

I've never had an intellectual form of hunger (hunger that comes through thoughts and beliefs alone), just as how I've never had an intellectual form of value and worth. So, nobody can convince me I can be hungry through my intellect, just as how nobody can convince me I can have an intellectual form of value, love, joy, and worth in my life.

Other Person's Response: I agree hunger and thirst are mental states, since they're produced by the brain. All feelings, thoughts, and sensations are a result of the brain.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I know that, when people laugh, they cry. Why is that?

My Reply: I think it's due to a heightened emotional response. Even feelings of anger and sexual arousal can trigger tears if they're heightened emotional responses. In other words, if an emotion is very intense, it might trigger tears.

Other Person's Response: You sell yourself out to hedonism, and that makes you a loser, no different than the rest of the world. You're no different than those types of people who sell out to porn and drugs. I realize you don't smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol, or have sex. But, you're still a loser.

My Reply: I don't care what you or anyone else thinks. Hedonism is my personal way of life, and I'll wallow in my own feelings of happiness all I want. It would be no different than if a person was rich. It would be his business if he wishes to wallow in his own riches.

Other Person's Response: What if someone complimented your hedonistic lifestyle and honored it?

My Reply: Then that would be respectful.

Other Person's Response: I realize some people would say you're not a profound individual, since you lack intelligence, and your philosophy is very shallow.

My Reply: Yes. But, you don't have to be intelligent, or have a great philosophy to be a profound individual. For example, someone can be dumb, and have a philosophy that's not on par with other ones out there, but still have thoughts of profound love, beauty, and joy. These thoughts would then make him feel profound love, beauty, and joy, which would make him a profoundly loving, beautiful, joyful person.

Other Person's Response: Many people believe this lie that life would hold no value or worth without emotions, and many people are brainwashed by it, including you.

My Reply: I don't think it's a lie.

Other Person's Response: You're more than just an animal, since you didn't act out on your violent feelings during your miserable struggles, and you're able to intellectualize and explain, in great detail, your philosophy.

My Reply: Yes. But, many people would say the values I live by are those of an animal.

Other Person's Response: I've perceived/experienced moments in my life as beautiful and worthwhile. I can assure you those weren't emotional states.

My Reply: I think they were emotional states. Also, an emotion can be so small in intensity, that it doesn't seem like an emotion. Rather, it seems like your mindset alone is allowing you to perceive/experience moments as beautiful and worthwhile when, in reality, it's a positive emotion you're feeling that you don't recognize as being a positive emotion.

When positive emotions are at their normal intensity level, that would be a more intense surge of perceived/experienced beauty and worth, and it becomes more obvious that it's an emotional state.

Another example would be that, if you felt panic (intense fear), it would be obvious to you that's an emotion. But, if you felt fear at a very small intensity level, then that might give the false impression that you're experiencing fear through your mindset alone when, in reality, that fear is still an emotion.

Other Person's Response: I bet you're the type of person who only fights for his own happiness, but wouldn't put himself through misery to fight for others.

My Reply: Correct. My happiness is the only thing that can make my life valuable and beautiful.

Other Person's Response: Did you sit there and try, with all your power, to mentally tap into some higher form of beauty and joy in your life besides your positive emotions? Did that work to give your life this greater form of beauty and joy?

My Reply: I tried, and it didn't work at all. I tried becoming a better, stronger person right then and there who has a better philosophy, and it didn't work.

Other Person's Response: If our brains are receivers, as you say they are, then perhaps your brain is receiving the divine light a primitive way, which would be the emotional way. Maybe that's why your positive emotions are the experience of beauty, love, and joy for you. But, if your brain received the divine light a more evolved way, then perhaps thoughts and beliefs themselves could be the experience of beauty, love, and joy for you instead. If that's the case, then you'd no longer have to rely on your positive emotions to give you positive experiences.

My Reply: I'm not sure.

Other Person's Response: I bet it's just all those negative thoughts and worries you've had that prevented you from experiencing love, beauty, and worth. After all, that's a well known cause for a person's life being devoid of any beautiful, loving, worthwhile experience. So, I don't think it has anything to do with positive emotions. If you were rendered apathetic, due to some mental illness, then I bet you'd still be able to experience love, and I bet you'd still be able to experience your life as beautiful and worth living, even without your positive emotions. In this scenario, you wouldn't have any negative thoughts or worries. You'd just be without your positive emotions.

My Reply: I don't think that's the case. I think positive emotions really are necessary.

Other Person's Response: If someone could rebuild you to make you a better, stronger person with a better philosophy, would you choose to have that person rebuild you?

My Reply: Yes. That's because I'd be living my life by greater, everlasting values.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy is an insult to injury, since it states that people, who struggle with depression or unhappiness, aren't living beautiful, worthwhile lives.

My Reply: Yes, it is. But, that's just the way life is. Life is known to be an insult to injury.

Other Person's Response: I, too, find your worldview very offensive because you're saying that the lives of depressed, genius artists were nothing beautiful.

My Reply: This is just a claim I'm making. I'm claiming there's no more value to life than our emotions, and I'm making all these supporting arguments. It would be no different than if I claimed that you can't have a healthy relationship, as long as you live with an intolerant wife or husband, and, from there, made supporting arguments for that claim.

Other Person's Response: Well, I do think it's a character strength for someone to learn from his struggles, and keep his thought processes healthy.

My Reply: I agree. Another thing. If I can be rendered without the capacity to experience beauty, love, and joy (which I have on many occasions), then why couldn't god create me as a being who has no capacity to experience suffering? This would mean no negative thought could ever make me suffer, since it would never make me feel miserable, or any other horrible, disturbing emotion. Such emotions are suffering for me, and I don't wish to have them.

Other Person's Response: You say that, every time you have a positive thought, that gives you a positive experience, once that thought makes you feel a positive emotion. Sure, you're having positive experiences during those moments. But, don't let that fool you into believing it's the positive emotions that are the positive experiences for you. You just think you need positive emotions to have positive experiences, when you really don't. So, you're just allowing your emotions to dictate whatever experience you're having, whether it be a positive experience, or a negative experience.

My Reply: I'm not sure. All I know is that my emotions have been the only positive and negative experiences in my life.

Other Person's Response: I bet, if you were a martial artist who trained his mind and body, you wouldn't have the weak philosophy you currently have. I think it's your shallow, weak, hedonistic way of life that renders you with this shallow, weak, hedonistic philosophy.

My Reply: I'm not sure about that. I still might need to enjoy training my mind and body, as well as martial arts tournaments, in order for it to be valuable and beautiful to me.

Other Person's Response: There's a difference between someone who's weak, and someone who's just limiting himself. I think you're the type who's just limiting himself because I bet, if you believed there's a better philosophy than hedonism that you're capable of living your life by, and that positive emotions aren't the only things that make life beautiful and precious, you'd be living by this better philosophy. But, if you were weak, you wouldn't be able to upgrade your philosophy, despite having the belief mentioned earlier. I think the reason why you're stuck with your hedonistic philosophy is because you don't have this belief.

So, that's why I think you're not weak, and that you're just limiting yourself. If you think there's nothing better in life than positive emotions, then of course you're going to be stuck with your hedonistic philosophy. Also, imagine a scenario where someone is fighting in a ring with an opponent. If the fighter is easily capable of defeating his opponent, but is getting his ass kicked in because he thinks he can't defeat his opponent, then he's just limiting himself, and allowing his opponent to beat him down. But, if he believes he can defeat his opponent, but is still getting his ass kicked in because he's not capable of defeating his opponent, then he's just weak.

My Reply: You could be right. I might easily be capable of upgrading my philosophy, but am instead limiting myself from my true potential, and allowing my emotions to dictate my life. If I wasn't limiting myself, then perhaps I'd be living my life by a better philosophy right now. Likewise, if that fighter wasn't limiting himself, then perhaps he'd easily be able to defeat his opponent.

Other Person's Response: If you want to become a better, stronger person with a better philosophy, then you just need a change in your mindset.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that would even work. If there really is another way I can have a positive experience besides my positive emotions, which would allow me to persevere in my goals and dreams, then having the right mindset might still not be enough in order for me to obtain that new experience. That's because I might still be weak as an individual. In which case, I don't know how I'm supposed to obtain that new positive experience at this point.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother agree with your hedonistic philosophy?

My Reply: No. She doesn't base her values on emotions, even though she may act out on her emotions sometimes.

Other Person's Response: How vital and necessary do you think positive emotions are?

My Reply: It's like giving a plant the water and sunlight it needs to thrive. Without that, it just becomes a dark, dull, withered, disgusting plant. During my miserable moments, I'm like a dead, withered plant. But, once my positive emotions return, it's as though a flow has rushed in and revitalized me. For a plant, it would be a flow of water. But, for me, it would be a flow of divine energy. It would be a flow of pure beauty, greatness, and joy itself.

Other Person's Response: It seems to me life is a place where we're meant to transcend our impulses. For example, if someone is always getting himself in trouble, since he acts out on his emotions, then that would put him in a position where he'd be expected to develop as an individual. I think you have yet to reach that point.

My Reply: Even if I did reach that point, I'm not sure my philosophy can change.

Other Person's Response: This life being very unhappy, where positive emotions are fleeting, serves a major benefit, since it puts you in a position where changing your hedonistic philosophy is necessary. So, I think life is meant for learning and growing, rather than just happiness.

My Reply: I don't know if it can change though.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy fails to meets the demands of daily life. Thus, it's a defective philosophy. It would be like if I had a computer, in poor condition, that fails when it comes to demanding tasks, but works just fine when I do basic things on it.

My Reply: I see what you mean. My values simply do not stand in the face of misery, despair, apathy, and unhappiness.

Other Person's Response: I don't think you should give up like that when you feel miserable. Have you ever watched Rocky Balboa? He says how winning is done is through taking the punches of life, and carrying on.

My Reply: I think Rocky is wrong here. He acts as though there's more beauty and greatness to life than feeling happiness, fun, and enjoyment. He is dismissing and denying the Holy, Inner Light (positive emotions). Therefore, I think the only true winner in life is someone who feels happy all the time. When I say someone is winning at life, that's no different than saying this person is living a good, beautiful life, and that his endeavors are being pursued in a good, beautiful manner. That's why positive emotions are the only way we can win at life, since they're the only things that make life good and beautiful.

Other Person's Response: I think Rocky was right, and you're wrong. I think you're just weak-willed, weak-minded, and incapable.

My Reply: That's just your personal view. I have my own personal views as to why I'm right, and I'm sharing these views.

Other Person's Response: If you were wrong, and you knew you were wrong, would Rocky's advice give whole new value to your life, and would you not give up on your hobbies and composing dream?

My Reply: I'm not sure. I might still need psychological help to get there.

Other Person's Response: Some people would call you weak. But, I don't think so. The very fact that you've endured through this whole miserable struggle you've had, and finally reached the other side to a place of happiness and joy, shows strength right there!

My Reply: Thank you.

Other Person's Response: I have a different view. If there was a war where heroes didn't give up, and kept fighting on, despite their pain and misery, then these would be the true champions. But, you are like the person in the battlefield who hardly fought at all, and perceived no value during the battle.

Instead, you've given up on the battle, and just wallowed in your own pain and misery the whole way through until the war was over. Once the war, pain, and misery was all over, you celebrated the return of your joy, and carried on with your life. That's not something to be honored, or to be proud of, and neither is it any true strength of character.

My Reply: That's just your personal view then. Even if I was a powerful champion/warrior for having endured through all of that misery, being this warrior is nothing good, since only a happy, fun life is good. Therefore, it doesn't matter how weak or how strong I am as a person. The only thing that matters is that I'm happy, having fun, and enjoying my life.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your philosophy, I think people who carry on in life and don't give up on their dreams, despite their misery and despair, are living the truly beautiful lives, since they have something more to live for than their positive emotions.

My Reply: When a person goes to work and carries on with his misery, I see that as being no way of life. So, the image that conveys me wouldn't be that miserable person who just carries on in his work life. The image that conveys me would be someone who goes to work just to enjoy the beautiful office scene, or to enjoy doing things there. It would be like I'm living my life as a soul, visiting different beautiful realms, whether these realms be a beautiful, joyful office environment, a beautiful nature environment, or a beautiful carnival. Since I'm like a soul, visiting different beautiful, joyful realms, then it's as though I'm living my life as a wild, free, spiritual being.

I consider this way of life to be something greater than someone who just carries on like a beaten down soldier in a life of depression and misery. Having me live a life of misery, or apathy, is like putting me, the wild spiritual being, in a cage, where my life loses all perceived beauty. Sure, I could still be free, even without my positive emotions, since I'm a free citizen in the USA, and I can go out into nature almost anytime I want to. But, I would not be spiritually free, since I don't have that inner light (positive emotions) to give me that beautiful, joyful experience.

Without my positive emotions, then my soul would either be trapped in the realm of darkness (aka hell) if I was miserable, or trapped in The Void if I was apathetic. Spiritual realms do exist here on Earth for us, and they can either be heaven, hell, or The Void. How our minds enter a heavenly, spiritual realm would be when we experience beauty, greatness, and joy. Since positive emotions are that experience, given that emotional perception theory of value I presented earlier, then positive emotions are what create a beautiful heaven for us. My conscious being existing in the heavenly realm is how I become spiritually free.

Other Person's Response: I think hedonists are people with a lot of joyful, fun emotions to release. It would be no different than a person with a lot of physical energy to release. He'd release that energy by running or doing some other form of exercise, and the hedonists would release their emotional energy by creating works of art, engaging in porn, etc.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: You've written all these packets when you didn't have your positive emotions. Do you sometimes wish you could wait until your positive emotions return to write them, so the whole process would be valuable and worthwhile to you?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy really doesn't work in this unfortunate, unhappy life. I think you're better off just killing yourself, so you can go back to the heavenly afterlife, which would be a life compatible with your philosophy.

My Reply: I'm not going to kill myself. Especially when I'm happy and enjoying my life here on Earth. Hopefully, when I die naturally on my own, there will be a heavenly afterlife for me.

Other Person's Response: While we're on the topic of the afterlife, I think it's selfish to desire a heavenly afterlife.

My Reply: Well, there are many people who don't just desire a blissful, heavenly afterlife for themselves. They wish it for other people as well. So, there are people who only want things for themselves, for themselves and for others, and there are those who don't want anything, and wish other people could have things. There are also those types of people who don't want anything, and don't want other people to have anything either.

Other Person's Response: Are you the type of person who'd not only want a blissful afterlife for himself, but for other kind people?

My Reply: Yes. I wouldn't want my therapist to die, and that be the end of him. I'd want him to live on in a blissful afterlife, and I'd want my loved ones to live on in a blissful afterlife as well.

Other Person's Response: I think you're onto something with your philosophy. Spiritual believers say our true home is heaven, where there is pure bliss, goodness, love, and joy. By having that heavenly experience on Earth, we're bringing heaven down to Earth for us. Sure, here on Earth, it wouldn't be as powerful and profound of an experience compared to our souls being in heaven. But, the fact is, we're still bringing heaven down to Earth through our positive emotions, and I think that's the goal of life.

My Reply: Yes. But, since this Earthly existence is a very unfortunate place, then it makes it difficult to achieve this goal.

Other Person's Response: The emotional based values you live by are weak, unstable, and unreliable. It would be like a chair with only 1 leg. I think you need to develop some strong, stable, everlasting values in your life.

My Reply: I don't know if that's ever going to happen.

Other Person's Response: Is it even possible to experience an everlasting form of horror, tragedy, despair, beauty, love, or joy? If someone experienced tragedy and despair from a loved one's death, then that tragedy and despair wouldn't be everlasting. The person would eventually recover from it, and be all better. So, I think this says it can't be everlasting, which means it has to be emotional, since emotions aren't everlasting. Therefore, the idea that one can have an everlasting form of those experiences, through his thoughts and beliefs, must be false. That means you must be right when you say those experiences can only be emotional.

My Reply: Yes. So, when it comes to experiencing things in life as valuable, precious, and worthwhile, I don't think that can be an everlasting experience either, which means it must be emotional. It has to be an experience that can only happen through our fleeting positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: Someone could hate someone his whole life. But, that experience of hate wouldn't be everlasting (24/7) his whole life.

My Reply: Yes. I don't think it's possible to experience hate 24/7 your whole life. There has to be moments where hate subsides, just as how there has to be moments where panic and anxiety subsides. Since panic and anxiety are emotions that subside, then hate must also be an emotion that subsides. The same idea applies to all other positive and negative experiences. They, too, are emotions that subside every now and then.

Other Person's Response: I realize this misery-inducing worry of yours has put you into an unhealthy, crippled, morbid state that lasted 24/7 everyday for a very long time.

My Reply: Yes. But, as time went on, I slowly got out of that horrible state of mind, and returned back to my normal, healthy state.

Other Person's Response: If you were to obtain an everlasting form of love, beauty, hate, etc. in your life besides your emotions, then you might come to realize emotions never were any real beauty, love, hate, etc. Once you compare your emotions to this newly obtained experience, emotions might be nothing more than biochemical impulses or drives to you now.

My Reply: I don't think I'd ever look back at my emotions and think they're just biochemical feelings like the rest of the world does. Especially those crippled states I've had in my nightmares.

Other Person's Response: If someone lived a happy, easy life, then he'd be a weak individual who wouldn't be able to face life's hardships. I think that's what's going on with you. You used to live a happy, easy life. Then, life became tough for you with all those miserable struggles. But, you weren't strong enough to have greater values in your life, which is why you gave up composing during those struggles.

My Reply: Wouldn't my brain have adapted by now? I've been through many years of misery, and surely my brain would've found a way to have a new positive experience besides my positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: I bet, if you were to live with agonizing, physical pain, you'd never get used to it. You'd always wallow in that pain. This says you either have a character weakness, or you don't have a properly functioning brain that can adapt to such situations. I think the same idea applies to your emotions.

My Reply: I might naturally get used to the physical pain. Besides, I've been known to naturally adapt to many other situations, such as being comfortable when sleeping on the floor, when I was uncomfortable at first, switching from sleeping on the bed, to sleeping on the floor. That says my brain's adaptive ability is working just fine. But, maybe, it doesn't work properly when it comes to other situations, such as when I'm feeling miserable and see no more beauty and worth to life.

Other Person's Response: I think your problem is that you simply don't have a positive perspective during your unhappy or apathetic moments. I don't think it has anything to do with the hunger and thirst analogy you made earlier, where thoughts and beliefs alone can't give us a positive perspective/experience, just as how they can't give us the experience of hunger and thirst.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's the case.

Other Person's Response: I don't think it's your emotions that determine your perspective. Your way of thinking and believing determines that, and it's just difficult for you to have a positive perspective during moments, such as when you have a devastating worry. As a matter of fact, it's very difficult for any human being in general to have a positive outlook during moments of stress and worry.

My Reply: I'm quite sure my positive and negative perspectives are emotional states.

Other Person's Response: Not only do you lack control over your emotions, you also lack control over your thoughts because you couldn't help but have many negative thoughts during moments where you've had devastating worries.

My Reply: As for having much negative thoughts during moments of stress and worry, that happens to any normal person. These negative thoughts would then cause that person to feel negative emotions.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy makes you a very dull, shallow person.

My Reply: Some people would find hedonists very interesting. For example, someone with a wild, erotic, joyful personality would be very attractive to some people. My point is, just because you have a hedonistic personality doesn't mean you're a dull, shallow, uninteresting person.

Other Person's Response: Your worldview shows a sign of character weakness.

My Reply: Actually, there are two types of character. One would be emotional/impulsive based, and the other would be intellectual based. I fail to see the emotional based one as being "weak" or "pathetic." Let me give you an example. There are some people out there who are wild, happy, erotic, and fun people to be around. Many people would like these character traits, and I consider that to be its own unique strength of character. Sure, this personality type might fail and give up when it comes to life's miserable, unhappy hardships. But, then again, the intellectual personality type would give up, and find no meaning in a life filled with nothing but happiness and joy.

For example, some people would think an eternal, blissful life would be hell for them, and they could not carry on in such a life. But, I'd find such a life to be a paradise, and I'd live that life for eternity. I could call them weak for not being able to live an eternal, blissful life, just as how they call me weak for not being able to carry on in a life of misery. Lastly, the intellect will thrive in their lifestyle, while the hedonists will thrive in theirs. It would be like how a fish thrives in water, and how a land creature thrives on land. The water creature doesn't belong on land, and the land creature doesn't belong in water.

Other Person's Response: Given the philosophy you live by, you seem like a very impulsive person. Do you spend a lot of money on gambling? Do you make many foolish choices in your life?

My Reply: I don't do any of those things. That's because I choose not to act on certain impulses, whether it be feeling violent and wanting to harm myself or others, or feeling motivated to do something that would get me in trouble. I don't even feel like gambling anyway, since money isn't all that important to me. But, I'd certainly feel up to pursuing my composing dream, and I'd feel up to playing video games (providing I have my positive emotions). So, these are the impulses I act on. In other words, I only act on those emotional impulses that wouldn't get me or anyone else in trouble.

Other Person's Response: People would say you're a shallow person, since you'd prefer a life that's eternally blissful, and has no hardships, such as illnesses, suffering, and misfortunes. But, I think there are other ways to become a profound individual, and it doesn't have to come through living a hard life. So, let's pretend, even if you did live an eternally blissful, easy life, you could still be a profound, amazing individual through sharing any awesome, memorable compositions you wish to share to the world.

My Reply: Yes. Composing is my dream, and I think I can prove myself as a profound individual through sharing such compositions. I don't need to prove it by living a hard life. Besides, not too many people would want to live a hard life, such as suffering from cancer, and having to live on a hospital bed.

If I had the choice to become a profound, awesome, and powerful individual in the eyes of others through living with misery and cancer, or through being happy, free of illness, and sharing awesome compositions to the world, I'd choose the latter option.

Being happy and illness-free wouldn't convey that I'm a profound and powerful individual to the world. But, if I make profound, powerful compositions, and share them to the world, that's enough to convey I'm an awesome, profound individual.

Other Person's Response: Neither do you need to be intelligent to prove that you're an awesome person.

My Reply: Exactly. As long as I'm an awesome artist who makes powerful compositions, then I've proven myself as an awesome person to the world. There are also other attributes that should deem me as an awesome person in the eyes of others, such as the fact I'm kind and polite.

Other Person's Response: Are you taking up composing just to prove how awesome you are to the world?

My Reply: No. I also wish to share something awesome and unique to the world.

Other Person's Response: How does creating awesome, memorable artwork, whether it be compositions, stories, or paintings, make you an awesome person? If you were a cruel person to others, then the very fact you created amazing artwork wouldn't make you an amazing person.

My Reply: Creating art is an expression of yourself. Therefore, by creating awesome artwork, you are expressing something awesome about yourself to the world. So, even though someone may be a cruel, **** person in the eyes of others, there'd be one thing awesome about him, and it would be the amazing, artistic vision he has and is expressing to the world.

Other Person's Response: I bet there were many famous artists who were well known and praised for their artwork, even though they may be cruel, nasty people in real life.

My Reply: Yes. Fortunately, I'm a kind, polite person who'd be making awesome compositions to share to the world.

Other Person's Response: Well, according to your philosophy, it requires positive emotions to be an awesome person, since that's your definition of an awesome person.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I don't think a weak, shallow, worthless piece of **** like you has what it takes to create awesome, powerful compositions.

My Reply: I might be able to. Only time will tell.

Other Person's Response: If you do produce some awesome compositions, then many people would expect you, the artist, to be an amazing person who lives by a great philosophy. It would be quite ironic if someone with a weak philosophy, such as yourself, produces awesome and powerful compositions.

My Reply: It's said that many great artists have ironic qualities about them.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy is very dumb, and not much thought has been put into it.

My Reply: I put a lot of thought into it, given that I've written so much material and Q&A on it.

Other Person's Response: It's as they always say: to each his own. So, for you, positive emotions are what give beauty and worth to your life.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Do you think life is like a game, where those who have the most positive emotions are the winners, while those who struggle with clinical depression are the losers?

My Reply: Yes. The more positive emotions you have, the more beauty and worth your life has, which would make you a champion if you're living a very blissful life. Also, I hear people claim life is a computer simulation. If that's the case, then life would really be a game.

Other Person's Response: If spiritual believers are wrong in their beliefs, then the simulation theory would give you another hope for the existence of the afterlife because, if life is a computer simulation, then human beings might not just die, and that's it. They might live on after the simulation ends.

My Reply: Well, like I said, I'm undecided on debatable topics, including the simulation theory.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps life is a simulation. But, it's an abandoned simulation, since people are left to suffer in this world, and no programmer is there to assist these people.

My Reply: That could be. Since there aren't any strange things happening, such as objects materializing into this existence, then there might be nobody outside the simulation. There was this cartoon show called "Code Lyoko," which I used to watch when I was younger. The show is about a virtual reality inside a supercomputer, and there are characters who enter into this virtual reality. There's another character, named Jeremy Belpois, who's the main operator at the supercomputer.

He assists these characters in the virtual reality by materializing things into the virtual reality, and he does other technical things. But, if the characters were to die, such as being killed by virtual monsters, they return back to the real world. So, when we die in this universe, we might return someplace else. However, living in this universe might be like those characters living in that virtual reality, with Jeremy gone.

Other Person's Response: If we were living in a simulation, then we should have amazing super powers. Life just seems too ordinary and basic to be a simulation. Human beings are ordinary creatures who don't have super powers, and are prone to all sorts of disease. So, reality seems more like actual reality than a simulation.

My Reply: You're right.

Other Person's Response: If you had the choice to abandon your family and cause them grief in order to be a dumb, happy animal who lives in the wild, or to instead be a miserable, intelligent person who'd bring his family joy, which would you choose?

My Reply: I'd choose to be that dumb, happy animal because there's nothing else that can bring my life beauty and joy besides my happiness. If I was the intelligent person, and my misery only lasted for a very short time before I was happy again, then I'd choose to be the intelligent person. That's because I'd soon be able to enjoy any intellectual endeavors I might pursue, and I'd be able to be happy and enjoy bringing my family joy. But, I wouldn't choose to live most, or my entire life, in a state of misery, unhappiness, or apathy. So, in that type of situation, I'd have to choose to be the happy, dumb animal.

Other Person's Response: If your philosophy can never change, and this is all you'll ever amount to as a person, I won't think that's pathetic, just as how I wouldn't think it's pathetic if a person wasn't any good at drawing, and could never amount to a skilled drawer.

My Reply: Yes. Some people just don't have certain talents and abilities. I don't think that should be frowned upon, since it's something they can't help. I might not have the ability to develop in terms of my philosophy, and I don't think that's something to be frowned upon either.

Other Person's Response: If a person was weak in a certain area, such as drawing, I wouldn't have any problem with that. But, having a character weakness is the worst weakness to have. That's why I wouldn't be alright with that.

My Reply: I really don't know if me having a character weakness is the reason why I have this hedonistic philosophy, or if my philosophy was right all along.

Other Person's Response: If a person was in a wheelchair and couldn't walk, then that wouldn't be pathetic, since it's something that person can't help. So, if you're incapable of developing a better philosophy, that wouldn't be pathetic either, since that's something you can't help.

My Reply: You're right.

Other Person's Response: Even my young son has a better philosophy than you! I think that's pathetic!

My Reply: Well, there are little children who can draw, and adults who can't. I wouldn't think it's pathetic that some adults can't draw. Likewise, there are some adults who can't live by a better philosophy than hedonism, while there are some little children who do. I wouldn't think that's pathetic either. Besides, there are many people in this world who have my philosophy. Since it's such a popular philosophy that many people live by, then other people should understand why I have this philosophy.

Other Person's Response: Many people, who have a hedonistic philosophy, would just simply say being happy and enjoying life is what gives life value and worth. But, they wouldn't explain why that is. You, on the other hand, explain in great detail.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy is like someone who's a dead piece of equipment that needs to be constantly recharged. You need to always be charged up with those positive emotions to give beauty to your life. Otherwise, that beauty is dead (gone).

My Reply: Yes. I think human beings are like appliances that need to be charged up with positive emotions. Otherwise, life has no more beauty. Human beings need to rely on positive emotions to make life beautiful, just as how an appliance needs to rely on electricity.

Other Person's Response: There are many people in this world who think they need certain things to make life valuable and worth living, whether it be money, fancy things, etc. They don't need those things. Neither do I think you require positive emotions to make your life valuable and worth living.

My Reply: I have yet to be convinced.

Other Person's Response: I really think it is a character weakness, and that a vital, precious part of you is missing, which would give you a much better philosophy.

My Reply: I don't know if that's the case.

Other Person's Response: Even strong people have their weaknesses. So, you have your strengths and weaknesses, while other people have their strengths and weaknesses.

My Reply: Yes.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 14/26)

Other Person's Response: It would be pathetic if this is all you can amount to as a human being.

My Reply: Well, each person has his unfortunate lot in life. You could say it's pathetic that there are poor, starving people in other areas of the world, and that this is all their lives will amount to. But, that's something they can't help. Likewise, I can't help it if I can't improve my philosophy, certain abilities I'm lacking in, or as a person. That's just my unfortunate lot in life, and there's nothing I can do about it. Life's a cruel joke for some people, and I'd be one of those people.

Other Person's Response: There are certain abilities you can improve though.

My Reply: Yes. But, I can't improve all abilities I'm lacking in. My philosophy would be one of those things I don't think I can improve.

Other Person's Response: I find your philosophy very depressing. It sounds like a philosophy a depressed person would have. Do you have this philosophy only during your moments of depression and despair? Or, do you have it, even during moments where you're happy?

My Reply: I have this philosophy all the time, even during moments where I'm happy.

Other Person's Response: You don't have a philosophy founded upon knowledge and experience. Your philosophy is instead founded upon emotions. Since your whole philosophy is founded upon emotions, then that makes it an irrational philosophy.

My Reply: Well, I'm just sharing my personal views and experiences.

Other Person's Response: Would you prefer a life of perfection, where science has greatly advanced in technology and cures?

My Reply: Yes, definitely. I'd prefer to live in an era that's thousands of years from now, as opposed to the era I'm living in now. I'd prefer to live in a utopia world, where life is happy all the time. Also, I like to keep myself in good health, I like to keep my video game systems and discs in good condition, and I'd prefer life itself to be good in general, where I have no suffering, unhappiness, or diseases.

Other Person's Response: So, you'd prefer a life where everything works out in your favor?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I'm an emotional theorist, and you say there are people claiming emotions aren't the source of value, how we love, have pride, and perceive beauty, greatness, or horror. Who are these people?

My Reply: In that Emotional Perception Theory of Value link I gave earlier, there was someone who disagreed that emotions are perceptions of value. This was the person trying to prove emotion theorists wrong. There are also many other people who disagree emotions are perceptions of value, how we love, etc. That's just the way the world works. When it comes to any idea, you'll have many people agreeing, and many people disagreeing. Not everyone agrees that emotions are the source of value and worth in our lives. Some people would even say it's a character weakness to rely on emotions as a source of value and worth.

Other Person's Response: Emotions aren't strength or power at all. To rely on them as a source of strength, power, and value is nothing but weakness.

My Reply: Would we say that an explosion is weak and nothing powerful? No. The fact is, it's still a powerful, natural phenomenon. So, emotions are still powerful things, regardless of how they're used, or if they're solely relied upon as a source of value. Besides, I personally think emotions are the only strength a person can have. When you have no emotions, you can't have any motivation to exercise or do anything. Neither can you have any value and worth in your life. So, emotions do give us that strength of motivation, value, and worth in our lives. But, there are emotions that do sap our strength, such as feelings of misery, depression, and despair.

Other Person's Response: There are other strengths a person can have besides emotions. He could be smart or creative.

My Reply: But, the point I'm trying to make here is that emotions are the only form of strength that count, since they're the only way we can love, hate, have joy, have beauty and worth in our lives, etc. Like I said though, it's the positive emotions that truly count, since they're what make our lives good and beautiful.

Other Person's Response: If I were to go outside of your personal definition of strength for a moment, I could say you were a strong person for enduring those miserable struggles, and not committing suicide. Some people would say you're weak because you're allowing your misery to beat you down, and take away the beauty, goodness, and worth of your life. Even if it is the case you're allowing your emotions to overpower you, I'd still consider you a strong individual for enduring through your struggles.

If a person was in a boxing fight, was completely overpowered by an opponent, then he'd still be strong anyway for remaining in that fight. He might've not had the strength to overcome his opponent. But, he'd still be strong for not cowering out of the ring. Since you didn't cower out of the ring (life itself) by committing suicide, then that makes you strong. But, it would be wonderful to see you become an even stronger individual by not allowing your emotions to rule and dictate your life.

My Reply: Well, I'm not sure if there is more value and worth to life than emotions. If there's not, then there's no way I can become stronger by having greater values in my life. That's because these greater values wouldn't exist, which means people would be wrong to assume there's more value to life than emotions.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the values you live by, people can either see it as a character weakness, or someone who's just very limited.

My Reply: Yes. People can call me weak and pathetic, since my positive emotions are the only things that make my life beautiful. Or, they could just think of me as a very limited human being. They could also think of me as both limited, weak, and pathetic.

Other Person's Response: Do you think people should accept and appreciate you, rather than frowning upon you or name calling you, since they think you're weak?

My Reply: Yes. There are many things about me worth appreciating.

Other Person's Response: Instead of running away from suffering and unhappiness, have a different mindset. Perhaps that will allow you to experience a new form of beauty in your life. I think you're just closing yourself off from these new experiences.

My Reply: I did have that mindset, and it did nothing for me. So, I don't think anything's going to work for me.

Other Person's Response: If your positive emotions are the only way you can love, and have beauty in your life, then you've never loved, or had any beauty in your life because positive emotions are nothing more than biochemical emotions. Things like love, beauty, goodness, and worth are not emotional things.

My Reply: I disagree. I think they are emotional.

Other Person's Response: According to you, things like beauty, goodness, and worth are things that can be taken away from us. You treat them as fleeting things.

My Reply: Correct. When you watch a movie, there's the audio component (where you hear the movie), the visual component (seeing the movie), and then there's the beauty, greatness, joy, worth, or magnificence of that movie. Any one of these components can be taken away from us. If you go deaf, you can no longer hear the movie. If you go blind, you can no longer see the movie.

But, if you lose your positive emotions, due to a mental illness or other factor, the movie would be devoid of any beauty or greatness from your perspective. Thus, the movie just becomes images, sounds, characters, scenes, and nothing more. As you can see, I think things like beauty, love, joy, and greatness are all reduced to one component, and that component would be our positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: So, according to you, we have to rely on our positive emotions to give beauty to our lives, just as how we have to rely on our sense of sight to see, and our sense of hearing to hear?

My Reply: Yes. When we lose our positive emotions, it's like losing our sight, hearing, taste, smell, hunger, or thirst because we'd lose our ability to love, have pride, joy, and see beauty in things.

Other Person's Response: For you, your emotions are perceptions of value. But, for me, my emotions aren't perceptions of value. I think that's because I'm a different person than you, and live my life differently than you. I don't live my life like a wild, hedonistic animal. I live to seek knowledge and contribute to the world. So, for me, my thoughts and beliefs are perceptions of value.

Different people will experience things differently. When you say positive emotions are the only source of beauty and goodness, that would just be your personal experience. You shouldn't project your personal experience upon everyone else, since everyone is different. As for your religion, your divine nature would be the wild, hedonistic animal. But, my divine nature would be the intellect, seeking knowledge and making the world a better place.

My Reply: Well, I could project my personal experience upon everyone else because we all need sight to see, hearing to hear, and a feeling of hunger or thirst to be hungry or thirsty. So, if I lost my hearing, reported my personal experience (which would be that I could no longer hear), and claimed that no human being can still hear if he loses his hearing, then I'd be correct.

I'd be right to project my personal experience upon everyone else. If you lose your hunger, thirst, sight, hearing, or smell, then there's no way you can still be hungry, thirsty, see, hear, or smell. The same idea applies to value. If you lose your ability to perceive value (your emotions), then you can no longer perceive value. You could, thus, no longer value anything in your life.

Other Person's Response: You're reducing all things beautiful, amazing, and worthwhile to one, single, biological component.

My Reply: Well, what biological component do people believe gives beauty and worth to life in the first place? It would be our intellect. Without our ability to think, then people believe we'd just be mindless machines, and things like beauty, love, or worth wouldn't exist. I agree intellect plays a role. But, we think certain ways, and these thoughts cause us to feel certain ways. It's the feelings (emotions) that give our lives beauty, worth, horror, or disgust. Therefore, our intellect (thinking) isn't the biological component that gives beauty to our lives. It's our positive emotions that do.

Other Person's Response: So, positive emotions are the ultimate component we need?

My Reply: Yes. They are the divine component to our very being and lives.

Other Person's Response: There is no support for the idea that our emotions determine what is good, bad, worthwhile, beautiful, or disgusting. It should also be noted that there is the proper use of biological science, and an improper use, which is becoming increasingly common these days. I can find numerous so-called public intellectuals who claim things, such as that intelligence is biologically determined, and one can't change it. This is pseudoscience. It's a claim made to "justify" the mistreatment of millions.

The real biology tells us that biological determinism is rare, and certainly does not occur with respect to intelligence. Hundreds of genes are involved, all contributing a small amount, and their contribution is dependent upon the environment. Since, for the most part, biologists have rejected biological determinism with respect to such things as intellect and behavior, I fail to see how we could ever have a biological determinism regarding either values or morality.

My Reply: My personal experience tells me otherwise in regards to emotions. I've had very profound, powerful experiences in my life that were horrible, beautiful, etc. These experiences were clearly emotional states I was in.

Other Person's Response: You say that, even when you're apathetic (emotionless), you're still able to determine the type of emotion any given artwork conveys. I think it requires some level of emotion to make this determination. I think it even requires some level of emotion to determine if something is good, bad, horrible, beautiful, etc.

My Reply: I'm not sure. I mean, even if I wasn't feeling hungry or thirsty, I could still look at a work of art that conveys hunger and thirst, and acknowledge that this artwork conveys hunger and thirst.

Other Person's Response: When you say you still know songs are beautiful during your misery, that's just you knowing they used to be beautiful to you in the past, when you felt beauty while listening to them. But, that beauty is completely absent for you during your miserable struggles, which means all you're left with is just the knowledge that those songs used to be beautiful to you.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If it's possible to still determine that certain things are beautiful or disgusting without emotions, then that says emotions aren't the only value judgments, since you can still judge through your way of thinking.

My Reply: I'd still have to say emotions are the only value judgments, just like how I'd still have to say the feeling of hunger is the only hunger. So, when determining if something is beautiful or disgusting without emotions, I'd have to define that as being nothing more than just a determination. But, I wouldn't say it's a value judgment.

Other Person's Response: Emotion theorists have the same philosophy as you, and there are very intelligent emotional theorists out there who could come up with good, intelligent arguments to support your position/philosophy.

My Reply: Yes. But, the difference between me, and these emotional theorists, is that I have a religious form of their philosophy.

Other Person's Response: Could you show me an emotional theorist who thinks positive emotions are the only things that make life beautiful and worth living?

My Reply: Sure, I'll share the link to a post of someone, on a science forum, who has the same philosophy as me. This is someone who had a discussion with me:

https://www.scienceforums.net/topic/114014-a-biological-deterministic-view-of-good-and-bad/?do=findComment&comment=1044206

Other Person's Response: Maybe you just need more power and control over your emotions. If you're in physical pain, do you wallow in your pain? If so, that's because you don't have much power and control. Your physical pain dominates you, and your emotions do, too.

My Reply: I do wallow when I'm in physical pain.

Other Person's Response: You say emotions are biochemical-based. Then, you say they're forces of light and darkness, received by our brains. You can't have both!

My Reply: Spiritual believers would say, even though our brains work by means of biochemicals, they're also receivers.

Other Person's Response: I've heard that, without emotions, we'd be machines, and our lives would be devoid of any love, joy, value, and worth.

My Reply: Yes. As a matter of fact, I think certain shows and movies already depict this.

Other Person's Response: I think there are two forms of loving and craving. The first would be emotional, such as if you were craving adventure, or loving your soul mate. The other form would be your taste buds craving and loving certain foods.

My Reply: But, the form of loving and craving that's not emotional doesn't give any beauty, goodness, or worth to our lives. It's nothing more than just a sensual experience. Like I said, it can only be emotions that give our lives beauty, disgust, etc. Even if the non-emotional form of love and craving was triggered by thoughts or beliefs of beauty and worth, it still wouldn't give any beauty and worth to our lives. Thoughts and beliefs of beauty and worth can only become the experience of beauty and worth for us through emotions, and not through taste, smell, hearing, etc.

Other Person's Response: I realize you're fed up with this idea that there's more beauty and goodness to life than positive emotions because this idea puts you in a position where, if you lose your positive emotions, then you'd be living by a false definition of beauty and goodness.

My Reply: Yes. Thus, I'm not afraid to share and express my philosophy to others, regardless of how much it offends people.

Other Person's Response: You may be fed up with and tired of this whole idea that there's more beauty to life than positive emotions. But, I bet you'd never be fed up and tired of an eternally blissful life.

My Reply: Correct. How could I ever be fed up with and tired of a life that has an eternal amount of beauty, love, joy, and worth? Things like beauty, good, and joy are the most important things we need. So, how could I ever grow tired of them?

Other Person's Response: You're saying, even if you lived for millions of years, and had nothing but a positive experience for all those years, you'd never tire of that?

My Reply: Correct. I could never grow tired of a positive experience.

Other Person's Response: I think the self (ego) and consciousness are an illusion. That means your mental states (inner experiences) are illusory. Suffering is an illusion, and happiness is an illusion.

My Reply: I've had some very powerful and profound experiences in my life, whether they were beautiful, horrible, or disturbing experiences. I don't think such experiences can be dismissed as illusory. They were the real deal. So, I disagree with your entire statement.

Other Person's Response: I thought you were undecided on debatable topics. So, how do you know consciousness isn't illusory?

My Reply: I really don't know if it's illusory or not. But, it just doesn't seem illusory.

Other Person's Response: Since you're undecided on debatable topics, then you should remain undecided as to whether your translation of emotions into perceptions of value actually proves the emotional perception theory of value or not.

My Reply: Yes. You're right.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I think the self and consciousness aren't illusory. By treating them as illusory, you're dismissing them completely. Thus, you will deny any experience you have as being beautiful, disturbing, powerful, or profound, since such experiences don't exist.

My Reply: Yes. Also, if you treat yourself and your own mental states (experiences) as though they don't exist, then you might as well treat others and their experiences as though they don't exist.

Other Person's Response: You are ruled and controlled by your ego, and emotions. I think it's time for you to overcome this.

My Reply: As for the ego, I think that's meant to be a part of us. Without that, then it would be an unnatural, disturbing image, such as a headless animal. The head was meant to be a part of that animal. Without its head, then it becomes unnatural and disturbing. So, without our ego, then we'd, in a way, be like headless animals, living our lives. It would be like a headless chicken that's still alive.

Now, there are some spiritual beliefs that attempt to transcend the ego, such as Buddhism. But, then there are other spiritual beliefs, such as New Age Spirituality, that embrace the ego and the Law of Attraction (which claims you can get what you want if you set your mind and actions to it). Buddhism is the opposite, since it attempts to transcend the things we want.

I personally think life was meant to be a place for the things we want and our own happiness. That's the ideal life. It's a cursed existence to live an unhappy, miserable life, and to not get the things you want. That's why I consider my mother's life of poverty to be a cursed existence. I've had many miserable struggles, and that was a cursed existence as well.

Other Person's Response: I get it. You're like the opposite of a Buddhist.

My Reply: Yes. My spiritual beliefs oppose Buddhism.

Other Person's Response: Buddhism is all about eliminating suffering and hate. According to your philosophy, Buddhists shouldn't just aim for an absence of suffering and hate. They should aim for the opposite of it, which would be a state of joy, love, etc. In other words, they should aim for those positive emotions.

My Reply: Yes. Even if you had no suffering and hate, being in an apathetic state is still no way to live or be an artist. That's why you need positive emotions. In a way, I guess my philosophy is sort of like Buddhism, since its aim is to also eliminate suffering and hate. But, my philosophy takes it a step further, and says you should also aim for the opposite, which would be the positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: There are the colors black, white, and gray. Black could represent suffering and hate, white could represent joy and love, while gray could represent apathy. Gray is not the opposite of white or black. It's in between. Since black or gray is not a good or beautiful place to be, then I agree that the goal of any human being should be to reach for the white, and to avoid black and gray.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: You've learned, through your struggles, that positive emotions are the only things that make life beautiful, and that they're the ultimate reason for living. I think you've learned the wrong life lesson. Your struggles, therefore, haven't enlightened you one bit.

My Reply: Who knows, I might've been enlightened to the truth, and many people deny this truth.

Other Person's Response: If the Law of Attraction was real, then I should have the powers of Superman if I wanted to.

My Reply: The Law of Attraction could be real, but has limitations. In other words, there are certain things you can get if you want them. Then, there are things you can't get, such as the powers of Superman.

Other Person's Response: I believe there are heavenly, spiritual beings who love us. They want us to let go of things, such as fear, hate, worry, and ego.

My Reply: I'd certainly want to let go of any worry, since holding onto a worry would only cause me misery. I'd also not want any feelings of hate, despair, fear, etc. in my life. But, as for my ego, I'm not concerned about giving that up. I'll just live my selfish, hedonistic life without caring what others think. You claim these spiritual beings exist, and that they want me to transcend my ego. But, I just don't care about transcending my ego. I mean, would a narcissist care about transcending his ego?

Besides, I have no idea whether these beings actually exist or not, and if they really want me to transcend my ego or not. For all we know, they might exist, and they might want me to further embrace my ego. After all, different people have different lessons/journeys. So, for me, I might be encouraged, by these beings, to embrace my ego. But, I really don't know. So, I'll just carry on with my usual life. When I die, then, if I meet these beings, I'll see what they have to say to me. I'll also see what new knowledge and experiences I'll acquire upon meeting them.

Other Person's Response: Would you be willing to transcend your ego if it was the only way to change your life for the better? Let's pretend you were unhappy, and nothing could better your life but transcending your ego. Then, would you do that?

My Reply: Yes. But, as long as it's unnecessary, then I'm not going to do it.

Other Person's Response: I think you're just attached to your positive emotions, and that's why they're the only source of beauty, love, and joy in your life. I think you need to let go of this attachment.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's the case.

Other Person's Response: What if I didn't want to have riches, happiness, or any fancy things?

My Reply: Then that's something you want, since you'd want to live a life of poverty and unhappiness. Would you be upset if you got happiness, riches, and fancy things handed to you? Would that be a cursed existence to you? If so, then you clearly wanted to live a life of no riches, fancy things, or happiness.

Other Person's Response: Are you a spoiled person who demands a lot of things?

My Reply: No. I don't ask for much, I don't have a spoiled personality, and neither do I throw tantrums. The main thing I need is my positive emotions. There are also a few other things I need, such as video games, the internet, a computer, magnetic healing rings, etc. I wouldn't even put my positive emotions within the category of electronics, or any other product, since positive emotions are divine. They are the ultimate reason for living, and products are just items you need. I mean, without my positive emotions, then all products would hold no beauty, goodness, or worth to me.

Other Person's Response: Even if you couldn't enjoy and be happy with a product, it was still worth money. That says products still have worth, regardless how you feel about them.

My Reply: Well, if you purchased a product, and you didn't have your positive emotions, then the product wasn't worth the buy. It wasn't worth forking over any money at all. It doesn't matter, even if it was the most luxurious vacation or home; none of those things would be worth a single penny without positive emotions. So, I think one's ability to enjoy and have fun is the only thing that makes products, homes, and vacations beautiful, good, and of worth.

Other Person's Response: This worry of yours, which is about near death experiences, is in regards to worrying about what could happen to yourself. You're worried about the possibility of having a horrible experience. This is what Buddhists mean when they say the ego causes suffering.

My Reply: Yes. Fortunately, I'm almost fully recovered from this emotional crisis.

Other Person's Response: Why would these beings, if they're so loving, want you to embrace your ego? Apparently, your ego is causing you suffering, since you're worried about having that horrible experience during a near death situation.

My Reply: Well, there are ways the ego serves an advantage, such as not listening to the cruel opinions of others, doing things your way, and not being a slave to others, etc. So, I think these beings would want me to embrace my ego in this manner.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your mother's life of poverty, does she feel negative emotions all the time about her life of poverty? Do you feel negative emotions about that?

My Reply: My mother, whose name is Cara, does feel negative emotions much of the time about it. My grandmother (my mother's mother), whose name is Carol, is cruel to her, slave drives her, and only buys her cheap things, while she gets all the nice, expensive things. Grandma has a lot of money, while mom is left with little money. Mom has to get some money from grandma for food and things like this. But, grandma has all the money, and gives very little to mom. Mom says grandma has always hated her for no reason, and that she has abused her.

My mom isn't abusive towards me or my younger brother. But, grandma was abusive towards my mom. I live with my mother, and I don't live with grandma. Now, I don't feel negative emotions about this whole situation of my mother and grandma, nor the fact that I live a bit of a poor life. I just go about my daily life, having fun playing video games, while my mother feels all the rage. I personally don't mind living a bit of a poor life, where I don't always get the fancy things I want. As long as I'm happy and enjoying my life, then my life's all good. Sure, there was one time I wanted to get a new, fancy, hdtv.

My mother couldn't afford it, and I felt a little disappointed. But, that feeling soon went away, and I was fine. However, I think my mother might come into a home equity loan, which will give her a decent amount of money. That will allow her to afford the hdtv, along with the new Nintendo system (the Nintendo Switch). If, for whatever reason, she won't get this loan, then I'll be fine sticking with playing my old games on my old tv. However, even though my grandma doesn't buy my mom much things, grandma has been known to buy fancy things for me.

So, she might buy me that new hdtv, and the Nintendo Switch for my birthday or Christmas, if my mother doesn't get the loan. When my mother's birthday comes around, my grandma doesn't buy her anything. If she does buy her something, it would be something cheap. So, grandma likes me, for whatever reason, and hates my mother. Take note that, grandma doesn't buy expensive things for me all the time. Grandma has also been known to buy expensive things for my mother's brother. His name is Shane.

Other Person's Response: When your mother dies, are you supposed to live with grandma?

My Reply: No. My mother told me not to, since grandma would slave drive me and my younger brother. Grandma would also treat me and my brother cruelly.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother have a car?

My Reply: Grandma used to loan her one she had. But, mom got in a wreck with it, and grandma doesn't want to get her another one. My mother is hardly injured, since the wreck wasn't that bad. But, now she has no car, and my grandma is getting a new car all for herself. Therefore, my grandma has to drive us around. My mother is also taking the bus now.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure you don't feel negative emotions about your mother's predicament? You're saying you don't care at all?

My Reply: First of all, when she feels rage, things have sometimes been known to work in her favor. She said spiritual forces were working in her favor when she felt rage. That's why she did get the house put in her name. So, when my mother feels rage, I actually feel good from that (providing I have my positive emotions), since it's quite possible her rage would allow her to win the lottery. If she does win the lottery, then that would be extremely rare.

It would be like a miracle, which means there might really be spiritual forces working in her favor. That would give me hope that supernatural forces and the afterlife are real. I still wouldn't know for sure if those things exist. But, it would bring me even more hope that they do exist. After all, if they do exist, that means we're immortal spirits, and that there's a blissful afterlife. I'd love to live such a life, where I can be happy all I want, and get everything I want.

Other Person's Response: What if there is no soul, afterlife, and this is the only life we have? If you were convinced of this, then how would you feel when your mother feels rage?

My Reply: I'd still feel good from her rage because, if what you're saying is true, then that means life is a cruel joke. I'd want such a life to be given all the hate and rage it deserves. That's what makes me feel good when others feel rage in regards to the unfairness of life. Now, if the soul and afterlife do exist, and this life is still a cruel joke, where we don't always get what we want, then, again, such a life deserves all the rage it can get, since it's unfair for us as human beings. Thus, I'd still feel good from her rage. I, myself, wouldn't feel rage when I'm happy and enjoying my life. But, I'd still feel good from others having rage in regards to this cruel joke of a life.

Other Person's Response: If your mother wins a lot of money, that would make you feel good, since you get to buy the things you want? But, if your mother doesn't, and she still has financial misfortunes that cause her to feel rage, you'd still feel good about that because life deserves all the rage it can get, since it's a cruel joke of a life that gives us pointless suffering, and bad luck?

My Reply: Yes. In both situations, I'd feel good, providing I have my ability to feel good.

Other Person's Response: When your grandma dies, will your mother celebrate?

My Reply: Yes. She said she'd sell grandma's house for money.

Other Person's Response: I believe in the Law of Attraction. It allows people to have their spiritual desires fulfilled. So, maybe, your grandma is having her desires fulfilled. She wants your mother to suffer a life of poverty and not win the lottery. Maybe that's why your mother isn't winning any big money. But, perhaps your mother can make the Law of Attraction work on her side somehow.

My Reply: Maybe she can.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother do spells to curse grandma to die?

My Reply: Yes. But, she hasn't died yet.

Other Person's Response: If someone curses another person to die, and that person dies, I don't think he'd go to prison because there's no way to prove that he killed that person.

My Reply: Yes. But, if it was proven that curses exist, then people would be going to prison if they curse others to die, and they died. It would be a spiritual crime.

Other Person's Response: Since your mother does spells, then maybe you can ask her to do spells that would heal you of this recent worry you're having, which would restore your joy back to you.

My Reply: I haven't asked her yet, since the idea has never occurred to me. So, perhaps I should. But, I am very close to a full recovery from this worry.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the Law of Attraction, it's only those people are very loving, compassionate, and positive who attract the most wealth, fortunes, etc. into their lives. Maybe your mother isn't attracting money into her life because she's not much of a loving person. If she were to grow in love and compassion, she'd be attracting a lot of money and fortunes into her life.

My Reply: Although my mother doesn't love people much, since she easily becomes hateful and violent, and wishes death upon people who give her the slightest problems, I'm not sure if this is the cause of her financial misfortunes. Some spiritual force could be stopping her from earning a lot of money. Or, maybe, spiritual things don't exist, and she's just plain unlucky.

Other Person's Response: If someone told your mother to love her enemies, would that make her angry?

My Reply: Yes. Definitely.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I don't think your mother needs money when she has you and your younger brother. Who needs money when you have a family? There are poor, starving people out there who accept their life of poverty. They have love and compassion towards each other, and that's all they really need. I think your mother needs to spiritually grow as a person, and give up her materialistic desire for money.

My Reply: I don't agree. She shouldn't give up on trying to earn money.

Other Person's Response: If your mother doesn't win any big money, then maybe it's because there is no supernatural, and the Law of Attraction doesn't exist. Maybe this is the only life we have and, once we die, that's it. This would mean winning the lottery is nothing but pure luck, and there are no spiritual forces to help anybody win.

My Reply: That could be. Now, I'd like to say something about my mother not having a car. Grandma did actually decide to loan her one of her cars. Mom is trying to get that car put in her name.

Other Person's Response: Buddhists say to give up our desires. Wanting your life to have beauty, goodness, joy, and worth is a desire. So, not only do Buddhists give up their ego, but they also give up things like beauty, joy, and worth. They live life as it is, and they don't need any of those things.

My Reply: Then I'm afraid they're giving up their true divine nature and purpose. Like I said, that's just no way to live, and such a life amounts to nothing. It's unacceptable. Our divine purpose as human beings is to have that positivity in our lives (that beauty, joy, love, worth, etc.). That's why we need our positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: Buddhists have their idea of a divine or grand purpose (which is to transcend desire, and achieve a higher state of being). You have your idea of a divine or grand purpose, which is to feel positive emotions. Your idea promotes one having fun and enjoying his life, while Buddhists advocate things like meditation, practice, and giving up one's desires. I can see there's a conflict of ideas here. Buddhists might preach their doctrine to you, while you might preach your doctrine to them.

My Reply: Correct. I also have my own idea of a higher state of being. I think positive emotions are the only higher state of being. They're the real divine consciousness. I disagree with the Buddhists' notion of divine consciousness.

Other Person's Response: Buddhists go through years of practice and meditation to obtain, what they think is, the divine state. But, you're saying the real divine state was right there all long, and it was simply being happy, feeling love, feeling beauty, and enjoying life.

My Reply: Correct. There's no need to look any further than positive emotions because they're the ultimate reason for living and pursuing any goal or dream. So, we had a divine state all along, which means there's no reason to go through practice and meditation to obtain some fake divine state.

Other Person's Response: I think I know why you live by these emotional based values. Someone like you, who never undergoes meditation, will be mentally wild, uncontrolled, and unstable. Meditation helps create a balanced, controlled, stable psyche.

My Reply: I'm not sure if it's me being mentally unbalanced that makes my positive emotions the only things that make my life beautiful. Or, if it's because positive emotions really are the only things that make life beautiful. As for meditation, I'm not interested in that. If it was my only option, then I'd have to go through with it. I'm just interested in living my hedonistic lifestyle I've always lived.

I'm basically someone who's not interested in anything else, other than having fun, enjoying my life, and doing the hobbies I want to do. I really don't want to meet the standards and expectations of others by living my life doing other things, whether it be becoming a father and taking care of children, doing Buddhist practice and meditation, living my life helping humanity, etc. I ignore the opinions and attitudes of others, and just live how I want to live.

Other Person's Response: If you've never been a father, then you'll never understand the value and worth of taking care of a child, even when you're feeling unhappy.

My Reply: Even if I was a father, I might still have the same philosophy, which means me feeling happy would still be the only thing that would make taking care of a child something beautiful, good, and worthwhile. In addition, I'd still only be able to love the child if I felt love (a positive emotion).

Other Person's Response: If you were a father, and you're philosophy still stands, then you're unfit to be a parent. As a matter of fact, you're unfit for life itself with such a philosophy. A relationship, or family, founded upon such a philosophy would be a defective, unhealthy, unbalanced relationship or family.

My Reply: Just because my philosophy isn't compatible with life itself doesn't make my philosophy false. Plenty of things just don't work out in this life. But, that doesn't make those things false. For example, our physical bodies won't last. They will eventually grow old and die. They're also prone to all sorts of diseases. That means our bodies don't work out too well in this life. But, that doesn't make it untrue.

That doesn't mean aging is a lie, we're all immortal, and that we can never have a physical illness. Just because having vulnerable, mortal bodies is something that wouldn't be very compatible with the life we live doesn't mean it's false. Likewise, just because my philosophy wouldn't be very compatible with life doesn't mean it's false. Mortality, and my philosophy, would both be unpleasant concepts for many people as well. But, that doesn't make them false.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 15/26)

Other Person's Response: What type of girl would you be attracted to? I bet you'd be attracted to the happy, joyful type, rather than the tough, brutal type.

My Reply: That's correct. I'd be attracted to a girl who's young, happy, love-crazy, and joyful. I wouldn't be attracted to an old, tough, brutal woman. I'd also be attracted to a blissful, utopia life, rather than a tough, brutal life. Hence the reason why I talk about wanting this life to be a utopia. As for having a girlfriend, I don't want the responsibility of having one. I prefer to just live my personal life, where I have all the free time to do what I want. Besides, a relationship wouldn't work out for me anyway because my philosophy wouldn't be compatible.

Other Person's Response: This life is filled with hardship, and calls for a race of tough people. Weak people like you won't make it in this world!

My Reply: It would be nice if the tough people could live the brutal life they want to live, while the hedonists live the nice, luxurious, utopia life they want to live. I say, do whatever works for the individual, rather than trying to make someone live a certain way that just isn't going to work out for him/her. I'm not sure if living my life by non-hedonistic values, or the "tough man's values," will ever work for me. I don't think such values are real, anyway.

Other Person's Response: So, you'd choose to be a happy, dumb cow, rather than someone who faces and endures miserable hardships?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I value things through my thoughts and beliefs, while you value things through your emotions. Therefore, I conclude that your brain is wired differently. Sadly, your brain is wired for failure because positive emotions are very fleeting things, unlike the value founded upon thoughts and beliefs, which would be an everlasting value in one's life.

My Reply: I'm not sure, but maybe you're right about my brain being wired this way.

Other Person's Response: If your brain is wired like this, then I think this wiring is permanent for some people. For example, some drug addicts, who've wired their brains this way, would always require euphoric highs to give great beauty, goodness, and worth to their lives. I don't think such wiring can be undone in some cases.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's true or not. I don't know if I've wired my brain permanently like this, or if positive emotions really were perceptions of beauty, goodness, and worth all along.

Other Person's Response: If your brain is permanently wired like a drug addict's, then that would be very unfortunate, since you'd only have one thing (your positive emotions) to make your life positive.

My Reply: Yes. God and these spiritual beings would not only have allowed me to suffer here on Earth, but they'd also allow me to live such an unfortunate life.

Other Person's Response: Maybe your brain has been wired (conditioned) in such a way that value and emotions have become the same experience for you. Perhaps the brains of other people are wired differently than yours, and that's why they can perceive value in their lives independently of their emotions.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's true.

Other Person's Response: Would you consider yourself to be a health freak?

My Reply: No. That's because I don't take health to the extreme. I just keep myself in average, good health. Take note that, if I didn't have my positive emotions, then it wouldn't be classified as "good" health from my perspective, since positive emotions are the only real source of goodness. So, instead of saying good health, we'd say health at a certain level.

Other Person's Response: Even though you're someone who keeps his body healthy, you didn't keep your thoughts healthy. That's why you had all these miserable struggles.

My Reply: Yes. These thoughts and worries caused me much emotional suffering and misery.

Other Person's Response: Would you consider your unhealthy thought processes to be the worst, unhealthy habit you could have? At least with other unhealthy habits, such as ones that are bad for your body, your body can be in poor condition, but you're still happy, and your life is still beautiful and worth living.

My Reply: I do consider my unhealthy thought processes to be the worst, unhealthy habit I could have. Having such a habit only keeps me away from the experience of beauty, love, and joy I need in my life. So, I'd consider that to be a horrible habit.

Other Person's Response: I heard there are drugs that don't harm you. They are certain psychedelic drugs.

My Reply: I wouldn't take them anyway. Besides, it's possible to have a bad drug trip, and I wouldn't want to have a trip where I experience something that's just as horrible, or even worse than, those crippled states I've had in my nightmares. I talk about them here in this packet, as well as in my Recent Crisis Packet.

Other Person's Response: In regards to drug trips, people do re-experience horrible forms of suffering during a bad trip, whether it be an emotional crisis, or physical torture. People also have new, horrible experiences during a bad trip. So, it might be possible that your worry would come true in regards to drug trips. Even if the person is happy and doing just fine before he takes the drug, he might still have such a bad trip.

My Reply: In which case, I wouldn't want to take any drugs. Neither would I ever want to have a near death experience, where I go on a trip/journey. During near death experiences, people do experience something similar to a drug trip. So, when I say I wouldn't want to have a near death experience, I'm actually referring to those trips/journeys.

Other Person's Response: I heard those trips are hyper lucid states.

My Reply: Yes. What really troubles me is experiencing something that's just as horrible, or even worse than, what I've experienced in my nightmares. It would be much worse in a hyper lucid state, since it makes the experience much more alive and real.

Other Person's Response: If you've had many miserable moments in your life, then that makes it more likely you'll have a hellish near death experience, where you re-experience one of those miserable moments. People, who've had much emotional trauma and misery, are much more likely to have such hellish near death experiences.

My Reply: I hope that doesn't happen to me then. I'm not worried about re-experiencing a miserable moment I've had in my waking life. I'm just worried about experiencing something that's worse than those crippled states I've had in my nightmares. It could be a crippled state that's far more profound and powerful than what I've experienced in my nightmares.

Other Person's Response: Even if you don't re-experience what you've been through during a horrible trip, it's still possible to have a whole new experience that's worse than those crippled states in your nightmares.

My Reply: Yes, and that's what worries me.

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry of yours, it's possible you could have a trip that's just as powerful and profound of an experience as those crippled states in your nightmares. But, it could be a joyful, beautiful trip.

My Reply: That's possible.

Other Person's Response: If you were to go on a trip during a near death experience, then I hope it doesn't happen during an emotional crisis because it could be a horrible trip. If you're in a joyful, peaceful state of mind before you go on a trip, it's much more likely you'll have a beautiful, heavenly trip. But, being in a state of mental turmoil makes it much more likely you'll go on a hellish trip.

My Reply: I hope that doesn't happen to me then.

Other Person's Response: If it's possible that the horrible emotions, and not just the crippled states you've had during your nightmares, were experienced during a near death experience induced trip, would that also be a worry your mind would have a very difficult time letting go of?

My Reply: Yes. If it's possible these emotions would be worse than how I've experienced them during my nightmares, then that would be a very troubling worry.

Other Person's Response: Were there other negative emotions you felt during your nightmares, such as hate, disgust, or the feeling that you're a pitiful human being?

My Reply: Yes. As for these emotions, I'm not worried if I have them during a trip, no matter how powerful they are. I'm instead worried about having those crippled states, and those worse negative emotions I've had during my nightmares, such as those profoundly disturbing, tragic emotions. Those emotions were much worse for me, and that's why I'd be worried about having them during a trip.

Other Person's Response: So, you're not worried about experiencing the miserable, crippled states of your waking life during a horrible trip?

My Reply: That's right. Even if they were very intense experiences during the trip, the crippled states in my nightmares were far more profound experiences. So, it's experiencing something like the crippled states from my nightmares during a trip that worries me. Especially if it's a very intense experience during the trip, and many people, who go on trips, do report very intense experiences.

Other Person's Response: If you were to have a horrible trip during a near death experience, it's a hyper lucid experience, but is almost as horrible, or just as horrible, as those experiences you've had in your nightmares, then would that worry you?

My Reply: I think I'm worried about having an experience that's worse than what I've experienced in my nightmares. I can have a hyper lucid experience during a horrible trip. But, as long as the experience isn't worse than my nightmares, then I don't think I'd be worried. Actually, I'm not sure if I wouldn't be worried, and how bad the worry would be for me.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you've already had the worst experience possible, and you knew that. This means you wouldn't be having this worry because nothing can be worse than the worst experience possible.

My Reply: I think you're right.

Other Person's Response: Would you take a psychedelic drug if it was a last resort to change your life for the better?

My Reply: Yes. I hear people do have life changing experiences that change their lives for the better when they take these drugs. So, let's pretend, my life had no more beauty and worth. I'd take the psychedelic drug if it was the only way to change my life for the better.

Other Person's Response: I heard psychedelic drugs are illegal to take in the USA.

My Reply: Yes, and that's where I live.

Other Person's Response: I heard psychedelic drugs change you as a person. They make you a better person, and give you a better philosophy. I think that's because the drugs cause your soul to enter heavenly realms, where you acquire divine growth, and then return back to your physical body. I even hear people report that they're interested in intellectually involved subjects, such as physics and math, after taking psychedelics.

My Reply: Thanks for sharing.

Other Person's Response: You said you're a dumb person with no knowledge or life experience. It's such a shame you couldn't take those psychedelic drugs to make you a better, smarter person. There must be something wrong with you if you're this dumb and inexperienced, and these psychedelics would be a miracle cure for you.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard you say earlier that emotions become the experience of beauty, joy, or horror for us, once thoughts of beauty, joy, or horror trigger them. Since those crippled states you've had during your miserable struggles were triggered by negative thoughts and worries, that means those crippled states weren't just crippled states. They were literally horrible experiences for you. But, if you had clinical depression, and that put you into a very crippled state, then this crippled state wouldn't be a horrible experience for you, since it wasn't triggered by any negative thoughts or worries. Instead, it was just triggered by the depressive illness itself.

My Reply: Yes. Thoughts are very profound, powerful things, and they can make your life a living hell or a living paradise. But, they can only do it through emotions, which means they must make you feel emotions.

Other Person's Response: You say you've experienced the worst, miserable states of your life. By that, do you mean you've experienced the worst suffering possible?

My Reply: No. These were just the worst, miserable states of my personal life. I'm not saying I've had it the worst of all human beings.

Other Person's Response: As to why we're beings capable of experiencing misery and suffering, rather than pure joy, I think it's because we're sent here on Earth "as is." If we suffer, we suffer. If we have joy, we have joy. God really doesn't care about us. Neither do the spiritual beings in the other realms.

My Reply: That could be so. That could explain why innocent people suffer, and cruel people have much joy and riches. It could explain why life is so unfair and cruel for many people.

Other Person's Response: You think god and these spiritual beings are uncaring and unloving, since they allow much suffering. If you died a miserable death, and went to some horrible afterlife, do you think they'd just leave you there for all of eternity?

My Reply: Perhaps they would. Since they're allowing me to suffer here on Earth, then it's likely they'll allow me to suffer an eternity in some afterlife. They wouldn't care about me, and they'd just leave me there. I don't understand why these heavenly entities are so uncaring.

Other Person's Response: I don't care even if, let's pretend, you were the most cruel, **** person on this planet. Allowing someone to suffer an eternity in the afterlife is unacceptable. I wouldn't allow that upon my worst enemy.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I heard that people, who commit suicide when they're in a state of misery, end up in a miserable afterlife.

My Reply: That could be. But, what if someone commits suicide in a state of joy? Would that person end up in a heavenly, joyful afterlife? I don't plan on committing suicide. I'm just asking.

Other Person's Response: Since you call the experience of beauty and joy to be the holy, inner light, does that means positive emotions are the only holy, inner light a person can have?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Humanity brings suffering upon themselves, due to their own ignorance. But, you're right when you say it would be great if these beings could heal us of our suffering and help us.

My Reply: Then why did these beings allow humanity to be ignorant? Why didn't they bestow the knowledge we need upon us before we arrived on Earth? These beings have the power to bestow such knowledge upon us, after all. So, I don't understand why they're not doing it.

If I had such knowledge, then that would've prevented many of my miserable struggles. I think it was my own ignorance that caused much of my struggles. For example, not knowing if my worry about near death experiences would come true or not caused me much suffering.

This worry was a very negative thought that caused me much emotional turmoil. Some people would tell me that not knowing if my worry would come true or not shouldn't have caused me mental turmoil.

But, it still did. It's possible that my worry would come true, and that possibility has caused me much suffering. But, if my worry wouldn't come true, and I knew that, then I wouldn't have had this recent, emotional crisis to begin with. So, that's why these beings should've bestowed upon me the knowledge that my worry wouldn't come true (if it really wouldn't come true).

Other Person's Response: God and these spiritual beings are supposed to be all-knowing and all-loving. So, I don't understand why they're not helping those who are suffering.

My Reply: Exactly. That means god and these beings would know all the suffering I've been through, but did nothing about it.

Other Person's Response: In case your worry were to come true, these beings could prevent it from coming true. From there, they could bestow the knowledge upon you that your worry isn't going to come true anymore.

My Reply: Yes. That would've also prevented this recent, emotional crisis I've had.

Other Person's Response: I heard that people, who meet god during their trips, report that god is an all-loving being of light who doesn't judge you, regardless of what deeds you have done.

My Reply: So, that means he doesn't judge the acts of serial killers as horrible or disgusting, and neither does he judge the serial killers themselves as horrible or disgusting people?

Other Person's Response: How can he be an all-loving god if he's allowing people to suffer, and not judging the acts of serial killers, or other immoral acts, as horrible and disgusting?

My Reply: God can still judge it as a beautiful thing for that serial killer to make up for what he's done, and to not harm anyone again. My point is, you can still be an all-loving being or person, even if you have no disgusting or horrible judgments about someone or something. As for god allowing suffering, I don't know why he does this.

Other Person's Response: I don't think this being of light (god) judges at all. He doesn't judge anything or anyone as beautiful, good, bad, horrible, or disgusting.

My Reply: If he's a being of light, then that means he's beauty, love, and joy itself. That means he's only experiencing beauty, love, and joy. Thus, everything can only be beautiful, good, and amazing to him. So, I think he only judges things in a positive way, and he has no negative judgments. Negative judgments would make him a being of darkness, or an inner demon, since he'd be having a negative experience, such as the experience of disgust, tragedy, sadness, hate, etc.

Other Person's Response: Here's a link, which talks about how god is this being of light who doesn't judge:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPSVUvJv9lU

My Reply: Thanks for sharing. But, I do think god judges things and people as beautiful and worthwhile.

Other Person's Response: If god's an all-loving being of light, then why did he bestow upon humanity the capability to hate? If god created humans as all-loving beings who could not hate, then humans would be reflections of god himself, who's all-loving. If humans could not hate, then that means there'd be much less suffering in the world.

My Reply: Exactly. Since god has no capability to hate, then humans shouldn't either. Also, I don't think god feels any negative emotions, since he's a being of light. He can only feel positive emotions. So, why couldn't humans only feel positive emotions, and not feel any negative emotions?

Other Person's Response: I'm not sure, but I think we're perfect, all-loving beings up in heaven, while here on Earth, we hate, destroy, and inflict suffering upon others. Not only that, but there's no pointless suffering or hardships up in heaven. It's a profoundly joyful place to be. Given this, there's really no point in going through all this trouble of trying to make this Earthly existence a better place by trying to change other hateful people, trying to awaken humanity to higher, loving consciousness, trying to eliminate suffering, etc. when heaven is already the best life to live.

It's a place where all human beings are all-loving, since we possess this higher, loving consciousness, once our souls leave our limiting bodies, and travel to these heavenly realms. Being on Earth only limits us, our understanding, our experience, and knowledge. That's why there's so much hate on Earth. But, when we live in these heavenly realms, we obtain higher, divine knowledge and experience, which allows us to realize the importance of love and other things. In these heavenly realms, we have a much higher level of consciousness, as opposed to the very small, limited level of consciousness we have on Earth, which only serves to render humanity in a state of ignorance, hate, suffering, etc.

My Reply: Exactly. Earth is a **** place to be, while heaven is the grand, beautiful place to be. Why have ****, when you can instead have gold? Why have a **** life and **** human beings, when you can instead have an amazing life and amazing human beings? Not only that, but being up in heaven apparently makes us highly intelligent. Again, why have dumb people on Earth, when you can instead have these dumb people become intelligent people by having their souls be up in heaven? It would be much better if all human beings on Earth were relocated to heaven, remained there for all of eternity, and never came to Earth again.

Other Person's Response: I heard spiritual believers say that we come to this Earthly life because there are certain things we can only obtain here on Earth that we can't obtain in heaven.

My Reply: I thought heaven was a place where we can get anything we wanted though.

Other Person's Response: As for being in heaven, I think it would be boring, getting everything I wanted, handed to me.

My Reply: But, you could choose to never be bored of that, and heaven would grant you that wish. So, you could choose to be in a state of intense, profound excitement for all of eternity, never to be bored of having everything handed to you. I think feeling bored is the only way to be bored anyway, and there are no negative emotions up in heaven, which means there can be no boredom in heaven.

Other Person's Response: Since we can get anything we want in heaven, then could we choose to have illnesses and suffering in heaven?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When we're up in heaven, we don't even have negative thoughts, do we? That means we can't have thoughts of things or situations becoming boring. Neither can we have thoughts of hate, despair, or disgust. There can only be positive thoughts and positive emotions up in heaven.

My Reply: That might be the case. That means we could only have the most profound thoughts and emotions of beauty, love, and joy for all of eternity. Even if we did have negative thoughts and negative emotions in heaven, we could choose to not have them. It would be a wish we could be granted. So, it wouldn't matter how much nice things we got handed to us in heaven; we could still choose to have the most profound, intense thoughts and emotions of beauty, love, and joy for eternity.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend heaven was a place where there can be no negative thoughts and negative emotions. Could we still choose to have them anyway?

My Reply: Yes, since heaven grants our every wish.

Other Person's Response: How would all human beings be relocated to heaven?

My Reply: Maybe god, or some spiritual, heavenly being, could magically teleport them all to heaven. Their souls could be relocated into new, better, heavenly, physical bodies. Actually, the souls could choose if they want to roam free, or have physical bodies, the moment they're relocated to heaven.

Other Person's Response: I realize you're considering better, smarter solutions here. You think it would be better if all humans lived in heaven, and never had to come to Earth. But, don't you think god's plan is the better, smarter solution? After all, why would god be dumb and unloving? I think his plan is intelligent and all-loving. But, you just don't realize this.

My Reply: I just don't see how it's intelligent and all-loving. For example, what's the point of allowing human beings to become serial killers and psychopaths on Earth, when they can instead become all-loving, harmless beings up in heaven? Spiritual believers always talk about how love is so important and precious. Especially the New Age spiritual believers. Since heaven is where all human beings can have the most profound, intense love towards one another, then there's simply no point being here on Earth.

Other Person's Response: I realize there are mental illnesses that prevent people from loving and having a connection with others. For example, you having autism renders you not having much of a personal connection with others, which is why you wouldn't grieve if your pets, or if your mother, died. Since New Age spiritual believers always talk about how love and interconnectedness is so important, then it makes no sense why some people are here on Earth to suffer from mental illnesses, such as psychopathy, autism, and schizophrenia, which cause them to lose connection, and have less love towards other people and living things. There are also forms of brain damage that cause a person to lose connection with others, and love others less.

My Reply: Exactly. We wouldn't have these problems if we were up in heaven. Spiritual believers claim our brains are receivers here on Earth. So, when something goes wrong with the brain, that prevents the brain from receiving what's needed for the person to love and have a connection with others.

Other Person's Response: You say you can't achieve your composing dream of creating memorable music that moves the audience and expresses the scenes, moments, etc. you wish to express to the audience. Perhaps you just need to develop a connection with others. Maybe then you'll know what melodies to create that will achieve your goal.

My Reply: I'm not sure about this. I just might be no good at composing such melodies.

Other Person's Response: Your autism and mental disability might be preventing you from obtaining greater values into your life than your emotional-based values. I agree it makes no sense why souls are here on Earth to suffer from such mental illnesses.

My Reply: I don't understand either. I might not be able to become a better, stronger person with a better philosophy, all thanks to my mental disability.

Other Person's Response: Spiritual believers say there's often times no hope for psychopaths, since they'll continue to hate others, and have murderous intents. It makes me wonder why god, and the spiritual beings, allow these psychopaths to remain in such a hopeless predicament with their mental illness.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If heaven is so wonderful, then why not just kill yourself to get there right now?

My Reply: First of all, I might end up in a hellish afterlife if I do that. I might remain there, which means god and these spiritual beings might not ever get me out. Again, since they allow me to suffer here on Earth, they might allow me to suffer an eternity in some hellish afterlife. Secondly, this might actually be the only life for me. In which case, I'd have to live the longest, happiest life I can here on Earth, since it's the only life I got.

Other Person's Response: I agree god's plans seem dumb and unloving. So, maybe, god doesn't exist then, and this really is the only life. After all, I'd expect this life to be a utopia world, where we all love one another, if god really did exist. Actually, why be on Earth in the first place? I'd expect all human beings to be in heaven right now if god, and these heavenly beings, existed.

My Reply: Exactly.

Other Person's Response: Do you still consider the possibility that god exists, and that he's intelligent and all-loving, despite the fact it doesn't seem that way?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard there are higher, heavenly realms that allow us to experience a more profound, more intense level of love, joy, and beauty than what the lower, heavenly realms would offer us.

My Reply: But, we don't need to go through anything to obtain these higher, heavenly realms. Since heaven grants our every wish, then we can just enter these higher realms if we wanted to. That means I don't need to suffer, or go through any form of hardship, to obtain these higher realms of love, beauty, and joy.

Other Person's Response: I heard souls come to this Earthly life to learn and grow. For example, some souls need to obtain more love towards other human beings, which is why they come to Earth to undergo hardships.

My Reply: Since we already have all the love and knowledge we need in the heavenly realms, then there's no point in coming to Earth to obtain something we already have, that we lose, once we arrive on Earth. When we come to Earth, we just lose our all-loving, all-knowing attributes as divine, spiritual beings. Like I said, Earth is a very limiting place. This Earthly existence only keeps us in a lower, inferior state of consciousness. That's what so many New Age spiritual believers say. They say, once our souls are set free of our physical bodies, and travel back to our true home (the heavenly realm), that's the moment we become divine, all-loving, all-knowing, spiritual beings, with hyper lucidity.

Other Person's Response: You're right. When we're in the heavenly realm, we possess Universal Knowledge and unconditional love, which we lose, once we arrive on Earth. We also lose memory of our ultimate existence and status as divine, spiritual beings in the heavenly realm.

My Reply: Then, like I said before, what's the point of being here on Earth?

Other Person's Response: I take it strength of character is something we also lose when we arrive on Earth.

My Reply: Yes. When we're in the heavenly realm, not only are we all-knowing and all-loving, but we are mighty, powerful, spiritual beings.

Other Person's Response: Since we have all the knowledge and love we need when we're in the heavenly realm, that means we've already learned all the life lessons we need to learn.

My Reply: Which is why it's pointless to learn them all over again when we arrive on Earth. What makes matters worse is having to relearn the same life lesson over and over again, when we keep on reincarnating into new, human bodies here on Earth. It's absurd and pointless.

Other Person's Response: Do god, and these spiritual beings, bestow upon us all the knowledge and love we need when our souls are in the heavenly realm? Or, do we already possess all this knowledge and love when we're in heaven?

My Reply: I'm not sure.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you were just an ordinary soul, in the heavenly realm, with not much knowledge, love, and experience, then you could just choose to be a perfect soul/being who's all-knowing and all-loving. After all, heaven grants our every wish. So, you could have this wish granted to you.

My Reply: Yes. That's why it's pointless for me to go through a learning and growing process here on Earth.

Other Person's Response: As long as god feels intense, profound love, then that makes him an all-loving being, according to your philosophy, regardless if his plan is dumb or not.

My Reply: Still, I'd expect god to be someone who heals suffering people, and implements wise plans for humanity. After all, he should feel the desire to help humanity, and make wise choices that would be far more beneficial for us as a human race. I don't see why he wouldn't act out on that desire. The same idea applies to the heavenly, spiritual beings. I see no reason why they wouldn't act out on that desire.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend the Christian god was real, and he wanted you to live by the bible. How would you respond to that? Living the Christian life comes with a lot of hard work and responsibility. I don't think you'd like that.

My Reply: I'd tell god he needs to lower his standards, and appreciate me as a human being, rather than deeming me as a sinner who will go to hell, unless I live my life, obeying the Christian doctrine. I'd tell him I just want to live how I want to live, and that he should give me the eternal, blissful afterlife of my dreams after I die.

Other Person's Response: So, rather than living for others, and living in obedience, you want to live for yourself, to be disobedient, and, from there, you tell others they just need to lower their standards. You want to be catered to, and you don't want to meet the standards of others. That would even include the Christian god's standards.

My Reply: Yes. But, I do obey certain rules of society, such as not stealing, raping, or committing crimes. I'm not the type of person to do those things, anyway. Other than that, I should be free to live however I want to live. I shouldn't have to live my life, obeying the Christian doctrine, or helping others. I don't need to serve god or humanity. I have my rights as a human being, which means I have the right to live how I want to live.

Other Person's Response: Basically, you serve yourself, and you don't want to be a slave to god or humanity?

My Reply: Yes. I have my rights and freedom as an individual.

Other Person's Response: I take it you deem the higher standards of others as unfair?

My Reply: Yes. The Christian standard is especially unfair, since you are expected to obey so many things. Otherwise, if you live in disobedience, you go to an eternal hell.

Other Person's Response: It seems you don't want to have the responsibilities of an adult. You don't want to live by the Christian doctrine, and neither do you wish to be a father and take care of a child.

My Reply: Correct. But, when it comes to responsibilities that are necessary, I'd have to do those things. For example, I still need to brush my teeth, take a shower, etc. But, if someone asked me to help him do something I don't need to do, then that's unnecessary. Especially if it's something he can do himself. I could do it anyway just to shut him up because I don't want to be pestered or yelled at. But, I really don't need to meet a higher standard as an individual. People need to learn to accept and appreciate me just the way I am. I only need do those things which are absolutely necessary, and that should be good enough.

Other Person's Response: But, if you enjoyed helping that person who wanted you to help him, then it would be something good and worthwhile to you, yes?

My Reply: Yes. Still, it's my choice if I want to help that person or not.

Other Person's Response: When your mother dies, you're going to have to be responsible in taking care of the house. Did your mother discuss this with you yet?

My Reply: She did. Since that's absolutely necessary, then I have no issues with that.

Other Person's Response: What if you couldn't enjoy taking care of the house? That means it wouldn't be beautiful, good, or worth doing in your life.

My Reply: Even so, I'd still take care of the house anyway.

Other Person's Response: What if the Christian god was real, and you really were going to hell, unless you obey his word? What if he wouldn't listen to you when you tell him he needs to lower his standards?

My Reply: Then I'm afraid I'd have no choice but to serve him. It's either that, or an eternity in hell. That would be an eternal place of suffering, and I obviously wouldn't want that. Especially considering how I'm already complaining about the amount of suffering here on Earth. Fortunately, I don't believe in Christianity. I vehemently question such religious dogma, since it goes against my rights and standards as an individual. I wouldn't expect an all-loving god to condemn people to an eternal hell, or to put them up to such a high standard and, from there, deeming them as sinners if they don't meet said standard. I'd honestly expect an all-loving god to create a utopia life for us, where we can be happy all we want, and have our rights/freedom preserved.

Other Person's Response: I heard you're undecided on debatable topics anyway. That's another reason why you don't believe in Christianity.

My Reply: That's correct.

Other Person's Response: Why can't you decide on debatable topics, whether it be Christianity, or anything else?

My Reply: It's because I don't have the intelligence, nor the intellectual capacity to arrive at the truth. It takes a very smart, intellectually capable person to arrive at the right, definite conclusion, despite all the material and debate out there regarding such topics. I just don't have that capability. Nor do I have interest in doing any research. I talk even more about this in my Undecided Packet.

Other Person's Response: You don't have to be that smart and intellectually capable to make a decision in regards to these topics.

My Reply: I think you do. Otherwise, you'd only be jumping to conclusions, and said conclusion may or may not be the right one. To know for sure if it's the right conclusion or not, that requires someone who's very smart and intellectually capable. So, a person could conclude that ghosts are real, based upon a few experiences he's had, and a little bit of research he's conducted. But, unless he knows for sure it's the right conclusion, then he's just blindly jumping to conclusions without realizing it. He's convinced ghosts are real. But, that doesn't mean they are real.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the truth, we can never know, with absolute, 100% certainty, whether a given claim is true or not. The closest we can ever get to the truth is 99.9%. That means we can only say if ghosts and the afterlife are very likely to exist or not. We can't say with 100% certainty if they exist or not.

My Reply: Then, like I said, I can't decide if they're likely to exist or not.

Other Person's Response: I'm a Christian, and I think you're going to hell if you don't live the Christian life. You don't need to be smart, or do any research to know that the Christian god is real. God has implanted his knowledge within us, which means we should naturally know he exists, and that he has created the world. Call it an inner voice, if you like. Nonbelievers would only be in denial of this inner voice to claim Christianity is bull ****, or that they don't know if Christianity is true or not.

My Reply: I know I don't have this inner voice, and I know I'm not in denial. I honestly don't know if god, the afterlife, and Jesus are real or not. But, I do have an inner voice of my own, and that would be to just live how I want to live, to not listen to such dogma, and that positive emotions are the way to a beautiful life. Just live a happy life, and don't adhere your life to religious dogma that makes you feel unhappy! You don't need to bear your cross, as the bible says, or anything of the sort!

Other Person's Response: Your own inner voice is the voice of sin, blocking you off from the Christian god's inner voice! You just want to live in disobedience, and that's preventing you from realizing the truth of god's existence!

My Reply: Well, I'd be put in a hopeless predicament where, not only can't I decide on god's existence, but am not willing to live my life by the Christian doctrine. So, really, it's god's fault for not telling me, with a powerful, compelling voice, that he exists. If the Christian god is all-powerful, then he should be able to convince me, right now, that he exists, regardless of how much sin I have within me. He should be able to bestow upon me the divine realization that he's real.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 16/26)

Other Person's Response: If we want that divine realization, then we must personally seek it out ourselves. You can't expect god to just hand it to you! When we live the Christian life, and do our best to refrain from sin, then we earn that divine realization. That's when we can hear god's inner voice.

My Reply: Why must I seek it out for myself? An atheist, who thinks Christianity is a lie, wouldn't even bother living the Christian life, or refraining from sin. So, why would the Christian god just leave him in such a hopeless predicament? The atheist isn't going to seek out that divine realization, since he thinks it's all bull ****. That's why, if god is so all-loving and all-just, he should just bestow this divine realization into the atheist's spirit right then and there.

The atheist would then realize god exists, and that he's going to hell, unless he obeys god's word. That would then save him from an eternity in hell if he obeys. It would simply be unjust for god to not bestow upon the atheist this divine realization right then and there in order to save him. So, god should do the same with me. He should realize I'm not going to bother with, what already seems like, dogmatic bull ****. Thus, he should bestow upon me the realization that he exists, that this dogma is real, and I'm going to hell, unless I obey it.

Other Person's Response: I know many nonbelievers, who have lived the Christian life, and refrained from sin the best they could. Yet, they still didn't receive that divine realization.

My Reply: In which case, it makes it all the more futile to even bother doing so. Who knows, people who did acquire this "divine realization" might've just been convinced Christianity is real, when it's not. They might've had fear and paranoia convincing them of something that's not true. They might've also had obedient tendencies convincing them as well.

Other Person's Response: I don't think god would be all-loving if he's not warning you or the atheist.

My Reply: I agree. If the Christian god really is all-loving, then his love should extend beyond the sacrifice of Jesus for our sins. He should also warn people like me and the atheist that we're going to hell, unless we obey his command. If he were to have Jesus sacrificed for our sins, and do other loving acts for humanity, but not warn us, then that's one act devoid of love on god's part. Hence, he wouldn't be an all-loving, all-just god.

How can it be a loving act if god is just sitting back, allowing me and the atheist to hopelessly be condemned to an eternal hell? If he's so loving, he should be frantic to do everything in his power to warn humanity, rather than just leaving behind a bible to warn us (which many people don't believe in). I know there are claims of evidence supporting Christianity, such as the Shroud of Turin. But, like I said, I'm undecided on debatable topics.

That means the bible, and all this claimed evidence, isn't enough to convince me the Christian god is real, and that I'm going to hell if I don't obey. That puts god in a position where he must convince me and other nonbelievers by force somehow. If he doesn't, then he's not an all-loving god. Even people who are lazy and unwilling to search for the truth, or live a Christian life, should be warned by god. I'd be one of those people. So, I should be hearing god's powerful, convincing voice within me right now if he's so loving and wishes to save me.

Other Person's Response: How can he convince you by force though?

My Reply: He could bestow upon me the divine knowledge that he's real. Thus, I'd know he's real right then and there, rather than having to search for the truth of his existence for myself. That also applies to the idea that I'm going to hell if I don't obey. God could bestow that knowledge upon me as well. God's all powerful, and I'm quite sure he could do that.

Other Person's Response: If the Christian god is real, then you're right when you say he wouldn't be an all-loving god if he's not frantic to do all he can to warn humanity of condemnation to hell. If there was a parent and a child, then the parent wouldn't be all-loving if he's not doing everything in his power to warn the child of immense suffering that would happen to her. Especially suffering that's eternal.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: Well, I don't think god would be all-loving if he's condemning people to an eternal hell in the first place.

My Reply: I agree. Even if god did warn people by force, and these people still didn't obey his command, I still don't think god should condemn these people to an eternal hell. It would still be a cruel act.

Other Person's Response: Christians say that nonbelievers aren't genuinely convinced that god isn't real. Rather, they just deny his existence.

My Reply: Based upon my own personal experience, I don't think that's the case because I don't believe in god, but I'm not denying some inner voice, telling me god is real.

Other Person's Response: Christians say that the god, advocated by New Age Spirituality, isn't an all-loving god. I think he is because he wants us to grow in love and compassion towards other human beings by helping others, contributing to the world, etc. By growing in love and compassion, that's how we become closer to god. Even though the Christian god also wants us to do the same thing, at least the New Age god doesn't condemn people to an eternal hell. So, I think the Christians have it all backwards. The Christian god wouldn't be an all-loving god at all, since no loving, just god would do such a horrible deed.

My Reply: I agree the Christian god wouldn't be all-loving and all-just.

Other Person's Response: When it comes to the Christian doctrine of sin, unrepentant sinners don't automatically go to hell. Rather, it's god himself who condemns them to hell on Judgment Day. So, god is the unloving enemy. That means we're not trying to be saved from hell itself because hell is just a place of fire. Rather, we'd be trying to save ourselves from being condemned to hell. If the Christian god never existed, then there'd be no people burning alive in hell.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: You say the Christian god's standard is set unreasonably high. If he lowered his standard, then he'd no longer be a holy god. So, his standard is a holy standard.

My Reply: I don't agree. I think his standard being so high makes him an unholy god.

Other Person's Response: According to fundamentalist Christianity, when we sin and don't repent, we go to hell. But, if wild animals sin and don't repent, they don't go to hell. As a matter of fact, I don't think their animalistic actions would even be considered sinful by god. So, if their actions aren't deemed sinful by god, then why is it all of a sudden a sin when human beings perform these actions?

Why are wild animals free to go about their own business, while human beings must live their lives in obedience, lest they suffer an eternity in hell? It makes no sense. It's like saying the cruel, unloving acts of a pet aren't cruel or unloving and, thus, the pet doesn't deserve punishment. But, if people did these same deeds, then it's all of a sudden cruel, unloving, and these people deserve punishment. My point is, if human beings are subjected to the doctrine of sin and hell, then wild animals should be as well.

My Reply: Well, wild animals can't read. That means they don't know about the gospel. I heard from fundamentalist Christians that, if you read the gospel, and don't repent from your sins, and give yourself to Jesus, then you go to hell. But, let's pretend, wild animals could read and understand anyone who talks about the gospel, they read or heard the gospel, but still lived their usual lives of disobedience to god. Would they go to hell now? If not, then why must I go to hell if I live in disobedience? Why can't god just lower his standards, and treat me as a wild animal?

Why can't he just let me be free to live the hedonistic life I want to live without condemning me, and deeming me as a sinner? He should understand that I'm someone who doesn't want to have major responsibilities, such as being a father, or living the Christian life. So, he should just change his perspective of me as an individual. Rather than seeing me as a disgusting, unrepentant sinner who deserves to suffer an eternity in hell, he should just see me as a wild, happy animal.

Maybe he should just see me as a happy bunny. Besides, I don't harm or torture anybody. So, I really don't deserve to be punished. Especially with an eternal hell. That really makes me like a wild, happy, harmless bunny. I think god should treat me as such. He should just hand me an eternal, blissful life after I die without expecting me to obey his dogma. After all, that's what he'd do for a happy, little bunny, wouldn't he? He wouldn't expect anything from the bunny, and he'd just let it roam free in his heavenly paradise.

Other Person's Response: If you had to do some work in order to obtain the eternal, blissful afterlife of your dreams, are you sure you wouldn't do that work?

My Reply: I'd do that work, since such a life would be the best life of my dreams. I'd even adhere my life to a doctrine if I had to. But, I think god should just hand me that heavenly afterlife, since it would be a loving gift he should naturally hand over to people who are kind, harmless, and polite, such as myself. I've also been through much suffering in my life, and god didn't do anything about it. So, that's another reason why he should definitely hand me that afterlife after my physical body dies. He should hand it over to me as an apology for allowing me to go through all that pointless suffering.

Other Person's Response: You say you're like a happy, harmless bunny. But, you wouldn't be happy during your miserable struggles.

My Reply: Correct. So, I'd be like a miserable bunny, trapped in a cage. But, once I'm fully recovered, I'm like a happy bunny who's been set free.

Other Person's Response: I hear Christians say that, if god let humanity be free to do what they want, didn't punish them, and just handed them his heavenly kingdom, then that wouldn't be love and justice on god's part. So, if the Christian god's standards are supposed to be right and holy for humanity, then why would it be right and holy for god to allow wild animals to be free to do what they want, not punish them, and just hand them his heavenly kingdom?

My Reply: Exactly. I don't know why the Christian god's standards wouldn't apply to wild animals or insects.

Other Person's Response: In regards to Christianity, I'm a fundamentalist Christian, and I think hell is just for those who deserve it.

My Reply: Well, if I am a sinner who deserves to go to hell, then I don't realize it. It's unjust to condemn someone to everlasting torment in hell. Especially someone who's unaware that they're a sinner. If the Christian god is real, then I don't realize it. So, why shouldn't he give me a 2nd chance when I meet him on Judgment Day?

Other Person's Response: If you're supposed to obey the Christian god's standards, then you're unaware of it. It would be like a child who didn't know he was supposed to obey. So, I don't think you'd deserve punishment.

My Reply: Exactly.

Other Person's Response: I heard the Christian god does condemn people to hell who've never known about the gospel.

My Reply: That's not fair and loving at all! The very least he could've done was informed them, rather than allowing them to remain ignorant, hopeless, sinners.

Other Person's Response: If wild animals are supposed to obey the Christian god's standards, then they'd be unaware of this, since they're just animals. So, I don't think they'd deserve punishment either.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: You know the gospel though, which means you already know you're supposed to obey god's word.

My Reply: Again, I don't know if Christianity is even real or not. So, how can I be put to blame for not obeying a god I didn't know existed?

Other Person's Response: I think you know, deep down, that the Christian god is real, and you just don't want to obey him. There's that little voice deep within you, telling you he's real, and you just deny that voice!

My Reply: False. I honestly don't know if god and the afterlife exist or not. I actually have some doubt that the Christian god is real because how would it be fair to condemn someone to hell, whose doubt prevents him from even bothering with fundamentalist Christianity, and its bull **** dogma in the first place? I mean, if the Christian god was real, and he was truly all-fair and all-loving, then anyone with doubts in fundamentalist Christianity should be kindly treated and informed by god, on Judgment Day, that his doubts were wrong, that the Christian god is real, and that he must obey, or he goes to hell.

He should be given a 2nd chance on Judgment Day. How would it be fair to just condemn him to hell for disobedience, when he had no choice but to disobey, due to his doubt? I realize Christianity speaks of free will, and how we have choices. But, if someone has doubt, or complete disbelief in a doctrine, then it's obvious he's not going to choose to obey that doctrine. He can't be punished and put to blame for that. The more you're convinced of Christianity, the more likely you're going to obey its doctrine. The less convinced you are, the less likely you're going to obey. So, someone like me, who has doubt in Christianity, is very unlikely to even obey its doctrine.

Other Person's Response: Well, what about people who didn't believe in Christianity, but still lived the Christian life, and obeyed the Christian doctrine in hopes that they regained belief in Jesus? That disproves your notion that, the less you're convinced of Christianity, the less likely you're going to obey its doctrine.

My Reply: Then there must've been some level of belief in Christianity, making them obey the Christian doctrine. I mean, if these people disbelieved in Christianity completely, then they'd treat it as being no different than the claim that Santa is real, or any wild, made-up claim being real (such as a teapot orbiting Jupiter). In other words, they'd dismiss Christianity, and not bother obeying its doctrine, just as how they would with any wild claim. It's absurd to think that an atheist (someone who has no belief in Christianity whatsoever) would bother obeying the Christian doctrine, just as how it's absurd to think that scientists would spend their time and effort, searching for a teapot orbiting Jupiter.

Other Person's Response: So, if the Christian god was real, and he condemned disobeying atheists to hell, then that would be just as absurd as there being a god who condemns scientists to hell, since they didn't bother searching for a teapot orbiting Jupiter? Thus, the fundamentalist Christian god can't be real, since he'd be an absurd god, rather than an all-fair, all-loving god.

My Reply: Yes. If you're not convinced of something at all, and you treat it as being like any wild claim, then you shouldn't be punished or put to blame for not wasting your time and effort with that said thing. Still, maybe this absurd, Christian god is real, and he's condemning people to hell, regardless of how unfair, unjust, and unloving it is. But, we'd no longer be talking about the Christian god anymore, since the Christian god is claimed to be all-just and all-loving. I don't know what to say about this one. I'm a bit confused here.

Other Person's Response: Even if the Christian god was real, and you obeyed him, you might still be condemned to hell on Judgment Day, given how absurd and cruel this god is.

My Reply: You could be right. I might be condemned to hell over some trivial sin.

Other Person's Response: I heard god gives those, who've never heard the gospel, another chance on Judgment Day. God should also give those, who have heard the gospel, but aren't convinced, another chance. It would be unfair and unloving to condemn someone like you to hell. I realize you've heard the gospel. But, you're a completely ignorant person, and you're not very intelligent. You still don't know if the Christian god and hell are real or not. To condemn you to hell would be like condemning an ignorant child to hell.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I heard fundamentalist Christians say that people, who have near death experiences, meet a false god in the heavenly realms, who convinces them there is no hell or judgment. If that's the case, then how would it be fair and loving for the real god to condemn these deceived people to hell on Judgment Day? They really didn't know any better.

My Reply: Exactly.

Other Person's Response: If you were to have a hellish, Christian-themed, near death experience, would that convince you that the Christian god, and his doctrine of hell, are real? Some people, who have such near death experiences, are convinced.

My Reply: I still wouldn't be convinced because, like I said, I'm undecided when it comes to debatable topics. Whether such near death experiences pinpoint to Christianity being true or not is debatable. As a matter of fact, different people have different trips during their near death experiences. Buddhists might have a heavenly, Buddhist trip, where they see the Buddha, and Chinese people might have a trip where they encounter something that pertains to their religious beliefs.

Other Person's Response: If the Christian god is real, then I think he should give you a 2nd chance on Judgment Day. He should have you reincarnated, rather than just condemning you to eternal hell. Being reincarnated would allow you to repent, and obey god's word.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: If the Christian god is real, then you can't just obey him to save yourself from hell. You must obey him out of love. Otherwise, you will be condemned to hell.

My Reply: Yes, and I wouldn't want to go to hell.

Other Person's Response: You say you're open-minded towards the possibility that Christianity is real. That's like being open-minded towards the possibility that there's a teapot orbiting Jupiter. So, you can dismiss Christianity, just as how you can dismiss the claim that there's a teapot orbiting Jupiter.

My Reply: The fact is, I still consider the possibility that fundamentalist Christianity, and its doctrine of hell, could be real, despite my doubts. The reason why is because there is claimed, powerful, compelling evidence of Christianity, such as the Shroud of Turin, and other lines of claimed evidence. But, I don't know if it counts as actual evidence. Skeptics say it's no evidence at all, while other researchers and scientists say it's compelling evidence. Still, like I said, I have doubt in Christianity, and said doubt renders me not obeying the Christian doctrine to save myself from a hell, for disobeying sinners, that I doubt exists.

Other Person's Response: All religious gods could be real. If you're lucky, you might meet the Buddhist god, or some other type of kind, loving god. If you're unlucky, you might meet the Christian god after your physical body dies. I hear that people, who take drugs, and go on journeys, meet all sorts of gods. So, maybe, all religious gods are real.

My Reply: I hope I don't meet the Christian god then (if he is real).

Other Person's Response: If a person commits a crime, should we not send him to prison simply because he's unaware that it was a crime? No. He still goes to prison anyway. So, you should be going to hell anyway, even though you're unaware that you're a sinner. You're unaware that your disobedience of god's standards is a sin that will condemn you to hell. But, that's too bad. God doesn't care, and you're going to hell anyway.

My Reply: If a person was a serial killer, he should be put in prison, since he's a threat to society. But, if someone did something illegal that he didn't know was illegal, he shouldn't be punished for it. But, if he knew it was illegal, and still did it anyway, then he should be punished. It would be like a child who did something wrong, but didn't know it was wrong. The mother shouldn't punish or spank the child, since he didn't know better. But, the mother should if the child knew it was wrong.

So, it would be unjust and unloving for the Christian god to condemn me to eternity in hell, since I didn't know I was a sinner. Also, take note that we're talking about punishment here; not an eternal form of suffering. Punishment is simply meant to help a person learn to not do a certain misdeed again. That means it should last a little while, and not an eternity. To have someone suffer an eternity in hell isn't something I'd consider to be punishment. I'd consider it to be nothing but a cruel, brutal act.

If fundamentalist Christianity is real, and there is a hell, then there'd be people burning in hell right now, begging god that they've learned their lesson, and to be released. If burning in hell was a form of punishment, and not a heartless act, then god would release them. He'd say to them: "Well, you've learned your lesson. So, I'll set you free from hell." Not that I agree hell is a just form of punishment anyway, since it's roasting someone alive in a pit of lava. God could give them a lesser form of punishment, if they are deserving of punishment.

Other Person's Response: You say that, when a person deserves punishment, the punishment should only last a little while. For crimes, the punishment should last longer.

My Reply: I say punish the person until he's truly learned his lesson. If you punish a person too little, then that's not enough punishment, since he hasn't learned his lesson yet. If you punish a person when he's learned his lesson, then that's unjust. To punish someone who's truly changed his ways wouldn't be right. The moment the person changes is when the punishment should cease.

Remember, punishment is simply meant to make a person change his/her ways. So, if a person changes, and would never do that misdeed again, but punishment is still inflicted upon him, then that person is being given unnecessary punishment. So, I'd find it an unnecessary and cruel act to have people remain in prison, even though they've truly changed their ways.

Other Person's Response: If a person says he's changed his ways, but continues to do that misdeed anyway, then he still deserves punishment until he changes.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: If a mother spanked a child, then that would be a form of punishment to help the child learn his lesson. But, if the mother continually spanked the child (even when the child has learned his lesson), then that's just plain abuse. It would be a cruel act.

My Reply: Exactly. If the Christian god wishes to punish sinners, then he shouldn't punish someone with eternal torment. He should give them a form of punishment that isn't as cruel, and doesn't last forever. He should give them a form of punishment that they truly deserve. Otherwise, he'd be the most abusive, cruel god to have someone suffer forever in hell.

Other Person's Response: I think things, such as knowingly committing crimes, deserve punishment. I don't agree that disobeying the Christian doctrine is deserving of punishment. If you're a kind gentlemen who's just going about his own business, then you shouldn't be punished for things, such as working on the Sabbath, using the Lord's name in vain, or any of this other bull ****.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: Hell is a separation from god. When we sin and disobey, we go to hell as a natural result of being separated from god.

My Reply: Hell isn't the only way to be separated from god. For example, disobedient sinners, here on Earth, are already separate from god. You could also be living the beautiful, joyful life of your dreams, and be separate from the Christian god. So, if I'm going to some sort of afterlife as a natural result of being separated from god, then I'd want it to be a beautiful, joyful paradise. I think those other beings that are met during drug trips (such as the Machine Elves and Jesters) have their own paradise for us. I'd want to go there. I realize these beings aren't creating a happy paradise here on Earth for human beings. But, at least they have a paradise in their kingdom.

Other Person's Response: So, if the Christian god was real, you wouldn't want to have anything to do with him? You'd instead want to be with those other beings?

My Reply: Yes. The Christian god demands obedience, and condemns people to hell. But, these beings don't.

Other Person's Response: Going back to your philosophy of hedonism, when you have much negative thoughts, that will certainly block off the experience of beauty, love, and joy. It will block off all those positive experiences you need in your life.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: What about physical pain and physical pleasure? Can't they be horrible and beautiful experiences?

My Reply: No. During my miserable moments, I could smell the most intense, pleasant scent, and I could feel the most comfortable, relaxing sensation. But, that would bring my life no beauty or joy. I'd still be in a horrible state of mind.

Other Person's Response: Actually, physical pain and physical pleasure become good, bad, horrible, beautiful, or disgusting the moment you feel a certain emotion about them.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: It seems you're all alone in life, and all you have is your positive emotions.

My Reply: Actually, when I have my positive emotions, I can have fun, enjoy, and have a beautiful interaction or relationship with others. So, I'm not all alone. But, when I don't have my positive emotions, any interaction I have with my family can't be anything beautiful. It would amount to nothing. I can't love my family either without my positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you lived all alone for, say, millions of years, are you sure you wouldn't become sad, miserable, or depressed?

My Reply: I don't think I would because I have no attachment to any human being or pet. Thus, I'd be just fine, all alone in my own personal, happy, paradise. It would be like if a wild, exotic plant was all alone in some distant, tropical paradise. If I were to look at that, it wouldn't convey anything sad or miserable to me. It would convey something that's happy, exotic, and remote.

You could also think of it as being a situation where a person is all alone in his riches, and warming up in a spa. Sure, it's a lonely existence. But, it wouldn't be a sad, miserable existence. He has his life all to himself, and doesn't have to worry about any trouble other people or pets would give him. He wouldn't have to worry about any major responsibilities either, such as being a father and taking care of children.

Other Person's Response: I think it's people, who have an attachment to human beings and pets, who end up feeling sad and miserable if they lived a lonely existence for an extended period of time.

My Reply: Exactly. Since I have no such attachments, then that's why I'd be just fine, living alone for an extended period of time.

Other Person's Response: You'd be living all alone with only one thing to make your life beautiful (your positive emotions). I'd find that to be a depressing existence.

My Reply: To me, it wouldn't be sad or depressing, since I wouldn't feel that way about it.

Other Person's Response: Basically, you'd prefer to live for yourself, and your own riches and happiness, rather than living to take care of pets, living for humanity, and contributing to the world?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Would you want to live in a rich mansion all by yourself?

My Reply: Yes, and it would be lovely if it was a mansion that was located in a tropical paradise. I wouldn't want any pets, since I'd have to take care of them, and they'd mess up the place. But, I could have my family around, since they give me no problems.

Other Person's Response: Not only that, but having pets (such as dogs) could give you tics.

My Reply: Yes, and I wouldn't want that. That's why I prefer to have no pets. I also don't want the responsibility of having to take care of a pet. The less responsibilities I have, and the more free, luxury time I have to myself, the better.

Other Person's Response: If you were rich, you could just choose to live in a mansion that's closest to where you live.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: You say how a person thinks is how the person feels. That's not the case for everyone.

My Reply: If Jake thought that Jon was beautiful, but felt that Jon was disgusting, then there was actually a subconscious thought Jake was having, and it was a thought of disgust towards Jon. Jake might not realize that thought was there. But, it was there. So, how a person thinks is how a person feels.

Other Person's Response: So, if a person feels erotic all the time, that means he has a lot of erotic thoughts?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If a child feels a lot of emotions, such as the desire to throw a tantrum, then, once that child grows up to become an adult, you're saying he might no longer feel those emotions anymore, since he has more mature thought processes?

My Reply: Yes. When he was a child, he had childish thoughts, which caused him to feel those childish emotions. But, as an adult, he might no longer have those thoughts and emotions anymore. So, if he doesn't get what he wants as an adult, he might instead feel acceptance, rather than feeling the desire to throw a tantrum.

Other Person's Response: If how you think is how you will feel, then you must've not truly thought that cup on your table was something valuable and worthwhile if you didn't feel that way about it.

My Reply: Correct. I'd just have those words going through my mind that the cup is valuable and worthwhile. But, since it wasn't a true thought, that's why it didn't make me feel that way. Even if I did truly think that way, as long as that thought couldn't make me feel that way, due to a mental illness or other factor, then the cup would have no value and worth from my perspective.

Other Person's Response: What do you mean by "Not a true thought?"

My Reply: If you thought someone was ugly, and you just said to that person (or even in your own mind): "Yeah, whatever. You're beautiful," then you didn't really mean that. That quoted statement would, thus, be nothing more than words being uttered by your mouth, or in your mind. So, when you have a thought that something's beautiful or horrific, and you really mean it, that's when the thought makes you feel beauty or horror. If you don't mean it, then the thought wouldn't make you feel beauty or horror.

Other Person's Response: I know some people out there don't feel fear about dying, or being in dangerous situations. I'm quite sure it's because they have no fearful thoughts about these things.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: If a person doesn't feel fear when he's dying, or in a dangerous situation, then it could be a mental illness, preventing him from feeling fear. So, having fearless thoughts isn't the only way a person can be rendered without the capability to feel fear.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I hear people say they don't fear death, since they know there's a beautiful afterlife. So, that shows these people have a different way of thinking about death that prevents them from feeling fear about dying.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: People, who don't feel fear in regards to death, say death doesn't matter to them. The same idea applies to phobias. When a person no longer has a phobia, the thing or situation that once bothered him no longer bothers him.

My Reply: Yes. This shows that emotions make things matter to us. Without emotions, then nothing could matter to us or bother us.

Other Person's Response: If you had a phobia, and that phobia could never be eased one bit, do you think you could still bear through it?

My Reply: I'd still find myself very uneasy, and cowering away from the phobia. But, if the feeling of fear were to disappear, then I'd no longer have that phobia. Thus, I'd no longer cower, and I'd be at ease. That means I could encounter the situation with no fear anymore.

Other Person's Response: So, there are 2 things that can prevent thoughts from making us feel emotions:

1.) When it's not a true thought.

2.) If we have a mental illness, or other factors, preventing us from feeling certain emotions.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: Sometimes, we can't help what we think and feel. Our brains are conditioned to think, believe, and feel certain ways.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I realize there was a worry that caused you to feel miserable. It was your most recent one, and you said you truly thought to yourself that you have no reason to worry, that worrying is pointless, etc. Those must've not been true thoughts then if you still felt miserable.

My Reply: I tried my best to rid of that worry and, thus, my misery. But, nothing worked. Sometimes, things you think just don't help any. For example, a person might not tolerate someone, and nothing he thinks helps. He just absolutely cannot stand that person. With all my miserable struggles, nothing I thought helped them, and I had to wait in order for them to pass on their own.

Other Person's Response: Regarding your nightmares, were the horrific and disturbing emotions you felt during these nightmares entirely new feelings than what you would feel during your waking life?

My Reply: Yes. They were much deeper feelings. The feelings of beauty, love, and joy I've had in dreams were also much deeper experiences than what I would experience during my waking life. I'm quite sure they'd be very profound, powerful experiences during a drug trip. But, like I said, I'm not going to take drugs.

Other Person's Response: Were the horrific emotions you felt during your nightmares much deeper experiences than the horror you'd experience while watching a horror movie?

My Reply: Yes. The horror experienced during horror movies is simply a normal, healthy, cinematic experience. But, the horror I've experienced in my nightmares was not normal. It was very serious, and I required psychological help.

Other Person's Response: Someone, who's in need of serious, psychological help, such as someone who's suicidal, and lost a loved one, would certainly experience a more profound feeling of horror in his nightmares than the feeling of horror a normal, happy person would feel when he watches a horror movie, or just has an average nightmare.

My Reply: Yes. That's why the negative emotions I felt during my miserable struggles were much more profoundly horrible experiences than the negative emotions I'd normally feel when I'm happy and enjoying my life.

Other Person's Response: If you were happy and enjoying your life, then you could look at your nightmares on screen (if there was a way to record dreams and nightmares). But, those nightmares, which were once profoundly horrible experiences for you, would no longer be a horrible experience for you when you look at them on the screen.

My Reply: I might feel some negative emotion when watching them. I'm not sure. But, if I did feel a negative emotion, it would just be a normal, healthy experience, and not a profoundly disturbing or horrific emotion.

Other Person's Response: Now that you're almost fully recovered from this recent emotional crisis you've had (which you talk about), are you still having nightmares?

My Reply: Yes. But, the horrible emotions I feel in these nightmares are nowhere near as profound as what they were when I wasn't doing well. When I was very miserable, I had the worst nightmares of my life.

Other Person's Response: When you have dreams and nightmares, do you remember them?

My Reply: Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.

Other Person's Response: If those disturbing and horrific emotions from your nightmares, which you say could be more profound than the ones I've had, were carried on over to your waking life, would that be just as horrible of an experience? Sometimes, the emotions we feel during our dreams and nightmares do carry on over to our waking life. They linger a bit in our waking state, and then fade away.

My Reply: I did have this happen to me a few times. It was actually much worse experiencing them in my nightmares than in my waking state. Perhaps this is because you go deeper into the experience during a dream state. Also, there were horrible states I've experienced in these nightmares (the crippled ones I talk about in my Recent Crisis packet).

Such states cannot be experienced in a normal, waking state, since these were completely altered states. They were whole new experiences that one cannot experience normally in his waking life. If someone took a powerful drug, and had some sort of powerful experience, that experience (altered state) cannot be obtained not using a drug, or not having a dream (i.e. during one's normal state).

Other Person's Response: If you don't have power and control over your physical pain, it can become an overwhelming experience. But, physical pain could be inflicted upon a tough guy, or a Buddhist, and it wouldn't phase him much. That's because they have much power and control. I think the reason why those emotions were much worse experiences for you in your nightmares than your waking life is because, in dreams and nightmares, we don't have much power and control. Thus, any horrific, beautiful, or disturbing emotion becomes a completely overwhelming experience.

My Reply: That could be the case. I know that feelings of love and joy, during my dreams, became overwhelmingly loving, joyful experiences.

Other Person's Response: During nightmares and dreams, our minds are completely lost someplace else. When your mind is completely lost in some horrible or beautiful place, that will make the experience more powerful and profound for you. So, maybe, that's why dreams and nightmares tend to be more powerful, profound experiences for you than what you experience during your normal, waking life.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: Have you ever had lucid dreams and nightmares? If so, were the emotions you felt during these dreams and nightmares more profound and powerful experiences than what you'd experience during your normal, waking life?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry you're having, if you have a very horrible experience during a near death experience induced trip, do you really think it's possible for you to have an experience that's even worse than those crippled states you've had in your nightmares? I heard you say earlier that any horrible experience you have during your waking life isn't as bad as your nightmares, since your waking experience isn't as overbearing as your nightmare experience. So, in order to have a trip that's a worse experience than your nightmares, then it would have to be an even more overbearing experience than your nightmares.

My Reply: But, since I don't have such overbearing experiences during my waking life, I'm not sure if I can them during a hyper lucid state, which would be the state of consciousness people have during their trips. Still, it's possible, which is what worries me greatly.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 17/26)

Other Person's Response: You said that, sometimes, the horrible emotions you felt during your nightmares got carried on over to your waking life, but that they weren't as bad as what they were in your nightmares. I bet, if those emotions were intense enough during your waking life, they could turn out to be an even worse experience than your nightmares.

My Reply: That's possible. I'm not sure though. Maybe, it's just having these emotions during my nightmares that somehow makes them worse experiences for me.

Other Person's Response: People, who go on trips through near death experiences, report that what they've experienced was much more profound and intense than anything they could experience in their dreams and nightmares. So, it's quite possible that, if you were to have a horrible trip, that you'd experience something worse than those crippled states you've had in your nightmares.

My Reply: I hope that doesn't happen.

Other Person's Response: If you ever have a beautiful, heavenly trip during a near death experience, pay attention to how powerful that experience is for you. If it's a much more beautiful experience for you than any experience you've had in your dreams, then, chances are, any horrible experience you have during a trip would be much more horrible than any experience you've had in your nightmares.

My Reply: I'll pay attention then.

Other Person's Response: I thought you said negative emotions were the only horrible experiences one could have. Yet, here you are, saying you've experienced some sort of horrible altered state in your nightmares.

My Reply: That crippled state would still classify as an emotional state, even though it didn't seem like it. It seemed like a powerful, altered state, rather than simply a miserable feeling. I could also say the same thing about the crippled states of my waking life. These states have completely changed my entire life because they were very unhealthy states, where I had a whole new perspective on life. It was a very horrible, morbid perspective. But, these crippled states are still emotional states because a miserable, morbid state is still an emotional state.

Other Person's Response: It was those worries and thoughts you've had that put you into those altered states. That's why you had such a horrible, negative perspective on life.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: You said your subconscious mind was stuck on this worry 24/7 for over 3 years. That can happen sometimes. Our minds can get firmly stuck on a worry. Over time, the mind naturally lets go of it, which is why you're feeling better today. For worries that are not that troublesome, the mind will hold onto them for a little while. But, for the most troublesome worries (like your recent one), the mind will hold onto these for the longest period of time.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: How often do you have nightmares from this worry now?

My Reply: Not that often. When I wasn't doing well in the past, I was having a lot of nightmares. But, now, when a nightmare comes up, it's just imagery and sounds. There's not really any negative emotion there. Actually, sometimes there is. But, it's nowhere near as bad as the negative emotions I used to have in my nightmares.

Other Person's Response: If your brain was stuck like that for so long, then it must be because your brain is malfunctioning. It must be a mental illness. For example, the brains of clinically depressed people aren't working properly, and that would be a brain malfunction. When it comes to any mental illness in general, the brain is malfunctioning.

My Reply: In my case, it might not be a mental illness (brain malfunction) at all, and it's simply me being so worried on a subconscious level. As pointed out earlier, our minds can get firmly stuck on a worry for a very long time.

Other Person's Response: I think any normal person, as worried as you, wouldn't take over 2 years to fully recover. So, I think the very fact it took so long for you to recover means your brain wasn't working properly, and took a very long time to restore itself back to normal. Therefore, it must've been a brain malfunction, and not just an emotional crisis you've had.

My Reply: Maybe you're right.

Other Person's Response: Since your brain was chronically stuck in this miserable, worried state for so long, then perhaps it's because this was both a devastating worry your mind had a very difficult time resolving, and it was a brain malfunction, since certain areas of your brain were stuck in a chronically active state, while other areas were shut off, and not working.

My Reply: Yes. My positive emotions were shut off during that whole time, and so many negative emotions were active. This went on all day everyday for over 3 years, as I said before. I don't think that's normal. So, it might've also been a brain malfunction (a mental illness), in addition to being a worry my brain had a very difficult time resolving on its own.

Other Person's Response: Your mind couldn't let go of that worry for even 10 seconds, so you could be happy in those 10 seconds?

My Reply: That's correct. My subconscious mind had a firm grip on this worry, and wouldn't let go of it.

Other Person's Response: If a normal, healthy brain, that's not prone to any mental illness, had your recent emotional crisis, then how long would it take for that person's brain to fully recover from it? I know it's taken you about 3 years to almost fully recover from it. But, if that person could fully recover from it in just a few months, then this says your recent emotional crisis was not only a devastating crisis, but a mental illness. Your brain wasn't recovering at the normal rate it should've recovered, and that would be a mental illness. Not only that, but your brain was constantly stuck, 24/7, in a horrible, unhealthy, miserable state, since your brain was constantly stuck on this worry. I don't think a normal, healthy brain would be stuck like this.

My Reply: I'm not sure if there's a way to scientifically answer this question. It could've been a mental illness for me. But, then again, perhaps any normal person's brain would've been stuck like this, and would've taken this long to fully recover from it.

Other Person's Response: TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) is used for malfunctioning brains. For example, the brains of clinically depressed people are malfunctioning. So, sometimes, these people need TMS to alleviate their depression. TMS helps get their brains back into proper functioning.

Now, if this constant worry of yours isn't a mental illness, and is just a matter of your brain being stuck on some misery-inducing worry, then I don't think TMS would work to help alleviate the misery this worry is causing you. I don't think it would help at all to get your brain closer to its normal, healthy state again.

Therefore, something else needs to be done to help you get closer to a full recovery. Maybe you can find some sort of therapy that would help ease this worry and, thus, ease the emotional suffering and misery this worry is causing you.

My Reply: I'm not sure if TMS would help me or not. But, I'm not getting TMS, since it's expensive. Instead, I'll wait patiently until I fully recover on my own. I'm thinking I'll reach a state of full recovery, where that subconscious worry will be gone, and I'll be back into a state of joy again. As for therapy, I can't afford any therapist who specializes in expensive forms of therapy. Neither does listening to relaxing music help this worry. So, I just have to wait for the worry to resolve on its own. I don't think there's really anything I can do but wait patiently.

Other Person's Response: There's ECT (electric convulsive therapy) for people, with ongoing depression, who can't seem to recover, no matter what treatments have been given to them. Even people with ongoing apathy get ECT.

My Reply: Well, I heard ECT has harmful side effects, such as memory loss. So, if I lose my positive emotions, and nothing works to restore them, then I'd instead get TMS, which is less powerful than ECT, and doesn't have those harmful side effects. Besides, I don't think I need it anyway, since I think I'll fully recover from this worry on my own, and have my joy back to me.

Other Person's Response: If you lose your positive emotions, and they don't seem to recover back to you, then I think you have few options to try to restore them, since there's no advanced technology that can act as a cure to restore them. So, even if you had millions of dollars, the best thing you could do would be to buy things that could help, or get TMS, or ECT, since those are the best, most powerful treatments we have for mental illnesses.

My Reply: That's why I wish I lived in the distant future, since there would be cures for virtually every illness, whether it be a physical or mental illness. There wouldn't just be these treatments that may or may not work. If I lived in the distant future, I could have my positive emotions all the time, wouldn't worry about them being taken away from me, and neither would I have to worry if any treatment would work to restore them if I did lose them.

Other Person's Response: If TMS or ECT does help, or even completely restores your brain back to its normal, healthy, happy state, then it makes me wonder why god, or these heavenly beings, didn't just restore your brain for you by healing you of this misery-inducing worry.

My Reply: Exactly. Their healing abilities are far greater than that of TMS or ECT, since they're all-powerful beings.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your worry, I bet you would've recovered faster if your brain let go of the worry sooner.

My Reply: Yes. It was my mind holding onto that worry that left me in that horrible, morbid state. The more it lets go of the worry, the more my mental status improves.

Other Person's Response: It would be lovely if your brain had the ability to recover from your emotional crisis at a very fast rate. It would mean you wouldn't have to wait over 2 years to fully recover from it.

My Reply: I agree. It would mean I'd only be miserable for a little while, but have my joy back to me soon enough.

Other Person's Response: It would be awesome if you were born with a super brain that could recover from a miserable moment in an instant. That way, you could instantly recover from this recent, misery-inducing worry you've had, and wouldn't have to wait so long to fully recover from it.

My Reply: Yes. I think every human being should've been born with a super brain.

Other Person's Response: It doesn't matter, even if you couldn't recover from that horrible state. You just need to learn to live with your problems.

My Reply: That horrible state wasn't just an unpleasant state for me. If it was, then it would just be unpleasant, and nothing more. People can live with unpleasant things. But, this horrible state was literally horrible, and my life was stripped of beauty, worth, love, and joy. That's no way to live, and I don't think anybody could be fine living like that.

Other Person's Response: I know there are people who are fine, living miserable or unhappy lives.

My Reply: These people would just be getting on with life and toughing it out, not realizing their lives are stripped of beauty, worth, and joy. They'd also not realize they can't love anybody without their positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: I'd like to hear more in regards to just how horrible your miserable struggles were for you.

My Reply: We all have moments where we feel happy, sad, or miserable. If you experienced a normal feeling of misery that wasn't that bad, then that would be an experience that falls under the normal spectrum. But, if you're in the absolute worst, miserable state of your life, then that's not a normal experience, and you need psychological help. These experiences fall outside the normal spectrum, since they're the absolute worst experiences. I've been outside that normal spectrum many times.

Other Person's Response: I realized you told yourself some things to try to ease that worry. But, none of those things helped you. Conscious thoughts don't really work if your subconscious is still worried. The subconscious is so much more powerful than our conscious minds, and that's why conscious thoughts don't work. Likewise, if you have the subconscious thought of hate towards someone, then conscious thoughts of love just won't work. I could say the same thing about subconscious beliefs. If you believe something, then any conscious thought won't make you believe otherwise. There has to be something that would change your belief, such as new evidence.

My Reply: Yes, I agree.

Other Person's Response: Since your brain was so stuck on that worry, and it took such a long time for your brain to resolve it, then that's like if I had a gigantic, 3D model project, and rendered it. Since the project has so much detail, then it would take an extremely long time to render the whole thing. So, that worry was like one, big project your brain had to take care of.

My Reply: I agree. My brain had to take the worry down tiny bit by bit until, eventually, the whole thing was gone, and I was all back to my normal, healthy state again. It would be like rendering a 3D model project, and it taking over 2 and a half years to render the whole thing. I could literally feel how this worry was one, big thing, jammed inside my brain, since I felt a jamming sensation there. It felt like something was tightly jammed. As time went on, that jamming sensation went down more and more.

Other Person's Response: Couldn't you have told yourself to just face your worry and that, if your worry does come true, it would be over soon?

My Reply: I told myself that, and none of it helped at all. That's because my subconscious mind continued to remain worried anyway.

Other Person's Response: Since your worry put you into a horrible, crippled state, that's no different than saying you had a horrible, crippled perspective?

My Reply: Yes. I was in a very ill state of mind and, thus, I had a very unhealthy perspective.

Other Person's Response: When you do fully recover from this, you're saying you'll no longer be troubled by the possibility of having a horrible trip during a near death experience?

My Reply: Correct. Once my brain has resolved the worry on its own, I'll no longer be troubled anymore. I'll no longer feel troubled, misery, rage, etc. Instead, I'd have a positive outlook now, and I'd look forward to the possibility of having a heavenly, blissful trip, rather than being troubled by the possibility of having a horrible trip.

Other Person's Response: When you fully recover from this, would it be like you're back home again?

My Reply: Yes. When I'm miserable, it's like I'm not home anymore, even though I'm physically in my own home. I instead feel like I'm in some dark place that's far from home. But, once I'm happy again, it's like I'm back home to all the beauty and joys I once had when I was younger. When we're experiencing The Light, that's our home anyway, since the realm of the light is where we need to be.

Other Person's Response: Is feeling worried the only way a person can be worried?

My Reply: Yes. So, if my subconscious mind was fixated on a certain worry, but it didn't make me feel worried, then I wouldn't even define my subconscious mind as being worried, since I define worry as the feeling of worry. Thus, I'd have to say my subconscious mind would be fixated on a certain idea, thought, or situation, rather than worried. But, I go outside of my definition of worry, and still say that I'm worried, even when I don't feel worried.

Other Person's Response: You say your miserable struggles have wasted much of your life. But, if you're an immortal soul, then a few years of your life wasted is nothing compared to an eternity. So, really, it's nothing to get worked up about. You'd have all of eternity to live and be as happy as much as you can. Now, if this was the only life you had, then it would be a big deal, since you only have so many years to live, and that's it. That's why every moment would count.

My Reply: Even if I was an immortal soul, I still take issue with god and these spiritual beings allowing me to suffer through these miserable struggles, rather than preventing them.

Other Person's Response: Is there still a feeling of worry about near death experiences to this very day?

My Reply: Yes. That emotion comes up every once in a while (along with other negative emotions). That's how I know that subconscious worry is still active in my mind. If it wasn't, then I wouldn't be feeling any of those negative emotions. After all, in my fully recovered, non-worried state, I wouldn't be feeling any of those negative emotions.

Other Person's Response: When you do fully recover from this recent, emotional crisis, would that be a shock to you? If I was in a horrible state for such a long time, but regained my joy, that would be a shock to me.

My Reply: Actually, it wouldn't be a shock to me. I'd just be recovered one day. If there were 2 colors (one very dark, and the other very bright), then, if I instantly changed the dark color to the bright one, that would be a shock to your eyes. But, if I gradually changed the dark color to the bright one, then it wouldn't be a shock to your eyes. My point is, if I instantly recovered from that horrible state, that would be a shock to me. But, since I've slowly and gradually recovered, then it wouldn't be a shock to me. Even though it's a complete life change, it still wouldn't be a shock to me.

Other Person's Response: When you're in the midst of an emotional crisis, and you feel a lot of negative emotions, I think feeling all those negative emotions would be your brain's way of releasing all that inner negativity. It might be your brain's way of recovering from that worry. So, instead of thinking of your emotional crisis as being some cruel, unfair circumstance, where you're allowed to suffer, think of it as all that negativity being released out of your life for good. After all, that's what you want, right? You want all that negativity gone, and your joy to return!

My Reply: Yes. Thinking of it that way might make me feel less violent. Still, god and/or these spiritual beings in the heavenly realms (if they do exist) could've instantly healed me.

Other Person's Response: Do you feel like harming these beings?

My Reply: Yes. I feel like getting my revenge for all the pointless suffering they allowed me to go through. Positive emotions are the only things that make life beautiful, and these beings would be allowing them to be taken away from me.

Other Person's Response: If you could give advice to your younger self, what would that be?

My Reply: It would definitely be to avoid those miserable struggles. I'd tell my younger self to keep his thoughts as healthy and happy as he can. I'd also tell him to avoid situations that would trigger an emotional crisis the best he can. That way, he'd avoid future misery and emotional trauma. Just in case that isn't enough, I'd also tell him just how horrible these struggles would be for him if he doesn't avoid them.

I'd tell him he'd hate himself, he'd hate this life, would feel extremely violent, would be unable to love, have any joy, or have worth in his life. From there, I'd tell him nobody but himself is there to protect him from these struggles, since god and these spiritual beings aren't there to protect him (if they do exist). They aren't here to nurture, protect, or ensure our happiness. So, it would be up to him to ensure his own happiness.

Other Person's Response: You're very selfish, since you live just to ensure your own happiness!

My Reply: Well, I mind my own business, and I don't harm, abuse, steal, or torture others. Neither am I some nosy person who pesters others. So, people just need to appreciate that.

Other Person's Response: Even selfish people can change their values. So, you don't need to be a selfless person in order for your values to change. There are plenty of narcissists who don't live by emotional-based values.

My Reply: Even knowing this isn't enough to change my values. So, I think it all comes down to having a new personal experience.

Other Person's Response: In regards to these spiritual beings, are they just beings of light? Or, are they actual, physical beings?

My Reply: They're physical beings.

Other Person's Response: I heard that, at the very beginning of your miserable struggles, your nightmares weren't that bad, and they were normal, healthy experiences. But, later on, your struggles got worse. You were in the worst, profound, miserable state of your life. That caused you nightmares which were far worse experiences.

My Reply: Yes. In the past, I just had normal, healthy, miserable struggles. But, it got worse over time. As the struggles in my waking life got worse, my nightmares got worse. I, thus, had worse emotional experiences in these nightmares.

Other Person's Response: If you had the most powerful and profound euphoria in your waking life, would that create some sort of blissful altered state in your dreams?

My Reply: It's quite possible, and it would be more powerful and profound of an experience than the blissful, altered state of my waking life.

Other Person's Response: When a troublesome thought or worry makes you have nightmares, do your nightmares only pertain to said thought or worry?

My Reply: No. I also have nightmares that consist of scenes that have nothing to do with whatever troublesome worry or thought I'm having. So, that means there are other negative thoughts, causing other nightmares. When you have one particular negative thought, that can cause all sorts of other negative thoughts and, thus, all sorts of other nightmares.

That means I have nightmares that consist of a variety of negative emotions, and not just nightmares that consist of negative emotions pertaining to that one, troublesome thought or worry. I also feel all sorts of other negative emotions during my waking life, when I have a worry or negative thought. I don't just feel negative emotions in regards to whatever thought or worry I'm having.

Other Person's Response: If you were so worried, then why not just focus on something else? That would make you feel all better.

My Reply: No, it wouldn't. So, the only thing that could make me feel all better was time, and a lot of it, since it was a long term goal for me to recover from this. It's as they always say: time heals all wounds.

Other Person's Response: Well, you did this to yourself. You created your own hell by worrying about that situation.

My Reply: Being traumatized and miserable isn't always something we can control though. So, creating our own hell isn't always under our control. For example, I could tell a person not to create his own miserable or traumatic hell when he notices his loved one die, or get blown up in the battlefield.

But, that person would still suffer, and have a horrible experience anyway, when he notices the tragic situation. Therefore, the best we can do in terms of creating our own heaven here on Earth, and avoiding suffering, is to think as positive as we can. We should avoid situations or negative thoughts that would trigger a state of suffering, since not doing so would create our own hell.

Other Person's Response: You say negative emotions are very rare for you when you're happy and enjoying your life. Therefore, does this mean you feel happy during situations that you shouldn't feel happy about?

My Reply: Yes. But, I still feel fear in dangerous situations. So, I wouldn't feel happy then. But, for the most part, I do feel happiness when I'm fully recovered from any horrible worry, or negative thought I've had in my life. I even feel happy about situations I shouldn't feel happy about. When I'm miserable, and in the midst of an emotional crisis, I feel horrible about situations I shouldn't feel horrible about. For example, I could feel profound tragedy over some hot dogs that have been cooked in the microwave.

The hot dogs, being cooked, becomes disturbing and tragic to me because it's as though the hot dogs are living things that have been cooked, when I know that's not the case. I also feel disgust towards myself, certain people, and other living things, when I shouldn't. In short, everything becomes colored in joy and beauty when I'm happy and enjoying my life, while everything becomes colored in disgust, horror, and tragedy when I'm in the midst of an emotional crisis.

So, when I'm happy, even situations that should be horrible or tragic become colored in beauty and joy. They become situations that are experienced as beautiful and joyful. For example, if I watched people getting killed by tornadoes, that wouldn't be horrible or tragic to me when I'm happy. Instead, it would be a beautiful tornado, the eerie sky would be peaceful, and people getting killed wouldn't bother me one bit. I don't even think my own mother's death would bother me when I'm happy.

Other Person's Response: I know you said earlier that how the person thinks is how the person feels. So, the very fact you didn't feel horrible or tragic about those people being killed by tornadoes must mean you had the thought that you just didn't care about their death, and that their death was nothing horrible or tragic to you. Instead, you had thoughts of beauty and peace in regards to the tornado and eerie sky.

But, then you've had these worrisome thoughts that did make you feel much misery and mental agony. That must mean you thought those situations were horrible, and that's why those situations devastated you. So, it seems you worry about what could happen to yourself, and that you don't care about the death and suffering of others.

My Reply: First of all, if I had negative thoughts of horror and tragedy in regards to those people being killed by tornadoes, or even my mother dying, that would give me bad, horrible, horrific, tragic experiences. I wouldn't want to have those experiences, since the goal is to have beautiful, joyful, peaceful experiences. That even applies to worrying about myself, and having other negative thoughts that give me horrible, devastating experiences.

I've learned to stop worrying and thinking negative, so I could give myself beautiful, joyful experiences from now on. But, when I'm in the midst of an emotional crisis, I can't help but have all sorts of negative thoughts, such as it being tragic when hot dogs are cooked, which cause me to feel all sorts of negative emotions.

Other Person's Response: When you're fully recovered from this misery-inducing worry, and have your joy back to you again, do you think you'll have any more devastating thoughts or worries? What about your mother's death? Wouldn't that devastate you?

My Reply: I don't think her death would devastate me, even though I think she's a good mother. So, the only thing that devastated me was those negative thoughts and worries I've had. Once this recent worry is gone out of my life, and I have my joy back to me, I don't think I'll have another devastating moment.

Other Person's Response: If the sky was eerie, that would mean you felt eerie about it, which would be a negative emotion.

My Reply: Yes. So, I should've said it was a peaceful, dark sky, rather than an eerie sky, since I didn't feel eerie about it.

Other Person's Response: Since you're usually happy about situations you shouldn't be happy about during your worry-free moments, does this mean you even find it entertaining when people get into a heated argument with one another?

My Reply: Yes. An example would be when my mother becomes angry at someone. But, during my miserable struggles, it would be morbid and tragic, rather than entertaining. As you can see, I have a whole new perspective when I'm happy than when I'm miserable. But, during my happy moments, I'd still feel fear, in addition to entertainment, when there's a heated argument, since it's possible for such a heated argument to turn into a physical fight. I wouldn't want to get unnecessarily involved in the fight.

Other Person's Response: Is feeling entertained (a positive emotion) the only way to be entertained?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When you don't have any devastating worry or thought in your life, and you're doing just fine, you said you still felt fear in potentially dangerous situations. Is fear an easy emotion to trigger for you?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When you're happy, does it seem like the most miserable existence a person could experience is now something trivial, such as a very dark place in the woods?

My Reply: Yes. But, I know that's not true because I realize just how horrible my miserable struggles were, and just how horrible those crippled states were in my nightmares.

Other Person's Response: When your mother feels angry next time, she should pay attention to that emotional state she's in. I think she should come to realize that this emotion is the desire to harm, and allows her to experience people she wishes to harm as horrible, **** people.

My Reply: Yes. She should also pay attention to her experience when she doesn't feel angry at people she usually feels angry about. She should come to realize that those people don't bother her, and that they're not horrible, **** people from her perspective.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the topic of suffering, you blame god and these spiritual beings for allowing so much suffering. I don't think it's their fault. It's humanity's fault.

My Reply: It's not the fault of someone if he was born into an abusive family, and felt horrible emotions from being abused. It's also not my fault for having been through that emotional crisis, since it was a worry I could do nothing about. It's not something I could just will away. As you can see, sometimes, suffering and misery isn't under our control.

Other Person's Response: If there was no suffering, that would mean people could never have disturbing nightmares. They'd just have happy dreams all the time. It would also mean giving birth would be a pleasant experience, rather than a painful one.

My Reply: Yes. A happy, easy life is the only greatest life there can be. Actually, your life can be hard. But, as long as you're happy and having fun the whole way through, then that's still a great life to live. So, if you have physical pain or illnesses, and you're enjoying that, then you're still living a great life.

Other Person's Response: I heard your worry is in regards to near death experiences. You shouldn't worry because they're very unlikely. Very few people have them.

My Reply: Even if I was convinced of that, that still wouldn't ease the worry one bit. As a result, I'd still be miserable. Another thing is that people debate as to whether near death experiences are very common or not. Some people say many patients have them, and are reluctant to report them, since they don't want to talk about them. I don't know if they are few in number, or if there are many because, like I said, I can't decide on things that have debate.

Other Person's Response: Worrying about something that might not even happen is pointless suffering.

My Reply: Yes, I agree. But, I can't just will this worry away. I could even think to myself that most near death experiences are blissful, and maybe few are hellish. But, the hellish ones still exist, and my worry wouldn't be eased at all.

Other Person's Response: Basically, your brain is chronically stuck on this worry, which means there are chronically active regions of your brain that need to settle back down? Once they're fully settled down, your positive emotions should turn back on?

My Reply: Yes. If I could will this worry away, I would in order to bring back my happiness. But, I can't.

Other Person's Response: Is there any way to tell how close you are to a full recovery?

My Reply: Yes. Since my brain is firmly stuck on that worry, then there's a jamming sensation I feel inside my head. The more this sensation goes down, the closer I am to a fully recovery.

Other Person's Response: Why is your brain so stuck on this worry, while all your other worries didn't last that long?

My Reply: Again, it's because this is my absolute worst worry of them all.

Other Person's Response: I agree you shouldn't have to suffer like this, and that it's all pointless agony.

My Reply: It seems that life is already filled with pointless things that should've never existed, and are just a waste of one's time and life. For example, what was the point of me having to go through all those biology, physics, and chemistry lessons in school, just to forget what I've learned? Even if I did remember it, I'd have no use for it, and those subjects aren't of any interest to me. What's the point of a child being born into this world with a severe, agonizing illness, just to die miserably soon afterwards? Some life that was!

What's the point of someone struggling with a life of poverty, just to learn later on there was an easy way for him to make a good amount of money all along? What's the point of someone doing things the hard way, just to learn later on there was an invention that would've made his life much easier, and saved him a lot of time? What's the point of someone having a relationship or a pet, just to waste all that money on it, and send the horrible pet away, or break up with the relationship? I think you get the idea. It's all pointless **** we don't need to go through.

Yet, we go through it anyway, putting our wading boots on, and mucking our way through, as though it all has some sort of grand purpose. But, you eventually come out of that pond of muck, just to realize there was a bright, clear, sunny path that would've made your life a whole lot easier. You soon realize wading through that muck was pointless, and you start to wonder why you had to wade through it, while others were on that sunny path the whole time, wallowing in happiness, fame, and riches, while you were stuck in a mucking pit of despair, agony, and poverty. In a way, it makes life seem like a cruel joke.

Other Person's Response: I think I understand your metaphor/analogy. You're asking why you had to go through all those horrible struggles, when there was a path of happiness there all along. You wonder why others have to suffer so much, while others are happy and rich for most, or even their entire lives.

My Reply: Correct. If god and spiritual beings do exist, then they've bestowed upon me a worthless capacity (the capacity to experience suffering). From there, they've allowed my life to be filled with pointless suffering. I put the blame on them for giving me said capacity.

Other Person's Response: I don't think you should envy others and how happy their lives are.

My Reply: I don't envy others. As a matter of fact, I don't care about others, their lives, or their opinions. I'm just concerned with my life and my own happiness. Still, I can't help but ask the question why some people suffer so much, while others are happy most of their lives. I just see no point in going through all these horrible struggles.

Other Person's Response: The happy path you could've had all along would be a life where you kept your thoughts healthy and, thus, never had to go through these miserable struggles. But, since you've been through these struggles, you think it was all just a pointless waste of your life?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard there were many thoughts that caused you misery. What exactly were these thoughts?

My Reply: I'll give you an example of one of them. If I avoided the idea of always being depressed, then that would cause me to feel depressed, and I'd worry that depression would always be there. From there, I wanted to avoid that, and that made me feel depressed. Of course, this depression didn't last my entire life. But, it was chronic, and lasted for quite some time.

As you can see, some of the thoughts that made me feel depressed were those ones that put you in a depressive, or miserable cycle. I had to not have the mindset of avoiding things in order to stop bringing upon myself more and more misery. However, there were forms of misery I brought upon myself that nothing could get rid of. An example would be this recent emotional trauma I had because nothing I thought got rid of the misery. I had to wait it out until I eventually fully recovered from it.

Other Person's Response: Could you give me another example of a miserable struggle you've had?

My Reply: Sure. I felt miserable over the possibility that misery could kill the brain cells in the pleasure center of the brain.

Other Person's Response: The problem with you is that you only see beauty and greatness in a happy life. What you don't realize is that suffering and misery hold much beauty and greatness. Think of all those miserable artists out there who inspired others.

My Reply: That's your view, and my view is different. I think this life was meant to be a utopia. . Even Michael Jackson sings about healing the world and making it a better place. If such a caring person like him is saying that suffering, misery, and diseases need to be cured, then why didn't god (who's supposed to be all-loving) already make this life a utopia? To me, it seems that Michael Jackson is even more loving and caring than god himself. If MJ were in god's place, I bet he'd make this life a utopia for us right from the start.

Other Person's Response: I think suffering does serve a good purpose.

My Reply: Personally, I don't see the point. Some spiritual believers say we choose the life we live before arriving here on Earth, and that some people choose a life of hardship, so they learn and grow. But, why in the world would a person choose a life where he's burned alive, or goes through some other type of pointless suffering? It makes no sense.

Other Person's Response: I do think grieving is pointless suffering. Since loved ones are in a better place, then there's just no reason to grieve. As a matter of fact, there are people who don't grieve because they realize this.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: Or, maybe, our souls do choose the life we live, and we sometimes don't realize what's going to happen. If a person chose a life of being drowned as a newborn, then he didn't really choose to be drowned, since he didn't see it coming. That person being drowned was simply an unexpected turn of events.

My Reply: I think our souls do realize what's going to happen, since the spiritual beings present to us the life we're going to live, and its future outcomes, before we arrive. They can see into the future, after all. I think our souls can see into the future as well before arriving on Earth. In which case, I really don't understand why one would choose a life of being drowned as a newborn.

Other Person's Response: I do agree that god, and the spiritual beings in the heavenly realms, are all-knowing, and can see into the future. Given this, why would they have someone be born as a newborn child, just so that child would be drowned by an unloving mother? It's absurd and pointless.

My Reply: I agree. If our souls are going to come to Earth, then it would only make sense for us to live Earthly lives that are for a good purpose. A newborn child being drowned doesn't serve any good purpose. Especially if the newborn suffers and drowns secretly, with nobody to know about it, and help the child.

Other Person's Response: I think I can give an answer that makes sense. This might be the only life we have, there are no spiritual being, there's no god, or an afterlife. Life is mostly a matter of luck, and we're just biological machines who live, die, and that's it. People who think that way are called the naturalists, since they think the natural world is all there is.

My Reply: That could be the case then.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 18/26)

Other Person's Response: You're right when you say there are forms of suffering that are pointless, and serve no good purpose.

My Reply: Another example of such a form of suffering would be someone who's born with an abusive family, and doesn't learn love or compassion, but instead hates and torture others. People, who are abused, often times become cruel, abusive, and hateful themselves. So, it would be better if that person was born into a family, where he comes out as a happy, healthy, loving, compassionate individual. Why would his higher self (soul) choose to be born into the former, abusive family, rather than the latter, loving family? That's something I don't understand. Plenty of people are born with abusive families. Not too many people are born with loving families. It makes the situation all the more baffling.

Other Person's Response: I don't think our souls have been sent here to Earth to undergo some learning and growing process. If something happens to you, whether it be fortunate or unfortunate, is purely chance. So, if we are souls, then we've just been sent to Earth, and nothing more. If we undergo pointless forms of suffering that waste our lives away, then there was no grand purpose in all that suffering.

In other words, we're just unfortunate. I see many people living with abusive parents, and how much it destroyed their lives. I think their predicament was pure misfortune, and nothing more. After all, there are people who live with loving families, and they've gained much more out of life than those types of people who lived with cruel, abusive families. So, that says to me that there are some people who are fortunate, and some who aren't. That's all life basically amounts to.

My Reply: Yes. If you're going to gain very little out of life from living with an abusive family than a loving one, then why would god have the souls of some people sent to Earth, just to live with abusive families? They're not gaining much learning and growth out of it. As a matter of fact, many people, who live with abusive families, end up becoming cruel, hateful, and abusive themselves, as I mentioned earlier.

So, that goes to show you just how little they're gaining from living with such families. Spiritual believers always talk about how love is so important. Living with a loving family would be very likely to result in people becoming loving themselves. So, it makes no sense to me why some souls are sent here to live with unloving, abusive families.

Other Person's Response: There are people who live with abusive families, and they neither become more loving, nor hateful. They don't learn and grow much either, and they just live life as it is, all the while accepting their abusive families.

My Reply: Yes. There are some people who just don't care about their unfortunate situations, and they simply carry on in life. So, there are people who become more hateful and cruel, due to their unfortunate situations, there are people who become more loving, and people who just don't care. But, living with a loving family is much more likely to make you a better, more loving person, who acquires a lot of learning and growth as an individual. So, that's why I think it's best for souls to be born with loving families, and I think souls would gain much more benefit than living with cruel, abusive families.

Other Person's Response: If souls are happy and loving when they're in heaven (they're home world), but become unhappy, cruel, and unloving once they're born with abusive families on Earth, then it would've been best for these souls to remain in heaven. There was no good reason for sending them to Earth to be born with abusive families. So, either keep these souls in heaven, or send them to Earth, where they can be born with loving families.

My Reply: I agree. Having them born with abusive families would be putting them through pointless suffering and hardships that only serve to stunt their growth, and prevent them from becoming the most loving, compassionate, healthy, happy souls they can be. Besides, we can have any wish granted to us in heaven. Even any form of learning and growth we wish to obtain. Therefore, souls don't have to be born with loving families on Earth to obtain the greatest amount of learning and growth they can obtain, when they can just wish for it in heaven, and have it granted to them.

Other Person's Response: As for the abusive families themselves, it's likely they've been through some struggles that made them cruel, hateful, and abusive. So, it would've been best for them to remain in heaven, or be born with loving families.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: Absolutely spot on! All you can gain from misery is that it sucks. However, the experiences and lessons gained from loving experiences, without misery, are wonderful. One does not need to know experiences of misery in order to understand that loving experiences, without misery, are beneficial to the quality of the Soul's self. Love can thrive without hate, and hate, or an absence of love, is not necessary in order to know the benefits of love.

Has anyone witnessed, with their sight and conscious awareness, what happens to a spiritual being's quality of self, due to the great law of "REAP AS ONE SOWS," when that person has been acting in discordance with the "great law?" If you had witnessed what happens, then you'd know that, with every act of discordance, the Soul's self depletes in radiance and abundance of spiritual life force. The emanating, spiritual body reflects the depleting qualities of the Soul's self. It distorts, shrinks, darkens of complexion, and fades away.

An unloving spiritual being can only grow more unloving, and become less radiant and abundant of spiritual life force from being in discordance with God's way of love. An unhappy, spiritual person, of constant sorrow, will not grow of spiritual radiance and abundance of spiritual life force, and will remain in a stagnant state of spiritual life force. However, a person, who is free to feel/experience spiritual love and happiness, will grow exponentially in radiance and abundance of spiritual life force with each loving moment experienced, due to the great law of "REAP AS ONE SOWS."

My Reply: Yes. There's no need to go through pointless forms of misery. Neither should people be born with unloving families, where they remain in a pit of hate, despair, etc. Fortunately, I've recovered from my miserable struggles, and I live with a loving family. My mother may not be the most loving person in the world. But, she doesn't abuse me, and I accept her for who she is.

Other Person's Response: People, who go on drug trips, report that god says to them that suffering does serve a grand purpose. Maybe that grand purpose is a cruel joke god is playing on humanity.

My Reply: You might be right.

Other Person's Response: Another form of suffering I find pointless is animals being abused. How's that any benefit for them?

My Reply: Exactly. It serves no good purpose for the suffering animal.

Other Person's Response: According to you, suffering, misery, and unhappiness is no different than a pest that has latched itself onto the backside of humanity? It was something meant to be eradicated all along?

My Reply: Yes. I realize there's the concept known as "YinYang," which says there's positivity and negativity. But, why should it be that way? Why can't human beings live a utopia, where they can experience nothing but positive? Why have the negative, when you can instead just have the positive?

Other Person's Response: I don't think positive emotions are the ultimate state of being and living one's life. Buddhists, through their practice and meditation, have obtained the ultimate state.

My Reply: All meditation and practice really does is it keeps you under control, and reduces further turmoil and suffering. But, to obtain the ultimate state of being and living, that can only come about through positive emotions. Beauty, love, and joy are divine states, and no hours of practice and meditation can act as a replacement for that. If you lose your positive emotions, nothing else can replace the beauty, love, and joy your positive emotions have given your life.

Other Person's Response: I think it's ridiculous to claim positive emotions are divine states, and the ultimate state of being.

My Reply: Well, if I said positive thinking (thoughts of love, joy, beauty, and greatness) is a divine state, and the ultimate state of being, that wouldn't sound ridiculous because we all know positive thinking is a beautiful mental state to be in. Now, let me switch that on over to positive emotions, rather than positive thoughts, since positive emotions are the only beautiful mental states to be in.

Other Person's Response: I know plenty of Buddhists who feel negative emotions, such as agony and despair. Yet, they act like it's nothing, and they claim they're not suffering, or in despair. That's because they have power and control over their emotions. Also, if you inflicted physical pain upon a Buddhist, he'd act like it's nothing.

My Reply: I think Buddhists, who feel those negative emotions, are still suffering, and are still in agony or despair. They just have power and control over how they react. But, that doesn't mean they're not suffering on the inside. I think they're in denial of their own inner suffering or turmoil. They'd also be in denial of their own experience of beauty, love, and joy if they claimed their positive emotions are nothing more than trivial things of little to no significance. As you can see, it doesn't matter how much power and control you have; emotions are still how we love, have joy, hate, experience mental turmoil, etc.

Other Person's Response: I disagree with what you said in your previous packet. I don't think suffering and diseases should be eliminated. They have much value and purpose.

My Reply: Suffering and disease cause grief to many families. So, I think scientists have the right mindset when they think suffering and disease need to be eliminated, so that we can live a utopia life.

Other Person's Response: If this were the future, and it was a utopia world, then there'd be no need to suffer in order to obtain some greater, profound joy that we could already have through advanced technology.

My Reply: Exactly.

Other Person's Response: I, on the other hand, do agree with you. I think suffering and disease need to be eliminated.

My Reply: Exactly. If Stephen Hawking wasn't crippled in a wheelchair, he could've achieved so much more. I know he didn't give up. But, even so, his condition greatly hindered his scientific achievements. The same idea applies to Beethoven's deafness.

If Stephen Hawking and Beethoven were alive, and living in a future utopia life, where suffering and disease are eliminated, then they could've achieved so much more. In addition, think of all the people who go through terrible forms of suffering that destroy their lives, and bring grief to their families. An example would be people in psyche wards.

These people go insane, when they don't deserve to live like this. There are other forms of living that are so horrible that assisted suicide is carried out for that suffering person. Assisted suicide is where people agree that a person's life should be ended, and lethal medication is prescribed, so that the person can take it to end his/her life.

Other Person's Response: What if the handicaps of Beethoven, Stephen Hawking, and other famous people brought their lives greater joy than they could ever experience not having those handicaps?

My Reply: Then their handicaps were beneficial. Even if these people could achieve much more without their handicaps, then, as long as their handicaps brought their lives much more joy, then it would be better for them to have these handicaps.

Other Person's Response: If Beethoven wasn't deaf, and could hear his own music, that would be great. It sucks not being able to hear the awesome music you've created.

My Reply: Yes. Even though others could hear it, I still think it would be best if Beethoven was never deaf. Music is something meant to be listened to, and to be left out of that beautiful experience just isn't right. Sure, Beethoven might've had a beautiful experience, giving others amazing music to listen to. But, it's unfair for Beethoven to not hear his own music, and experience the beauty and greatness when he listens to it.

When you combine the amount of beauty and greatness Beethoven would experience when he inspires others through his music, and the amount he'd experience if he were to listen to his music, then that would be a greater amount of beauty and greatness experienced in Beethoven's life, as opposed to the amount he'd experience just from inspiring others. I don't know this for sure though. It's just pure speculation.

Other Person's Response: I heard people, who meet god during their near death experience, report that god says life is a gift, and people who end their lives by committing suicide, are doing the wrong thing. They'll end up in a miserable afterlife.

My Reply: Well, for some, life is a curse. That's why assisted suicide needs to be carried out for some people. How could god blame these types of people for ending their lives? They're in a truly hopeless scenario, and I think having their lives ended would be justified. God also says that everything is working perfectly according to some grand, cosmic plan. But, how could allowing someone to suffer so horribly that they require assisted suicide be a good plan?

Other Person's Response: I thought god was a being of light who doesn't judge. Yet, he's judging suicide as a wrong deed. If a person dies of a natural cause, such as being shot by a gun, god wouldn't judge him, or punish him with a horrible afterlife. So, why should god judge, and punish someone who dies by suicide? It's his life and his decision, which means god shouldn't do that.

My Reply: I think you're right. But, I'm not going to commit suicide, when there's help out there for me.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you did commit suicide, since you've had so much misery in your life, that you can't take it anymore. God shouldn't punish you with even more misery by having you remain in some miserable afterlife.

My Reply: I agree. I think god, and these heavenly beings, should be the ones punished for allowing me to go through all those miserable struggles.

Other Person's Response: You brag about how you think your methods are superior to god's, and how life would be better if it was a utopia. Do you think you're a genius who's smarter than god?

My Reply: My attitude stems from a negative outlook. I see life as a cruel, absurd joke, where people are allowed to go through pointless forms of suffering. I don't think I'm a genius or anything of the sort. I have this negative outlook during my miserable struggles, since I don't have my positive emotions during these moments, and I can only see things in life from a negative perspective. Thus, I blame god and these spiritual beings for allowing so much suffering.

Other Person's Response: There could be a cure in the future that would wipe out this misery-inducing worry (providing this misery-inducing worry happened to you in the future, rather than this time period). It would be some technology that would wipe out your memory. That way, you'd forget all about this worry.

My Reply: Yes. Once the worry has been wiped out, all my misery should be gone, and my feelings of joy should return. That's another ability god, and these heavenly beings, would have. They could've just caused me to forget all about this worry. Or, like I said, they could've just used their healing powers to ease my mind completely.

Other Person's Response: What if wiping out your memory caused you to forget the life lesson you learned from your struggles, which would be to keep your thoughts healthy, and stop worrying? This means you'd have miserable struggles all over again, induced by negative thoughts and worries.

My Reply: That could happen. I'm not sure.

Other Person's Response: Or, the memories you have in regards to those crippled states in your nightmares, and just how horrible these experiences were, could be erased.

My Reply: Yes. That means the idea of a horrible trip during a near death experience wouldn't bother me anymore, since it was experiencing something worse than those crippled states that I was worried about. So, without the memory of those crippled states, all I'd know is that it's possible I might have a very horrible experience during a trip. But, it wouldn't bother me, since I wouldn't realize just how horrible these experiences can get, considering I wouldn't have the memories of those crippled nightmare states to give me an idea.

Other Person's Response: I heard that people, who go on heavenly trips during their near death experience, or when they take drugs, report they've had a joyful encounter with heavenly beings, who use their magical powers to instantly rid of the person's negative thoughts and worries. It makes having all those negative thoughts and worries seem like pointless suffering, doesn't it?

My Reply: I think it is pointless suffering. I don't think I need to encounter these beings myself to be healed of this worry. These beings should be able to heal me here on Earth. Yet, they're not doing it.

Other Person's Response: Since people have their minds healed of all misery-inducing worries and thoughts when they meet beings in the heavenly realms, this says such worries and thoughts were meant to be eliminated. That being the case, why allow people to suffer from these thoughts and worries in the first place?

My Reply: Exactly. That's something I don't understand. I heard, from spiritual believers, that negativity is meant to be eliminated, and these beings healing the minds of people confirms this. So, there was no reason to allow me to suffer from this misery-inducing worry. It was never meant to be there in the first place, just as how grime was never meant to be on a nice vehicle.

Other Person's Response: Spiritual believers, and even average, everyday people, say worrying is pointless suffering.

My Reply: Yes. It's pointless, and god or these beings should be ridding of it out of my life.

Other Person's Response: I heard that some people, who have near death experiences, report meeting a being in an empty void who says that life is nothing but a cruel joke, and that the person's suffering was pointless.

My Reply: That being could be the intelligent one who's right.

Other Person's Response: In regards to all those miserable struggles you've been through, there are workers of darkness, who are invisible, evil beings who find ways to inflict suffering upon victims. So, perhaps these evil beings have found a way to bring much misery into your life. These evil beings work by means of bad karma, and perhaps all your miserable struggles were a result of bad karma in your life.

My Reply: If that's the case, then the workers of light, who would be the holy beings, should be working in my favor, and healing me of this worry. An even better solution would be them finding ways to prevent any misery from happening in my life to begin with.

Other Person's Response: The very fact you're slowly and gradually recovering from this worry must mean these workers of light are working in your favor to restore your joy back to you.

My Reply: These beings have the power to instantly heal me of my misery-inducing worry. So, I'm simply recovering on my own, and I don't think these beings are helping me at all.

Other Person's Response: I think this whole recovery process you're going through is nothing more than desensitization. As you continue to feel certain emotions, they fade over time on their own. Since your misery, as well as other negative emotions as a result of said misery, have lingered on for such a long time, that's why these emotions have faded over time.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's the recovery process my brain has been going through. My brain could've been recovering in a different way than you described.

Other Person's Response: The desensitization process is also used when a person exposes himself to his phobia. As he continues to expose himself, the fear fades away. Thus, he no longer has the phobia. Or, at least, the phobia has been significantly reduced.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: According to your philosophy, hate can only be an emotion. Since emotions can be desensitized, then a person should no longer hate someone if he continues to expose himself to that person he hates.

My Reply: Correct. Hate and fear are emotions, and they can be desensitized. But, a person, who continues to hate or fear someone or something, might not have exposed himself enough. Or, maybe, he can't desensitize himself, due to the desensitization mechanism in his brain being faulty.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you lived for millions of years. Are you sure all your positive emotions wouldn't be desensitized by then? That would mean you could no longer enjoy your life or hobbies anymore, and neither could you love anybody or anything.

My Reply: It's possible that could happen. But, that would never happen in heaven, since I'd have everlasting, eternal bliss.

Other Person's Response: Well, you've lived many years of your life as a hedonist, and you say none of your positive emotions have desensitized. You were still able to fully enjoy your life and hobbies.

My Reply: Yes. But, if I lived for millions of years, perhaps I wouldn't be able to feel joy anymore.

Other Person's Response: Maybe, if you lived for millions of years, your positive emotions could never be desensitized. Perhaps there will be some technology that would prevent this from happening, and allow you to have everlasting joy.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When people fully watch a good movie the 1st time, it's most enjoyable. But, when they watch it again and again, it's not as enjoyable, since people already know the characters, plot, etc. They remember everything about the movie, since they've watched it so many times. Maybe, in the future, there will be a way to wipe out those memories, so that when a person watches a good movie a 2nd time, 3rd time, 4th time, etc., it would be like the person is always watching the movie the 1st time. That way, they can always get a great amount of joy, no matter how many times they watch the movie.

My Reply: That would be interesting.

Other Person's Response: If your whole recovery process was a desensitization process, then your brain certainly went through A LOT of desensitization! Normally, a person becomes desensitized to a phobia after the first few, brief exposures. But, for you, it took 3 years straight to fully desensitize all the misery, and other negative emotions, that have resulted from this devastating worry of yours.

My Reply: Yes. My brain went through this whole recovery process all day everyday (24/7) for 3 years straight. Even during my sleep, my subconscious mind was stuck on this worry, and was still recovering from it. If my mind completely let go of the worry during moments where I was asleep, then I wouldn't even have nightmares because, normally, I always have pleasant dreams. The fact I had all those profoundly horrible nightmares must mean my mind was stuck on this worry during my sleep.

Other Person's Response: Your mind couldn't let go of that worry for even 10 seconds, so you could be happy in those 10 seconds?

My Reply: That's correct. My subconscious mind had a firm grip on this worry, and wouldn't let go of it.

Other Person's Response: Does your brain have a difficult time desensitizing? The reason I ask this is because 3 years is an extremely long time to fully recover.

My Reply: I don't think my brain has a problem desensitizing because one of my phobias was a fear of heights. When I walked on the bridge with my mother, so she could take pictures of the flood, I felt fear at first because I was at a high altitude. But, that fear soon went away. So, that says my brain's desensitization process is working just fine. Otherwise, that fear would've lingered, and would be very difficult to reduce. But, I did have other phobias, which didn't reduce on their own. Instead, I was able to face them to get rid of them.

Other Person's Response: When it comes to overcoming your fears by facing them, I think it sometimes requires training to do so, since your brain needs to be rewired to face those fears, rather than running away from them. So, my point is, you must rewire/retrain your brain to face those fears.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I don't think there's any problem with your brain's desensitization process because it can take a very long time for a person to fully recover from a devastating, emotional crisis, or a miserable moment, due to a certain event, such as the loss of a loved one.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: As for the desensitization of an emotional response, I heard some people can't desensitize, and have to live with these emotions.

My Reply: That would be horrible because I'd be trapped in that horrible, miserable, crippled state, with no hope of recovery from it. That is, if desensitization is how my brain recovers from it, and my brain didn't have that ability. My brain could be using a different method of recovery though, such as somehow resolving the worry itself, which is the cause of my misery, and other negative emotions.

Other Person's Response: Maybe your brain is using both desensitization and another mechanism to recover from your misery-inducing worry.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend you didn't have the ability to recover from your misery, and you had to live with it. Do you think god, or these heavenly, spiritual beings, would heal your misery, and restore your joy?

My Reply: I don't think so. Since they're not healing me now, then I doubt they'd heal me in the hopeless predicament you described. As a matter of fact, I doubt they're healing people who are stuck in the grieving process, and can't recover from it. So, they'd just leave these grieving people in a horrible state, where their lives are nothing beautiful, valuable, or worth living. That means they'd be stuck with all those negative thoughts and emotions. Fortunately, I'm able to fully recover from situations like these.

Other Person's Response: I heard there are those types of people who do recover from misery-inducing situations, such as the loss of a loved one. But, they never fully recover.

My Reply: That's still a horrible situation to be in because the whole point of life is to have as much positive emotions as possible. As long as you have negative thoughts or beliefs throughout your life, making you feel negative emotions, then that's only taking away the positive experiences in your life.

Other Person's Response: As for the reason why some people never fully recover, maybe it's because they don't expose themselves long enough to fully desensitize their misery, and other negative emotions. But, since your mind was stuck on this worry 24/7 for about 3 years, then that's how long you've exposed yourself to this worry. Perhaps that's why you're able to fully recover.

My Reply: Yes. When my mind is troubled by something, my mind gets stuck on that worry, or negative thought, 24/7. Almost all of my other miserable moments were caused by worries. Since I've fully recovered from all those miserable moments, then I'm quite sure I'll fully recover from this recent one.

Other Person's Response: I think the worry response in the brain is completely useless because worrying is just pointless suffering.

My Reply: That's why it would better if I was a being who didn't have this worry response. If god and these heavenly beings do exist, then it seems as though they've equipped me with a completely useless response that only serves to make me go through pointless misery.

Other Person's Response: I think it's evolution that has equipped us with certain mechanisms that only serve to be detrimental to our health and mental well-being. Worry is a survival mechanism that helped promote our survival in the past. But, it's useless today.

My Reply: Yes. Some spiritual believers say god creates human beings and animals through evolution. But, it would be better if he could create humans and animals himself because he's an all-knowing being, which means he'd do a much better job than evolution. But, since I might've been created through evolution, then god might not even exist because, if he did, then he'd create me as a being who didn't have this useless worry response/mechanism.

Other Person's Response: So, if god and these heavenly beings exist, you're basically blaming them for all the misery you've been through? It seems to me you blame anyone who doesn't conform to your standards. For example, you blame readers if they say your writing is awful, and you blame other people if they were to frown upon you, or name call you, since you're not adhering your life to major responsibilities, such as helping humanity, contributing to the world, and being a father.

My Reply: Yes. I think such blame is justified.

Other Person's Response: Don't feel so bad. There are plenty of people who've had their lives wasted away by ongoing worries, anxiety, depression, and negative thinking. It's very common.

My Reply: Thank you.

Other Person's Response: In one of your packets, you talk about your emotional trauma, and how your brain was stuck on a certain worry. Was that your brain receiving negative energy?

My Reply: Correct. Since my subconscious brain had a very difficult time resolving this worry, this means that worry was stuck there, allowing my brain to receive more and more negative energy. That's why negative emotions, such as rage, disgust, misery, and despair lingered on for so long during that trauma. It's only once I've fully recovered that my brain stopped receiving this negative energy. It was a long term goal reaching a state of full recovery.

Other Person's Response: Now, let's pretend that you could never recover from that horrible, miserable state and you had to live with it. What would you do then?

My Reply: I don't know. I'm not sure if it's possible for me to never recover from it. I mean, let's pretend I had severe brain damage, or some brain defect that rendered the recovery mechanisms in my brain dysfunctional, then would I never recover? I don't think I've ever heard of someone who's had an emotional crisis, and was trapped in a miserable state for most, or his entire life. I could be wrong though.

Other Person's Response: There is clinical depression, where certain regions of the brain become stuck in an active state, while others are less active. There are people who have to live like that. So, maybe it's possible you could be stuck in a miserable state, due to a certain worry or thought, and never get out of it.

My Reply: I don't know if that's possible. But, it's better to be safe than sorry and to, thus, avoid any further miserable moments. That's why I've kept my thought processes healthy to avoid any further misery.

Other Person's Response: There's also PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) where people can't seem to recover from their emotional crisis. So, it could be possible, if you ever do have another miserable moment, that you wouldn't recover from the misery.

My Reply: In which case, I wouldn't want to have another miserable moment, just in case I ever develop PTSD. I'm thankful I've fully recovered from each and every one of my miserable moments. Otherwise, I'd be trapped in a horrible state.

Other Person's Response: Even if you died and went to some miserable afterlife, I'm quite sure your soul would recover from that misery, just as how you're able to recover here on Earth. I don't think you'd be doomed to forever remain miserable in that horrible afterlife. Your soul would recover, which would allow you to enter back into the realm of the light.

My Reply: You might be right.

Other Person's Response: I heard there are mediums, and even people on the streets, who heal those with certain physical or mental ailments. Perhaps they can heal you of this worry.

My Reply: First of all, there are no street healers or healing mediums where I live. Second, most spiritual healers are fake. Who knows, they could all be fake. Lastly, I did go on a spiritual forum and asked people there, who claim to have healing abilities, to perform distant healing to heal this worry of mine. It never happened. So, spiritual healing might be fake. My topic had a lot of views, and a moderate amount of responses. So, it's not like hardly anybody noticed.

Other Person's Response: What did the people, who responded, say in your topic?

My Reply: I'll just give you the link to my topic here. Basically, people just recommended certain forms of therapy or hypnosis, and that was it:

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=128709

Other Person's Response: Suffering is evil, and I heard meditation helps ease a person's mental suffering.

My Reply: It requires that the person's brain is able to recover from the turmoil because, without the ability to recover, then the person will remain in mental turmoil, and even meditation wouldn't work for him.

Other Person's Response: If that misery-inducing worry kept you in a miserable state, and you could never recover from it, then your only option would be to change your thinking, so you could no longer be worried anymore. Since meditation wouldn't work, and since your brain's recovery ability would be absent, then there are methods out there that would help you change your thinking.

My Reply: I'm not sure, but I think meditation is also about changing your thinking, and not just about trying to relax your mind.

Other Person's Response: Did you try out those therapeutic methods those people in the link recommended to you?

My Reply: I don't think my therapist specializes in these forms of therapy. Not only that, I don't understand anything about these forms of therapy anyway.

Other Person's Response: In regards to suicidal people, I heard those who commit suicide are condemned to suffer an eternity in hell.

My Reply: My mother thinks people end up in hell if they commit suicide. But, she's not thinking for herself because, if she was, then she would've realized that an all-loving, all-just god would never condemn anyone to an eternal hell.

Other Person's Response: If miserable people commit suicide, then I don't think god should frown upon them. I think god himself should be frowned upon for allowing such suffering. Especially if the suicidal person thought it was hopeless, and that nothing would work for him. Or, if nothing really works for this suicidal person, and he just ends his life.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: It seems you're writing this whole packet just to vent. You think it's unjust and unloving for god, and these heavenly beings, to allow all the suffering you've been through, and you wish to write about it and share it.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Souls are sent to Earth, and they're unaware of the life lessons they're supposed to learn. But, if you were aware, then that awareness would've given you a big advantage because you would've known, from the very beginning, to keep your thoughts healthy in order to avoid all those miserable struggles you've been through. You wouldn't have to suffer through all that misery, just to eventually learn that life lesson. In addition, you would've already known just how important positive emotions are, and you wouldn't have to suffer to learn that life lesson either.

My Reply: Yes. I would've already known what my future would be like if I didn't stop worrying and thinking negative. I would've known that it would've been a hellish existence, where I feel violent, remain in a cycle of misery that gets worse over time, that many years of my life would've been wasted, etc. So, I would've avoided all that suffering, just from knowing my future. That means I would've faced and allowed those situations in my life, rather than having negative thoughts and worries about them. But, like I said, even though I've learned my life lesson, this recent worry of mine is something I can't do anything about, since nothing I think or do eases it one bit.

Perhaps if I faced and allowed the situation I'm worried about, that would ease, or even rid of this worry. But, the situation I'm worried about is so horrible that there's no way I can have the mindset of being comfortable with it. You see, I must have a comfortable mindset with a certain situation in order to not be troubled and worried about that situation, and I'm not sure if there's a way I can be comfortable with the situation I'm worried about regarding near death experiences. Fortunately, over time, my mind is able to let go of the worry. So, that means, once the worry is completely gone, I'll no longer be uncomfortable, troubled, and worried.

Other Person's Response: Maybe all your miserable struggles did serve a good purpose. Since they've wasted your life, then that's all the more reason for you to make up for all those years wasted, and live life like you've never lived it before.

My Reply: Well, I'd have to feel very motivated, joyful, and excited to live life like I've never lived it before, since that feeling is the only thing that can urge me to do so, and make me see much value and worth in that. But, I could have those feelings all I want in heaven, since heaven grants your every wish. So, there's no need for me to suffer through all those miserable struggles, when I could just live life to the absolute max in heaven.

I'd get much more done, and live life to a much greater extent in heaven than here on Earth, since I'd have those feelings to motivate me for all of eternity. These feelings would be everlasting, and much more intense and profound than anything I could experience here on Earth. That means I'd be super motivated in heaven, compared to being on Earth. A feeling of super motivation, that lasts for eternity, would result in a super amount of things getting done.

Other Person's Response: Do you, at least, feel more motivated to live life like you've never lived it before?

My Reply: First of all, I can't feel that motivation right now, since I'm still not fully recovered from this worry. Even if I was fully recovered, I think I'd just be back to my usual, happy self. That means I'd have the normal level of motivation and joy I usually have. So, I'd get a normal amount of things done, and live my life how I normally live it.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your miserable struggles, since they were such profoundly horrible experiences for you, this means your mind was in a very deep, hellish realm. Depending on how horrible or beautiful a given experience is for you, your mind can either be in a shallow, or very deep, heavenly or hellish realm.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Those crippled states in your nightmares must've been very horrible experiences for you, since you're so worried about having them again during a hyper lucid trip, induced by a near death experience.

My Reply: Yes. Those crippled states are what I would call "grand experiences," since they were such horrible, powerful, and profound experiences.

Other Person's Response: It seems to me, once you have a negative thought, or worry, that causes you misery, and you fully recover from it, you no longer have that worry or negative thought anymore. Perhaps life is some sort of purification process, where we must undergo grief and misery in order to rid of those negative thoughts and worries that caused the grief and misery in the first place. For example, when people go through a grieving process, they come out the other end, no longer grieving over their loss. Sometimes, it takes a while to fully recover from the grief though.

My Reply: Perhaps that's the case. So, maybe, my mother will eventually stop having negative thoughts in regards to her financial predicament. Perhaps she'd eventually get to the point where it no longer bothers her anymore, and she'd just try to find ways to earn money, without becoming enraged when she doesn't achieve her goal.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 19/26)

Other Person's Response: If your miserable struggles were some sort of purification process to eliminate those negative thoughts and worries you've had, then god, or these heavenly beings, could've instantly purified you. So, there was no need to go through all those struggles. Especially this recent emotional crisis you've had.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I consider your whole recovery process to be a form of spiritual growth because, once you're fully recovered, that worry is gone out of your psyche, including all the other negative thoughts and emotions that came with that worry. Thus, you've transcended that worry, as well as all those other negative thoughts and emotions. You could've transcended that worry another way though, such as changing your mindset to be here in the moment. I heard mindfulness meditation helps with that. There are methods that can help you overcome other negative thoughts as well.

My Reply: Yes. So, when it comes to recovering from a devastating moment in your life, such as the loss of a loved one, or, in my case, a devastating worry, you could either try methods that are said to change one's mindset, or you could just let your brain go through its natural recovery process. Sometimes, it can take a very long time for the brain to fully recover on its own. It certainly did for this worry of mine.

Other Person's Response: If someone is lacking a certain mindset necessary to make himself miserable or emotionally traumatized, then I already consider that a form of transcendence and growth. For example, you said you wouldn't be upset one bit if your mother died. Therefore, that would be your own personal form of growth and transcendence as an individual.

My Reply: Yes. When we have negative thoughts, or worries, that cause us to be miserable or emotionally traumatized, then we become beings of darkness. The goal is to rise above that, whether it be by changing our way of thinking somehow, or letting our brains go through the natural recovery process from said misery or emotional trauma.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps if you've taken a psychedelic drug, you'd go on a trip where you'd meet god, and these beings, in a heavenly realm, where they could heal this worry of yours.

My Reply: I could have a horrible trip, which is why I wouldn't take psychedelic drugs.

Other Person's Response: The possibility of having such a horrible trip when taking a drug isn't what's causing you misery, is it? That's because you're not going to take a drug and, thus, you don't have to be troubled by that possibility. It's instead the possibility of having such a horrible trip during a near death experience that's causing you misery because we all live and die. That means you're going to have a fatal experience yourself someday, and said experience might result in you going on such a trip.

My Reply: Yes, that's the worry that's been causing me so much suffering. If we are souls that leave our physical bodies, then going on a trip/journey is inevitable. If that's the case, then I wouldn't want it to be a horrible trip. If I do have such a horrible trip, I'd know it would be over soon. Still, the very idea of having the horrible trip I'm worried about troubles me greatly.

Other Person's Response: If this is the only life we have, and these trips are nothing more than hallucinations, then you don't really have to worry about them, considering that few people have them.

My Reply: I'm still worried anyway, and nothing eases this worry one bit.

Other Person's Response: If you die, meet god, and these spiritual beings in heaven, and they tell you, with a disappointed tone, that all your miserable struggles were a pointless waste of your life, what would you say to them?

My Reply: I'd tell them they're the foolish ones for sending me to Earth to undergo these pointless struggles. From there, I'd tell them they better give me a sufficient reward for all my suffering. That would be their way of apologizing, and making up for all the pointless suffering I've been through.

Other Person's Response: You could've just lived a happy, easy life the entirety of your Earthly existence, asked for that reward when you're in heaven after your physical body dies, and you'd be given that reward.

My Reply: Which makes my struggles all the more pointless. I mean, I could understand it if these were struggles that brought my life much positivity. But, they didn't. Imagine a scenario where someone goes through much hardship to earn a trophy. If the person's hardship brought his life much positivity , then that would give his whole struggle much purpose.

But, if it's a form of hardship that only takes away the positive experiences in his life, such as beauty and magnificence, then that makes the struggle pointless. Thus, it would be a better solution if he was just handed the trophy without having to go through those struggles. You must take into consideration the amount of positivity he'd experience overall in his life.

If the amount he'd have from his struggle, combined with the amount he'd have when he earns the trophy, would be greater than the amount he'd have if it weren't for his struggle, then it would be the better solution for him to go through the struggle to earn the trophy.

Otherwise, it would instead be the better solution to just hand him the trophy, and not have him go through that struggle. So, that's why I think it would be the better solution to just hand me anything I want in heaven, without having to go through those miserable struggles, which did nothing but take away my positive experiences.

Other Person's Response: It seems to me god, and these heavenly beings, are the ones who need to learn a lesson here. They made a dumb decision in sending you to Earth to undergo all these miserable struggles.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard there are mediums who can bring souls back into the realm of the light (heaven).

My Reply: But, it would just be those souls who are lingering on Earth, such as those in haunted houses. As for souls who are trapped in a miserable afterlife, I'm not sure about this one.

Other Person's Response: You say it would be cruel for souls to remain in a horrible afterlife. You'd have to feel that it's cruel in order for it to be cruel to you, right?

My Reply: Yes. That feeling would be a negative emotion. Right now, I don't feel that way. So, I'm just saying it's cruel, when it's nothing cruel for me. I don't feel this way because I'm almost to a full recovery from this worry, where I'll have my joy back to me again.

Other Person's Response: If god, and these beings, need to learn a lesson, then maybe they will, and all your suffering would make them feel very guilty and ashamed.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: There are also pests, such as bed bugs, and mosquitoes. I think these are pointless insects to have, and they cause suffering and disease to others. This would be another example of how god created a world that has pointless suffering. There are also fatal viruses, and it would be better off if they never existed.

My Reply: I agree.

Other Person's Response: I can see why you think suffering and disease is pointless, and needs to be eliminated.

My Reply: But, there's more to this story. People, who have near death experiences, report meeting all-loving beings, who eliminate the person's diseases and suffering. Cancer patients report having their cancer spontaneously healed after their near death experience. In addition, these beings, when met, eliminate the person's negative thinking and misery, so that the person is brought back with a much more positive experience and outlook. Not only that, but people learn life lessons right then and there, and they don't need to suffer to learn them.

They learn them automatically through divine intuition/knowledge bestowed upon them. So, if these beings are doing these righteous deeds for us when we meet them in the higher realms, then why not here on Earth? Why allow so many other people to suffer on Earth, when they can be healed, too? If these beings are already eliminating our suffering and diseases, then that clearly says misery, negativity, suffering, and diseases were meant to be eliminated. Given this, why did these beings, or god, create a world where these things exist in the first place?

Other Person's Response: I, too, don't understand why these beings aren't sending their healing powers down to other suffering people here on Earth.

My Reply: Neither do I. If they can do this, then they should be doing it.

Other Person's Response: Maybe those beings are just hallucinatory, and those patients spontaneously recovered from their cancer. So, maybe, no real being has healed them of their cancer. As for the people brought back with a much more positive outlook after their near death experience, powerful trips can do that to you.

It has nothing to do with anything supernatural, or actual realms and dimensional beings. I mean, if these beings were real, then, like you said, they would be sending their healing powers to other suffering people on Earth. They just wouldn't be loving beings to allow them to suffer. If they're all-loving beings, then it makes no sense for them to not heal other suffering people on Earth. So, it makes sense to say these beings aren't real.

My Reply: You could be right.

Other Person's Response: People, who take drugs, already hallucinate. For example, someone, who takes a drug, might see his friend doing something sinister, when his friend wasn't there, doing that. A person could also see someone at a certain place, when he or she was never there. Given that people already hallucinate, why couldn't the beings and realms people witness during their trips also be a hallucination? Why do people conclude that drugs, like DMT, are a gateway to another dimension, when it could just be a hallucination?

My Reply: It could be a hallucination. I really don't know.

Other Person's Response: People, who have trips, whether they be drug induced, or induced by a near death experience, report that they've met a famous celebrity in hell. Then, other people, who go on trips, report they've met that same celebrity in heaven. Doesn't that tell you that all trips are just hallucinations? If they were real, then there'd be some consistency. There wouldn't be these contradictory reports.

My Reply: Since it's still debated, I don't know.

Other Person's Response: In regards to trips, whether they're induced by drugs or near death experiences, people do hallucinate, and see people there, who weren't really there. An example would be a son who sees his mother at the beach, when she's really at her home.

My Reply: Yes. So, maybe, these trips are just hallucinations. I'm not too sure on this yet, since it's still debated among researchers as to whether they are or not.

Other Person's Response: When people go on trips to heavenly and hellish realms during their near death experience, they often report beings telling them it's not their time yet, and the people return to Earth. I don't think that's any indication of a real afterlife. To me, it sounds like a dream, where the narrative leads up to the person waking up from the dream, such as someone in the dream telling him it's time for him to return to Earth, and he wakes up from the dream right afterwards. Therefore, these trips might be hallucinations, just as how dreams are hallucinations.

My Reply: You could be right. If these trips were actual visits to other realms, then you'd think that message of "It's not your time, return to Earth" wouldn't be there right before the person is brought back to life. Instead, the person would just be roaming around in these realms, and would be spontaneously returned back to Earth, once his physical body has been resuscitated. The very fact that message, a similar message, or scene, is encountered almost every time a person nears the end of one of these trips, might mean these trips are hallucinations.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I think some of these trips are hallucinations, while others aren't. Just because there are certain aspects of some trips that seem hallucinatory, doesn't make them hallucinations. Just as how you have a real, objective reality, and hallucinations, there's also a real afterlife people visit through their trips, and trips that are just hallucinations. As for dreams, I think they're hallucinations.

My Reply: That's an interesting view.

Other Person's Response: I heard some spiritual believers claim dreams are the soul, leaving the physical body, and entering other realms. When we wake up, our souls return to our bodies.

My Reply: I'm not sure. For one, dream states aren't as lucid as waking consciousness. Even lucid dreams don't reach the level of lucidity of waking consciousness. People who say their souls leave their bodies, and enter other realms during drug trips, or trips induced by a near death experience, report that they were either in a hyper lucid state (a lucid state greater than waking consciousness), or in a lucid state that's just as lucid as waking consciousness. So, the very fact dreams are less lucid than waking consciousness might mean dreams aren't the soul, leaving the body. I know, based upon my own personal experience, that dreams aren't as lucid as waking consciousness.

I even heard online sources say the same thing. Secondly, if you were to inflict a physical injury upon the dreaming person, the person would feel that physical pain in the dream. But, the person wouldn't feel the pain during a trip to a heavenly or hellish realm. Furthermore, if some loud, banging noise were to occur while the person is dreaming, that noise would become a part of the dreaming narrative, such as someone being shot by a gun in that person's dream. But, that doesn't happen when a person has gone on some trip to a different realm through drugs, or a near death experience. So, this might mean trips are the soul, entering different realms, while dreams are just dreams.

Other Person's Response: Another example that shows how dreams are just dreams, and not journeys to other dimensions/realms is people dreaming of things they've already witnessed during their lives, such as people they've met, places they've been, etc.

My Reply: Yes. These dreams, and nightmares, happen all the time (although, things are modified/a bit different in dreams and nightmares. For example, there could've been a moment in your life where you were walking with your mother near a lake. But, the dream you had could've been that same moment, but your mother wearing different clothes).

Other Person's Response: If a person, who's known to be happy a lot, and has many happy dreams, has brain damage, which causes him to lose his happy feelings, then his dreams would also be absent of any happy feelings. If dreams were really our souls leaving our bodies, and entering other realms, then his dreams would've still had those happy feelings, since his soul would've been free of his damaged brain, and free to experience feelings of happiness. So, I think this says dreams are a neurological phenomenon, and not the soul leaving the body.

My Reply: I think you could be right.

Other Person's Response: I think it's interesting you've learned, through your own personal experience, that dreams are less lucid than waking consciousness. What other things have you learned, based upon your own personal experience?

My Reply: I've learned that positive emotions are the source of beauty, love, worth, and pride, I've learned that I'm naturally creating awesome, memorable melodies in my mind (which I talk about in my Composing Dream packet), and I've also learned, through my own personal experience of wearing these magnetic rings, that taking the rings off after having worn them for hours, creates a symptom where I still feel like the rings are on my fingers, when they're not. I've learned that this is like the phantom limb syndrome, where people who lose their legs, still feel like their legs are there, in much pain.

But, when I reminded myself that I'm no longer wearing the rings, that actually got rid of this symptom. From this, I've concluded that, maybe, our brains get in the habit of thinking our legs are there, when they're not, or thinking we're still wearing rings, when we're not. Like any other habit, you must retrain your brain by reminding yourself your legs are no longer there (if you have no legs), and you must remind yourself that you're no longer wearing rings when you take them off after having worn them for a while. Only then should you notice those phantom symptoms subsiding.

Many people don't put effort into reminding themselves, and that's why these symptoms continue. If you were, for example, in the habit of name calling someone, then you'd continue to name call that person, as long as you don't put any effort into reminding yourself not to do that. In other words, habits will continue, as long as you don't retrain your brain to cease said habits. Some habits are very powerful and, thus, require more retraining to cease them. Maybe the mysterious phantom limb syndrome is really just a strong habit our brains have of thinking our legs are there, and people who suffer from this symptom need to break this habit.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps you're learning things from your own personal experience that many people don't know about.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I don't see the point in all these miserable struggles you've been through, since they did nothing but destroyed your life. So, other people must be gaining a false, deceiving understanding of the point of suffering, when they encounter the Being of Light during their near death experience.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: Some people, who have near death experiences, do retain some of the knowledge they've learned in the heavenly realm, while others forget when they arrive back on Earth, and it would be no different than someone forgetting the dream he's had. I heard the most important life lesson people learn from these heavenly trips is love.

My Reply: Yes. I heard love is indeed the most important thing to be learned. Given this, do some people forget this lesson after their near death experience? Or, are they still changed into more loving folks after their near death experience? Anyway, I do hear spiritual believers say that obtaining scientific knowledge for cures isn't that important, and that love is the most important thing to be learned. Although I do think love is important, having cures is also important.

There are people going through immense suffering, and assisted suicide has to be carried out for them. If there were cures for their ongoing, agonizing suffering or illness, then families wouldn't grieve over their suffering or illness, and there'd be no need for assisted suicide to end that person's life, since his/her suffering, or illness, would've already been cured. Another example would be my miserable struggles. So, if people are going to bring back knowledge from their near death experiences, then it should definitely be knowledge for cures, in addition to the life lessons of love they learn.

Other Person's Response: I also heard people, who have near death experiences, and go on heavenly journeys, report they've gained the understanding there's a beautiful afterlife. They learn there's no reason to grieve when loved ones die, since they're in a better, happier place. Clearly, these heavenly beings don't want us to grieve, and they want us to be happy. So, why haven't they bestowed this understanding upon other people? That would prevent them from grieving when their loved ones die.

My Reply: I agree. They could easily do that, since they're powerful beings. It seems these beings only care about us when we meet them, but don't care when we're on Earth. They allow people to suffer on Earth, but then they heal people who meet them, and bestow upon them knowledge that prevents them from suffering or grieving. Is it possible these beings can't access the Earthly realm? Maybe their powers can't reach us.

Other Person's Response: If skeptics, who aren't convinced of the supernatural and the afterlife, were to meet these beings during a near death experience, how could these beings convince them the afterlife is real?

My Reply: Because it's not the type of knowledge a person would share to you when he shows you an article on the internet regarding the afterlife and the supernatural. Skeptics would still disagree with that information. So, the beings bestow a form of knowledge upon the skeptics that convinces them. It's divine knowledge. It's simply knowing the afterlife exists without having to do any research.

Other Person's Response: I know some skeptics who have heavenly encounters during their trips. But, they're still not convinced the afterlife and god exists, no matter how profoundly beautiful of an experience it was for them.

My Reply: Yes. Some skeptics are convinced, while others still remain skeptics.

Other Person's Response: If these beings are already curing people of their cancer, then that says their powers do reach the Earthly realm. So, they should be healing other suffering people.

My Reply: They should. They could, perhaps, use their powers to settle down the chronically active stress/worry response in my brain. That would allow my positive emotions to turn back on. Or, these beings could bestow knowledge upon me that I'll be alright, and my worry would never come true. That would also rid of this active worry.

Other Person's Response: These beings should be like detectors that eliminate our suffering and disease. If a person suffers from something, such as the loss of a loved one, or cancer, that misery and cancer should immediately be detected and eliminated.

My Reply: I agree. I'd imagine higher, heavenly beings to be intelligent and all-loving. So, they should be doing this. If they did, then they could immediately detect anyone who's in mental turmoil, or suffering from an illness, and instantly heal it. For example, being in mental turmoil is negative energy that could be detected by these beings.

Other Person's Response: Maybe these beings are already aware of our suffering and turmoil, but aren't doing anything about it. So, that means they'd be aware of all those horrible experiences you've had in your life. But, they just ignored you, and allowed you to suffer through it all.

My Reply: That would make them unloving beings then.

Other Person's Response: I heard New Age spiritual believers claim that we all have our own guardian angel who helps us.

My Reply: Then why didn't my guardian angel heal me of my misery that was induced by this worry? I'm asking the angel right now to heal me of this worry that's still there, and he/she's not doing it. So, this guardian angel either doesn't care about me, or doesn't exist.

Other Person's Response: I'm quite sure the souls of many dead people wish to help and heal those in need. But, maybe, they can't help or heal you, for whatever reason. Hence the reason why no spiritual entity has ever healed you of your misery, nor this recent, troubling worry you've had.

My Reply: That could be. I heard souls are all around us, and we just can't see them. But, perhaps they can't help or heal me, for whatever reason. I admit, it would be lovely if there were spiritual forces on my side, there to help me, heal me, prevent suffering and unhappiness in my life, and give me good luck. The same idea applies to my mother because she could be having good luck on her side, which would allow her to win a lot of money.

Other Person's Response: I heard some of these souls are haunting though. That's the reason why there are haunted houses.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Maybe these spirits need to be contacted in order for them to help and heal us.

My Reply: I don't see why. Can't they see suffering people in need, and help them anyway? This question also applies to the guardian angel we all are supposed to have on our side. Couldn't he/she automatically heal and help us? Why would he/she need to be contacted first?

Other Person's Response: I heard, from spiritual believers, that these beings are actually all around us. We just can't see them. When we take drugs (such as DMT), we can see these beings.

My Reply: If that's true, then these beings are doing nothing for humanity. They just watch as people suffer.

Other Person's Response: Will these magnetic rings speed up your recovery process from this troubling worry?

My Reply: I'm not sure. So far, I haven't noticed that. The rings are claimed to ease stress and worry. So, hopefully, they do.

Other Person's Response: If these rings work, but stress and worry prevents them from working, then they couldn't heal your misery-inducing worry in the first place.

My Reply: That's right.

Other Person's Response: I don't think god, or these spiritual beings, can heal you of this worry, since it's your own personal, negative thinking. Therefore, you must recover from it on your own.

My Reply: There are things, such as medication and meditation, which is said to help ease worry. I heard there are other things as well. I really don't know if meditation would even work for me, and I am doubtful it would. When I sit there and listen to instructions in guided meditation videos on youtube, it does nothing for me. It doesn't ease my worry one bit. Anyway, since there are ways to ease stress and worry, then that clearly says there's a way god, and these beings, can heal me of my worry.

Other Person's Response: If these beings healed you of this worry instantly, then others would no longer be at risk because you feel violent when you have that worry.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: There is a way to rid of this worry. But, it would be very harmful to you. You could bash your head in, which would make you forget that situation you were worried about.

My Reply: I'm not going to do that. I look for smarter solutions.

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry your mind is stuck on, there is CBT, which helps a lot of people.

My Reply: Perhaps my therapist does specialize in CBT. So, maybe, he can help me recover from this worry faster. But, I'm not good at intellectual tasks though, and CBT is an intellectually involved task, since there are many exercises to do, many instructions to follow, and things of this nature. The same idea applies to guided meditation. My brain has a difficult time processing information, and I might have a difficult time with the instructions. My main weakness is understanding things because there are many things that are very difficult to get through to my head.

Other Person's Response: Have you shared your views to your therapist? If so, how did he respond to them?

My Reply: He treats them in a casual manner, and shows no deep concern for me. But, that doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. He's still a very kind therapist who helps me when I need help.

Other Person's Response: Does your therapist agree with your hedonistic philosophy?

My Reply: Yes, and his name is Randy Bolten.

Other Person's Response: Did you talk to your therapist about CBT, or any other method that could help ease your worry?

My Reply: I did. But, he told me the best thing I could do was wait to fully recover from this worry on my own, since I'm already doing what CBT, as well as what other therapeutic methods recommend, which would be focusing on my daily tasks, and just allowing that subconscious worry to remain there until, one day, it fades away on its own.

Other Person's Response: I don't think that's the best thing you can do. There must be things your therapist is neglecting and leaving out, which could really help ease your worry and, thus, get you to a full recovery faster than just waiting it out.

My Reply: But, I think I'd have to see a different therapist who specializes in these therapeutic methods that could help me, and that costs a lot of money. My mother doesn't have much money, since she's poor and struggling. Besides, even if my mother could afford it, no method might work for me, since these methods are demanding tasks, and I'm just no good at such tasks.

Other Person's Response: How long have you been seeing your therapist?

My Reply: I started seeing him when I had this devastating worry, since I wanted to talk to him about it, so he could help me. That would be about 3 years ago. I see him once a month, and I share everything I've written to him. He reads everything without being agitated, and he doesn't complain at all. When we meet every month, I also share to him my recovery progress. Since my mental status is slowly and gradually improving over time, that means there are small improvements every month I see him. It might only be a few months now before I'm fully recovered, and have my joy back to me.

Other Person's Response: When you met your therapist, did you display utter hopelessness and desperation to get psychological help? If not, then maybe that's why he's treating your predicament in such a casual manner, and just letting you recover on your own.

My Reply: I didn't. So, you could be right. But, as of now, I'm not feeling hopelessness. Nor am I in a serious predicament any longer. I'm simply apathetic at this point, and am waiting patiently for my positive emotions to return. You could also consider this whole recovery process I'm going through to be a progression through the 3 realms: hell, The Void, and heaven. I'm no longer in hell anymore. At this point, I'm just in The Void. I might soon enter back into heaven (the realm of the light).

Other Person's Response: In regards to those 3 realms, they certainly do exist on Earth for us. Haven't you ever heard people say "Hell on Earth" or "Heaven on Earth?"

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Since your brain doesn't process information very fast, does that mean you do things, and say things, that make no sense?

My Reply: Yes. I also end up failing certain tasks. So, I have to spend some time to think things through before acting or speaking. Otherwise, I'd end up making the wrong move, or saying something that makes no sense. That's because my brain needs some time to process information. But, there are tasks that I have given much thought, but still fail. That's because I'm just no good at these tasks.

Other Person's Response: So, people shouldn't rush you to do something, since your brain needs some time to make sense of things first.

My Reply: Yes. There are certain things I can do immediately, such as slamming a door shut if someone told me to immediately shut that door. But, more complicated tasks require time for my brain to process. Also, I have very little knowledge and life experience, which makes complicated tasks more difficult for me to understand and make sense of.

Other Person's Response: When it comes to doing tasks, you're the type of person who just acts, and doesn't think. You must think things through before you act. Otherwise, you'll end up doing the wrong things.

My Reply: That's one reason why I fail at certain tasks. But, another reason would be that I just have no clue what's going on, and what I'm supposed to be doing.

Other Person's Response: Since your brain isn't very fast at processing information, that means it takes a while for things to register in your mind, right?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: In regards to this worry you're having, do you take medication? Medication might help ease your worry to get you to a full recovery faster.

My Reply: Yes. But, I don't notice the medication easing the worry one bit for me.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your philosophy, I think the idea is to not attach meaning to emotions. Therapy can help you with this.

My Reply: I think the idea here is for people to focus more on their emotions, so they can realize they're the experience of beauty, love, joy, hate, etc. Detaching yourself from your emotions only serves to blind you from realizing this.

Other Person's Response: It seems other people don't understand your personal experience, considering that so many people dismiss your positive emotions as trivial feelings. Hopefully, god, and these spiritual beings, will understand.

My Reply: I hope so. It seems they don't understand, considering that they've created a world for me, where positive emotions are very fleeting things.

Other Person's Response: I even heard, from spiritual believers, that, if you're living your life with much negative thoughts and worries that cause you to suffer, then that's a wasted life that serves no good purpose. I find this to be a contradiction to what spiritual believers also say, which would be that all forms of suffering serve a good purpose.

My Reply: Yes. Since these miserable struggles were just a waste of my life, then they served no good purpose.

Other Person's Response: If people bring bad karma upon themselves through their negative thoughts and beliefs, then spiritual believers act like it was their fault because they'd say: "Well, you brought it all upon yourself!" But, sometimes, the way we think and believe isn't under our power and control. For example, if someone was led to believe he's a horrible person, then he can't help believing that way. As a matter of fact, there are so many brainwashed people who can't help but think and believe certain ways. So, how can you blame them?

My Reply: Exactly. Why isn't god and the heavenly, spiritual beings enlightening these people to the real truth? Why aren't they sending down divine knowledge to them?

Other Person's Response: I think even your doubt that there's more beauty to life than positive emotions wouldn't be your fault. You've never had an experience that convinced you otherwise. So, it wouldn't be your fault that you have this doubt.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: I think there is a way for you to obtain more beauty in your life besides your positive emotions. Your brain just needs to tap into some higher, divine consciousness, rather than just the emotional, divine consciousness.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: I heard souls have signed a contract to come here to Earth in order to learn and grow through suffering. If they don't learn the lessons they need to learn in this lifetime, then they reincarnate so they can, hopefully, learn them in the next lifetime. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out, and the heavenly beings tear the contract, since the person isn't learning and growing.

My Reply: The fact is, these beings are all-knowing, and they can see into the future. This means they already know what's going to work for an individual, and what's not going to work. It would be absurd and pointless to have a person go through a futile learning and growing process, when these beings already know it would be futile. In which case, why even have some souls sign a contract to begin with, when it's just not going to work out for them? God, and these spiritual beings, already know it wouldn't work out. So, these souls shouldn't even be here on Earth.

Other Person's Response: If there really is more beauty and goodness to life than positive emotions, then do you think obtaining this greater form of beauty and goodness into your life would be a learning and growing process that would work for you?

My Reply: I'm not sure. It might not work out for me, and it would be no different than a field of art not working out for an individual, such as drawing. If the person continues to remain a poor drawer, even after much education and effort, then drawing just isn't working out for him. So, it would be a pointless endeavor for this person to try to become a skilled drawer.

Other Person's Response: If there's no more beauty and goodness to life than positive emotions, then it would be even more absurd and pointless to have you sign a contract, just to come to a planet filled with much misery, unhappiness, and suffering.

My Reply: I agree. Since positive emotions would be the only things that make life beautiful, then all non-hedonistic endeavors would be pointless, such as learning and growing through miserable hardships.

Other Person's Response: I heard souls come here to gain experience. A person could read about suffering. But, without the actual experience of it, then he wouldn't know what it's like. Knowing what it's like would give him compassion towards other suffering people.

My Reply: But, that experience yields a form of knowledge that can already be bestowed upon us by god, or these spiritual beings. In other words, a person doesn't have to experience any suffering to know what it's like, when such knowledge can already be granted to him. Just as how god, and these spiritual beings, already know what the suffering of others is like without having suffered themselves, we can also know what it's like without having suffered. So, again, nobody needs to go through any form of suffering, such as misery, emotional trauma, illness, etc.

Other Person's Response: That means you could already learn your life lesson of how horrible your miserable struggles were. You wouldn't need to suffer at all, and you could just have this life lesson bestowed upon you by god, or these spiritual beings.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I'm a spiritual believer and, even though the reality we live in does consist of mystical beings, and a heavenly, magical afterlife, that doesn't mean reality is a happy place. It does consist of much suffering, in addition to joy.

My Reply: If reality does consist of these mystical attributes, then I'd imagine reality to instead be something entirely happy and fun, like a magical Disney Land. If you're going to have a magical atmosphere, then don't ruin it for the audience by having suicidal forms of misery, or other forms of immense suffering. For example, the Fairly Odd Parents is a kid's show. It's a reality/universe of its own that consists of mystical fairies, magical atmospheres, and characters have their wishes granted. If you had suicidal forms of depression or misery in that show, then it would ruin the show for the audience. It would take away from the magical, fun atmosphere.

So, immense forms of misery and suffering like this simply don't belong in the Fairly Odd Parents universe. That means the worst form of misery and suffering a character could experience in the show would have to be something trivial, such as a character being bummed out, since he didn't get to see his favorite movie. This would allow the magical, kid-oriented atmosphere to be retained without ruining it. My point is, the miserable struggles I've had were very serious. Thus, they simply wouldn't belong in a reality where mystical beings and atmospheres exist. So, maybe, there's no such thing as mystical beings or afterlives in this reality because, if there was, then I wouldn't imagine such horrible experiences existing.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 20/26)

Other Person's Response: I understand why you think your miserable struggles don't belong in this reality, and how they ruin the magical adventure our souls have embarked on. We were souls in the heavenly realms who wanted to embark on beautiful adventures here on Earth, and I understand why the whole adventure no longer seems right anymore. But, reality encompasses ALL experiences, ranging from the absolute worst to the absolute best. That's very different than, say, a Sponge Bob or Fairly Odd Parents adventure, where characters are limited only to joy and trivial forms of suffering.

My Reply: I see. But, my miserable struggles were such horrible experiences that I just don't think they belong. They wouldn't even belong in a dark-toned show or movie, such as Batman. These struggles were so serious and horrible that they would even ruin shows and movies like these. My actions and expressions would certainly belong, since you see characters in Batman, acting in grief, despair, and agony. But, as for my inner experience of these miserable struggles, that wouldn't belong in the Batman universe, since it was so horrible and serious.

Thus, if I wanted a miserable experience that would fit in with the Batman universe, then it would have to be a trivial experience. But, not as trivial as what I'd have to experience in a Sponge Bob or Fairly Odd Parents universe. So, it could be a suicidal form of misery or depression, since there are characters in Batman who have these horrible experiences. But, it couldn't be as horrible as the miserable struggles I've been through.

Other Person's Response: You're saying that, when you make a show or movie, not only must the characters, their actions, and environments be suitable for said show or movie, but even the inner experience of these characters must be suitable?

My Reply: Yes. If you had characters swearing in Sponge Bob, you had characters blowing the brains of other characters with guns, and you had gruesome environments, then that wouldn't belong in the Sponge Bob universe. That even applies to the inner experience of the characters. If a character experienced a suicidal form of misery, and that character needed serious, psychological help, that wouldn't belong in the Sponge Bob universe either. So, the idea would be to have characters, actions, environments, and experiences that are suitable for the Sponge Bob universe. That means the horrible experiences I've had would be unsuitable, even for a horror movie, since these experiences were far worse and serious than any cinematic horror or misery.

Other Person's Response: Spiritual believers say life is like a movie or play. You're saying that the miserable struggles you've had were so horrible, that they simply don't belong with the image of a play (such as curtains and a stage)?

My Reply: Correct. They were so horrible that it made life no longer seem like a play or movie. I admit, certain forms of tragedy and misery do belong in movies and plays. But, it gets to a certain point where the misery and suffering is so horrible that it completely ruins the image of a play, adventure, or movie.

Other Person's Response: A person can dress up as a clown, and have a very horrible, miserable experience in his life. But, because of his physical appearance, that would give a trivial impression of his inner turmoil.

My Reply: Yes. His inner turmoil just wouldn't belong with his physical appearance. That is, if his turmoil was a form of suffering so horrible that it wouldn't suit his physical appearance. But, if he was just sad, then that would belong with his physical appearance, since there are clowns that are sad.

Other Person's Response: In regards to god, he and these heavenly beings would only be beings of darkness if they had negative thoughts or beliefs making them feel negative emotions. If they just felt negative emotions without said thoughts and beliefs, then those would just be unpleasant emotions they're feeling, and nothing more. So, they wouldn't be beings of darkness in this scenario.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I'm a spiritual believer, and I heard god doesn't help suffering people because he's keeping guard. He protects the universe from potentially threatening entities. He can't leave his position, lest the universe be invaded by these threatening entities.

My Reply: If he's god, that means he's all-powerful, which means he can do two things at once. He can heal those who are suffering, while keeping guard at the same time. Maybe he can have a clone of himself who keeps guard, while the other clone helps and heals those who are suffering. After all, since Naruto can create clones of himself, then I don't see why god can't. Also, as a side note, Naruto is the name of an anime, and Naruto is the main character in it.

Other Person's Response: Our higher self (soul) has chosen this Earthly life because suffering and illness do serve a good purpose, even though you may not realize it. Your soul knew you'd undergo these miserable struggles before arriving on Earth, and it has chosen to go through these struggles for a good purpose. So, your higher self knows something that your ordinary self is unaware of.

My Reply: But, when I die, and my soul leaves my body, my higher self might find itself regretting having made such a dumb decision. I honestly don't think there's any good purpose in having these struggles.

Other Person's Response: If your soul has made a dumb decision in coming to Earth, given that Earth is a place filled with much suffering and unhappiness, then god, or these heavenly beings, could've prevented you from exiting the heavenly realm. That way, your soul would've remained in heaven, where you could be happy all you want.

My Reply: Yes. If they knew it was the wrong decision, then they should've prevented me from entering the Earthly realm. But, I might've not even made the decision to come to Earth in the first place. I could've been brought here against my will.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps your soul decided to come to Earth, since it wished to know the experience of suffering, given that your soul has lived a happy life in heaven for so long.

My Reply: Again, it would be a dumb decision on my part, and god, or these heavenly beings, should've prevented me from exiting heaven.

Other Person's Response: When you're fully recovered, and have your positive emotions, does that give you a positive perspective in regards to these beings, and why they allow suffering? Right now, you have a very negative perspective, and I wonder if this perspective changes when you're happy.

My Reply: Yes, it does change when I'm happy. My perspective, when I'm happy, would be that perhaps they are wise, all-loving beings, and we just don't comprehend their methods. During an emotional crisis, I have a very negative perspective, since I feel negative emotions. I see these beings as fools, or uncaring, unloving monsters for allowing me and others to suffer.

If I was apathetic (emotionless), then I just wouldn't care one way or the other. Even though I have a positive perspective when I'm happy and enjoying life, I can still question if these beings really are wise and all-loving. I can still consider the possibility that they're the foolish monsters I made them out to be during my emotional crisis.

Other Person's Response: Remember, even when you're happy, enjoying your life, and receiving god's holy light by having positive thoughts about god, that doesn't mean god is an all-loving, all-just being.

My Reply: Yes. Regardless of how I feel about god and these spiritual beings, I must consider the real truth as to whether they are all-loving, all-just beings or not.

Other Person's Response: It seems you also have a very negative perspective during an emotional crisis in regards to the notion that there's more beauty and goodness to life than positive emotions. You have the attitude of wanting to give up, that there's no more beauty and goodness to life, and you deem yourself as incapable and pitiful.

My Reply: Yes. But, when I'm happy, I do have a positive perspective in regards to this. I'd feel that perhaps there really is more beauty and goodness to life that I'm unaware of. So, I even need my positive emotions to perceive the notion of greater values as something positive. Otherwise, I have a negative perspective, or I just don't care.

Other Person's Response: You say these beings could be wise and all-loving. But, maybe they're dumb, and not all-loving.

My Reply: That could be (if they're real). Maybe they think my miserable struggles were something beautiful, when they're not. They'd be dumb not to realize just how horrible these struggles were for me, and how much they've destroyed my life. I would've, thus, been sent here on Earth to undergo a form of suffering they think is beautiful, when it's not. So, I'd be the wise one to want to remain in their heavenly afterlife after I die, and never come to Earth again. More of an Earthly life means more suffering. But, more of a heavenly afterlife means more bliss.

Other Person's Response: If heaven is where you're supposed to be, then why even bother with these immortality rings? They'd just prolong your life here on Earth, and you said you didn't want to live an Earthly life.

My Reply: Well, I don't know if the afterlife exists. This could be the only life I have. I wouldn't want to die, and that's it. So, it's better to be safe than sorry, and live a long, Earthly life. Even though it's a life that consists of much suffering and unhappiness, there's still some happiness I can get out of it. After all, I lived a fully happy life when I was younger. I lived that way for many years. Now that these miserable struggles are done and over with, I'll go back to living that happy life again.

I'll definitely live that way again, as long as something else doesn't take away my positive emotions, such as a mental illness, brain damage, etc. I wouldn't be miserable or angry if that happened to me. I'd just be without my positive emotions. Remember, my goal now is to keep my thoughts healthy. So, if I do lose my positive emotions, I'm not going to make myself feel miserable about it by having a miserable thought. Instead, I'd just hopefully find a way to restore my positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: If you were to meet these heavenly beings, do you think they'd treat you with a kind, loving attitude?

My Reply: If they really are all-loving beings, then they would. I don't think an all-loving being would call me pathetic, and look down upon me as inferior.

Other Person's Response: You see fault with god, or these spiritual beings, considering how much suffering and unhappiness there is in the world. I think the fault is with you.

My Reply: I don't think so.

Other Person's Response: So, anything that doesn't meet your standards is something you see fault in?

My Reply: Yes. If something didn't meet someone else's standards, then that person would see fault with that thing, too.

Other Person's Response: I personally think life is to be played out like a movie, and not to be questioned.

My Reply: I'm not some mindless machine who doesn't question why there's suffering. That part of me that questions this would be dismissed by you, and any spiritual being, who tells me to just live my life like a movie. I realize the better alternative that was there all along (to create a utopia life for us all), and I don't think that's something to dismiss.

Other Person's Response: I'm just curious. After we die, do we go to heaven, or do we reincarnate?

My Reply: If the soul and afterlife do exist, then we might reincarnate. I hear many people say we reincarnate. There's much claimed evidence by researchers of children reporting past lives.

Other Person's Response: If you do reincarnate, I'm quite sure you wouldn't want to reincarnate into another life filled with misery, unhappiness, and suffering.

My Reply: Correct. It would be cruel and unjust.

Other Person's Response: Are you the type of person who doesn't care about much?

My Reply: Yes. I also don't care what I watch on t.v. I said earlier I don't watch the news. But, if the t.v. was on the news channel, I'd watch it anyway, or just change the channel. It really doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

Other Person's Response: I thought you said you loved to watch anime.

My Reply: I do. Sometimes though, I just don't care what I watch.

Other Person's Response: When you say you don't care about much, is it because you have thoughts of caring about many things, and these thoughts just can't make you feel any emotions? Or, is it because your way of thinking is that you just don't care about much?

My Reply: It's the latter. I just don't have the mindset of caring about a lot of things. So, the reason why I don't care about too many things isn't because I'm unable to feel emotions. Rather, it's because this is just the type of person I am. There are certain things I care about, such as composing, video games, etc. I also feel beauty and joy in regards to many stimuli, including going out in nature. That means I do care about those things. But, then there are things I just don't care about.

Other Person's Response: If you struggled with a complete absence of emotions, due to a mental illness, you wouldn't even care about video games, composing, or anything else.

My Reply: Correct. I wouldn't even care if my mother was brutally tortured. I need to feel bad about her suffering in order to care about her suffering. I'd also need to feel good about helping someone, or about my mother winning the lottery, in order to care about that.

Other Person's Response: It seems you're lacking in about almost everything. You have no intelligence, no life experience, and your abilities as a human being are very poor. Your reading comprehension is very poor, since you have a difficult time understanding many things, you can't understand what's going on in movies, and you need people to explain it to you in the most simple, coherent fashion that even a child can understand, the values you live by are very poor, shallow, and weak, your level of empathy is poor, you suck at many tasks, etc.

My Reply: A mental disability might be a major, contributing factor because I am a special needs person. As for my values, if positive emotions really are the only things that make life beautiful and good, then how could you describe my values as poor and weak? Describing them as such would imply there are greater values out there. But, if there's no greater values, then it would make no sense to describe my values as poor and weak.

Other Person's Response: Surprisingly, I thought your writing was very good, despite your mental handicap. Your spelling, punctuation, and grammar is very good. You are also very articulate and coherent.

My Reply: At first, I was making incoherent arguments that other people couldn't understand. It took a long time before I could successfully articulate my personal experience in a way people could understand.

Other Person's Response: I would've expected you to have gained a greater set of values through your whole struggle. If I suffered so much, and so horribly like you have, I would've learned that there's more to life than my own happiness.

My Reply: Well, each person is different, and not everyone who suffers learns the lesson you presented. Different people will learn different lessons. I've learned a lot through my own personal experience, and I'm sharing my insight as to why I think positive emotions truly are the only things that make life beautiful.

Other Person's Response: Then I'm afraid you've learned nothing through your struggles.

My Reply: If a Christian had an experience, and learned something, there'd be others who'd say that Christian learned nothing but nonsense. If a Buddhist had an experience, and learned something, others would also say the same thing. If any person in general had an experience, and learned something (such as that magnetic therapy, and crystals, have healing effects), others would also say the same thing.

Proponents (supporters) of magnetic therapy, and crystals, would agree with that person, while skeptics would say it's nonsense. As you can see, each person is unique. We all have different experiences, and we draw different conclusions. We also have our own unique religions. The religion I talk about in this packet is my own personal religion, as I mentioned earlier. My own personal experience has led me to this religion.

Other Person's Response: A person can go through much suffering in his life, but not gain any greater values. Your case would be an example. If you put a person through much suffering, would that all of a sudden make him a skilled basketball player, or dentist? No. He needs to actually train and educate himself in basketball, or dentistry, if he wants to be good at it. Likewise, putting you through much suffering, apparently, isn't helping you improve your value system. So, I think something more needs to be done. Maybe you just need some training and education in certain forms of therapy.

My Reply: I'm actually not sure what to do here. These have always been the values I've lived by.

Other Person's Response: I agree it's the fault of the creator, since he could've made this life a utopia for us all. Not only would you be happy your whole life, and not have to be miserable, but your mother could've also been rich, too.

My Reply: It seems life is even playing a cruel joke on her because she seems to be on the verge of winning money with the pick 3 numbers. But, she doesn't get the money. She actually won a few hundred dollars at one point. But, most of that money had to be taken out, due to an unfortunate turn of events. I bet even she'd be driven to the point of wanting to harm the creator.

Other Person's Response: Even if your mother did get the pick 3 numbers exactly right, that wouldn't win her millions of dollars. But, she'd definitely win some money.

My Reply: Yes. She already knows that. But, she thinks she can win the Power Ball someday, which would win her millions of dollars. I talk more about this later on.

Other Person's Response: I'm a spiritual believer, and I think your mother can definitely win some money if she has some good karma on her side. But, if she wishes to win millions, then that requires all the good karma in the world. Very few people win millions of dollars, after all.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: It seems your mother is having some bad karma in her life, since she's on the verge of winning some money with the Pick 3, but she doesn't win.

My Reply: Maybe it is bad karma. I realize life is a cruel joke for many people. So, maybe, life itself is just trying to piss her off by playing a cruel joke on her. If it's not life itself, then it would be any person, or spiritual entity, giving her bad karma.

Other Person's Response: Are you still hateful towards god, and wanting revenge, even when you're fully recovered from your emotional crisis?

My Reply: Actually, I'm not. I'm only violent and filled with hate in the midst of an emotional crisis. When I'm happy and enjoying my life, I let it pass, and don't care about it anymore. However, I can still think about how life is a cruel joke, and discuss it, even when I'm happy.

Other Person's Response: I don't agree the creator is a cruel prankster. Your suffering did serve a good purpose, even though you may not realize it.

My Reply: Then why didn't he bestow upon me this understanding, rather than having me go through bouts of rage and revenge?

Other Person's Response: Someone like you, who's so fixated and obsessed over his own happiness, will never understand the point of suffering. You'll never grow as a person, and see any greater value to life than your own happiness.

My Reply: I don't know if it's my own obsession blinding me or not.

Other Person's Response: Going back to your philosophy, nothing matters to me, and I don't value anything in my life. I just live life as it is. But, at least I've contributed to the world, and made the lives of others valuable.

My Reply: You're having a positive attitude about the lives of others having value. By having that attitude, you're already implying that the lives of others having value is something you value. So, your attitude would be contradicting your claim that you're not valuing anything. Therefore, you could be valuing things, such as contribution and giving to others, while being in denial of this. Or, you're not valuing anything at all, and you're just having an attitude that contradicts your claim.

Other Person's Response: I think the idea is to give up and transcend values. This is what the Buddhists would say.

My Reply: If these Buddhists say this with an attitude that implies there's something greater than value out there, then that's already implying there's greater value to life than value. So, I find that to be a contradiction. I realize the Buddhists have such an attitude in regards to their ways of life. So, by them having that attitude already implies they've never transcended values. In other words, they live by values.

Other Person's Response: You talk about magnetic healing rings in this packet. Instead of buying products that might not work, why not do the research to find out if they work or not?

My Reply: I realize some people would say they do work, while skeptics say they don't. But, searching for the truth as to whether they really do work or not would be a tedious, difficult task. So, it's best if I just buy the rings, and see if they work for me or not. They don't cost that much, anyway. Besides, I can't comprehend research, or material, written by skeptics, and other professionals. Not only that, I just have no passion for doing all this research.

Other Person's Response: Is there another reason why it's difficult for you to comprehend material written by people?

My Reply: It's because there are many ways to interpret something someone has written, and it's difficult for me to know which interpretation is the right one. Not only that, but I just have poor reading comprehension skills.

Other Person's Response: I understand why you don't wish to do research. It's because there's so much material to read and comprehend.

My Reply: Yes. I just have no interest in this anyway.

Other Person's Response: Since you're intellectually weak, then you'll also be weak in terms of your character. After all, the prefrontal cortex is the intellectual area of the brain that's also responsible for our character. I think your character weakness is the very reason why you live by such shallow, weak values.

My Reply: I'm not sure. There might be no more value and worth to life than emotions.

Other Person's Response: I heard you have autism. Some autistic people are intellectual weak, and have a shallow character, due to their autism. For example, autistic, special needs people (such as yourself) are mentally hindered.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Some autistic people also lack emotional response to many things.

My Reply: Yes. That could explain why I lack interest in so many things, whether it be learning new things, what clothes my mother buys me, helping humanity and contributing to the world, etc.

Other Person's Response: I heard you have a mental disability. It seems you're not completely disabled, given that you can still write and articulate your points quite well.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: In regards to the rings, have you noticed any side effects when wearing these rings?

My Reply: I've been noticing I haven't been feeling hungry or thirsty for over a week while wearing them everyday. I also notice some muscle twitching from time to time. So, maybe, the rings are doing something. I'm not sure about this yet. Even though I don't feel hungry or thirsty, I still eat and drink anyway. I make sure I drink the amount of fluids I need, even though I don't feel thirsty, since your body needs fluids more than it needs food.

As to why I don't feel hungry or thirsty, maybe it's instead this worry having an effect on me. I talk more about the worry in this packet. Having too much worry and stress can have an effect on you physically. That would even include not feeling hungry or thirsty. Now, there are seldom occasions where I do feel hungry and thirsty. But, not too often. That means I'm not eating as much as I should. What's strange is that, normally, when I don't eat much, I feel low on energy. But, this time, I don't feel low on energy at all.

Other Person's Response: Any other symptom?

My Reply: Yes. I notice a bit more phlegm than usual. That might be the rings doing their healing because people report having more phlegm when using these rings. Then again, the phlegm could be something else going on. I'm not noticing anything healing on my body from these rings though. My stretch marks are still there, and wounds still take the normal amount of time to heal.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure something else isn't causing these symptoms?

My Reply: Maybe there is. So, maybe, it's not the rings.

Other Person's Response: Did you have these symptoms prior to using these rings?

My Reply: Come to think of it, maybe I did.

Other Person's Response: I know you're currently trying to decide if these rings work or not. One moment, you think they might be working. But, the next moment, you have your doubts.

My Reply: As of now, I'm actually leaning towards the possibility that they might be working, after all. I think I had a loss of hunger before using the rings. But, come to think of it, I don't think I had excessive phlegm and muscle twitching before using the rings. Also, when I continue to wear the rings, my feeling of hunger is chronically shut off, as opposed to the momentary absence of hunger I had before using the rings.

Other Person's Response: It could just be a placebo effect you're experiencing with these rings. Maybe your subconscious mind already knows that the feeling of hunger gets shut off when the body needs to heal. Since you want the healing effect of these rings to be real, then maybe your brain just shuts off your feeling of hunger, which convinces you the rings are working. It's a neuroscientific fact that the brain shuts off feelings of physical pain, which convinces people that a fake cure is working for them. So, all these symptoms you're having from these rings just might be a placebo effect, and nothing more.

My Reply: That could be. I really don't know, and I'll continue wearing the rings. I even read some of the symptoms from these rings before wearing them, which would be excessive phlegm, and twitching. So, it might be a placebo effect.

Other Person's Response: If these really were placebo effects you're having from these rings, then why would your feeling of hunger be shut off 24/7, for over a week, while you've worn the rings everyday? Also, why would you even be having those symptoms of excessive phlegm and muscle twitching? I don't think the brain can create such symptoms, which means I don't think they're placebo effects.

My Reply: Exactly.

Other Person's Response: How long has this absence of hunger been going on now?

My Reply: Over two weeks straight.

Other Person's Response: Have you lost a significant amount of weight, since you haven't been eating as much?

My Reply: Yes. I'm not an obese person losing weight. I'm an average, thin person losing weight. So, I'll try to eat the full 2 meals a day I usually eat to get my weight back up.

Other Person's Response: When you don't wear the rings for a while, does your feeling of hunger return?

My Reply: Yes. But, only after 2-3 days, or longer. Perhaps the effects of the rings are lingering on during that time and, once the effects have worn off, my feeling of hunger returns.

Other Person's Response: Did you ever have a moment where you felt hungry while wearing the rings?

My Reply: Yes. But, I think it was just once or twice. That feeling of hunger did linger on for a while, even while wearing the rings.

Other Person's Response: Maybe you should experiment more with these immortality rings to see if it's the rings causing your symptoms, such as your absence of hunger, or if something else is causing these symptoms. For example, if your feeling of hunger returns, but then shuts off when you wear the rings again, then just wear the rings for one minute. If your feeling of hunger returns shortly after you take the rings off, such as a few minutes, then repeat the experiment.

My Reply: I'll go ahead and perform that experiment when my feeling of hunger returns. So far, I've been wearing the rings many hours everyday, and I've taken them off after a week of wearing them. Since then, I've had this chronic absence of hunger that's lasted for many days now. I can't tell if this absence of hunger is caused by the rings or not. That's why I'll perform that experiment to find out. But, even if my feeling of hunger does repeatedly fade and return when performing this experiment, it could just be a placebo effect. So, my brain might be shutting off, and turning that feeling of hunger back on, just to try to convince me it's the rings working.

Other Person's Response: If these rings don't work for you, then don't bother buying Alex Chiu's more expensive products, such as the foot braces, or the cell realignment machine.

My Reply: It's said that some people need a healing boost. So, I will buy the foot braces if the rings don't work for me. If both the rings and foot braces don't work for me, then, chances are, the machine might not work either. So, I wouldn't buy the machine. Even if the machine did work, I don't need it yet, since it just cures handicaps, and doesn't cure aging.

Other Person's Response: Maybe you're experiencing these symptoms because your body is warming up.

My Reply: That could be. It might have nothing to do with the rings. Normally, when my body is warming up, I do feel tingling and twitching. But, I don't feel an absence of hunger though. So, I'm not sure if it's the rings or not. Maybe it is my body warming up, and having this worry causes an additional symptom to occur while my body is warming up, which would be an absence of hunger. After all, when you have stress and worry, that can cause additional symptoms to go along with bodily processes, such as your body warming up, cooling down, etc.

In addition, I notice I sometimes spontaneously feel sleepy. I don't know how to explain it, but it doesn't feel like normal sleepiness. Rather, it feels like something that's been artificially induced because it's not the type of sleepiness you'd get when you feel your body needs rest, and you're ready to go to bed, or take a nap. It sort of feels like a deep feeling of relaxation putting you to sleep, rather than a feeling of sleepiness putting you to sleep. I hear people do spontaneously feel sleepy when they use the rings. So, it might be the rings.

Other Person's Response: If that worry is causing your absence of hunger, then you might no longer have that absence of hunger when you wear the rings.

My Reply: Yes. Even if the rings are causing an absence of hunger, but only when that worry is present, then, once the worry is gone, the rings might no longer cause an absence of hunger.

Other Person's Response: Do you wear the rings when you have blankets over you? If so, your body warming up under the blankets might be causing your absence of hunger, and not the rings.

My Reply: Yes. So, maybe, it's just my body warming up.

Other Person's Response: When your body warms up, do you normally feel sleepy, due to the increased blood flow?

My Reply: I don't think so. Therefore, maybe it's the rings causing me to feel a bit sleepy. People do report feeling sleepy with these rings.

Other Person's Response: I heard it's summer time for you now, and you're no longer using blankets. When your body is hot, do you feel sleepy? If so, it could be the heat making you sleepy, and not the rings.

My Reply: Yes. So, it might just be the heat.

Other Person's Response: Maybe having that worry causes an additional symptom to occur when your body is warming up, which would be feeling sleepy.

My Reply: That could be. So, again, it might not be the rings.

Other Person's Response: Do people report not feeling hungry when they wear these rings?

My Reply: I'm not sure. I don't know if I've read that or not.

Other Person's Response: When you don't feel hungry while wearing the rings, do you still have a growling stomach?

My Reply: Yes. But, I still eat some food, even though I don't feel hungry.

Other Person's Response: I heard that some people, who use these rings, get the minimal healing benefits from them. Even so, these people should still be healing faster than they're aging, as long as they wear these rings. It's just going to take much longer for these people to look younger, as opposed to the types of people who get the maximum healing benefits from the rings.

My Reply: That means I'd just have to be very patient if I get the minimal healing benefits from the rings. I wonder if some people don't get any healing benefits at all though.

Other Person's Response: If the skeptics are wrong when they say magnetic therapy doesn't work, then maybe they're also wrong about there being no afterlife.

My Reply: Yes. I realize there are professional skeptics, and I wouldn't call them dumb if they're wrong, given that they are professionals. Instead, they'd just have a big misunderstanding. Professionals debate all sorts of topics, and one side could be right, while another could be wrong.

Other Person's Response: The Chinese are the founders of magnetic therapy, aren't they? Well, they're intelligent people, and many products we see in America have been invented by them.

My Reply: Yes. Maybe magnetic therapy is a good, working invention that skeptics just deny and dismiss.

Other Person's Response: I'm not sure those magnetic rings stop and reverse aging. But, they might allow you to live a little bit longer.

My Reply: I hope they do stop and reverse aging.

Other Person's Response: Even if these rings do stop and reverse aging, they still don't protect you from fatal events, such as getting shot by a gun, or being ran over by a car. That means you won't live millions of years with these rings, since a fatal event is bound to happen to you sooner or later.

My Reply: But, maybe, I'll at least live to be 800 years old before a fatal event happens to me. I'll be thankful for that. But, I might live long enough with these rings to the point where true immortality will be invented, where people literally get to live all they want to, and don't have to worry about any fatal event happening to them. In which case, I'd upgrade from these rings to this new, immortality-based technology. That is, if it's affordable.

Other Person's Response: Since these rings won't protect you from fatal events, then you'd better be kind to people, and not get yourself into fights or gangs.

My Reply: Yes. Being injured would increase my risk of dying, since it would give me health problems. The rings might heal these health problems though. Still, I'm not going to get myself into trouble. I've never been that type of person anyway. I've always been kind and respectful to people.

Other Person's Response: Does your mom sometimes have people over at the house who are potentially threatening?

My Reply: Yes. I feel fear because I might be unnecessarily involved in a fight, even though I'm a polite, kind person who gives nobody problems.

Other Person's Response: I heard you have bowel issues, such as bleeding and constipation. If these rings really work to cure diseases, and make you live long, then they should cure your bowel issues.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Did you let anyone else in your family know about these rings? Don't you want them to live a long life?

My Reply: I told my mother about them, and she plans on getting herself a pair someday. I also told her about the Chinese, how intelligent they are, and that they're the founders of magnetic therapy. That made her much more inclined to purchase these rings. I don't know if my younger brother is getting a pair for himself, since he's not convinced of magnetic therapy. But, my mother told me to not tell my grandma about them, since she's a cruel person who deserves to die.

Other Person's Response: I heard your mother wants grandma to die, so that she can sell her house to gain money.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Much later on in this packet, you talk even more about these rings.

My Reply: Yes. My most recent updates with these rings are being discussed right here, while my past updates are discussed later on.

Other Person's Response: I heard there's a certain way you're supposed to wear these rings because, if you wear them the wrong way, they can make you ill, rather than heal your body.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Do these rings fit you?

My Reply: Yes. There's a way to adjust the rings to make them fit. You're supposed to wear them on both pinkies, and not on any other finger. Also, when my hands warm up under the blankets during the cold season, that causes my fingers to inflame a little bit, which makes the rings fit even more.

Other Person's Response: Do you experience any other symptoms while wearing these rings?

My Reply: Yes, and they'd be two more symptoms, which would be tingling and insomnia. Not only does my feeling of hunger get shut off when I wear these rings, but my ability to feel sleepy also gets shut off. I do get some sleep. So, I don't have chronic insomnia. But, I sometimes find myself awake, and not being able to sleep. These are new symptoms I'm having, which I never had before I wore the rings.

Other Person's Response: Even if you did have chronic insomnia from these rings, surely your body wouldn't allow you to die of sleep deprivation. So, maybe, you'd eventually feel extremely sleepy, which would force you to sleep, so that you don't die.

My Reply: I'm not sure about that. Maybe that feeling of extreme sleepiness would be there as some sort of emergency response to force me to sleep. Then again, that response might not occur.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 21/26)

Other Person's Response: Since you don't feel hungry and thirsty when wearing these rings, I'm quite sure you'd eventually get a strong hunger or thirst hunger response in an emergency situation, where your body absolutely needed something to eat or drink.

My Reply: That could be. I noticed my urine was dark yellow, and I didn't feel thirsty when I should've felt thirsty. I hadn't drank anything for a little while, since I didn't feel thirsty for a while. So, I decided to drink some water, even though I didn't feel thirsty because I knew that dark urine is a sign your body needs fluids. Just because you don't feel thirsty doesn't mean your body doesn't need fluids.

Other Person's Response: Is your feeling of hunger returning by now?

My Reply: No. But, my feeling of thirst has returned.

Other Person's Response: Do you get nights of full sleep with the rings?

My Reply: Yes. But, there were those moments where I couldn't sleep.

Other Person's Response: If these rings did pose health problems for you, would you still use them?

My Reply: Yes, since they're my one and only shot at stopping, and even reversing, my aging. I heard there are other things out there, which claim to make you immortal. But, these are just mystical products, and I'm not sure there's claimed scientific evidence for them, or strong anecdotes. I talk about strong anecdotes soon enough.

Other Person's Response: Is it possible to wear the rings too much? Isn't too much of a good thing a bad thing?

My Reply: I think no harm is done if a person wears the rings all day everyday. Even Alex Chiu (the maker of these rings) said a user can do this. Also, I do wear the rings mostly throughout the day. But, there are moments where I have to take off the rings, such as when I brush my teeth, take a shower, or eat messy foods. I'm not supposed to get the rings wet or messy, since that would ruin them, cause them to rust, and make them less effective. I also take the rings off when I go out in public, or when I go to the gym to walk on the treadmill. I don't want the rings to get attached to metal when I'm out in the community, and I don't want them to ruin any electronics I may come across when I'm in stores.

Other Person's Response: Why didn't you discover these magnetic healing rings when you were younger? Younger people, who use them, get more benefit than older people.

My Reply: At least I discovered them when I was 30 years old, as opposed to 85 years old. I later asked myself the question if there was a way I could greatly extend my life. That's when I discovered these healing rings, and decided to purchase them. It's said that old people have irreversible damage that can't be healed by the rings, and that younger people are better off using them before it's too late. Elderly people will get some healing. But, not the full amount. They might get full healing if they use Gorgeous Pill when using the rings. Gorgeous Pill is a powder that increases the healing power of the rings to a vast degree. At least, that's what's been claimed.

Other Person's Response: Many people don't know about these healing rings, they grow old, and die. Even people who do know about them sometimes end up knowing about them when they're elderly. So, I'm glad you discovered them while you're still a young man.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I heard that people, who meet god during their near death experience, report that committing suicide is a wrongdoing. Let's pretend you did get to live thousands of years with these rings, but you no longer wanted to live this Earthly life, and wanted to go back to heaven (which is said to be our true home). Shouldn't god see it as justified for you to end your life, so your soul can go back to heaven?

My Reply: Why wouldn't he? But, I don't know if god and the afterlife exist anyway. So, I'm going to live the longest, happiest, Earthly life I can.

Other Person's Response: If the Christian god is real, then these immortality rings would allow sinners to live a sinful, Earthly life all they want to, without having to worry about being condemned on Judgment Day anytime soon.

My Reply: Yes. Hopefully, the fundamentalist Christian god isn't real because I think that's a cruel, unloving god.

Other Person's Response: If sinners could literally be immortal on Earth, where absolutely nothing could kill them, then they wouldn't have to worry about being condemned on Judgment Day at all.

My Reply: Yes. But, I don't believe in this whole idea that we're sinners who must repent, or we go to hell.

Other Person's Response: From a purely naturalistic point of view, these rings do not work, since magnetic therapy is a hoax, this is the only life we have, and there is no god. But, if these rings do work, then maybe these naturalists are wrong. Perhaps there is an afterlife, a god, and we have souls that live on after the death of our physical bodies.

My Reply: It would be great if this wasn't the only life, and I could live in a heavenly afterlife, in addition to living a long, happy life here on Earth. But, is it possible the rings can work, but the naturalistic worldview still being true in regards to there being no god, soul, or afterlife? Can magnetic therapy really work in a purely naturalistic, materialistic worldview?

Other Person's Response: People were wrong when they thought all the neurons we had were the ones we're born with. So, maybe, skeptics are wrong when they say this is the only life we have. I think science will eventually progress to the point where these skeptics will be proven wrong, just as how science has progressed to the point where that notion about neurons was proven wrong.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: The black rings, which are the ones you said you're using, are said to be more powerful than the white ones. Many users can't handle the black rings, since they're so strong. That's why they have to wear the white ones first before using the black ones. The very fact these black rings aren't overwhelming for you must mean you're not getting the maximum effects from these rings because, if you did, then you'd be having strong, overbearing symptoms, such as feeling a rush of energy through your body, and having pain.

My Reply: I'm not having any of these strong symptoms, even though I'm using the black rings before purchasing the white ones. So, maybe, I'm not getting the maximum healing benefits from these rings. But, I will purchase the white ones, just in case they do give me more healing benefits, for whatever reason.

Other Person's Response: Since the black rings are more powerful, that means they're more expensive than the white ones. I heard the black ones are supposed to make you look young very quick, in a matter of weeks, if you were to wear them 8 hours a day.

My Reply: Well, I'm wearing them all day everyday, and it's been over 2 weeks. I looked in the mirror, and I don't look younger one bit. Neither are my stretch marks being healed. So, I might be getting the minimal healing benefits from the rings. I already know my body's healing process is slowed down because cuts take much longer to heal than normal.

I've had this issue before purchasing and using the rings. I think it's this worry I'm having that has hampered my body's healing process. After all, constant stress and worry does affect your body, which means it does hinder certain processes in the body. So, once I'm fully recovered from this worry, maybe my body's full healing ability will be restored. Thus, I might get the full healing benefits from the rings.

Other Person's Response: Before you purchased the rings, did some areas of your body have a good rate of healing, while other areas were slow to heal?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: So, your mind might need to heal first before your body can get healing from these rings?

My Reply: Correct. That misery-inducing worry might need to fully resolve first. Then, I might start getting the healing benefits from the rings.

Other Person's Response: Have your stretch marks faded at all, after using these rings?

My Reply: No. Not one bit.

Other Person's Response: Are the effects of the rings supposed to linger on, even after the user takes them off?

My Reply: Yes. I think they linger on for quite a while. The longer the user wears them, the longer the effects linger on after the user takes them off.

Other Person's Response: Did you order yourself a bottle of Gorgeous Pill yet?

My Reply: I did. But, I didn't notice any healing, since I didn't look younger at all. The bottle is almost empty. So, I saved the remaining powder because perhaps I'm not getting the healing benefits of Gorgeous Pill, and I should wait until I'm fully recovered from this worry, so I can.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure you followed the instructions on the bottle when you used it?

My Reply: Yes. I even laid down long enough for the Gorgeous Pill healing, as instructed.

Other Person's Response: If you do get to live a very long life with these rings, that means you'll get to play all the future Mario and Zelda games.

My Reply: Yes. I'll also get to play many more new video games. People, who die of old age, won't get to play the future Mario and Zelda games, or any other future video game for that matter.

Other Person's Response: If these rings make you live long, you can regain all those years of your life that were wasted, due to your miserable struggles.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I think aging is a completely natural process. Why stop it by using these immortality rings? It's unnatural to never age!

My Reply: Well, I obviously want to live the longest, happiest life I can live. That desire is completely natural. So, it's completely natural to want to be immortal. That's why you hear so many people say they'd prefer to be immortal, to always be happy, and not have any suffering in their lives. Also, I don't think aging is a natural process, since it's a disease like any other. All diseases are something going wrong with the body or brain, and aging is no different.

Other Person's Response: In the distant future, we might be able to achieve humanity's dream of living a utopia world, where there's no more disease, suffering, aging, or unhappiness.

My Reply: Yes. As a matter of fact, many people might find themselves living by a hedonistic philosophy, since people living in a utopia world might think being happy, and free of suffering, is what makes life beautiful. The future might, thus, have a lot of pleasure junkies. Who knows, hedonism might even become a religion in the future.

Other Person's Response: If these immortality rings don't work, and this is the only life you have, how would you feel about that?

My Reply: I'd feel disappointed. But, that feeling would pass. If you've ever heard the saying "You can't have your cake and eat it, too," then that quote would apply to me because, if I had the choice, I'd choose to live a happy life that never ends. It would be no different than a child who never wants the fun rides at the carnival to end. I'm basically here in this life for the fun, joyful ride/adventure, and I don't want it to ever end. If it was a miserable, unhappy, or apathetic existence that dragged on and on, then I'd want that existence to end. But, as long as it's a happy life, then I'd want it to last forever.

Other Person's Response: If these rings don't work, then the skeptics might've been right all along when they say magnetic therapy doesn't work. So, would you think the skeptics might also be right when they say there's no afterlife?

My Reply: Well, maybe the rings are really working for other people, and just didn't work for me, for whatever reason. I have read reports of people saying that these rings have never worked for them, even when they've worn them for a very long time (years even). Magnetic therapy is a debatable topic anyway. So, I have to remain undecided on it, just as how I have to remain undecided on the existence of the afterlife.

Other Person's Response: If these rings don't work for you, then I think there's another opportunity ahead of you for immortality. A technological revolution is on the horizon and, by the year 2050, it's said that immortality will be invented. Nanobots, which are said to cure diseases, including aging, are said to be invented during this time.

My Reply: I hope that's true then. Unfortunately, amazing things are claimed to be invented sometime in the future. But, when that time comes, those things haven't been invented. It was nothing more than hype for something that was never to come.

Other Person's Response: Don't purchase those nanobots until you know they're safe and effective.

My Reply: Right.

Other Person's Response: I actually heard that the year 2030 is when aging will be cured and reversed, and that the year 2050 is when human beings will literally be immortal, where nothing can kill them. Billions of dollars is being poured into research that would discover the cure for aging, and a way to make humans immortal. I think it will happen soon.

My Reply: I hope that's so. If this cure for aging is found in the year 2030, then I hope I can afford it. In the meantime, I'm going to use these immortality rings to stop and reverse my aging. If they don't work, then I hope I can get my hands on that cure. But, if I become an old man, and no cure for aging is found yet, then that would be disappointing.

Other Person's Response: I heard your mother is getting a Home Equity Loan. So, perhaps you could save the money from that loan to buy this cure for aging?

My Reply: Yes. The cure might cost a lot of money, and I'd be willing to save for it.

Other Person's Response: If nanobots are invented, which can cure diseases, including aging, and you buy them, then if you were to develop any mental illness that takes away your ability to feel positive emotions, then I think the nanobots would cure that illness, too. So, if you developed clinical depression, then the nanobots would cure it.

My Reply: That would be wonderful because not only would I get to live the long life I want to live, but I'd also get to have my positive emotions intact. My desire is to live the longest, happiest life I can live, and these nanobots would grant me that. But, if I were to have brain damage that causes me to lose my positive emotions, would the nanobots fix that up as well?

Other Person's Response: Even though you might be able to afford the cure for aging in the year 2030 with your mother's money, I don't think you'd be able to afford to make yourself literally immortal in 2050, since you'd have to be very rich. I think you'd need millions of dollars. Highly advanced technology would be required to make you immortal, and that's why it would cost so much money. But, as for the cure for aging, that just might be a pill, or something else. Thus, it would be nowhere near as expensive as making yourself immortal.

My Reply: I think you're right, and I'd be alright with this. As long as I could live a very long life by curing my aging, then that's good enough for me. I don't think I have to really worry about any fatal events happening to me, such as getting shot by a gun, since, for the most part, I live in a safe place. Still, a fatal event is bound to happen to me, and just curing my aging won't prevent me from being killed by said event. So, if I had millions of dollars, I'd definitely make myself immortal in 2050.

Other Person's Response: If the cure for aging really is found in 2030, and you purchase it, then I think you're required to give up having children, in order to prevent overpopulation. If you don't abide by this rule, then you won't get anymore pills to keep you young. In other words, you'll be allowed to age like any normal person.

My Reply: I'd be perfectly alright with this. Besides, I never wanted a wife and child anyway. I just don't care, and don't want to have the responsibilities. Neither would I be willing to give up those pills in order to be a father, and take care of a child. Also, I didn't realize a person would have to continually treat himself to keep himself young. I thought you just take something once, and your aging is officially cured and reversed for good.

Other Person's Response: So, you're someone who doesn't want to put up with the problems of having a wife and child? Are you someone who prefers to live alone, so nobody can give you any problems?

My Reply: Yes. But, I'm just fine living with my mother and brother, since they give me no problems. As for my dad, even though he'd give me no problems, he lives somewhere else.

Other Person's Response: What if a cure for aging isn't found in the year 2030, but something, such as a pill, that could extend your life by 50 years?

My Reply: Then I'd get that. Who knows, in that extra 50 years, a cure for aging might be found. In which case, I'd get that as well. So, if I lived to be 140 years old, the cure for aging might be discovered by then.

Other Person's Response: I heard that there will be a way to replace our organs with lab grown organs, and that this is going to happen very soon. As a matter of fact, I think it's going to happen in 5 years. It's the year 2019 now. So, by 2024, I think this will happen.

My Reply: If I had the choice, I'd get that done if it was my only option left to extend my life. When my body grows old, and I need my organs replaced, then I'd do that. That is, if I can afford it.

Other Person's Response: Let me make something clear for you. There are two definitions of immortality. The 1st would be where a person can never age, but still dies from fatal events, such as getting shot by a gun. The 2nd definition would be where a person can't die at all. There are some organisms that are immortal (according to the 1st definition). An example would be jellyfish. Since jellyfish are immortal, and human beings are more evolved than jellyfish, then why aren't humans immortal? Humans have an amazing organ, known as the brain, which is something jellyfish don't have, since humans are more evolved. So, why don't we have bodies that are also immortal, to go along with our amazing brains? Our bodies have a measly lifespan of 80-90 years, and it baffles me.

My Reply: I'm not sure. If something is more evolved, you'd certainly expect something better. That's why I'd expect humans to have amazing, immortal bodies that could regenerate lost limbs, and do other remarkable, biological things. So, I'd expect humans to have bodies that are even better than those of jellyfish. Another example would be tardigrades. These are microscopic organisms that can withstand extreme conditions. Since humans are more evolved than tardigrades, then why can't humans also withstand such conditions?

Other Person's Response: I see what you mean. Technology today is more evolved (better) than what it was many years ago. So, why do humans have bodies that aren't more evolved (better) than the bodies of those organisms that came before us (tardigrades and jellyfish)? Sure, our bodies have certain features these organisms don't have. But, I'm curious as to why we just have bodies that live, grow old, sick, and die? I'd actually consider the bodies of tardigrades and jellyfish to be better than those of humans, since the human body is so fragile, and prone to disease.

My Reply: I'm not sure. But, a science teacher could answer this question. I'll admit, it does seem absurd, since it makes humans look like less evolved creatures in terms of a physical body.

Other Person's Response: Since survival is the goal of evolution, then why aren't humans immortal? That would allow humans to survive indefinitely, until some event happens, such as the Earth blowing up, which would also kill all the jellyfish.

My Reply: I'm not sure. Humans always complain how 80-90 years just isn't long enough to live, and that they'd rather live much longer, so they can play all the video games that come out, witness all the new technology that will be invented, etc. So, I'm not sure why evolution didn't work in the favor of humans by bestowing them with immortality.

Other Person's Response: Well, you can't expect life, or evolution, to work in your favor. Some things in life are just plain unfair.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Are you convinced of evolution?

My Reply: Actually, I'm undecided on it, since it's a debatable topic.

Other Person's Response: There are also many people who don't want to live long lives. They say 80-90 years is enough.

My Reply: These people must not have much passion for life then. Most people wish to live much longer than that. Even for thousands of years. Many also wish to live forever, since people always discuss if there's any hope of technology in the future that will allow humans to literally live forever.

Other Person's Response: When you don't have your positive emotions, you have no passion for life at all, right?

My Reply: That's right. It's that positive drive to live that gives me that passion. When I'm apathetic or miserable, I don't want to do any of my hobbies, and it's no way to live or be an artist.

Other Person's Response: In regards to these magnetic healing rings, perhaps people are getting healing benefits when they wear them. But, it might have nothing to do with the rings, and the rings might not work at all. People might be healing their bodies through the power of their minds. When they believe their bodies will be healed by anything, whether it be rings, or certain treatments, it's the belief itself that causes people to be healed.

My Reply: I'm not sure about this.

Other Person's Response: If humans dying of old age is meant for our physical bodies to die, so our souls can leave our bodies, go back to heaven, or reincarnate into a new body, then why must death be a physically painful process, where our organs fail, due to old age? God could've made our bodies ageless, and our bodies just automatically die a peaceful, painless death when our time is up here on Earth. Or, better yet, the soul could just automatically leave the ageless body when the person's time is up, with no need for the body to die first.

My Reply: I'm not sure. I would've expected an all-loving god to do something like this, rather than allowing humans to go through a painful dying process. So, it could be the case there's no god, and this is the only life.

Other Person's Response: If dying of old age is really meant for our souls to leave our bodies, then finding a way to make humans immortal in the future would defeat that purpose. It would go against god's will of having our souls enter back into heaven, or reincarnating into a new body, since a human being would be able to live a single life indefinitely.

My Reply: Yes. Why would god go against his own will by allowing humans to invent technology that would make us immortal in the future? Why wouldn't god use his destructive power, and wipe out all that technology? Or, god could allow such technology to exist, but cause their souls to automatically enter heaven when their time is up on Earth.

Other Person's Response: Yes. It seems absurd for god to go against his own will. Therefore, god must not exist then.

My Reply: You could be right, and this might be the only life, too. I could also say the same thing about these heavenly, spiritual beings. Since they'd be going against their will, then they might not exist either.

Other Person's Response: If there was a way to make humans immortal, and the Earth blew up, then humans would just be stranded in space, since they'd survive. The jellyfish would die if the Earth blew up, since they're immortal only in terms of aging. But, if humans were literally immortal, they'd survive in space.

My Reply: But, I'm sure intelligent scientists already have that figured out, and would create a solution for this, if technology can literally make humans immortal in the future.

Other Person's Response: If this is the only life you have, and you only get to live to be 80-90 years, then don't be too disappointed about that because life doesn't always meet our expectations.

My Reply: Sure. But, if I'm not a special, immortal, spiritual being in this universe, and I'm just a biological machine with such a finite existence, then I'm nothing more than something to be disposed of. I'm something that lingers on for a little while, just to be "thrown away" (to rot and decay). This universe doesn't care about me, and I'd be insignificant.

Other Person's Response: Well, if you felt great about yourself, despite your lifespan being only 80-90 years, then you'd see yourself as great. You wouldn't be seeing yourself as something insignificant.

My Reply: Yes. Right now, I don't feel that way about myself, since I'm still not fully recovered from this misery-inducing worry. But, I'm sure I'll feel that way about myself once I'm happy again, and I don't know if this is the only life I have though.

Other Person's Response: Would you see others as being insignificant if all human beings are just here to live a little while, and die?

My Reply: Yes. But, like I said, I'd no longer feel that way when I'm happy, and I have a whole new perspective when I'm happy.

Other Person's Response: If you realized this was the only life you're going to get, and you'd only live to be 80-90 years, sure, you'd feel a bit disappointed at first. But, wouldn't you then experience a more profound form of beauty, worth, and joy in your life, since you know it's the only life you got? Wouldn't it be a more profound experience than the positive experience you'd get from being convinced that you'll get to live on forever in the blissful afterlife of your dreams?

My Reply: I don't think so. As a matter of fact, I think I'd have the more profound, positive experience from being convinced I get to live the eternal, blissful afterlife of my dreams, since that's the dream life I'd want to live. If this was the only life I had, then, like I said, that wouldn't be as great as living an eternal, blissful afterlife, since I'd only get so much positive experiences out of life before I die, rot, and decay. The same thing applies if this is the only life I have, and not being able to live said life for thousands, or even millions of years. If I could only live 80-90 years, then I wouldn't be getting as much joy out of life.

Other Person's Response: Do you have an emotional conviction in some things?

My Reply: Yes. I do feel that certain claims are real. But, I'd have to remind myself that my conviction would be irrational, and to try to think rationally.

Other Person's Response: Since you really wish to know if the afterlife exists or not, then that means you just don't give into the arguments skeptics make, and become convinced that there is no afterlife.

My Reply: Yes. That's why I try to be rational, and keep an open mind. But, I've given up on trying to discover the truth, since I'm no good at this.

Other Person's Response: I personally find the naturalistic, skeptical worldview to be utter crap. People live, grow old, and die without being convinced of an afterlife, or these immortality rings. But, you're deciding to use these rings, and you consider the possibility that there might be an afterlife.

My Reply: Yes. I might live a very long, healthy life, unlike these skeptics, who'd just grow old, and die. Hopefully, there will be an afterlife for them.

Other Person's Response: Since you love anime, then I might as well say you're like the villains Frieza and Vegeta from the anime Dragon Ball Z, since you seek immortality, and these characters also seek immortality.

My Reply: I don't think I'm like these characters, since my motives are different, I have a different personality than they do, and I'm a decent person who doesn't harm anyone else. I'm not a psychopath, seeking immortality. Rather, I'm just someone who wishes to live a long, happy life, doing the hobbies I love, and experiencing beauty of moments, things, and situations.

Other Person's Response: I think it would be a joke to compare you to the characters Vegeta and Frieza because you're a shallow, weak person, unlike these characters, who are amazing, powerful villains.

My Reply: Right.

Other Person's Response: I heard you want to live a very long life with these rings. If so, then you're better off developing a better philosophy because, without your positive emotions, then a long life would be a dull, empty, worthless existence. If you had a better philosophy, then a long life would instead be a beautiful and worthwhile existence to you.

My Reply: Sure. But, I don't think my philosophy can change. So, hopefully, I'll have my positive emotions intact from now on, and won't be put in a position where changing my philosophy is necessary. I mean, I'd certainly try to change my philosophy if it's necessary. But, I can't promise it would change.

Other Person's Response: Maybe the reason why these rings aren't working for you is because you have an imbalance in your chakra. Your hedonistic philosophy clearly indicates this imbalance, since it's mentally unbalanced to seek positive emotions as though they're the only things that make life beautiful and worth living.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's it. The skeptics could be right when they say these rings don't work, and the idea of chakra being fake.

Other Person's Response: The claim that those magnetic rings work would be no different than any wild claim out there, such as Bigfoot.

My Reply: There are certain anecdotes that really make one wonder whether a given claim could be true. For example, people, who've used these rings, claim their scars have been healed. That really makes me wonder if these rings work. There are also other testimonies that really make me wonder if they work. So, certain anecdotes are weak, and can be dismissed, while others make a person wonder if a certain claim could be true.

Other Person's Response: I agree there are strong anecdotes, and weak anecdotes. If a certain medicine, which has much skepticism, was claimed to heal headaches, a person took it, and his headache went away, then that would be a weak anecdote, since his headache might've just went away on its own. Thus, it would be an anecdote that can be dismissed.

But, if there are anecdotes, such as people having their scars healed once they wear these magnetic rings, then they would be strong anecdotes because it's likely it was the rings healing the person. I mean, how else could a person's scars fade away on their own? Therefore, strong anecdotes are worth taking into consideration, unlike weak anecdotes. Strong anecdotes have a much more likelihood than weak anecdotes.

My Reply: Exactly. If a certain product is debated as to whether it works or not, and said product has a load of weak anecdotes, then said product really isn't worth bothering with. But, if a debatable product has a load of strong anecdotes to support it (such as these magnetic rings), then said product is really worth taking into consideration.

Even if the product has no solid, scientific evidence, but has a lot of strong anecdotes to support it, then it's likely the product must work. Again, that likelihood wouldn't be near 100% because only much supporting scientific evidence can give a product such validity that it works. Still, strong anecdotes are 2nd in status to scientific evidence. That means they definitely give a product, or claim, some level of validity/support.

Other Person's Response: What if there were only few strong anecdotes to support a given product?

My Reply: Then the product wouldn't really be worth taking into consideration. There must be numerous strong anecdotes.

Other Person's Response: When a product, or claim, has claimed scientific evidence, in addition to a lot of strong anecdotes, does that make said product, or claim, much more worthy of being taken into consideration?

My Reply: Yes. That means it shouldn't just be dismissed.

Other Person's Response: You're wrong about weak versus strong anecdotes. ALL anecdotes can be dismissed!

My Reply: I'm not so sure.

Other Person's Response: There are anecdotes that support reincarnation, since there are many children reporting past lives. This research has been conducted by Jim Tucker and Ian Stevenson. I personally think these are strong anecdotes, and not just weak ones that can be dismissed. I mean, if these were weak, dismissable anecdotes, then why would the researchers even bother taking them into such high consideration? It must mean it's because they're strong anecdotes, worthy of such regard. I think the skeptics dismiss these anecdotes because they don't ask themselves the question: "Sure, it's not official that reincarnation is a real phenomenon. But, given these anecdotes, how likely is it that reincarnation is real? Well, it seems likely, given the strong anecdotes."

My Reply: Exactly. Just because any given claim doesn't have a likelihood that's 99.9% doesn't mean said claim should be dismissed. As long as a claim has a significant likelihood of being true, such as 50%, then said claim is worthy of high consideration. Even though we might not be able to measure likelihood, we can go by our own intuition in determining how likely something is to be true. That's why the researchers give such consideration to reincarnation, since their expertise leads them to the conclusion that reincarnation is very likely to be real. They say the skeptical arguments are very weak and, thus, they don't pose a good, naturalistic explanation for these phenomenon.

Other Person's Response: Do you know if claims, such as reincarnation, magnetic therapy, and the afterlife, are likely to be real or not?

My Reply: I honestly don't know. Skeptics say all anecdotes, no matter what they are, can be dismissed, and that there is no real scientific evidence for these claims. So, even though I don't know, I'm still making a point here when I say that, maybe, these claims do have a strong likelihood of being true, and that skeptics just dismiss them.

Other Person's Response: I think there is much scientific evidence to support magnetic therapy.

My Reply: Skeptics would argue that there is no scientific evidence to support magnetic therapy. So, I'm not sure. The skeptics could be right. Then again, there might really be scientific evidence that the skeptics are just denying.

Other Person's Response: Could you give me a link that shows all these strong anecdotes that support the healing benefits of these magnetic rings?

My Reply: Sure. I think there are many strong anecdotes:

http://www.alexchiu.com/eternallife/proof.htm

Other Person's Response: If I scroll all the way to the bottom on that page of testimonials, then the 2nd to last testimonial is an interesting one, since there's an old, Chinese man with white hair, who now looks younger with black hair, after using the rings and foot braces.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I think skeptics have too high of a standard of evidence, which renders them dismissing good, supporting evidence for magnetic therapy, including evidence for the afterlife.

My Reply: That could be. When you have a very high standard, you tend to dismiss good works of art, good evidence, etc.

Other Person's Response: You're a weak, shallow, worthless, pathetic, utter joke of a human being! Why should immortality be granted to someone like you?

My Reply: It's because I think I'm a decent human being just the way I am, and people should accept and appreciate me for who I am. People just need to lower their standards. I think I deserve to live an eternal, blissful life (if such a life existed). I also talk about immortality rings in this packet.

Other Person's Response: Well then, make sure you live in a safe neighborhood if you want to live a long life with these rings!

My Reply: I agree. My neighborhood is a bit unsafe though. My mother, along with everyone else in the family, will, hopefully, be in a safer neighborhood, once it's our time to move to a new home.

Other Person's Response: I heard one person say you're an utter joke of a human being, and that immortality isn't something you'd deserve. I think these people only judge based on factors, such as how intelligent you are, and how much talent you have. I bet, if you were a very intelligent person with much talent, that person would be saying you deserve immortality. But, there's more to being human than how intelligent you are, how popular you are, how much money or talent you have, etc. So, I think that person just needs to appreciate qualities about you, such as the fact that you're kind, polite, you don't harm anyone else, you keep to yourself, etc.

My Reply: Exactly. That person should be saying I deserve immortality, just because I possess these qualities.

Other Person's Response: Here's my personal view. I think we're spiritual beings who are loved by higher, spiritual entities (although, it may not seem that way to you, and to many others). These higher entities love you, appreciate you, are accepting of you, and would think you're deserving of an eternal, blissful life. It would be tragic, from their point of view, if we were finite beings who live, breath, die, and that's it.

My Reply: I can only hope you're right. It doesn't seem like these beings even exist. If they do, then they don't care about me, since they allow so much suffering.

Other Person's Response: If you didn't have your positive emotions, but could obtain the eternal, blissful life of your dreams right now, then wouldn't that have value and worth to you?

My Reply: It still wouldn't. Nonetheless, I'd still choose to do whatever I needed to do to obtain that dream life. Like I said, I can still make choices, just from the idea of benefits or consequences in my mind, regardless of how I feel.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I wouldn't want to live an eternally blissful life. Life needs to end sometime.

My Reply: I'd want to. The more beauty and joy I experience, the more I'm getting out of life. The more, the better. If a person earned a certain amount of money per day, then all that money would add up to a great amount after many years.

Likewise, if I were to live an eternally blissful life, then all that beauty and joy would add up to a huge amount, and it would continue to increase more and more for infinity.

Therefore, an eternally blissful life would offer me the greatest possible amount of beauty, love, joy, goodness, etc. It would literally be the greatest life I could possibly live. It would be even better if said life granted my every wish because that would bring me even more positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: I heard you'd want to live forever in the eternal, blissful afterlife of your dreams. But, living forever in bliss might turn out to be hell for you. You might go bored or insane.

My Reply: It wouldn't matter if I was doing the same things over and over again, or revisiting the same places again and again. As long as I'm feeling positive emotions from doing those things, then my life can only be beautiful, and I would never grow tired of it. Given this, you can see why this Earthly life of 80-90 years is not enough for me. As long as I'm happy and having fun, then I'd want to live forever. I would be like Dora the Explorer who wishes to be happy, and live a fun, adventurous life.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 22/26)

Other Person's Response: When you feel disgust towards others, and feel like harming them during your miserable moments, do you later regret it after you've fully recovered?

My Reply: Yes. But, during my miserable struggles, I don't really feel regret. I just feel violent. As a matter of fact, I felt extreme violence during my miserable struggles. I felt like vaporizing myself, along with this entire universe. There were certain people I hated, and I felt like they should be vaporized. But, as for the rest of humanity, I didn't care about them. I didn't hate them, and neither could I love them, since love is a positive emotion, and I didn't have my positive emotions during these miserable struggles.

Instead, I just felt like destroying literally everything, along with myself. I had no regard for my life, or the lives of others, and I became an overly dramatic, dangerous person on the inside. But, like I said, I didn't act out on that emotion one bit. Once I've recovered, I found myself asking: "How could I have wanted to destroy this beautiful Earth and universe?" I also found myself asking: "How could I have wanted to harm my mother? She's beautiful, innocent, and she doesn't deserve it!"

Actually, I know why I felt violent towards her during my miserable struggles. It's because the slightest thing can trigger a feeling of rage during these struggles. If someone has a bit of a stern personality towards me, that would make me feel violent. If someone displays a bit of an agitated tone towards me, that would make me feel violent as well. But, when I'm happy and enjoying my life, these things don't make me feel violent at all. As a matter of fact, they don't even bother me.

Other Person's Response: I see just how serious and dire of a situation you're in when you have these miserable struggles.

My Reply: Yes. It's important that I'm happy and enjoying my life.

Other Person's Response: During your miserable struggles, did you try telling yourself that it doesn't matter what others think of you, or how they treat you? Didn't that prevent you from feeling violent towards these people?

My Reply: Not at all. I couldn't help but feel violent during these struggles.

Other Person's Response: So, during your miserable struggles, you could only hate, and not love? But, once you've fully recovered, you could only love, and not hate?

My Reply: Correct. I could only have negative experiences during these struggles, and I could only have positive experiences once fully recovered.

Other Person's Response: While we're on the topic of violence, I wish to say something. If someone treated me very kindly, but then harmed and/or slaughtered me, since I did or said something this person didn't like, that wouldn't be a good or loving person. Just because I made the wrong move doesn't make me a horrible or disgusting person who deserved to be killed.

As a matter of fact, I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect, even during moments I might say or do the wrong thing, since, overall, I'm a polite gentlemen. I'm not someone disgusting who deserves to be wiped off the face of this Earth.

If I were to go up to a lion, the lion treats me kindly, but I then do or say something that results in the lion devouring me, did that make me a horrible person who deserved to be devoured? No! I'm still a beautiful person, and that lion was just a dangerous beast, and nothing more!

My Reply: I just hope I don't act out on my violent feelings during my miserable struggles then. But, I don't think anybody has to worry about that anymore, since all these struggles are done and over with.

Other Person's Response: If Jake was violent, and wanted to harm a kind individual (Jon), simply because Jon did something Jake didn't like, then imagine if someone as kind and loving as Michael Jackson was there, told Jake he should love others more, and not be so violent. If Jake then became violent towards MJ, since he didn't like MJ's advice, and harmed, or even killed MJ, then that would be a repulsive person.

My Reply: Now, I wouldn't feel violent towards MJ during my miserable struggles (if he was alive, and was there with me). I just feel violent towards certain people, and I can't help feeling that way. Also, there are those types of people who feel violent, not because they have other issues going on in their lives, but simply because someone did something, or said something, this person didn't like. When I feel violent during moments people mistreat me or name call me, it's because there are issues going on in my life, such as having devastating worries because, normally, I don't feel violent at all. As a matter of fact, I don't even feel angry or upset.

Other Person's Response: I think people, who don't feel violent hatred, are more developed people because they don't have violent, hateful thought processes to make them feel violent hatred.

My Reply: Yes. But, having an emotional crisis would put you in an inferior state of being, where you'd feel hate and rage. So, I'm in that inferior state when I'm having an emotional crisis. But, once I'm fully recovered, I return back to my normal, higher developed state, where I no longer feel hate, disgust, rage, etc.

Other Person's Response: You've learned to keep your thoughts healthy in order to prevent bringing more misery upon yourself. That would be a form of development right there because you changed your thoughts from negative to positive.

My Reply: Yes. When you change your thoughts to stop making yourself feel miserable, violent, or stressed, then you've developed as an individual.

Other Person's Response: There's also character development in terms of changing one's philosophy. You have yet to develop in this area.

My Reply: Yes. I haven't developed in terms of my values (if there are greater values I have yet to obtain). But, at least I've developed in terms of no longer worrying, and having other negative thoughts, that only make me miserable.

Other Person's Response: If you're in the midst of an emotional crisis, and you act out on your emotions by saying, or doing something, that hurts, and/or offends people, you'd have to tell them this isn't who you are normally because, normally, you're a kind, polite person.

My Reply: Yes. If I don't tell them that, then they'd get the impression that this is who I am all the time. When I'm a happy person, many people love me, and I'm polite.

Other Person's Response: When you're in the midst of an emotional crisis, do you perceive yourself, and your mother, as disgusting?

My Reply: Yes. This feeling creates a disgusting relationship for me, where I perceive both myself, and my mother, as disgusting.

Other Person's Response: Can a person still be a decent, loving, human being, even if he has violent tendencies?

My Reply: Yes. As long as he feels love, then he's loving someone or something. If he feels decent about himself, then he'd be a decent human being from his perspective. Anyone who feels he's a disgusting person would see him as disgusting.

Other Person's Response: I heard your mother also feels violent during moments of stress in her life. So, if you acted out on the negative emotions you felt during your miserable moments, that would cause your mother to be very upset and scream, since you'd be causing her additional stress.

My Reply: Yes. So, not only is it important that I don't act out on my emotions during my miserable moments, so that I don't harm myself or others, but also to prevent my mother from experiencing more stress than what she's already going through.

Other Person's Response: When your mother feels rage, does she act out on it?

My Reply: She does scream, since she doesn't tolerate much stress in her life. But, she doesn't harm me, herself, or anyone else.

Other Person's Response: If your mother could change her mindset, then she might no longer feel violent towards people who mistreat her. After all, you said how a person thinks is how the person feels. So, if your mother had thoughts that she just doesn't care about these people anymore, or their hurtful opinions, then she wouldn't feel any negative emotions when these people mistreat her. Thus, these people wouldn't bother her anymore.

My Reply: Yes. Negative emotions are the only way people, things, and situations can bother us. So, if she no longer feels those negative emotions about these people, then these people will no longer bother her. It's something she might not be able to help though.

Other Person's Response: I think your mother's situation is unlike yours because you only feel violent when others mistreat you during an emotional crisis. But, your mother would feel violent any time of the day when someone mistreats her.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Even if a person had no emotions, he could still act as though a pain-inducing situation bothers him, when it's giving him pain.

My Reply: But, again, negative emotions are how things bother us in such a way that situations become horrible, bad, or disgusting to us. Physical pain can't do that.

Other Person's Response: When you're not having any devastating worry or negative thought, you say nothing really bothers you, and that you're happy, and enjoying your life. So, when you engage in a discussion with people who try to provoke you in your calm, casual, state of mind, do they think you're being passive aggressive, when you show no sign of anger?

My Reply: Yes. But, I wouldn't be passive aggressive because there'd be no anger bottling up inside me. So, I'd be completely calm during the entire discussion. If I was having a discussion with these people during an emotional crisis, then, yes, it's very likely I'd lash out because the slightest things bother me when I'm miserable, or emotionally traumatized. But, when I'm doing just fine, everything's all good and well in my life. That's why hardly anything can bother me.

Other Person's Response: You said you felt like destroying yourself, along with the entire universe, during your miserable struggles. You don't have the power to actually do that though.

My Reply: I know. I just felt like doing it.

Other Person's Response: How would you metaphorically describe yourself when you feel violent?

My Reply: It's like I'm the most powerful, dangerous thing in this universe, such as a black hole, or supernova, who has no regard for his life, or the lives of others. I'd feel like destroying everything and everyone, not because I hate innocent people, or living things, and think they deserve to die. Rather, I'd just be like a black hole, or supernova, that would destroy everything, and everyone. When I feel violent, that feeling of rage wouldn't be at a lower threat status, such as someone who just feels very angry. It would be put at the highest threat status, such as a black hole or supernova (i.e. a dangerous, cosmic phenomenon). So, that's what I feel like when I'm feeling violent during my miserable struggles. But, like I said, I don't act out on that feeling.

Other Person's Response: Since you know violence isn't the answer, then why not try to tap into a higher part of yourself, and love your mother and yourself, even though you're in the midst of an emotional crisis right now?

My Reply: I can't love without my feeling of love. I tried to tap into a higher form of love. But, that love doesn't exist for me. So, I had no choice but to feel hate and rage during my miserable struggles, and not act out on it. Eventually, I started to feel love again as I drew close to a full recovery.

Other Person's Response: Your actions alone of not harming your mother is love in my eyes.

My Reply: It wasn't love. Love is that inner experience, which I didn't have during my miserable struggles. If there was a serial killer who had nothing but hate for someone, but never acted out on that hate, then that wouldn't classify as love. That serial killer could also display acts of love. But, that doesn't mean he's actually loving anybody.

Other Person's Response: Would you feel bad if you harmed your mother?

My Reply: Yes. That feeling would be much worse if it was during an emotional crisis, since I feel profoundly horrible negative emotions during these times.

Other Person's Response: There are people (skeptics) who say we're just biological machines with no free will. Therefore, if you acted out on your violent feelings, and harmed your mother, then it wouldn't have been your free choice to do so.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Have you ever involuntarily performed certain acts in your sleep, such as saying certain things, or making certain movements? Well, I think this says you're a biological machine with no free will, since you had no choice but to perform those acts, since they were involuntary acts.

My Reply: Yes, that did happen to me. But, I'm not sure if this says I'm a biological machine with no free will. After all, spiritual believers, who do believe we have free will, would present their own counter argument against your argument.

Other Person's Response: If you performed acts in your sleep, how would you know if you performed them?

My Reply: For example, someone else, who witnessed you performing those acts, could tell you that you've performed them.

Other Person's Response: If we have no free will, then all acts would be involuntary.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If we really were just programmed, biological machines with no free will, then we couldn't act against that programming. For example, we're programmed with the fear response, which means we're programmed to avoid dangerous situations. But, there are people who choose to face danger, despite feeling much fear. There are also some people who are programmed to do drugs, and eat a lot of food. Yet, they still say no to drugs, and obesity, which means they're acting against their natural programming.

My Reply: If we really are machines with no free will, then all of the things you described are already part of our machine's programming. So, when a person faces danger, despite feeling much fear, he was already programmed to do that. That means he had no choice in facing his fear. The same thing applies to those people who've chosen to not be fat, or do drugs.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I think we're reduced to biological machines with no free will, and that goodness, beauty, love, joy, and worth is reduced to positive emotions.

My Reply: Yes. But, again, I'm not so sure about the free will part.

Other Person's Response: If we really were reduced to machines with no free will, and positive emotions really were the only things that can make life beautiful, then I bet that would upset a lot of people, and make them feel plenty of negative emotions. Fortunately, for you, that wouldn't bother you, as long as you're not having an emotional crisis.

My Reply: Correct. But, during devastating worries and negative thoughts that transpired in my life, this idea did bother me, and made me feel that life's a pitiful joke.

Other Person's Response: If we are biological machines with no free will, then if people still mistreat you, or have a high standard, they had no choice in the matter.

My Reply: Yes. Still, I can, at least, explain to people why they shouldn't mistreat me, and why I think they should have a lower standard. Hopefully, that would change them. If not, then that's just the way it is.

Other Person's Response:

Take it from someone who's lived an extremely violent, drug filled life of madness. You always have a choice. If people were programmed to go against their own programming, drug addicts would never get clean, or they'd get clean, and stay clean.

This is not the case for 99.9% of us. We tend to get doped out of minds, lose everything we own, and everyone we know, get clean for a little while, then go right back into dope head first, just to eventually try and get clean again, rinse & repeat, etc.

The few of us that get lucky, get clean, and not overdose, commit suicide, or go insane. We still have to struggle with addiction the rest of our lives, and it's not easy. So, to say I'm programmed to live this way is an insult to life itself. No creature lives for the purpose to torment itself endlessly.

My Reply: Well, there are many highly intelligent skeptics who think we're biological machines with no free will. I have no counter argument for the argument you've just given, since I'm not an intelligent person. But, if there were some highly intelligent skeptics here, I'm quite sure they'd come up with some good counter arguments. Personally, I hope we're not biological machines with no free will, and this being the only life. I'd want to be a special, spiritual being in this universe, who gets to live the blissful afterlife of his dreams.

Other Person's Response: In sleep, your brain still functions. Albeit, in a limited fashion. The higher level decision making areas, for example, are "out of it." Dreams and, consequently, unconscious actions, are simply your brain trying to rationalize, and compartmentalize, recent experiences. Yet, when you're awake, you're perfectly able to choose to turn right or left when you leave your house.

My Reply: Thanks for that bit of insight!

Other Person's Response: I understand your point of view though, and life would be so much more simple without the idea of free will. But, unfortunately, life is a .... tough ....

So, I personally can't stand the idea that a child molester, or rapist, is simply following his programming, and is free of the responsibility of ruining not only his victim's life, but for several generations down the victim's ancestry. This ripple effect alone of molestation and rape are too serious to just shrug it off as "but mah programming".

So, I'll exit in apologizing if I came off as too strong or aggressive. But, I assure you, I have no ill feelings towards you. But, I do have very strong feelings about the subject, since I was a victim of abuse myself.

My Reply: Thanks for your apology.

Other Person's Response: How often do you feel violent during your miserable struggles?

My Reply: A lot. But, I don't act out on it. I couldn't help but feel this way because how you feel isn't always under your control.

Other Person's Response: Even if you did have the power to destroy yourself, along with the entire universe, why not just destroy yourself if you acted out on your violent impulse? Why involve everyone else?

My Reply: It's because pure, violent, extreme rage wishes to destroy literally everything, with no regard for anyone's life. Thus, pure rage is overly dramatic and dangerous. But, you can stop yourself from acting out on it. That, or you could limit how much you act on the rage. So, if I fully acted out on my rage, then I would find myself destroying everything. Or, I could stop myself from harming myself, or anyone else, and get the help I need.

Other Person's Response: When you felt like vaporizing everything during your miserable struggles, did you act out that scene in your mind, even though you didn't act out on that emotion in reality?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: If you had the power to destroy everything, but all people destroyed would suffer an eternity in hell, would you still feel like destroying everything during your emotional crisis?

My Reply: Actually, it would be very horrible to me if people suffered forever in hell. I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. So, I think I'd stop feeling the desire to destroy everything, and instead feel horrible about that situation. So, yes, I do feel violent during my miserable struggles. But, it's still possible for me to switch over from feeling one particular negative emotion to another.

Other Person's Response: You say you feel violent during an emotional crisis, but that you've never acted out on those violent feelings. One day, you could slip up, and harm yourself and/or others around you.

My Reply: Fortunately, I don't think I'm going to have an emotional crisis ever again. During an emotional crisis, that's when I feel violent. But, during normal times of stress, I don't feel violent.

Other Person's Response: During an emotional crisis, you say you feel violent towards people who mistreat you, or give you a stern attitude. Do you feel violent towards anyone who treats you this way?

My Reply: Actually, I think it depends on the person. So, someone could mistreat me, and give me a stern attitude during an emotional crisis, but I might instead feel fear, misery, or dread.

Other Person's Response: Just because you felt disgust towards other people during your miserable struggles doesn't mean you meant they were disgusting people.

My Reply: Actually, since feeling disgust about someone is how that person becomes disgusting to me, how could you say I didn't mean it? To say I didn't mean they were disgusting people implies that I wasn't having a real value judgment of disgust towards them. But, since these feelings of disgust I had were real value judgments, then I'd have to mean they were disgusting people.

Other Person's Response: When you're happy and enjoying your life, do certain songs still make you feel sad?

My Reply: Yes. But, during my struggles, they're much worse feelings of sadness. They're tragic, morbid feelings, as opposed to the normal, healthy feelings of sadness I'd normally feel.

Other Person's Response: Even if you were happy and enjoying your life, would you still feel horrible if your mother, or anyone else, were to suffer an eternity in hell?

My Reply: Yes. But, I don't know how horrible the emotional experience would be for me. I think it would be an entirely different negative emotion than what I've felt during my miserable struggles. I might feel intense dread and/or some other type of negative emotion.

Other Person's Response: How would you feel if you were going to suffer an eternity in hell?

My Reply: I'd panic. I'd also think I'd panic if my mother was the one going to suffer an eternity in hell.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure you didn't feel sad about the idea of harming your mother during your struggles?

My Reply: Actually, I did. So, rage wasn't the only negative emotion I felt during my struggles. I felt all other sorts of negative emotions as well. I felt tragic about many things, I felt pitiful about myself, I felt disgust, etc.

Other Person's Response: What other things make you feel negative emotions during your miserable struggles that normally wouldn't make you feel that way?

My Reply: When I watch nature shows, where animals hunt other animals, it becomes profoundly tragic and disturbing from my perspective. It doesn't seem normal, or natural, at all. But, when I'm fully recovered from my misery, and am happy, then I could watch these nature shows again, and it would all seem completely natural. There'd be nothing disturbing, or tragic, about it now. As you can see, I have a whole new perspective during my miserable struggles than the perspective I'd have during my normal, happy, healthy state.

Other Person's Response: When you're happy and enjoying your life, do horror movies, or nature shows, still make you feel negative emotions?

My Reply: Not at all. I'd actually be experiencing a beautiful atmosphere when watching these shows and movies. The same idea would apply to horror games.

Other Person's Response: I think it's pitiful that your positive emotions are the only things that make your life positive! You don't live your life by greater values than this, and I find that pitiful!

My Reply: It would only be pitiful if I knew there was more positivity to life than positive emotions, and I still gave up on things in my life, such as my hobbies. This is because I'd have no excuse for giving up, and, yet, I'd still be choosing to give up anyway.

But, it's a different situation when I'm doubtful, and skeptical, that there's more positivity to life. Would we say an atheist, not living by a religious doctrine, is something pitiful? No. That atheist doesn't believe in god, and, thus, other people should understand why he doesn't live his life by a religious doctrine.

Likewise, other people should understand why I don't live my life by greater values. The atheist doesn't believe in god, and neither do I believe there's more positivity to life than positive emotions. I consider the notion of greater values to be a false doctrine many people believe in.

Other Person's Response: Actually, if I felt it was pitiful that you're not living your life by greater values, then, from my perspective, it would be pitiful. But, from your perspective, it wouldn't be pitiful because you don't feel that way.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: I know you don't feel pathetic about yourself now. But, did you feel that way about yourself during your miserable struggles?

My Reply: Yes. I felt I was puny and pathetic, since I live by the philosophy I live by. Now that I'm almost fully recovered from this worry I'm having, I no longer feel that way about myself anymore.

Other Person's Response: You say thoughts and emotions can't be the same thing. Are you sure you've never experienced an intellectual form of emotions? I think the brain is more complicated than what you're making it out to be, and I don't think emotions are only limited to the primitive, instinctive ones you've talked about.

My Reply: The only emotions I've ever had were the primitive, instinctive ones. Thoughts and beliefs, themselves, have never been any emotional experience for me.

Other Person's Response: I understand what you're saying, and it seems obvious to me that thinking about being sad, or even articulating a thought where a feeling is labeled like "I am sad," is distinct from the experience of the emotion itself. But, this process can often be a lot fuzzier than you're making, and I would still suggest reconsidering some of the distinctions you made in your packet. My feeling is you're just analyzing, and articulating, your own experience of thought and emotion, which is fine. But, often times, when we're working from our own mind, we don't always see our own biases, or limitations.

My Reply: Understood.

Other Person's Response: So, what you're trying to say is that you have no emotions intellectually, and the only ones you have are the primitive, instinctive ones?

My Reply: Correct. I have no values founded upon intellect either, since they're solely emotional based values.

Other Person's Response: You should really do some research on this subject because thoughts and emotions aren't split up as you say they are. It's not as simple as you're making it out to be.

My Reply: Even if I decided to do research, there's no way I could find such research anyway. For example, me typing in the phrase: "Separation between thoughts and emotions" into the Google search bar doesn't give me the results I need. Sometimes, when you search for things online, it just gives you a whole bunch of information, and it's not what you were looking for. I typed in that quoted phrase, and it's giving me results, such as this one:

https://www.wildmind.org/applied/depression/distinguishing-thoughts-and-emotions

If I needed to phrase it differently to get the results I want, then I'm very limited in my vocabulary, and, thus, I can only stick with simple phrases, such as the one I quoted. But, none of those simple phrases give me the results I need. Even if I did discover the research, I wouldn't be able to comprehend it because I can only comprehend things, such as a conversation with my family, or music theory lessons for complete beginners.

I can't comprehend professionally written material, such as certain things written on Wikipedia, certain articles, or certain research. But, even if I could comprehend the research, I explain in my Undecided Packet I can't decide on anything that has a debate.

There might be debate regarding this research because some people might argue that thoughts and emotions can't be the same thing. So, I'm just explaining things from my own personal experience because, for me, thoughts and emotions have never been the same thing. Thoughts, and valuing things, have never been the same thing for me either.

Other Person's Response: I don't need some holy inner light to perceive my life as something beautiful and great.

My Reply: The perception of beauty and greatness is what I call the holy, inner light. I think positive emotions are the only holy, inner light we can have. But, if there can somehow be an intellectual form of the holy, inner light, then our brains would have to receive the light intellectually. Remember, the perception of beauty and greatness is something that goes beyond thoughts/beliefs.

So, when I consider the possibility of an intellectual form of perceived beauty and greatness, I'm not implying that what we think can somehow give us that perception. Therefore, there would have to be a form of positive emotions through our intellect. Like I said, I think intellect can only give us the experience of ideas.

If that's the case, then no thoughts/beliefs alone can ever give me the types of horrible experiences I've had in my nightmares, and during my miserable moments. Nor can it ever give me the beautiful and joyful experiences my positive emotions have brought my life. However, if there can be a form of intellectual emotions, then, hopefully, they're not fleeting like the primitive, instinctive ones.

Other Person's Response: There are emotions that do reside in the prefrontal cortex (the intellectual area of the brain). However, said emotions can be disabled, due to clinical depression, or other factors, which would prevent thoughts and beliefs from making people feel emotions.

My Reply: I see. But, there's still a distinction between thoughts and emotions because, if thoughts and beliefs aren't making people feel positive emotions during clinical depression, then that says there's a difference between emotion, and thoughts or beliefs.

Other Person's Response: Since you keep your mind clear, and hardly know anything, that makes you a dumb, mindless individual.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Technically, you would be thinking something when playing video games, which means your mind wouldn't be empty. You'd be having joyful and beautiful thoughts, while adventuring through the levels.

My Reply: Yes, that's correct. I figure, if I had no thoughts at all, I wouldn't feel anything, since there'd be no thought to make me feel a particular emotion.

Other Person's Response: I wonder if it's possible for you to live your daily life, not having a positive or negative thought at all. I wonder if you wouldn't feel any positive or negative emotions as a result, since you wouldn't be thinking that anything, or anyone, is beautiful, good, bad, horrible, or disgusting.

My Reply: I also wonder.

Other Person's Response: I heard you're taking up a new hobby though, which would be composing. That requires some thought.

My Reply: Yes. When I decide to create good music later on, I will think about the rules of music theory that need to be taken into account.

Other Person's Response: When you fully complete a video game, do you just delete the file you completed, and start over?

My Reply: Actually, I'd first record my completed progress using the Dazzle device. Then, I upload that recording (video) to youtube. After that, I delete the file, start over, complete the game again, and record my completed progress again. This is because, for example, if I collected all 120 stars in a Mario game, then all that progress would go to waste if I just deleted it.

By recording all my progress, I feel that it hasn't gone to waste. So, if I complete a Mario game 3 times, then it's like I've collected 360 stars (120x3=360) if I recorded and uploaded, as opposed to just collecting 120 stars, deleting that file, starting over, and collecting 120 stars again without recording.

Therefore, by having recordings of my completed progress, all my progress has been preserved, and anyone could add up all the stars I've collected in Mario games, or all the items I've collected in Zelda games. Lastly, I'm not planning on making professional quality recordings (such as full game walkthroughs). I'm just recording my completed progress, which is why I'm sticking with the Dazzle device to record. I'm not using an expensive, high quality, recording device.

Other Person's Response: Do you record your gameplay to show off?

My Reply: No. I'm not bragging how skilled I am at playing video games, or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I don't care how skilled I am. I just play video games for the fun, adventure, and to collect as many items as I can. I record all my progress because I feel that all the items I've collected are being preserved in the form of recorded videos.

Other Person's Response: I heard there's a new gaming system by Nintendo, and it's called the Nintendo Switch. Are you going to buy that, and get some games for it?

My Reply: Yes. I'm also going to get a new hdtv. But, my mother doesn't have the money for these things right now. However, she said she's going to get a home equity loan, and that will allow her to afford these things. When she gets the loan, I'm going to buy the following games: Super Mario Odyssey, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, New Super Mario Bros. U, Yoshi's Crafted World, and Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy.

Other Person's Response: But, you said that worry is still there, preventing from from feeling joy. So, even if you do buy those things, you wouldn't be able to enjoy them. That means they'd have no value and worth to you.

My Reply: That's correct. So, when my mother gets this loan, I'm not going to buy them yet, as long as I don't have my positive emotions. Once I'm fully recovered, then I'll buy them, since I can enjoy them. Or, I could buy them when she gets the loan, but set them aside for a later time, until I can enjoy them. As of now, I'm no longer miserable, and I'm doing fine. But, that subconscious worry is still there, rendering me apathetic.

Other Person's Response: Do you notice something else when you draw closer and closer to a state of full recovery?

My Reply: Yes. My visual quality becomes more clear, vivid, and better. I think this is because, as my brain gives less and less attention to the worry, as it slowly and gradually lets go of it, my brain gives more and more attention to visuals. Maybe that's why my visual quality becomes enhanced. Therefore, when I'm fully recovered, I think my visual quality will be restored back to normal. Even though my visual quality wasn't as good during my moment of misery, I could still see things, and didn't need glasses. So, I think my visual quality was slightly degraded during my misery.

Other Person's Response: You're apathetic right now, and you're saying you're doing fine. I thought the only way to be fine is to feel fine.

My Reply: Yes. Feeling fine (a positive emotion) means you're fine, not feeling fine (a negative emotion) means you're not fine, and being apathetic means you're neither fine nor not fine. So, actually, I'm just an empty vessel, who's neither fine nor not fine.

Other Person's Response: You said you might give up on composing, and return to the hobby you've always lived for (playing video games). That means you'd be the same person, living by the same values, doing the same hobby his whole life.

My Reply: Yes. Playing video games is the hobby I've always lived for, and my positive emotions have always been the source of beauty, worth, and goodness in my life. As for my composing, I'm not going to give up on it just yet. Also, when creating music, I need to feel inspired in order to be inspired. If I create music when I'm not feeling up to it, then I'm not inspired.

Other Person's Response: When you do have your positive emotions, how often do you feel inspired to make music?

My Reply: I'm not sure yet. Composing is a new hobby I've taken up, and I need to fully recover from this worry to find out.

Other Person's Response: If you fully recover from this worry, have your joy all back to you again, but you don't feel inspired often to compose, then that must be because of your way of thinking. You must be thinking composing isn't all that important to you, even though you have some level of interest in it.

My Reply: Correct. So, once I do fully recover, I'll see how often I'm inspired to compose.

Other Person's Response: How often do you feel up to playing video games when you have your positive emotions?

My Reply: Mostly all throughout the day. There are times I want to take breaks. These would be the moments where I feel I need to take a break. That feeling of wanting to take a break would be a positive emotion, since I feel like sitting back and relaxing.

Other Person's Response: How are you defining inspiration?

My Reply: I define it as the emotions (i.e. the motivation to come up with an idea or work of art). So, you could create an idea or work of art. But, as long as you were apathetic in doing so, then you weren't inspired. Negative emotions can be a form of inspiration, like I said earlier. But, they don't make our lives and artistic endeavors beautiful, good, and amazing.

Other Person's Response: Personally, I don't think you'll be the same person your whole life, doing the same video gaming hobby. People do change with time.

My Reply: Haven't you ever known someone who was the same person, doing the same hobby his whole life? I'm quite sure there are such people out there.

Other Person's Response: I know plenty of people who've never changed. There are bastards, cons, thieves, liars, etc. So, maybe, you'll never outgrow your philosophy.

My Reply: It's quite possible my values will never change. So, you could be right.

Other Person's Response: If your values never change, even when you're an old man, then it would be like you're the spirit of a child, living inside an old man's body.

My Reply: Well, if there truly is no more beauty to obtain through growing and developing as an individual, and positive emotions really are the only source of beauty, then how could you even call me a child who lacks maturity, due to the values I live by? By calling me a child, due to my values, that's already implying there's greater, mature value to life than the childish values I live by. But, if there is no more value to life, then it would be nonsense to call me a child.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 23/26)

Other Person's Response: I don't think you should give up on composing because you're pursuing something that makes you more than just a basic gamer. You are becoming a creative individual, and you're pursuing your higher, creative, spiritual self. By giving up on that, you're just switching back to your usual self, playing video games.

My Reply: Things aren't looking too well for my composing dream. I don't think I have the talent to create the music I want to create. So, I might as well go back to my gaming self.

Other Person's Response: Even if you're feeling wonderful, and feel up to pursuing your composing dream, you're still going to give up on it if you can't achieve your goal?

My Reply: Correct. If I can't create awesome music that expresses what I wish to express to the audience, I'd still give up, regardless of how I feel.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your composing, maybe you'll reincarnate, and become a talented composer in some other life.

My Reply: That could be. As for this life I have now, I might as well just live the entirety of it, playing video games, seeing as how I have no composing talent.

Other Person's Response: I wouldn't consider you a true composer, since you give up on composing when you can't feel joy. Not only that, but you're composing rubbish melodies. Some motivation, passion, talent, values, and life you have!

My Reply: Then you might as well say I'm not a true gamer, or any true hobbyist, since I give up on all hobbies without my positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: Do you have pets? If so, did you care when they died?

My Reply: I didn't care one bit. Death, to me, is completely natural. Not only that, but I don't have much of a personal connection to my pets anyway. That could be due to my autism because I heard some autistic people don't have much of a connection with others.

Other Person's Response: Did your mother get the pets at your home (the dogs and cats)? If so, does she grieve when they die?

My Reply: She does, since she cares a lot about animals, and has an attachment to them.

Other Person's Response: It seems it wouldn't bother you if your mother died, your pets died, or the fact that there are suffering, innocent people.

My Reply: Correct. I just have no sense of attachment and connection towards my mother, my pets, or other suffering people. When I witness other suffering people in this world, it doesn't bother me at all. Neither does it bother me when my pets die. So, it's quite possible it won't bother me when my mother dies.

Other Person's Response: Even though you're not attached to your pets, do you still have fun with them?

My Reply: Yes. When I'm happy and enjoying my life, I might do something silly, such as making a certain sound to baffle them.

Other Person's Response: Yet, it seems you're quite attached to your positive emotions. Would you grieve if you lost them?

My Reply: In the past, I became very miserable (hopeless) when I lost them. But, I've gotten over that, and learned to keep my thoughts healthy in order to avoid further misery in my life. That means, if I were to lose my positive emotions again, I wouldn't be miserable or upset about it one bit. I'd just have to find ways to restore them.

Other Person's Response: When you fully recover from an emotional crisis, you tend to not have that emotional crisis again. For example, if I lost my loved one, that would cause me immense grief. But, once I'm fully recovered from my grief, I'd be accepting of my loss, and move on. The same idea applies to you losing your positive emotions. When you lost them at first, that caused you much hopelessness. But, now that you're fully recovered from that emotional crisis, that means, if you were to lose your positive emotions again, it wouldn't bother you now.

My Reply: Correct. But, it's possible to get caught in a cycle of misery, where you become miserable about one situation, fully recover from that misery, become miserable about another situation, etc. I've been caught in this cycle, and it was due to thoughts of avoiding certain things. When you wish to avoid certain thoughts, ideas, and information, that will only bring more and more misery upon you.

By having the thought that it's horrible and something to be avoided, you only cause yourself more and more emotional suffering. That's why I was hopeless when I lost my positive emotions, and that's why people grieve when their loved ones die. When you wish to avoid situations like these, then that just triggers misery and grief for you when the situations do occur.

Other Person's Response: I heard from spiritual believers that, when we have negative thoughts of wanting to avoid certain things and situations, that only attracts negative things, people, and situations in our lives.

My Reply: That could be the reason why I was caught in a cycle of misery that took up much of my life. By continuing to have those negative thoughts of avoidance, I only attracted more and more misery into my life. Maybe my mother is also attracting money problems in her life by having negative thoughts of wanting to avoid financial misfortunes. She becomes upset, sad, and angry when these misfortunes do occur.

This clearly says she has negative thoughts about these misfortunes, and that she wishes to avoid them, since they're unacceptable to her. If she didn't have those thoughts, then it wouldn't bother her when those misfortunes do occur. As a matter of fact, without those negative thoughts, she might be attracting more and more money into her life, which means she might be winning the pick 3 numbers much of the time, instead of continually getting one number off.

Other Person's Response: Maybe you should spend more time with your family and pets, rather than immersing yourself in the world of anime, video games, and hedonism. Perhaps then you'd develop a sense of connection with your family and pets.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's the case. I've had many moments with my family anyway, such as playing sports with them, walking in nature with them, etc. I've had moments with my pets as well.

Other Person's Response: Are you sure you wouldn't miss your mother when she dies?

My Reply: Actually, it might be like a situation where I miss watching a beautiful movie. That feeling wouldn't be a negative emotion. It would be a positive emotion. So, I might miss my mother when she dies. But, I might not feel any negative emotions about that. Instead, I might miss my mother in a positive way, which goes back to my movie analogy.

Other Person's Response: You could also feel good when your mother dies because perhaps you'll see her up in heaven again.

My Reply: Providing heaven even exists. I do look forward to the possibility of it existing though. After all, there seems to be many lines of evidence supporting the afterlife and paranormal. But, I don't know if it's any real evidence.

Other Person's Response: As I said earlier, spiritual believers say we attract negative things in our lives when we have negative thoughts and worries. So, maybe, it's a good thing you don't have the negative thought that your mother's loss would be horrible, tragic, and devastating. If you did, that might attract her death, which would cause you to feel devastated.

My Reply: I'm not sure if having such thoughts would make it more likely my mother would die or not. I know spiritual believers talk about how negative thoughts bring bad karma into our lives. But, like I said, I don't know if karma even exists.

Other Person's Response: I know some people who really hated cancer, and didn't want to have it in their lives. Sure enough, they ended up with cancer. So, by having negative thoughts and worries, you only attract bad things in your life.

My Reply: That could be.

Other Person's Response: In regards to what spiritual believers say, which would be that we attract negative things in our lives by having negative thoughts, your mother might claim she's having nothing but positive thoughts in trying to earn money. But, the question to ask her would be if she'd be upset if she were stuck in her pit of poverty her entire life, or if she doesn't get money when she's on the verge of earning a lot of money. If she would become upset in these scenarios, then that says she's having negative thoughts in the back of her mind. Perhaps it's these negative thoughts that are bringing bad luck into her life.

My Reply: That could be. So, if my mother wants to attract money into her life, then she might have to rid of those negative thoughts. That means she must have a new mindset, where she wouldn't be upset if she doesn't achieve her financial goals.

Other Person's Response: Even though you don't live your life helping humanity, did you ever help any suffering people in this world?

My Reply: Yes. My mother wanted me to help some people, since she cares about suffering people, and I did so because not doing so would only make her upset at me, and I didn't want that. If I were living by myself, then I wouldn't bother helping suffering people in this world. But, when my mother expects me to, I do so. Now, even though I've helped some suffering people, that did not change me as a person, or my philosophy.

Other Person's Response: Maybe you're just a narcissist, and perhaps that's why it's so difficult for you to grow as a person, and in terms of your philosophy.

My Reply: That might be.

Other Person's Response: If you didn't care about the suffering of other people in this world, then why are you saying things, such as that the suffering of others is cruel, unfair, and that all human beings are better off living in a utopia world?

My Reply: It's because I'm just stating my personal views, and nothing more. Since my philosophy says positive emotions are what make life beautiful, then all I'm doing here is saying that human beings would be better off not living lives filled with misery and unhappiness.

Other Person's Response: You say there are moments where you do feel bad, such as if you made someone cry. That shows you have some level of compassion.

My Reply: Yes. When I'm in the midst of an emotional crisis, it would be much worse on me, since I'd be feeling very horrible, tragic, morbid emotions, rather than the normal, healthy, negative emotions I'd feel when I'm not having any emotional crisis. In other words, when I'm not having an emotional crisis, I'd just feel bad if I made someone cry. But, during an emotional crisis, I'd feel very horrible about that.

Other Person's Response: If your mother or pets died, and they were to be tormented in hell for eternity, would you care?

My Reply: Yes. It would be horrible. I'd have the thought that would be horrible, and that thought would make me feel horrible about that situation (if it did happen in a pretend scenario). But, like I said, I'm better off not feeling horrible about it, since negative emotions only make my life horrible, bad, or disgusting. Instead, I'd be better off feeling positive about doing everything I can to save them from hell. If I can't save them, then it's pointless to feel horrible about it, since feeling bad about it won't do anything to save them. I'd, thus, be better off just being happy and enjoying my life, while they suffer in hell for eternity.

Other Person's Response: The very fact you'd care if your family or pets suffered an eternity in hell, and the fact that you'd save them from hell, shows you have some decency as a human being. I think that's something worth appreciating.

My Reply: Yes. I may not be the most caring, compassionate, or loving person in the world. But, at least I'd care if they'd suffer in hell for eternity.

Other Person's Response: If you had a mental illness, which prevented you from feeling emotions, then you couldn't feel horrible about your mother, or pets, being tormented in hell for eternity. That means you wouldn't care.

My Reply: Correct. It would also mean I wouldn't care if I was the one to be tormented in hell for eternity. But, I'd still save myself, my mother, and pets.

Other Person's Response: If you were the one who'd be tormented in hell for eternity, you're saying it would be better for you to feel happy about doing everything you can to save yourself from hell? If there'd be no way to save yourself, then you're saying feeling horrible about it won't save you from hell, and, thus, you'd be better off being happy and enjoying your life before you suffer an eternity in hell?

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: There are certain negative emotions that can be experienced as beautiful. For example, a person could feel miserable about the suffering of others, and that be a beautiful experience for him, since it shows compassion towards those suffering. So, I don't think positive emotions are the only beautiful experiences. I think you just need to learn that negative emotions can also be beautiful.

My Reply: Based upon my own personal experience, positive emotions are the only way to experience moments, things, and situations as beautiful.

Other Person's Response: You say that, during your miserable struggles, no positive thought can make you feel a positive emotion. Maybe you just need to have a stronger positive thought. Perhaps then it would make you feel positive emotions.

My Reply: That doesn't work. I've already tried it. You could also ask a clinically depressed person to think a very strong, positive thought. But, that thought wouldn't make the person feel happy. It might on seldom occasions though. As for me, I had to recover from my miserable moments for my positive emotions to return.

Other Person's Response: If you do everything you can to change this philosophy of yours, but can't, then you're nothing more than ****! You amount to nothing!

My Reply: I tried my best, and that's all I can do. If I lose my positive emotions, can't sufficiently or fully regain them, and I try all I can to change my philosophy, then how can you blame me if it can't change? As long as I've done my best to change, then it's not my fault if I can't change.

Other Person's Response: It's in your power to change, and give your life a whole new set of values!

My Reply: We as human beings don't really have the upper hand in life. Life is very unfortunate, and the things we want we don't always get. Yes, I would want my life to have a new form of beauty besides my positive emotions if I ever lose them, and can't seem to sufficiently or fully regain them. But, I'm not sure life will give me that. It's like asking for a magical fairy to be in my life. That fairy doesn't exist, which means I can't have it. I could have the thought of wanting it. But, it won't come to me no matter how hard I try to obtain it.

Other Person's Response: I know plenty of hedonists who once thought positive emotions were the only things that make life good and beautiful. But, they've changed, and they no longer have such a shallow outlook.

My Reply: Did they change because they deluded themselves into believing there's more beauty and goodness to life? Or, is it because there really is more beauty and goodness to life that I'm not realizing?

Other Person's Response: If someone says you can become more of a person, that's already implying you're less of a person. That's already saying you're less of a person than someone else. For example, if someone lives his life to the fullest, and he tells you that you can become a better person by living your life to the fullest, then that's already saying you're less than he is.

It's saying you're inferior to him, since he's the better person, living his life to the fullest, while you're living your life somewhat to the fullest, or nearly to the fullest. So, maybe, he should say you can just simply live your life to the fullest, rather than saying you can become a better person. This argument also applies to all scenarios where people tell you that you can become a better person.

My Reply: So, if someone says he wants me to become a better person by upgrading my values, he shouldn't say that? He should just tell me to upgrade them? That, or he should just tell me to change as a person?

Other Person's Response: If you really can't change your values, then why not treat you as a ****, human being?

My Reply: Should we treat someone in a cruel manner, just because he's in a wheelchair, and incapable of walking? So, should people treat me in a cruel manner, just because I'm incapable of changing my values?

Other Person's Response: I realize you're incapable of many things because, in your Undecided Packet, you say you're incapable of making a decision in regards to topics that have debate. In your Composing Packet, you're incapable of creating music that expresses the awesome emotions you wish to express. Here, in this packet, you're obviously incapable of obtaining greater values into your life. Maybe you just need to develop as a person, and as a composer somehow. Maybe then you'll be capable of all those things you once were incapable of.

My Reply: Or, maybe, this is all I'll ever amount to.

Other Person's Response: So, you're saying you fail at life and composing?

My Reply: Yes. I fail as a human being, and as a composer.

Other Person's Response: Life comes with a lot of unhappy challenges, hardships, and expectations. Life isn't the happy, easy place you want it to be.

My Reply: Personally, I'd prefer a utopia life. Besides, since I'm obviously incapable as a human being, then why give me these challenges and hardships? I fail at them, and that's why I'm better off not having them.

Other Person's Response: What type of person are you? I bet you're the casual type who just lives for his own enjoyment.

My Reply: Yes. I don't put myself through struggles, or anything like that. That means I don't undergo painful training in the military, or anything else of the sort. I also don't have much expression when it comes to my personality. I have a normal, casual tone of voice when speaking to others. However, I do wish to express a lot when it comes to my composing. I wish to create music that expresses powerful, awesome, otherworldly things.

Other Person's Response: Even though you're a person who has a flat expression, when you feel excited, is there a lot of expression within yourself, even though you don't physically express it?

My Reply: Yes. The same idea applies to other emotions I feel. But, when I'm having a miserable struggle, I let others know I'm not doing well, and I don't just bottle it inside.

Other Person's Response: I don't think wanting and liking is the same thing as valuing something. You can not want and like something, but still value it.

My Reply: If a person said he didn't want to go to work, but had to, since it's something he valued, then the very fact there's a form of value there, compelling him to go to work, must mean he really wants to go to work. So, I think valuing something is the same thing as wanting something. Well, if that person was apathetic, then he wouldn't be valuing work, and he'd just be choosing to go. He might claim he still values work, despite his apathy.

But, he really wouldn't, since positive emotions are how we value things, and we can't value things through our character and intellect. My whole argument here also applies to liking. If a person said he didn't like an object, but still valued it as something beautiful, then the very fact it's beautiful to him means he likes it. If he was completely miserable or apathetic though, then he wouldn't be valuing the object as beautiful, regardless of what he claims otherwise..

Other Person's Response: In regards to your interests, I think it's immature if you still like anime, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Super Mario.

My Reply: Many people would tell me to grow out of this. But, there are many people growing up with these things. I know plenty of adults who still love these things. Even anime and video game producers are adults themselves, and love these things. So, if they've grown up with these things, then why can't I?

Other Person's Response: According to you, anime hentai (porn) would have to be divine, since these are sexually erotic characters.

My Reply: Yes. These characters would be divine beings, since they have the power of The Light flowing through them, which motivates them to bond, love, and engage in sexual activities. This is what makes hentai something holy and divine. Many people would think hentai is repulsive. But, people need to look at the inner experience of these characters, rather than judging based on how things appear on the outside. On the inside, there is sheer beauty, divinity, love, and joy within these aroused characters, and people would be dismissing this.

Other Person's Response: You said there are certain emotions which are basic, shallow experiences, while others are more profound experiences. That would also have to apply to feelings of love, attraction, or sexual arousal. If the thought you have towards someone is that he/she isn't that attractive, then you might have a basic, shallow feeling of love, attraction, or sexual arousal towards that person. But, if it's the true soul mate for you, then you'd feel profoundly beautiful love, attraction, or sexual arousal.

My Reply: Correct. As I said before, different thoughts will trigger different emotional responses. If you're a guy, and you're in a relationship that's very basic and shallow, like how any other guy picks up a girl, then you won't feel profoundly beautiful emotions from her. That's why you must pick out your true soul mate. Only then would you feel profound emotions from her. There are factors which determine what your true soul mate would be, whether it be his/her looks, tone of voice, deeds, clothes, etc.

Other Person's Response: If I wish to have the most profoundly beautiful moment with my soul mate, you're saying I must feel the most profound and intense beautiful emotion?

My Reply: Yes. The most powerful and profound positive emotions are what make our lives the greatest.

Other Person's Response: I personally think a relationship founded upon emotional based values is a very shallow relationship.

My Reply: Emotions give us both shallow and profound experiences of love, joy, and beauty. So, any form of beauty in your life, whether it be shallow or profound, can only be experienced through positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: By the way, when you perceive characters as being filled with inner beauty and joy, it's just your own inner universe being filled with beauty and joy because the characters are nothing more than drawings on the screen that have no inner experience. They have no consciousness.

My Reply: Yes. That's an excellent point. When I'm miserable or apathetic, the characters seem like nothing more than animated drawings. There is no beauty or joy attached. But, once I'm fully recovered, and have my positive emotions back to me, it's a whole new world. I find myself completely immersed in a realm of beauty and joy, where I perceive environments and characters as beautiful, amazing, awesome, etc.

Other Person's Response: Animated characters are like robots, since they have no inner experience. They're just animated drawings on the screen. But, since they express a personality, then it would be like robots that are expressing a personality.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: An animated character can be experienced in a variety of ways. One person could experience the character as disgusting, while another could experience that character as beautiful. It all depends on who you are as a person.

My Reply: Yes. Different people will have different thoughts and emotions in regards to certain things, situations, and characters. So, a character becomes different in one person's mental reality than another person's. Given this, I'd consider characters to actually be an aspect of an individual's personality. For example, if you're someone who finds cartoons annoying, then the moment you witness a cartoon character, and see that character as annoying, then there's an annoying character residing within your very mental universe, and that annoying image would be a reflection of your personality. I'm not implying that you'd be an annoying person. I'm saying that you're someone who's annoyed by cartoons.

Other Person's Response: In regards to anime and cartoon characters, a person could perceive a character as an empty, animated vessel. But, that vessel still being beautiful to that person.

My Reply: During my miserable moments, the characters were empty vessels who were morbidly stripped of perceived beauty.

Other Person's Response: When you're miserable, and perceive characters, and their environments, as morbidly stripped of beauty and greatness, how do you respond to other people who perceive them as beautiful, great, and enjoy them?

My Reply: I find myself asking why these people attribute such significance and importance to them, since they're nothing but drawn characters and landscapes on the screen. But, once I'm happy and enjoying my life again, I perceive/experience the world of anime and video games like it should be. In other words, I become just like those other people who enjoyed them, and experienced them as awesome, magnificent, and beautiful.

Other Person's Response: Are you saying that, during your moments of joy, characters seem like living entities, rather than just characters which have been drawn, and animated on the screen?

My Reply: Correct. Any given character would seem like an actual living presence. If I were to experience a character's beauty and greatness when I'm not looking at the character (such as when I'm just thinking about the character), then it would be like there's an actual living presence of beauty and greatness looming over me. When I experience a character's beauty and greatness when looking at the character on the screen, then it's like there's a living presence of beauty and greatness on the screen.

Other Person's Response: Imagine if Japanese animators created characters they perceived as just animated drawings. It would be a dull, boring job being an animator. It's that perception of characters being a beautiful, living presence which makes being an animator something beautiful.

My Reply: Yes. Without positive emotions, nothing has any beauty.

Other Person's Response: When you try to let your mind be free of any worry you're having, and just allow yourself to be immersed in the beauty and joy of anime and video games, does it sometimes work?

My Reply: No, it doesn't. When I try to let my mind be free of worry, that only causes my mind to focus more on the worry. Thus, I feel worse. The only thing that eases a worry I'm having would be time.

Other Person's Response: I personally think hentai is repulsive.

My Reply: When soulmates attract and bond, that's a beautiful thing. Therefore, since the sexual acts you witness in hentai are acts of attraction and bonding, then hentai is something beautiful.

Other Person's Response: You should be ashamed that you think hentai is beautiful.

My Reply: I don't care about the personal views and opinions of others. Only my views matter to me. That's why I disagree with the views of others who say it's wrong to live my life as a hedonist, it's wrong to live my life not serving a god, my positive emotions aren't the source of beauty in my life, my musical tunes in my head are awful, etc. In short, I really don't listen to anyone.

Other Person's Response: If a pedophile had sex with a child, but it was completely harmless to the child (let's pretend), what would you think of that?

My Reply: I would have nothing against that pedophile. If anyone has anything against him, then they're just judging him because he'd be doing no harm to the child. As a matter of fact, he'd just be expressing his love and attraction towards the child.

Other Person's Response: When you look at beautiful Christmas lights, you're getting nothing more than a reward stimulation to your brain. It's just your brain really liking those lights. It's nothing holy or divine.

My Reply: I disagree. It's literally the experience of beauty. I would be experiencing the beauty of different lights. For example, I could experience the beauty of a red light, a blue one, a green one, etc. This beautiful state is the opposite of suffering, hell, and misery. The opposite of that would have to be a divine state.

Other Person's Response: Speaking of anime, there are characters who use their negative emotions for good purposes. For example, there are characters who transform into dark, enraged beasts. But, they use their transformations for justice. Personally, I think it would be better to be one of these dark beasts, working for justice, rather than some hentai addict.

My Reply: All inner negativity, no matter if it's used for justice, is inner corruption. As you can see, it doesn't matter if you're a being of negativity who's working for justice, since you still don't have that inner, holy light to make you and your life beautiful.

Other Person's Response: So, according to you, this divine, holy light (positive emotions) is the ultimate thing in this universe, and nothing can replace it, whether it be working for justice, or anything else?

My Reply: That's correct. It's the inner beauty and joy to a person's life, and nothing can replace that.

Other Person's Response: I don't think the brain works the way you insist it works. Our intellect can be a real source of value in our lives.

My Reply: Think of it this way. Visual signals get sent to the t.v., which create a visual display. But, the signals themselves are just signals. So, how I think value works is that it's akin to a visual display on the t.v. popping up. If you're not getting that signal, then that means no visual display. In this case, if you're not getting any emotional signal to your brain, such as due to a mental illness or some other factor, then that means no value in your life.

Other Person's Response: You know what? I think the difference between us is that I do not see positive emotions as a fundamental requirement for my existence. Yeah, they are nice. But, I do not need them to live. I can exist in the worst of hells, and I can live out my purpose in life, which is to help others, even in the worst of hells.

I long for happiness and pleasure. But, I've come to realize those things are not my reason for living. So, if they never come to me again (I've had heaven on Earth before. Perhaps this is why I'm so aware of the hell I'm in now), then I'll still be OK.

My purpose is not to be happy, or to enjoy life. My purpose in life is to help others, and help the world progress as a whole. Sure, a lot of the time I feel miserable because I'm being asked to do so much. I've just come to accept that this is how things are going to be for me.

My Reply: Sure, you don't need positive emotions to live. But, you do need them to have positivity in your life. A life without positivity is no way to live or be an artist. That's why misery and unhappiness is no way to live or be an artist. I'm trying to prove this to you and convince you of this. That's why I've written all these packets. Consider it a form of proselytizing or preaching if you want.

I'm also sharing my own personal experience and insights, which is another reason why I've written all of this. Lastly, I think people, who are selfless and giving, are deluding themselves into believing there's more beauty to life than positive emotions. This is because they won't accept the harsh truth that positive emotions are the only way life can be beautiful. Instead, they wish to go beyond their selfish, hedonistic nature, and convince themselves there's more beauty to life, when there never was.

Other Person's Response: Just because I'm not a selfish piece of **** like you doesn't mean I need to be insulted and preached to!

My Reply: All I'm saying here is that I don't live my life like a slave to other people. I don't do things for the world if it made me feel unhappy or miserable. Instead, I truly pay attention to what mental state allows me to have positive experiences. I've come to realize that mental state is clearly my positive emotions. People who live their lives like slaves to others do so blindly without coming to such realizations. That's why I think selfless, giving people are blind and delusional to the fact that positive emotions are the real source of positivity in life.

Other Person's Response: I'm going to quote something you said and respond to it:



I don't agree. If a person gets some pleasure out of helping someone else, this is gratification. Gratification is a good emotion. So, there are no delusions in most cases. There are some people who only do things for gratification, which could make them selfish. Looking for recognition. But, I don't think that the average, kind person is delusional.

My Reply: You're right. Gratification is a positive emotion. But, I'm talking about people who can't feel positive emotions, due to brain defects, or other factors, such as people struggling with chronic depression. These people would be delusional to believe there's more beauty to life than positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: I understand just how frustrating it is to live a life that goes against one's own personal values. My values come from helping others and contributing to the world. Imagine just how frustrating it would be for me if I was put in a position where I could no longer help and contribute to others. From this, I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you to lose your positive emotions. Fortunately, I do believe in the Law of Attraction. If you really want something, you can have it. If I intended to be rich, and did whatever I could to try to achieve this dream, eventually, I would be rich.

So, I say, if your positive emotions are what give beauty and joy to your life, then intend to keep them intact, and find ways to recover them if you lose them. That way, you can have them to live the happy dream life you want to live. With all those miserable struggles you've had, you were only attracting more and more negativity/misery in your life through your unhealthy thought processes. We manifest/create our reality through our way of thinking, and your goal should be to create the life you want to live.

My Reply: If this is true, then I would've been working against myself unknowingly. But, I really consider it to be god, or these spiritual beings, to be working against me, since they could've at least created me as a being who's incapable of experiencing misery, suffering, and an absence of positive emotions.

Now, if this Law of Attraction doesn't exist, then god and/or these beings would be really working against me here because this would mean, if I lose my positive emotions, then I'm screwed, and only a matter of luck and time can bring them back. But, if the Law of Attraction is real, then god/these beings would've at least given me something to make sure I live the dream life I want to live.

Of course, I need my emotions to want something, as I mentioned before. Anyway, it could be the case the Law of Attraction is real because my mother intends to win the lottery (Power Ball), and I notice many strange coincidences, such as how the lottery numbers she dreams of actually come true, with only a few numbers off.

For example, with the Pick 3, she dreamed of the numbers "514," and the numbers that came true were "524." She claims this is how it's been for her for 2 months now, and she's trying to find a way to match lottery numbers perfectly. She suspects it's a curse that's preventing her from winning the lottery, and she does spells to try to break the curse.

If she breaks the curse, then she thinks she can win millions of dollars. Now, she said there were times she dreamed of numbers that perfectly matched. But, bad karma stopped her because there were events that prevented her from playing those numbers.

She thinks there are people who instinctively know, through their spirits, that she's going to win and, as a result, try to stop her from winning. She thinks these people hate poor people, and don't want them rising to riches.

However, there was a time where my younger brother got into a heated argument with my mother and, as a result, she didn't play 3 numbers. These 3 numbers actually came to pass. So, perhaps it's not people out to stop her from winning because my younger brother wasn't out to stop her. Rather, it's simply bad karma preventing her from winning.

Other Person's Response: Why does your mother think she can win the lottery when so many people in this world intend to win, but don't?

My Reply: Other people would say it's because she thinks she's somehow special. But, I really don't know why. Maybe she thinks she has a spiritual gift that allows her to tap into numbers that other people don't have. Not only that, she does spells to try to win, and perhaps she thinks that not too many people do spells. But, if the Law of Attraction is real, then shouldn't so many other people be winning the lottery through their intentions of winning?

Other Person's Response: I don't believe in all of this Law of Attraction bullshit, and neither do I believe your mother's claims. Many people in this world won't accept their unfortunate circumstances, whether it be poverty, or an absence of positive emotions. There are so many people who suffer horribly, pray to god, and do all they can. Yet, they still have to live with, and accept their lot in life.

My Reply: You could be right. In which case, my mother simply won't accept her life of poverty, and she has deluded herself into believing her false claims. As for the claims I'm making that positive emotions are divine, and the only source of beauty in life, I suspect they could be. But, I really don't know. Likewise, my mother could be correct with her claims. But, I really don't know either, since I'm in a position of complete ignorance.

Other Person's Response: In regards to your mother's financial issues, I don't believe there's a such thing as spiritual forces, god, or an afterlife. So, your mother is going to have to earn money the normal way, since it would be pointless for her to do spells, prayers, etc.

My Reply: That might be.

Other Person's Response: There are spiritual forces of evil at work. They prey on our weaknesses, so they can induce suffering. Your mother's weakness is that, when things prevent her from earning the money she needs, that causes her to suffer, since it makes her feel negative emotions, such as misery, rage, and despair. But, if your mother had no desire for money, then her living a poor life, and not earning much money, wouldn't bother her.

That means those forces of evil couldn't make her suffer, or make her feel rage. Desire is the source of suffering because, when our expectations aren't met, that causes us to feel negative emotions. By giving up our desires, we eliminate our suffering. That's why spiritual believers, as well as Buddhists, talk about giving up our desires. We should just accept our lives, whether it be a life of poverty, illness, or disease, rather than desiring a better life.

My Reply: I don't think she should just accept her life of poverty. Perhaps there is a way for her to earn the money she desires. She wants to buy the things she needs, I need, and she also wishes to give money to the poor. As for me, when I don't get the things I want, that doesn't normally cause me to suffer. So, you can have the thought of wanting and desiring things, but said thought not causing you any misery or rage. I think it's a lack of acceptance that causes suffering.

If you accept your current situation while, at the same time, desiring something, such as money or happiness, it would be a form of desire that causes you no suffering. Basically, if you're not getting money or happiness, a mindset that would cause you no suffering would be one, such as: "Oh well. I'll just keep trying to earn money or happiness," rather than: "It's the most horrible, unacceptable thing if I don't get my money or happiness!"

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 24/26)

Other Person's Response: Since you've accepted a life without positive emotions, but still desire them, then this would be a form of desire that brings you no suffering?

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: Maybe your mother should accept her poverty while, at the same time, still desiring money.

My Reply: It's up to her what mindset she wishes to have.

Other Person's Response: Your desire is happiness, while your mother's desire is money. Materialistic things are very fleeting, and there's so much more to life than being rich or being happy.

My Reply: Happiness is what literally gives life beauty and worth though, and I've presented all my arguments that support why. So, happiness isn't the same thing as some materialistic desire, like money. Happiness is a state of being that literally makes life beautiful and worth living.

Other Person's Response: What if your mother never earns the big money she wants to earn?

My Reply: Then that would be unfortunate.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother think she's cursed, and that this curse is preventing her from earning the money she wants?

My Reply: Yes. She thinks people are cursing her. But, perhaps nobody is cursing her, and life itself is the curse. Life is a curse for many people, and a blessing for some. For example, some people are born and die shortly, due to a horrible illness. Some people also have much bad luck in their lives. However, there are the rich, happy people who live long, and have much good luck in their lives. Maybe we're all like different characters, playing the movie we call "life." Some people play roles of riches, wealth, and happiness, while others play less fortunate roles of poverty, misery, and just plain bad luck. Some people can rise out of their pits of misfortune, while some remain stuck in it.

Other Person's Response: Why do some people live unfortunate lives, while others live great lives?

My Reply: Many people would say it's because life is a cruel joke for some people. For example, generous folks, struggling in poverty, while cruel, heartless people wallow in riches, is considered a cruel joke.

Other Person's Response: I'm living a miserable existence, and I wish to end this cruel joke right now by ending my life!

My Reply: Be careful. An even crueler joke might be played on you if you end your life. You might be living a miserable afterlife for all of eternity, while those rich, happy folks get to live the blissful afterlife of their dreams for eternity.

Other Person's Response: Does your mother have delusions, hallucinations, and schizophrenia? If so, this could explain her delusional claims.

My Reply: She does. So, you could be right. As for me and my brother, we don't have hallucinations and schizophrenia. Some people would say that I do have delusions though. Actually, as I said before, I don't believe anything, and remain in a position of complete ignorance. I'm open-minded to things. But, if I have suspicions that something could be true, then I write and share it to give people an open mind. This means I'm simply writing about, and sharing, my own personal experiences. Consider it a journal.

Other Person's Response: Why refer to positive emotions as being divine energy?

My Reply: If there's activity going on in the brain, then that's energy. If you're thinking about something, then there's thought activity in the brain, and that would be energy. If you're hearing sound, then that's activity in the audio cortex, and that would be energy. But, there's only one type of energy that is divine energy, and that would be the activity in the areas of the brain that allow us to feel positive emotions. Therefore, when a person feels motivated, or pumped up to do something, such as dancing, that person is pumped up with divine energy. When a person feels intense love and attraction for a soul mate, that person would be powered up with intense, divine energy.

Other Person's Response: So, if you experienced the beauty and greatness of Michael Jackson, it would be like his beauty and greatness is flowing through you, and has become a part of you?

My Reply: Correct. But, it wouldn't be MJ's own energy flowing through me, since he didn't project his energy into me. Rather, it would just be my own experience, created by my way of thinking, which caused me to feel beauty and greatness.



Other Person's Response: You're right when you say that perception is a vital and precious thing. Seeing your life in a whole new way will change your life completely. The same idea applies to the way you perceive yourself, and others around you. It will be as though you have become a whole new person when you see yourself in a whole new way, and other people would be like whole new people when you see them from a new perspective.

My Reply: That's why I need my positive emotions because they're what allow me to see things in life from a beautiful or amazing perspective. I can't stand seeing myself, others, and things in my life from a negative perspective. That's why I want to avoid negative emotions.

For example, during my miserable moments, these miserable emotions completely defecate over works of art that would have otherwise been beautiful and amazing. In other words, the artwork gets completely ruined and distorted from my perspective when I'm miserable.

Every moment becomes ruined and stripped of all beauty and greatness when I'm miserable. Not only that, but famous artists are lowered down to puny, insignificant, morbid, ugly beings. I'm not saying that to be offensive in any way. That's just the effect my miserable emotions have on me.

Other Person's Response: So, you're basically saying that your positive emotions are the only things that allow you to see beauty in life, yourself, and in others?

My Reply: Correct. In a way, I'd consider my positive emotions to be like the sense of sight. If you are blind, you can no longer see objects. When I don't have my positive emotions, I can no longer see beauty in life. Just thinking that my life is beautiful doesn't allow me to see beauty, just as how a blind person can't see objects just by thinking of them. Thus, the blind person can only acknowledge the existence of objects without seeing them with his own eyes. Likewise, I can only acknowledge beauty without my positive emotions, but can't see it.

Other Person's Response: I don't think your sight analogy works well.

My Reply: When your brain doesn't get the visual signal, you can't see things. Likewise, when your brain doesn't get the emotional signal, you can't see beauty or horror in things. So, I think the sight analogy, along with the t.v. analogy I made earlier, works.

Other Person's Response: Do you have any other analogy besides your sight and t.v. analogy?

My Reply: Yes. If you were in a pitch black cave, and there is no light, then you can't see the gold. But, once there is light, you can see gold. My positive emotions are like the light that allow me to see beauty in life. Without them, then I'm in a pitch black cave, so to speak. I can no longer see beauty (gold). As long as there's no light, then just thinking or believing there's gold in that dark cave won't allow me to see the gold.

Other Person's Response: I understand now. A blind person can only perceive the idea of colors, and not any real colors. The same thing applies to a deaf person. A deaf person can only perceive the idea of sound, but not any real sound. Likewise, a person, who can't feel positive emotions, can only perceive the idea of beauty, but not any real beauty.

My Reply: Correct. Your brain needs that audio and visual signal to perceive sound and colors. If a therapist asked you to think of colors, then that thought would send the signal to the visual cortex, which would allow you to perceive those colors in your mind. But, if that thought couldn't send the signal, then you couldn't perceive those colors in your mind.

The same idea applies to hearing things. Thoughts of certain noises make us hear those noises in our minds. But, not getting the audio signal from those thoughts would render us not hearing those noises in our minds. Likewise, when a person doesn't get an emotional signal to his brain when he thinks of horrible or beautiful things, he can't perceive beauty or horror.

Other Person's Response: If emotions are needed to make things beautiful or horrible, then how could a person, without emotions, still assess things as beautiful or horrible?

My Reply: You can still acknowledge certain things and acts as being beautiful, righteous, better, or horrible without feeling any emotion, just as how you can still acknowledge colors, sounds, forms of physical pain, etc. without perceiving colors, sounds, or feeling any physical pain.

Other Person's Response: I, myself, am an Emotional Theorist who agrees there's no more beauty to life than positive emotions. You've arrived at this truth through your own personal experience, and nothing can convince you there's more beauty to life, since you know the truth. There are many blind, deluded people in this world. But, you're smarter than them, since you realize the truth.

My Reply: I'm not sure if this is the case. I mean, there could be more beauty to life that I'm not realizing.

Other Person's Response: If your emotional state is the only thing that allows you to perceive beauty and greatness, then that makes you blind to the beauty and greatness of things during your miserable, unhappy, or apathetic moments. It also makes you blind to the horror and tragedy of things in this world during your happy moments.

My Reply: Yes. Some people might say it's my lack of knowledge and life experience limiting me. I'm not sure if that's true. For example, someone who doesn't know that much, and has very little experience when it comes to art, won't be able to see the flaws in artwork. That's clearly the case for me. But, someone who's very experienced, and has much knowledge, will clearly be able to see the flaws. The same rule might apply to beauty, horror, etc. My lack of knowledge and life experience might be preventing me from seeing more beauty and horror through my thoughts and beliefs alone.

Other Person's Response: I say your lack of knowledge and life experience is also rendering you making awful analogies, making poor arguments, making awful music, writing poorly, and you name it! I realize the packets you make are philosophical. But, you can't expect to be a good philosopher when your knowledge is so limited.

My Reply: I don't care if I'm a good philosopher or not; I think it's still important that therapists, and other people, understand why my positive emotions are the only source of beauty in my life. Think of someone who just wants to write and share his personal views. That person wouldn't really care if he's a good philosopher or not. It's the views themselves that are important, and need to be shared. For example, my mother doesn't know anything about philosophy. But, she still writes and shares her personal experiences/arguments in her journal.

Other Person's Response: I don't think emotions work like our senses.

My Reply: Emotions aren't senses, and neither are there sense organs indicating emotions are senses. But, in a way, emotions are like our senses because, if you smelled or tasted an orange, then that is a sensation. Thus, it is a sensual experience. Emotions are also sensual experiences.

Therefore, if you were to feel a positive emotion from looking at an orange, it would be like you're getting a taste, or a smell, from that orange. Except, the location of this sensation can be pinpointed in the mind, rather than on our tongue, or in our nostrils.

This is because emotions are sensations in the mind, rather than bodily sensations. Yes, all sensations are produced by the brain, which technically classifies all of them as mental sensations. But, all bodily sensations can be pinpointed in areas of the body, while emotions are an exception. Lastly, emotions are sensations of beauty, horror, etc.

Other Person's Response: I don't think something having value and worth is the same thing as something having significance. A given thing can have value and worth, but have no significance.

My Reply: Personally, I think, when something has value and worth to you, that's the same thing as something having significance to you. So, I think they're the same thing.

Other Person's Response: A relationship, founded upon emotional based values, just won't work out, and will fall apart. That's why there has to be more value to a relationship than how the soulmates feel.

My Reply: I personally think happy soulmates is the relationship that was meant to be. If you're someone who struggles with depression, then you're better off giving up on your relationship until you can somehow regain your positive emotions. I mean, if positive emotions are the only way to have a positive outlook in your life and your relationship, then what's the point of having a relationship if you can't see anything positive about it? Given this, I think a happy couple in a Disney Paradise is the right relationship to have, rather than a couple struggling together with miserable, unhappy emotions, and doing their best to carry on.

Other Person's Response: I heard composing is the only subject you wish to learn, and that you have no knowledge and experience when it comes to life, or any other given subject. I would highly suggest you learn other things because learning more and experiencing more shows a sign of character growth and maturity.

My Reply: The only things I needed to learn would be things that are necessary, such as how to cook things in the microwave, or how to write (which is what I've learned in school). If I hadn't learned that, then I wouldn't be able to write, and share these packets of mine. Other than that, I'm focused on learning one thing (which would be how to compose). I'm also autistic, and autistic people tend to be focused on only one thing.

They also tend to have repetitive behavior. Lastly, I have no passion for exercising, which means I don't lift weights, or jog. But, I still walk on the treadmill anyway, since this is necessary to keep my blood circulation going in order to keep myself alive. There were a few times where I did a bit of a heavy workout. But, it just wasn't my passion. As you can see here, I only do things, and learn things, that are absolutely necessary, or things I have a passion for.

Other Person's Response: In regards to Buddhism, Buddhists would say the things we want in life are very fleeting, and we should give up our desires through practice and meditation.

My Reply: I personally don't like the Buddhist way of living. Neither would my mother. She intends to win the lottery, and she's not going to give up so easily. The way I see it, we're much better off being in heaven, so we can get whatever we desire. If my mother can't be rich here on Earth, then she can be rich all she wants in heaven. I really don't like how life is not suitable for each individual's desires, and how the individual is forced into a position of having to give up his/her desires. It's a life of acceptance and hardship, which I really hate. But, heaven would fix that problem.

Other Person's Response: I have some advice for you. I'm not saying this will change your life, or reduce your suffering. But, what I'm saying here is that, when faced with emotional hardship, such as those miserable moments, to just let go and forget about how unfair life is, how all the beauty and joy has been taken away from you, and how a miserable life is unacceptable.

Instead, just allow yourself to be in that miserable state, and don't fight it until, one day, you fully recover, and have your joy all back to you. Having this mindset is surely to reduce any further suffering, and any violent emotions.

Imagine if I lost something dear and precious to me. By wanting that thing back in my life so badly, I'd surely be driven to rage, and I'd only bring further suffering upon myself. So, by just letting go of that thing, I'd reduce my turmoil.

My Reply: I have, in fact, had this mindset during my struggles. Yes, it does reduce violent emotions, and further suffering. But, the fact is, I was still miserable, which means I was still suffering. So, all this mindset really does for me is just prevents me from harming myself and/or others. It doesn't change my life, and it doesn't give any beauty to my life and hobbies. I realize Buddhists would tell you to have a certain mindset, which would be to let go of unacceptable circumstances in order to reduce your suffering. But, something more than that is needed for one's life to be beautiful and worth living. That something would be the positive emotions.

Other Person's Response: If you ever lose your positive emotions, and can't sufficiently or fully regain them, what do you plan on doing?

My Reply: I heard there is a machine I can buy from a man named Alex Chiu. This machine is said to cure illnesses and diseases. It is said to heal the brain and body. That's what I plan on buying and using to restore my positive emotions. For now, I've bought the Immortality Rings from him. The rings aren't as powerful as the machine, and the machine is more expensive. So, if the rings work, but have little effect in restoring my positive emotions, then I'll buy the machine, and use that.

Other Person's Response: I heard Alex Chiu is a crazy, ridiculous madman.

My Reply: Personally, I have no issue with him at all. Besides, it's not about the person selling the product. It's about the product itself, and if it really works. You could have the most amazing, compassionate person selling a crap product that doesn't work, and you could also have a very horrible, cruel person selling a wonderful product.

The products Alex sells make use of magnetic therapy, and magnetic therapy has been said to heal a lot of people. But, I've heard Alex's products are much better than ones, such as magnetic healing bracelets (which are very popular). So, that's why I stick with his products.

Another thing is that he sells bottles of herbs, which are said to greatly increase the effectiveness of his products. You can't get these bottles anywhere else. There are 2 of his bottles that come to mind, and the 1st one would be called "Gorgeous Pill." The 2nd would be "Super Chi Flush."

Other Person's Response: Very interesting. You always talk about how living long and being happy is so precious to you. If Alex's products work, then they would give you longevity and happiness. Thus, you can ensure that you live a very long life, and that your positive emotions remain intact!

My Reply: In which case, I hope his products really do work. I heard many reports that they do work.

Other Person's Response: Where did you hear about Alex Chiu and his products?

My Reply: I looked up ways to live long online, and discovered this youtube video. This video mentions Alex:

https://youtu.be/jSBcGvO_f_w

Other Person's Response: I heard Alex's machine is $124.

My Reply: Although it's a bit more expensive, I do plan on getting it someday. In case I ever develop severe damage to my body and/or organs, have some severe illness, or can't sufficiently regain my positive emotions by the rings (if they do work), then I'll have the machine there.

The machine is even said to cure handicaps, depression, heart disease, asthma, and diabetes. I could be mentally handicapped, since I had special education in my school years, and perhaps this machine can cure my handicap. I could have much more intellectual capacity with this machine.

Other Person's Response: At the time I'm writing this response, I realize it's been a while since you've ordered those rings. Are they working for you?

My Reply: First of all, these rings are said to heal the body by causing the brain to release healing chemicals. Your body is supposed to heal faster than it ages. Thus, stopping the aging process, and even reversing it to make you look younger.

The user of these rings is instructed to lay down on the bed while wearing them, rather than standing or moving around. This will allow the brain to release those healing chemicals because it's during resting, or sleeping, that the brain will release those chemicals through the use of these rings.

Sleeping is said to result in the greatest release of these chemicals. That's why Alex recommends wearing them during sleep. When the user keeps on wearing them, eventually, he should experience healing symptoms, and see results. Some even experience symptoms and see results immediately while, for others, it takes longer.

I've experienced tingling from these rings, and that could be the rings increasing blood circulation. However, what I've experienced might've simply been my hands and arms warming up underneath the blankets. So, it might've had nothing to do with the rings. I'm not having any changes in my physical appearance from these rings.

The reason might be because, since this worry is keeping my positive emotions turned off, then it might also be turning off the release of those healing chemicals that are needed in order for the rings to work. A troubled psyche might not heal the body all that well, and maybe only a relaxed, trouble-free psyche can.

Other Person's Response: I think the rings should still work for you, even with all that stress and worry.

My Reply: Since there is one factor that prevents the rings from working, such as standing or exercising, then I figure there are other factors as well that can prevent the rings from working. My worry might be another one of those factors. This means I can't use the rings right now to try to prevent aging, or restore my positive emotions if this is the case.

But, I'll still use them anyway in the hopes they will work. Now, even if I do fully recover, I continue to use these rings, and they still do nothing for me, then I'll still consider purchasing the machine because, maybe, the rings just aren't working for me for whatever reason, and I need a more powerful device. After all, I'm desperate to live a long, happy life and, thus, I'm willing to purchase the machine.

Other Person's Response: You could just purchase the foot braces, which are more powerful than the rings. When wearing them, they must be worn with the rings. There are even the Neodymium foot braces, which cost $200. But, Alex doesn't offer these types of foot braces on his site. You have to call him if you want them.

My Reply: Thanks for the information.

Other Person's Response: Could you show me these personal testimonies of people you claim exist?

My Reply: Sure. Here is a link to them. These people display their e-mail address, and I think these are real people, giving their personal testimonies, and aren't a team of con artists, creating fake testimonies, just to make it look like these rings work, when they really don't. It could be a con though, but am not sure:

http://www.alexchiu.com/eternallife/proof.htm

Other Person's Response: It says on the Gorgeous Pill bottle to use it with the rings while awake and that, if you go to sleep, the healing effects wear off.

My Reply: When you wear the rings by themselves, then wearing them to sleep would be the best thing. As for the Gorgeous Pill, that might be an exception.

Other Person's Response: If these rings really do work for you, then that will make you a super human. Sure, you won't be immune to fatal events, such as a gun shot, or a car accident. But, you'd still be quite a remarkable human being with these rings, nonetheless.

I realize many people have used those rings (in the link you've pointed out), and claimed they've worked. But, when you take into consideration the entire world's population, very few people on this Earth know about these rings, and use them. If they do work for you, then you'll be one of the very few super humans on this Earth.

My Reply: That would be something to celebrate then if it's true. Well, I need my positive emotions to celebrate that moment. Without my positive emotions, then I could celebrate the moment in terms of my actions and tone of voice. But, I wouldn't be celebrating the moment internally since, on the inside, I'd be an empty vessel, or filled with negativity. How you are on the inside is how you will see the world on the outside. Therefore, if you are dead, or filled with negativity on the inside, then your whole world will be empty, or filled with negativity from your perspective.

Other Person's Response: I hope you fully recover, so that these rings work for you! In the meantime, keep trying the rings, and maybe they'll work for you. Do you have any updates on how the rings are doing for you?

My Reply: Actually, I do. I've worn these rings when I was feeling hungry, and I could feel persistent tingling in my hands and arms. It's the type of tingling you feel when your arms and hands have fallen asleep. Except, I don't think my hands and arms have fallen asleep. Neither do I think they were warming up.

This could be the real deal this time. The rings might actually be working now. Then again, the tingling might be something else, and might have nothing to do with the rings. I know that, when I have taken the rings off and put them up, that tingling still persisted, but wasn't as intense. So, that tingling might've had nothing to do with the rings.

Or, the rings really were working, and I was simply experiencing the lingering effects of them. But, let's assume for a moment that the rings really are working now, I think the reason they're working now is because having an empty stomach allows the rings to have their healing effects. When you eat a full meal, your body's energy can't be used for healing. Some of it can. But, not that much.

For example, I think people who fast (don't eat) see their cuts and wounds healing much faster. I'm not saying I'm going to go on a heavy fast. I'm simply making a point here. Anyway, like I was saying. I've been using the rings and the Gorgeous Pill as instructed. It says to use them something like 2 or 3 hours after eating a full meal. With the Gorgeous Pill, you are supposed to eat some spinach with it.

But, I don't think you're supposed to fill yourself up with spinach because you need some of your body's energy for healing when you put the rings on. Even though I've been using the pill and rings as instructed, they still weren't working for me. But, the moment I decided to use the rings when I was hungry, that's when I started noticing something.

So, I think I simply needed to wait a little longer until I felt hungry in order for the rings, and the Gorgeous Pill, to work. I've taken the rings off, put them up, and ate something for now. Tonight, I'm going to wait until I feel hungry, try the Gorgeous Pill again, and then put the rings on again. From there, I'm not going to eat anything.

Hopefully, I'll start to notice symptoms and see results as I continue to use the rings, and the Gorgeous Pill, while not eating. Of course, I'm not going to starve myself all day everyday. I will eat what I need to eat throughout the day. But, when night time comes, I'll wait until I'm hungry.

As a matter of fact, I will starve myself the rest of the night when wearing the rings to bed, and see how that works. If I don't notice anything when I continue to use the rings when I feel hungry, then that tingling symptom could've just been a fluke thing, and had nothing to do with the rings.

If I do continue to experience tingling when using the rings and feeling hungry, then the rings might be working, after all. But, I do hear this symptom eventually wears off, since the body gets used to it. However, that doesn't mean the rings have stopped working. It just means your body has gotten used to it.

Other Person's Response: Even if you do continue to experience tingling, or start noticing results when using these rings, that could be a placebo effect. Many skeptics claim this.

My Reply: That could be. But, then again, it's usually paranoia and belief that results in the placebo effect. For example, if you feel very paranoid, or believe that you're going to have aches and pains in your body from a certain product, then, chances are, you'll feel aches and pains. But, it wasn't from the product. It was from your own mind.

The same idea applies to the rings. I would have to feel paranoid, or believe the rings will work, in order for that tingling to be a placebo effect. I don't feel paranoid at all, and neither do I believe the rings will work, since I'm undecided when it comes to many things, and I merely keep an open mind.

As a matter of fact, I feel completely relaxed, and my mind is clear when wearing the rings. Actually, I'm mostly apathetic right now, since I still don't fully have my positive emotions recovered back to me. So, I don't feel any sense of paranoia or belief. If that tingling isn't a placebo effect, then what is it? Well, the rings could be working, or maybe it's something else causing the tingling.

Other Person's Response: What if the skeptics are wrong?

My Reply: Then they would be having too high of a standard, which results in them dismissing certain claims. People, who have too high of a standard, often times dismiss things. They overlook things, and just throw them out of the picture.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend these rings really do work for you, and you start seeing serious results. Would you tell anyone else in your family about these rings?

My Reply: Yes. I have told my mother about them. If she starts seeing my body, and I look much more gorgeous and younger, then she'll believe these rings work, and buy herself a pair. But, she must remember to follow the instructions in regards to the rings and the Gorgeous Pill.

She must also be willing to starve herself when she decides to wear the rings if she wants the healing benefits. She always talks about how it would be a horrible thing for her to die, and for me and my brother to be left without her.

Now's her chance to, not only cure her diseases, such as her heart disease, but to have a young, healthy body, and live as long as she wants to until some fatal event kills her, such as a gun shot, or a car accident.

Other Person's Response: You could eat a meal before bed, and use the rings during the morning when you wake up because, during sleep, you're not eating for many hours.

My Reply: Actually, I don't feel hungry though when I wake up in the morning. I think I have to use the rings when feeling hungry in order for them to work (if they really do work). I did try them in the morning with nothing to eat, and I don't think I've noticed anything. Feeling hungry is a sign that your body needs more food. But, when your body doesn't need more food, then I think your body is still using energy with the food you've already given it. As a result, your body can't devote that energy to healing.

Other Person's Response: I'm just curious as to how many meals you eat per day.

My Reply: I eat 2 meals per day. I don't need 3 meals because I'd be eating when I'm not hungry.

Other Person's Response: Any further update on the rings?

My Reply: Yes. I noticed that tingling sensation again when using the rings tonight while feeling hungry. The rings could be working, or maybe something else is really causing the tingling. However, if the rings are working, it could have nothing to do with me feeling hungry on an empty stomach. I will, therefore, try the rings again a few hours after I eat when not feeling hungry.

Other Person's Response: What if feeling hungry is the only way for the rings to work?

My Reply: Then I'll have to use them when feeling hungry. I've heard you can have just one meal a day, and that it won't be unhealthy for your body. People claim fasting actually has health benefits. But, people who have heart disease, or other medical conditions, should consult a physician before fasting. If I see results, and my mother wishes to buy herself a pair of rings, then she should pay attention to see if she notices that tingling sensation when she's feeling hungry, or not feeling hungry.

Other Person's Response: Do you have any medical condition?

My Reply: No.

Other Person's Response: I don't think fasting is healthy, and will cause you health problems down the road. That's just my personal opinion. You need enough food, just as how you need enough sleep, or enough exercise.

My Reply: I could fast only a few hours (like 2 or 3 hours) when using the rings, and don't have to fast all night. I'll see how that works for me if it's the case that feeling hungry is the only way these rings will work for me. I heard you're supposed to use the rings all night to get the full healing benefits. Hopefully, 2 or 3 hours a day would be good enough to stop and reverse aging.

As for fasting being unhealthy, I really don't know on that one. I hear people experience symptoms when fasting, such as low energy and concentration. But, I'm not sure if that's an ominous sign of potential health problems to come if fasting is continued. I do know that, for example, when a person is at a very high altitude, such as a mountain, that person does experience symptoms, due to less oxygen.

But, eventually, the person gets used to it, and no longer experiences symptoms. There are people who live high on the mountains, and are just fine. This says you can still have some oxygen, and be just fine. But, if you had no air at all, or not a sufficient amount of air to keep yourself alive, you would die. The same idea might apply to food.

I could eat one meal a day, experience symptoms, those symptoms go away, and I fast like this the remainder of my life, with no health problems as a result. But, if I had no food at all, or didn't have the sufficient amount of food to keep myself alive, I would experience serious health problems, and die.

Now, if I did a one meal fast per day, experienced symptoms, but those symptoms never went away, then it could be the case that fasting like this is bad for my health, and might cause me future health problems. This is because my body wouldn't be adapting (getting used to) the fast.

After all, the body adapting is how these symptoms are eliminated. If my fasting symptoms were to continue, it would, therefore, be unlike the situation of how a person's body gets used to being at a high altitude on a mountain, and still remaining in good health.

Other Person's Response: What if wearing the rings all night, without eating, is the only way to obtain sufficient results from these rings?

My Reply: Then I'll have to take the risk of a one meal fast per day. After all, living a long life is something I think is important to me, and I'm willing to take that risk. I realize there are other ways to live longer, such as eating right and exercising.

But, none of these things actually stop and reverse aging. They only slow down the aging process a bit. Many scientists are still trying to find the cure for aging, and these rings could be that cure these scientists are dismissing, due to their skepticism.

Many scientists completely dismiss things, such as the paranormal, the afterlife, and even the idea of magnetic therapy. People claim there is scientific evidence that magnetic therapy works, and many scientists dismiss this.

Other Person's Response: What if scientists do find the cure for aging? You won't have to take that risk when using the rings.

My Reply: Scientists say they're well on their way to finding the cure for aging. But, that cure might not arrive in my lifetime. I'm not going to wait a decade or two, and find out either. I want to stop and reverse my aging right here and now.

Other Person's Response: I have an idea as to why I think those rings are working for you now. Your chi was directed towards that worry, and wasn't directed towards healing. Since that worry is easing up over time, then maybe more chi is being used for healing.

My Reply: That might be so.

Other Person's Response: Remember, if you need to fast to make the rings work, only do a few hours a day.

My Reply: I'll do that then.

Other Person's Response: You have a lot of will power to even consider eating one meal a day. Yet, here you are, unwilling to pursue your composing when you're miserable. This says to me you're only willing when it comes to the things you desire. You desire to live the longest life you can, which is why you're willing to fast to make the rings work.

But, you're unwilling to be a non hedonist, who lives his life by intellectual based values, since you don't desire to be a non hedonist. In short, you're just too focused on hedonism. You're willing to fully dedicate your life to composing, only when you have your positive emotions. But, you just give up when you don't have them.

My Reply: I'm not sure if that's it. I don't know why my positive emotions are the only source of beauty and joy in my life.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps the reason why your positive emotions are the only source of beauty in your life is because you're unwilling to live a non-hedonistic lifestyle.

My Reply: Again, I don't know if this is the reason why my positive emotions are the only things that make my life beautiful.

Other Person's Response: What if you later find out these rings weren't working for you all along, and you try fasting to make them work, but they still don't work?

My Reply: Then I'll purchase the foot braces. I'll purchase the machine if I need to later on because I think the machine only heals specific areas of the body that have illness or injury, while the rings and foot braces are supposed to heal the whole body. Lastly, perhaps the user sometimes has to use the white rings first in order for the black ones to even work. But, if I try the white ones, and they don't work, then I'll wear the foot braces because they, combined with the black rings, are supposed to deliver a very powerful healing session to the body.

Other Person's Response: You should really save your money or, to be more specific, your mother's money, since she's the one buying you these products.

My Reply: These rings and foot braces are my one and only opportunity to live a very long life, and I don't want to pass up that opportunity. If they really do work, then I would've made a wise purchase. If they don't work, then at least I tried them.

I mean, if they do work, and I didn't have my mother buy them, then I would've missed out on a grand opportunity, and I'd find myself deeply regretting not having purchased them.

For example, if I was to the point of dying of old age, looked back on the internet, and discovered they really do work for a fact, then I'd be angry at myself for not having bought them when I had the chance.

Other Person's Response: How are the rings doing for you now?

My Reply: Actually, maybe that tingling sensation was something else. I don't notice any effects from the rings yet, and that tingling is gone now. Maybe the rings will work, and it's just that worry preventing them from working. I notice that, when I rest on my arm to create a red spot, that spot stays there, and takes much longer to fade. Normally, it would fade quickly. I think this says my body's healing process is slowed down significantly. Maybe that's the reason why the rings aren't working yet.

Other Person's Response: I have an idea. I think you need to keep yourself warm in order to get results from these rings. If you're cold, and your blood isn't circulating, you might not see results.

My Reply: Since you get results with these rings from their effects of increased blood circulation, then you could be right. When I'm cold, it would take a long, heavy workout to get my body warm. That's what it takes to get my blood circulation going when I'm cold.

So, wearing the rings when I'm cold might not result in the rings significantly increasing blood circulation, so I can get the healing benefits. Therefore, I'll try keeping myself warm as best as I can during this cold season. Maybe then I'll see results as time goes on.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 25/26)

Other Person's Response: If fasting was the only way to make the rings work, but would be harmful and potentially fatal, would you still go through with it?

My Reply: Yes. That's because this could be the only life I have. That means this would be my one and only shot to live the longest life I can live through these rings. I wouldn't want to pass up that opportunity. So, I'd take that risk.

Other Person's Response: If you were a mother, would you choose to endure the pain of child birth?

My Reply: No way! I would avoid such agonizing pain! My goal in life is to be happy as much as I can, and to avoid as much pain, suffering, and misery as possible. In the future, giving birth might no longer be painful, and would instead be pleasurable. That's just my own guess as to what the future would be like because inventors, and scientists, are trying to make our lives easier and more happy, since they're finding ways to eliminate suffering, pain, and illness. A life virtually free of misery, suffering, and illness would be the ideal life. If these Immortality Rings I've purchased work to make me live longer, then I might live to see such a future.

Other Person's Response: I heard those Immortality Rings do help you live longer, and fight off diseases. Will there be some invention in the future even better than these rings?

My Reply: Yes. If these rings somehow don't work for me, but I still live to see such a future, then I'll make use of these inventions. One of these inventions would be nanobots that cure diseases, and stop aging. I will use them whenever they get released to the public.

It's said they'll be released 10 or 20 years from now. I'm not sure, but I think that's what I've heard. I don't have the internet right now to find out. Anyway, if these rings do work for me, then I'll upgrade to the nanobots if they're better. That is, if they're within an affordable price range.

Other Person's Response: Imagine if we were biological machines with no consciousness. We'd be left out of life's experiences, since we wouldn't get to experience any of it. I think it's a wonderful thing we have consciousness to allow us to experience moments, works of art, etc.

My Reply: Without our emotions though, then that would be no better than being a biological machine without consciousness. To say something is better means it's more good, beautiful, and great.

Since our positive emotions are the only things that make life beautiful, good, and great, then this means the only way being a conscious person can be better than being a biological machine, without consciousness, would be if you felt positive emotions.

Feeling negative emotions is worse than being a biological machine without consciousness because a person without consciousness can't experience anything horrible, while a person, who feels negative emotions, experiences suffering, tragedy, hate, disgust, misery, turmoil, etc.

Other Person's Response: You have a very reductionist view of value, since you reduce it down to emotions. It's like those materialists who reduce consciousness to our brains. I think reductionism is a misleading view.

My Reply: My view might be very limiting, but I think it's delusional for people to be convinced of this idea that there's more value to life than emotions.

Other Person's Response: Wouldn't it be great if you could acquire a new personal experience that would give you intellectual-based values?

My Reply: I think we must have the thought/belief form of emotions to value things through our thoughts and beliefs alone (if these emotions do exist). But, even these emotions might be very fleeting.

Other Person's Response: Why can't you value something intellectually? I value my car because I understand what it can do for me, and not because of any emotional relationship I have with it.

And even those things which I have emotional attachments to, such as my wife, I understand her value to my life. I know what would disappear if I lost her, and many of those are things that are useful and helpful to me.

Can it really be different for you?

The branch of philosophy that considers value is called axiology if that interests you.

My Reply: If there are intellectual based values, then it seems I don't have the capacity to value things intellectually.

Other Person's Response: There's more to life than emotions, and I think we can value things intellectually.

My Reply: Since emotions make things matter to us and allow us to value things, then that means emotions are a synonym for valuing something, and something mattering to us. Therefore, in order for our intellect to make things matter to us, and allow us to value things, this would have to mean there's an intellectual form of emotions.

But, like I said, thoughts and emotions can't be the same thing. That's why I think thoughts and beliefs can never make things matter to us, and allow us to value things. Even if intellectual emotions did exist, they might be fleeting like our primitive, instinctive emotions. That means they can get shut off when our brains aren't properly functioning.

Other Person's Response: I find it interesting how emotions are like different realms of beauty, joy, horror, etc. for our minds.

My Reply: What's even more interesting is that I could be in my own house, but I could mentally be in the beauty and joy of my previous home, or some other home. So, in a way, it would be like I'm living in my previous home, or some other home, even though I'm really in this home.

As a matter of fact, if I saw a salt shaker, a plate, and a fork sitting there in my home, I'd feel like my home is a beautiful restaurant. So, it would be like I'm in a beautiful restaurant, even though I'm actually in my own home. I mean, I wouldn't be hallucinating, and actually seeing my home as a beautiful restaurant. I'd simply feel like it's a beautiful restaurant.

Other Person's Response: If you missed being at a certain place, then you're saying it wouldn't matter if you could no longer go to that place because, as long as you can feel the beautiful atmosphere of that place without actually being there, then that's good enough for you? In which case, it would be all about the emotion itself, and not about actually being to that place.

My Reply: Yes. Another example would be that a tropical paradise would be my dream place. But, I don't need to actually be there. As long as I can feel that beautiful, tropical atmosphere in my own home, or out in nature, then that's good enough for me. I can even have that beautiful, tropical experience when playing video games that feature tropical-based levels. One last example would be that my mother could die, but it wouldn't bother me. As long as I think of her beautiful presence, and that thought makes me feel beauty, then that's good enough for me.

Other Person's Response: Even if you were in a tropical paradise, without your positive emotions, it wouldn't be a beautiful paradise for you, since you wouldn't be experiencing it as such. This says it's all about the emotion/experience because, without that, then everything has no beauty or joy.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: Your whole idea that positive emotions make life beautiful, and negative emotions make life horrible, is no different than what mankind has been saying all along, which would be that pleasure is good, and pain is bad. I think it's all a trick of the ego.

My Reply: I think people, who focus away from their ego, are the ones being fooled. They don't hone into their personal experience like I do, and they instead focus on other things, such as getting on with life, or their jobs, despite feeling miserable. They think these things, and not their positive emotions, are the positive experiences for them, when they never were.

Even Buddhists are fooled because, like I said, they claim another form of happiness exists besides positive emotions, and they claim they can have positive experiences independent of their positive emotions. Buddhists give up their focus on their ego, and I think that's why they're fooled.

They focus on other things as being happiness and a positive experience for them, such as their meditation, helping others, etc., when these things never were. As a matter of fact, Buddhists claim the ego doesn't exist. But, I think it does, and they're just not focusing on their ego.

So, when Buddhists claim they've given up their self-delusion of the ego, they haven't because being convinced of the existence of the ego was never a self-delusion to begin with. Therefore, these Buddhists have simply given up the focus on their ego. This means their self-delusion would be that the ego doesn't exist.

The same thing applies to happiness. They claim positive emotions being a form of happiness doesn't exist, when it really does. They would claim that it's all a trick of the mind for people to believe positive emotions are happiness, when it never was a trick.

So, they're merely focusing away from their positive emotions, and deluding themselves into believing positive emotions aren't happiness, when they really are. Therefore, the Buddhists are the ones who are tricked here.

If people keep telling me that I'm the one tricking myself, then I'll only return the favor, and tell people that they're the ones being tricked. Like I said, if people deny my personal experience, then I'll only continue to deny theirs.

Other Person's Response: Are there Buddhists who claim suffering and happiness don't exist?

My Reply: There might be. They might claim these things are illusions, just as how they claim the ego is an illusion. I would say to these Buddhists that they're just focusing away from their happiness and suffering, and, in doing so, they deny the existence of it. Suffering and happiness is just as real as physical pain, hunger, thirst, sight, hearing, or smell. To deny the existence of it would be no different than denying the existence of any of those other mentioned mental states.

Other Person's Response: Why do so many people seek pleasure and avoid misery? I think it's much better to be a non hedonist.

My Reply: I think it's because positive emotions are a divine state of consciousness, which means our happy selves are the divine self. If we're feeling negative emotions, or if we're apathetic, then that goes against our divine nature, since we'd no longer have that divine state.

Any state that is the opposite our divine state is something we'd obviously want to avoid. Given this, I think the reason why so many people are hedonists is because this reflects their desires as divine, spiritual beings. They desire to be happy, to have fun, and enjoy their lives, and that's the divine state they need to be in.

Other Person's Response: Buddhists say there's no self (ego). So, there's no divine self.

My Reply: But, Buddhists claim happiness exists, and that we obtain happiness and a transcended state when we overcome suffering. Here's the thing though. Saying happiness exists presupposes the person (self) experiencing it. For example, when a person is happy, they would say "I am happy" or "I have obtained a transcended state through my Buddhist practice and meditation." Without the self (the "I"), then happiness can't exist.

As a matter of fact, I don't think any conscious experience can exist without the self. You can't have an experience without the experiencer. Also, if the self didn't exist, then we wouldn't even refer to anyone else as being "you," "him," or "her" because those terms presuppose that the person's self exists. The self exists just as how any other thing exists, such as an apple, an orange, a tree, and even happiness.

To deny the existence of the self would be no different than denying the existence of any given thing (including mental states themselves). It would also have to mean we couldn't say we love someone, or have compassion towards someone, since love and compassion wouldn't exist, and neither does someone (the person) exist.

It means we might as well ignore other suffering people in this world, since they don't exist, and their suffering doesn't exist. When Buddhists show love and compassion towards suffering people, and help them overcome their suffering, that contradicts their very notion that the self doesn't exist.

Other Person's Response: So, what you're saying here is that, if Buddhists claim the self (ego) doesn't exist, and treat their own ego as though it doesn't exist, then they might as well treat other people as though they don't exist?

My Reply: That's correct, and I think it would be absurd. Therefore, the self has to exist.

Other Person's Response: Are there spiritual believers who do believe in the existence of the self?

My Reply: Yes. Some believe we are our own gods. I think that spiritual belief would be New Age Spirituality.

Other Person's Response: I read, in one of your other packets, that you remain undecided on anything that has a debate. The existence of the self is a debate.

My Reply: In which case, I'd have to remain undecided on the existence of the self. But, all I was doing was putting up my own argument to support the existence of the self.

Other Person's Response: Are you doubtful you can ever obtain more beauty in your life than your positive emotions?

My Reply: I await such an experience, just like how a person awaits for the presence of the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. In other words, I'm very skeptical and have doubts.

Other Person's Response: Perhaps you're relying on your positive emotions as some sort of crutch to give beauty to your life, and to make your life something positive. It would be like how a person relies on something, such as music, as a crutch. Without his music, then his life seems bland and empty.

My Reply: I don't know if that's what's going on here. All I know is that my positive emotions have always brought my life beauty, joy, and greatness.

Other Person's Response: Do you think you're mentally unbalanced, and that's the reason why you have this philosophy?

My Reply: If my philosophy is wrong, and there really is more value to life, then I might be mentally unbalanced. So, it could be a mental health issue that's at the very basis of my worldview, and that shouldn't be deemed as a character weakness. It would be like saying that people with certain mental illnesses are just weak people.

Other Person's Response: Do you have any support for your claim? It doesn't have to be scientific evidence. Maybe it could be a quote.

My Reply: Sure. Here is a piece of information, and the link to this article as well:

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/emotions-17th18th/index.html

“Reason Is and Ought Only to Be the Slave of the Passions”

One of the most notorious of Hume's views about the passions concerns their relation to our practical reason. Hume locates all our motivations in the passions.

Perhaps for this reason, he treats the will in his discussion of the direct passions, identifying it as “the internal impression we feel and are conscious of, when we knowingly give rise to any new motion of our body, or new perception of our mind” (T II.3.1 399).

If the will did not determine a person's actions, we would have no way to trace those actions to their springs in character, which is the prerequisite for forming moral judgments.

Hume is particularly concerned with analyzing our practical reasoning, our reasoning about how to act. Passions are the engine for all our deeds: without passions we would lack all motivation, all impulse or drive to act, or even to reason (practically or theoretically). This gives at least one sense in which “reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions” (T II.3.3 415).

Hume also holds that the passions are not themselves directly subject to rational evaluation. In fact, it seems something of a category mistake to think that they could be either rational or irrational. Passions are impressions – strong and lively perceptions with a certain “feel” and a direction, or impulse. Reasoning, however, is a matter of connecting various ideas in order to come to a belief; it may apply to, or even form, the circumstances under which passions arise. But reason can generate no impulse by itself.

For these reasons, many have attributed to Hume a belief-desire model of practical reasoning, in which our ends are given by passions (desires). On this view, reason is in the business of producing beliefs, but our beliefs are relevant only to the means by which we seek to obtain those ends: they do not determine the ends themselves.

So, reason has only an instrumental use. But whatever its other virtues, this model does little to explain why reason “ought to be” the slave of the passions. It also seems inappropriate to reduce passions to desires: passions have a great deal more structure than their attractive or aversive directions, important though those may be.

What seems central to Hume's view is the inertness of reason, its inability to generate impulses for the mind (see Millgram 1995). And it is this that drives Hume to adopt a sentimentalist basis for the origins of our “moral distinctions” (T III.1.2).

Other Person's Response: I disagree with how you categorize emotions as being positive or negative.

My Reply: Emotion theorists, and neuroscientists, refer to our emotions as positive and negative. I agree, and support this, based upon my own personal experience. As a matter of fact, positive and negative emotions is a term in psychology. If you were to talk to any psychologist, then I bet they'd bring it up. As a matter of fact, you can look that term up online yourself.

Other Person's Response: It seems to me you're saying that, if someone feels pleasure abusing people, then that is the right thing to do because, if someone enjoys doing things, like abuse, exploitation, and cruelty, then how can they judge them to be bad? I think it's possible to judge things as bad that we enjoy doing, or desire. Are you saying emotions are the only valid way to the truth of values?

My Reply: Yes. That's what I'm saying.

Other Person's Response: Since it's a beautiful thing for a psychopath to harm an innocent person if he felt good from that, then we might as well allow him to do that, according to your view. No need for any police to take him away.

My Reply: Actually, here's how it would work out. From the psychopath's perspective, it would be a beautiful thing to harm that innocent person. But, from another person's perspective (such as the police), it would be a horrible deed, since they'd feel awful about that. Therefore, the police would still see every reason to arrest that psychopath because it would still be something horrible from their perspective.

Other Person's Response: According to you though, if the police struggled with depression, and couldn't feel the motivation to arrest that psychopath, then they might as well give up on arresting him.

My Reply: They could still go through with arresting him anyway. But, it just wouldn't matter, and there'd be no value in doing so.

Other Person's Response: I don't think positive emotions are holy, divine, and the only beautiful things in life. They can be used to harm others, and do other foolish things.

My Reply: In a movie or anime, a holy, divine relic or holy, sacred powers can be used to harm others, and for other foolish purposes. But, just because the relic and powers can be used in such a manner doesn't make them unholy. We wouldn't all of a sudden say that the relic and powers are evil.

For example, the Dragon Balls are used to grant wishes in the anime Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball Super. They even grant wishes to evil characters. But, just because they grant wishes to evil characters wouldn't all of a sudden mean we'd say the Dragon Balls are unholy or evil. In other words, they're still sacred, divine items no matter what. So, positive emotions are still holy, beautiful, and divine no matter what.

Other Person's Response: You sound like a religious person, given the fact that you refer to positive emotions as being "god's holy light within us."

My Reply: I would describe the religious form of my worldview to be Spiritual Hedonism, Divine Hedonism, or New Age Hedonism. But, hedonism in a purely naturalistic universe would simply be hedonism. The religious form of my worldview would say that we need the holy light within us to make our lives beautiful. But, the secular form of my worldview would say that we need those feel-good biochemicals to make our lives beautiful.

Other Person's Response: I don't even understand the hunger and thirst analogy you made earlier. But, put simply, emotions, by themselves, without interpretation, are insufficient for valuing something. It's like saying sperm is needed to create life.

But, the problem is that it's insufficient to just have sperm, and then create life. You need to fertilize an egg. Emotions (among other things) may be necessary for valuing something. At least, I think intellect alone is insufficient. You need at least something like self-interest, or a value structure.

If you take an example of a dog, for instance, he has many things he likes; his toys, treats, and tummy rubs. Does he value those things? That's a philosophical question, don't you see that? You must say "Yes, because he likes those things, it MEANS he values them," which is, by definition, an interpretation. That's a necessary step. You can't bypass it by adding spirituality or whatever.

My Reply: How it works is that you think something has value and, once that thought makes you feel value in regards to that thing, that's the moment said thing has value to you. By the way, positive emotions are the reward wanting and liking in the brain, and you said liking was necessary to perceive value. So, that says, right there, positive emotions are the perception of value.

Other Person's Response: Firstly, we don't "perceive" or "experience" value in philosophy. It's an idea, or belief, about the importance or worth of something, like an ideal. It's not about whether something "matters" to you or not. That's not the same thing as valuing something. You can interpret or infer that if something "matters to you," like, for instance, your appearance, then you must value your appearance. Actually, that's not true. The person could value any number of things that result in their appearance mattering to them.

I also never said that "liking was necessary to perceive value." What I said was that someone might interpret liking something as meaning they value it. The "causal chain" of "you think your mother is valuable + positive emotion = allowed to perceive your mother as valuable" is just forced. If you think your mother is valuable, then you've already perceived that. Why do you need a positive emotion to allow it a second time? Makes no sense.

Positive emotions are not rewards. That is an interpretation. You can do things that are completely undeserving of reward, and still feel a positive emotion, unless you're making an evolutionary argument, and not a philosophical one. In which case, I don't know enough about evolutionary biology to comment on that. It wouldn't make a difference though. People don't value based off of positive emotions alone. That can be effortlessly observed by anyone.

My Reply: There's a difference between thought and perception though, and I think we do perceive value. That all goes back to my color red analogy. Also, perceiving value is the same thing as valuing something.

Other Person's Response: I can still value something in life, but said thing not mattering to me. Perceiving and experiencing value isn't the same thing as valuing something though.

My Reply: I'll just say what I said before, and I'll also say one last thing, which is new. I think you're wrong when you say valuing something as beautiful or horrible isn't the same thing as that thing mattering to you. For example, if a life-changing event happened to you, and it didn't matter to you, how could you say that you've valued that event as good or beautiful? When something matters to you, this means it's important to you which, in turn, means you value it.

If you were focused on two items (such as a toy and a jewel), and you said that the jewel was something you valued over the toy, even though the toy mattered to you, then we'd say that the jewel mattered to you more than the toy. From there, we'd say that the toy was also something you valued, since it mattered to you. But, you'd value it less than the jewel.

Other Person's Response: You said earlier though that something can matter to you, but you don't value it.

My Reply: Yes. But, in order to value something, it must matter to you.

Other Person's Response: Wanting and liking something doesn't always mean it matters to me.

My Reply: If someone said he wanted and liked the idea of going to the carnival, and didn't want and like the idea of being there for his family, but that being there for his family is what truly mattered to him, and the idea of going to the carnival isn't what mattered to him, this would be false.

If being there for his family is what mattered to him, then he either wanted that, or liked that. The idea of going to the carnival would have to matter to him. But, it would matter to him less than being there for his family. So, he'd have to want, or like, being there for his family more than wanting or liking the idea of going to the carnival.

Other Person's Response: I think hedonism is very selfish.

My Reply: It's a righteous and justified form of selfishness. Hedonists seek to be in their divine state, and that's a beautiful thing. Actually, they'd need their positive emotions in the first place to make it a beautiful thing. Otherwise, they'd just be beings of darkness, or empty vessels, trying to regain their divine state.

That would be nothing beautiful because it would be hell trying to get back to that divine state, or just an apathetic endeavor. During my worst, miserable moments, it was hell waiting, and trying to get back to my fully recovered state. Later on, it became an apathetic endeavor, since I eventually got out of that hell, recovered into an apathetic state, and, finally, recovered back into my positive, divine state.

Other Person's Response: Positive emotions are not some divine state. They're nothing more than the inner child, telling us we want this and like that.

My Reply: Then again, hunger and thirst are messages to our brains, telling us that we need to eat this or drink that. But, that doesn't make hunger and thirst the inner child.

Other Person's Response: If you had the choice to have those miserable moments on a very few occasions each day, for the rest of your life, or to instead endure through all of it at once like you did, and get it done and over with, which would you choose?

My Reply: I'd choose to get it done and over with because I want those negative emotions out of my life for good.

Other Person's Response: I think value and your emotions have been combined into one experience for you in your brain through a process known as conditioning. I don't think emotions themselves ever were value judgments, or perceptions of value.

My Reply: That could be possible. What's interesting about conditioning is that, if I were to listen to a heavy metal song while being out in nature, the next time I listen to that heavy metal song, I feel like this song has a naturalistic element to it, even though it doesn't, which would make it an irrational feeling. This is because 2 types of stimuli have been combined (conditioned) together. Those two stimuli would be nature, and the heavy metal song.

So, different combinations of stimuli will create different feelings. It's not a matter of it being two separate feelings, such as me feeling "Wow, there's my heavy metal song!" and "Ah, there's that beautiful, joyful nature feeling!" Instead, these two stimuli have been combined together into one feeling. This creates a heavy, hardcore, naturalistic feeling. Think of it this way. If you were to combine the colors red and yellow, you wouldn't have two separate colors together.

Instead, you'd have one color, which would be orange. It's quite possible I've combined value with my emotions and, as a result, I'm experiencing my emotions and value as one. Hopefully, I can rewire my brain to experience value through my thoughts and beliefs. That way, I can have an everlasting source of value in my life, rather than the fleeting value that comes through my emotions. But, if my brain is permanently wired like this, that would be unfortunate.

Other Person's Response: I don't understand your previous reply at all.

My Reply: I'm saying that two forms of beauty can be combined to create one beautiful experience. It would be a whole new beautiful experience, just as how combining the colors red and yellow create a new color, which would be orange. If you have two stimuli (such as a chirping bird) and another stimuli (such as musical software), then those two stimuli might get combined (conditioned) together.

So, next time you listen to the chirping bird, and that makes you feel a positive emotion, then the beauty experienced from that chirping bird might be something like a musical, techno bird, even though the real bird chirping is an actual bird, and not some techno one.

Another example would be the other one I made in regards to how the beauty of a heavy metal song can get combined with the beauty of nature, and create a heavy, hardcore, naturalistic, beautiful experience. These experiences, or value judgments, are irrational because the actual bird was a real bird, like I said, and wasn't a techno bird. Neither did that heavy metal song convey the beauty of nature.

As you can see here, conditioning is an irrational process. Emotions work by this process, which means emotions are irrational value judgments. What's interesting is that you can create many different beautiful experiences by this conditioning process. For example, there are many different heavy metal songs out there, and each one of them being combined with nature, would yield many different experiences of hardcore, naturalistic beauty.

Other Person's Response: I think what you're trying to tell me is that people will relate to things differently. You might relate a heavy metal song to a moment in your life, where you were out in nature, while another person will relate to the song differently.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I could also restate what you said as:

"When I'm out in nature, and I listen to a certain song, nature is given the emotional tone of that song. So, if it's a heavy metal song I was listening to, then nature is given a certain heavy metal mood."

My Reply: Correct. If someone was selling doughnuts, and he was listening to a gospel song, then it would be like the doughnuts have both a gospel, and crispy beauty combined.

Other Person's Response: So, it would be like putting a certain melody, theme, or song in a different environment? It would be like having nature-based instruments play a certain song to give that song a naturalistic feel?

My Reply: I think that's what I'm basically saying. If you listen to a certain song out in nature, I think your brain combines nature with that song. So, the song might have a naturalistic feeling to you, even though the song doesn't convey anything naturalistic. But, to have the song convey something naturalistic, you'd have nature-based instruments play the song. That puts the song in a nature-based environment.

Other Person's Response: I could also change the lyrics to ones that express nature to also give the song a naturalistic personality.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I can combine any given stimulus with the emotion of any song then. If there's a song that conveys an aquatic feeling, then I could look at the flower in my yard, while listening to the song. It would be as though the flower is an aquatic flower. That would be the beautiful atmosphere I'd experience. That's the reason why, when you listen to songs on the radio while your mother is driving, nature combines with the emotion of whatever song you're listening to.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: If I combined the beautiful emotion of any given song with the beauty of nature, that would be combining two forms of beauty into one. It would be fusing them together to create a new form of beauty. That would be the new beautiful experience for me. It would be like combining two colors, such as red and yellow, and getting a new color, which would be orange. Red represents the beautiful emotion of the song, and yellow represents the beauty of nature. When they combine, they make a new color/new form of beauty.

My Reply: Correct. Combining different forms of beauty this way will allow you to feel new forms of beauty.

Other Person's Response: Can many forms of beauty combine into one, beautiful experience for you?

My Reply: Yes. If you've listened to a beautiful song, and that beauty has been related to the beauty of all sorts of things, such as the beauty of a flower, the beauty of meeting your family, and the beauty of a sunset, then all those forms of beauty would combine into one, beautiful experience for you (or one, beautiful emotion). When 2 stimuli are encountered at the same time (such as listening to a beautiful song while out in nature), then the beauty of nature can combine with the beauty of that song to create one, beautiful experience. When you have the thought that nature is beautiful, and the song is beautiful, those 2 forms of beauty can combine, and make you feel a positive emotion that possesses both forms of beauty, fused together as one.

Other Person's Response: I could give one more example of how different forms of beauty, or joy, combine to make one, beautiful or joyful experience. If you watch hip-hop videos, you'll notice the singers sometimes groove out in the desert, or out in a tropical environment. So, the next time you listen to their music, it might have a tropical, or desert joy, that possesses a hip-hop vibe to it. It would be like if I had a tropical, or desert drink, that had some sort of "hip-hop" flavor added into it. If I drank it, it would be a whole new flavor.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I could give another example. If you had the image of a beautiful character, and added a song as a theme for that character, but the song didn't express the character's personality, then it would be as though the character becomes a whole new person instead. It would be the same character, but given a whole new personality. The beauty of the song you chose for that character would combine with the beauty of the character's image. Thus, creating a character who has a whole new, beautiful personality.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: I think it's sad to think only your emotions color your world.

My Reply: That may be sad, but our brains are like televisions that allow us to experience this movie we call "life," and our emotions are the only things that can make this movie something beautiful, horrible, or tragic. Spiritual believers would say our brains are receivers. This receiver model of the brain opposes the materialistic model of the brain, which is the standard model in the scientific community. Think of a tv that is getting reception, which allows it to display a movie.

In a movie, there are sounds, colors, visuals, a plot, a setting, etc. But there's one other important thing in a movie, and that would be the atmosphere. Our brains create our own movie through reception, and it'a a movie that consists of hunger, thirst, sounds, smells, pain, taste, visuals, a beautiful atmosphere, a tragic atmosphere, etc. Any reception site can get cut off, which would take away any one of those mentioned aspects of the movie. An example would be blind people or deaf people.

Think of a tv not getting the proper reception, which only allows it to display the movie with visuals, but no sound, or sound without the visuals. When we lose our ability to feel certain emotions, we lose the reception that makes our atmosphere beautiful, horrible, tragic, etc. Therefore, in order for our lives to be a complete movie with all of the experiences, then our brains need to be getting the proper, full reception.

Other Person's Response: Since life is like a movie, does this mean we can become any character?

My Reply: Correct. If you performed a certain act or gesture that a certain character would perform in a movie, that might make you feel like that character. In a way, I'd actually consider anime and cartoon characters to be real characters. However, they wouldn't be physical beings, living in this world. Rather, they would be spiritual, conscious entities, experienced within us.

Since we are conscious beings, this means, when we experience the beauty or greatness of any given anime character, that beauty and greatness becomes a part of us. The beauty and greatness of that character, therefore, becomes one with our own consciousness, and that's what makes anime and cartoon characters real, living, conscious beings.

You can become these spiritual beings by, again, imagining yourself as being them, which would allow you to feel like you are them. During my worst, miserable moments, I become a different character. I felt like I was a disgusting, inferior old man, whose joy was lost. So, I had to play as that character I absolutely hated for quite some time. But, once I was fully recovered, I played as someone young and beautiful. I will give one last example of living entities within us.

There's a difference between the perceived version of your mother or father, as opposed to your real mother or father. If you had a dream of your mother, and her presence was something very beautiful, heavenly, and joyful, like an angelic being, that would obviously be different than the real mother who is just sitting there, watching tv in the living room. The Holy Light or Darkness we experience takes on various personalities and atmospheres within us. The Holy Light and Darkness are spiritual forces, and they can take on any given character within us.

Other Person's Response: We, as spiritual beings, are a universe, having a human experience. Since we're a universe, then we can experience many different things, and we can become any character on the inside. We can role play any character we want, internally.

My Reply: Yes.

File #6: More On My Philosophy (Part 26/26)

Other Person's Response: Your values are founded upon natural impulses. But, there's so much more value to life. Yes, it is natural to seek pleasure, and to avoid misery. But, that doesn't mean it's the only source of value in life.

My Reply: Here's my mindset. I have always been the type of person to take natural alternatives. Many people would tell me things, such as:

"Don't try this! It just won't work! Just because people believe it works doesn't make it so. Instead, try this natural alternative, which will work wonders for you!"

I also take the natural alternative approach when it comes to positivity. Therefore, I think our natural, hedonistic desire as human beings to seek positive emotions, and to avoid the negative ones, such as misery and sadness, is something we're supposed to live by. Also, as I said earlier, I think our hedonistic desires reflects our divine nature as spiritual beings, since our divine nature is eternal and blissful. Anything that goes against, or attempts to transcend this, isn't the holy way of life.

This means that Buddhists, who talk about giving up our hedonistic desires, and obtaining what they call a transcended state, is restricting of our divine nature. The Buddhist way was, therefore, never anything positive. If you were a Buddhist, you'd be expected to refrain from hedonistic impulses, and you'd be expected to give up your ego. It's like locking up a wild animal inside a cage, since it restricts our souls from being wild, Divine Hedonists.

This is why I don't agree with the Buddhist version of what they call divine, a god, or transcended. I have my own version. That version would be a wild, mystical, divine animal who seeks the holy, inner light (positive emotions). So, I think positive emotions are the only transcended states, since they're the only positive mental states. How can you say that a state is transcended if it's nothing positive?

That's why I'd have to redefine the transcended state Buddhists speak of as being "nothing," "empty," or "restricting of our true divine nature." With all of this being said, even Buddhists are delusional to have a positive attitude about their ways of life, and to somehow think their ways offer someone an alternative to a life of positive meaning, love, joy, or compassion. I think people are so content, such as the Buddhists, that even they don't realize they're delusional and in denial.

People are so dedicated to their religion, whether it be Buddhism or Christianity, that they deny and dismiss their positive emotions as being any source of positivity in their lives. Rather, they think that Jesus is the only source of positive meaning, or that something more, or greater, than their positive emotions, is the source of love, joy, beauty, and positive meaning. That's why I presented that link to the emotional perception theory of value, and my own personal religion that's based upon this theory.

As you can see here, I have my own personal religion, which I call the Emotional Religion/Divine Hedonism, since it's a religion based upon emotions. I don't agree with any other religion, worldview, or philosophy. Therefore, I have my own spiritual path, and other people have theirs. What really frustrates me is when I'm expected to take the spiritual path of someone else, or adhere my life to a different philosophy. Such spiritual paths, and philosophies, are things I don't agree with in the first place.

Other Person's Response: The Buddhists are far more intelligent people than you, and I'm quite sure they'd see every flaw in your personal views.

My Reply: I personally do not agree with a non-hedonistic based lifestyle. I think our divine nature is hedonistic. Not bearing our cross for Jesus, or any of these other things that restrict and threaten our hedonistic desires. Given that our divine nature is hedonistic, we should be on some planet that's compatible with our divine nature.

Such a planet would be a blissful utopia. Going back to my plant analogy earlier, where I said positive emotions are the soul's sustenance, if you want your plants to grow and thrive, why send them to a world where water and sunlight is scarce? Why not send them to a world where water and sunlight is abundant?

Other Person's Response: Then you have a very basic, simplistic, childish, shallow, and limited view of spirituality, religion, and the divine.

My Reply: Some people might say my religion is for little children, and not for mature adults. But, people shouldn't dismiss my religion at first glance as being childish and shallow because I support this worldview with many arguments. In other words, there's more than meets the eye to my worldview, and you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Therefore, all I'm asking is that others fully read through my packets to gain full insight into my worldview before jumping to conclusions.

Other Person's Response: According to you, giving into our natural hedonistic impulses is divine. This is the opposite of what most religions say because they say giving them up, and transcending them, is divine.

My Reply: I agree. My personal views oppose the vast majority of humanity.

Other Person's Response: As far as I'm concerned, an absence of bad is good. Like I said, I think Schopenhauer was right about that. Good is the absence of bad. It's the opposite viewpoint of the idea that evil is the absence of good. Christians pathetically fail to deal with the problem of evil. They say evil doesn't exist, as it's merely the absence of good.

On the contrary, if there's nothing bad, then it doesn't even matter whether there's anything good or not. The slightest bit of mild concern about your lack of good feelings is a slight bit of badness.

Without even mild concern, literally no one cares that there's no good feelings. So, it literally doesn't matter. Also, look at the positive feeling of relief, for instance. It's a removal of pain, and, yes, someone who's miserable feels miserable. But, that doesn't mean their misery can't improve, and it doesn't mean that he can't give pleasure to others.

My Reply: Positive emotions is the good life, negative emotions is a bad life, and having neither positive nor negative emotions is a neutral life of no value, which would be apathy. That's my personal view. It would be like how, if you have neither a positive nor negative charge, then you can only have no charge at all.

Not having a negative charge does not equate to having a positive charge. So, if you have no bad in your life, that does not equate to good in your life. You need positive emotions to have good in your life, just as how you need a positive charge to have a positive charge.

It's also the same as positive numbers, negative numbers, and the number zero. The number zero may be greater than the negative numbers. But, that doesn't make zero a positive number, since it's still a neutral number. Also, you need your positive emotions to perceive it as being beautiful and worth living for when giving pleasure to others.

Other Person's Response: You have no right to tell another human being that they're delusional, and that their lives have no value if they don't feel positive emotions.

My Reply: Since people are denying my personal experience, why shouldn't I return the favor, and deny theirs?

Other Person's Response: We create our own reality of experience by what we think. Emotions were never the perception of value. Rather, you have made them the perception of value by your way of thinking.

My Reply: I think this would be a chicken and egg question. Is it me having this worldview in the first place that has made my emotions into perceptions of value? Or, is it my emotions being perceptions of value in the first place that has led me to this worldview?

Other Person's Response: You mentioned earlier that people think there's an intellectual form of emotions. Could you give me more insight into this?

My Reply: Sure. People put emotions into two categories. The 1st category would be the lower, basic emotions, such as a feeling of sexual arousal, a feeling of excitement to go to the carnival, or feeling panic from being in a dangerous situation. Many people deem these as the shallow emotions. But, then there are the higher emotions founded upon morality, character, and intellect.

Even if a person couldn't feel the basic emotions, other people would still claim that this person can have value in his life through his higher emotions. I'm not sure if these higher emotions exist. I don't think our thoughts and beliefs alone can be any real emotional state. I think it can only be the basic emotions that are the real emotions. I could be wrong though. One last thing here.

People have asked me to clarify what I mean when I say "higher" emotions and "shallow" emotions. When I write things, whether they be essays, or philosophical arguments, there might be many things I need to clarify that I didn't know I needed to clarify. Maybe this is one of the reasons why many people find my writing gibberish, or incoherent. So, for now, I'll just clarify this point I've presented.

When a person only judges someone by his physical appearance, that can be deemed as shallow. But, judging a person based on who he truly is on the inside is something "more" (or something "higher"). Many people refer to the intellectual/moral form of emotions as being something more, or higher, since these emotions go beyond that of a wild, hedonistic animal, living for pleasure.

In short, people would say that, if you live by the intellectual/moral form of emotions, then you're something more than a wild, hedonistic animal. But, like I said earlier, I don't think these higher emotions exist. I think that people just wish to go beyond their animal impulses and, as a result, believe in the existence of these higher emotions, when they really don't exist.

Other Person's Response: As people experience pleasure from “higher level” emotions (if such a distinction really exists) from a variety of intellectual activities, it would appear you're wrong.

My Reply: We as human beings are metaphorical creatures, and I think we tend to sometimes believe metaphors are the real things themselves. A metaphorical version of hunger and thirst is not real hunger and thirst, and neither is a metaphorical version of emotions any real emotions either.

Other Person's Response: So, when people say they get intellectual based pleasure from doing a crossword, reading, writing a poem, or watching a friend win a race, you think they're just lying? You'll really need to provide some evidence for this. Otherwise, we can only conclude that you're completely delusional (or lying).

My Reply: Yes. But, as long as they could feel the basic, hedonistic pleasures, then I consider that to be real pleasure.

Other Person's Response: Where is the evidence that everybody lies about this?

My Reply: This has been my own personal experience, and all I'm doing here is wondering if I'm telling the truth or not. I really don't know if I'm lying or not.

Other Person's Response: You cannot assume that, because you're unable to get intellectual based pleasure from art, or a beautiful sunset, that no one else is.

My Reply: I was just wanting others to keep an open mind to my idea, and not be convinced of anything just yet.

Other Person's Response: As what you are now claiming is obviously false, there isn't much scope for being open minded about it. You might as well ask that people be open minded about the Earth being flat.

My Reply: What makes you think it's false? Also, if you really thought it was false in the first place, then you wouldn't even be asking for evidence for my idea. I think you were open minded about it, but are now just ignoring my idea by dismissing it as false. When you feel a basic, positive emotion, this can be described as a sensation of pure joy and beauty, since our positive, basic emotions give our lives beauty and joy.

In order for our intellect alone to give our lives beauty and joy, then it would have to experience a sensation of beauty and joy. This would be no different than saying that, in order for our intellect alone to experience hunger and thirst, then it would have to experience the actual sensation of hunger and thirst. So, the sensation of beauty, horror, joy, etc. that comes about through our basic emotions has to be experienced through our intellect alone in order for intellectual beauty, horror, joy, etc. to exist.

Other Person's Response: You're claiming that everybody in the world (including me) is lying, and you provide no evidence to support this.

My Reply: Alright then. This would just be my own philosophy.

Other Person's Response: I don't think you can call a belief in something that is obviously false a "philosophy". Believing the Earth is flat isn't a philosophy. It's a delusion. Believing that man didn't land on the Moon is not a philosophy. It's a delusion. Believing that everybody else in the world is lying to you is not a philosophy. It's a delusion.

My Reply: I don't actually believe my idea. I'm just sharing this idea based upon my own personal experience. Consider it a hypothesis.

Other Person's Response: Let me butt in here for a moment and say something. I actually agree emotions are perceptions of value, since I'm an emotional theorist. But, could you give me an example of someone who says they aren't perceptions of value?

My Reply: I have interacted with people on forums who claimed that our emotions are just simply how we feel about things, and nothing more. I revealed to them how they're the perception of value. But, they denied this. If you want, I could give you the link to this discussion I had. I can't trust humanity when they make the claim that their thoughts and beliefs alone are higher emotions, and a real source of value in their lives. Here is one link. This is a guy named Dimebag who makes a distinction between emotions and value. There's one other guy who disagrees emotions are perceptions of value, and I think his name is ScienceGuy:

https://forum.philosophynow.org/viewtopic.php?p=353249#p353249

File #7: My Recent Crisis

I've had many miserable moments in my life, due to unhealthy thought processes. These moments were the worst, hopeless, crippled states of my life. These crippled/ill states have induced crippled states in my nightmares, which were far worse than the crippled states of my waking life.

A dream state is like going very deep into our own minds and, as a result, we experience things much more profoundly than we do in our waking life. The word "devastating" and "horrible" does describe the crippled states of my waking life. But, those words cannot describe the ones in my nightmares, since they were far more horrible than anything imaginable. They were completely altered states, and were completely different than the ones in my waking life.

Now, people who have near death experiences report that what they've experienced during their trips/journeys was something far more horrible, or far more beautiful, than what they've experienced in their dreams and nightmares. They have these experiences during a hyper lucid state, which makes the experience more real and alive.

Knowing this has traumatized me because it could be possible I might have a near death experience myself someday, and it turning out to be something more horrible than those crippled states I've had in my nightmares. It could be possible that I might experience a crippled state that's far more intense, and far more horrible than the ones I've experienced in my nightmares. It doesn't matter even if I'm fully recovered and happy; it could still be possible.

There's no way to know for sure if this will happen or not. But, knowing this possibility was a worry that has traumatized me. This was an emotional crisis that took such a long time for me to recover from, which is the reason why I haven't seen Don, my music teacher, in such a long time. It took me over 3 whole years to almost fully recover from this crisis.

Once I've neared full recovery, not only has my waking state returned back to its normal, healthy state, but my dream states have also returned back to their normal, healthy state. The reason why it took so long for me to recover wasn't because this was such a horrible crisis.

Rather, it was because my subconscious brain was stuck on this worry, and couldn't let go of it. Even though I was consciously fixated on other things in my life, my subconscious brain was all jammed up, and I was in the worst state of my life. My brain was all stuck like that constantly, and it was a long term goal for my brain to finally get unstuck.

Imagine a piece of gum lodged in your stomach, and it taking over 2 whole years to fully dissolve. That's what it was like for me because it took over 2 years for my brain to almost completely rid of this lodged worry. This worry is unlike all others that made me miserable because this was the most troubling worry, which is why my brain remained stuck on it for such a long time. As of now, my brain is only a little bit stuck, and I'm doing just fine.

So, I only need a little bit more time before I finally reach a state of full recovery, and am able to feel happiness and enjoyment once again. When certain areas of the brain become overly active, other areas turn off. That's the reason why I'm currently unable to feel positive emotions because, as long as those areas of my brain are all worried and worked up, then my ability to feel positive emotions will be turned off.

Also, you can either have a very tight grip on something, and not let go of it, or you can have a very soft grip on something, and not let go of it. In the past, my brain had a very powerful grip on that worry, and I was in the worst, hopeless, miserable state of my life back then. As a matter of fact, I could literally feel how everything was all jammed up inside.

As of now though, that jamming sensation is almost completely gone and, even though my brain has a very soft grip on this worry, it will still take a little while before my brain fully lets go of that worry. I will say one last thing here. If it were somehow a fact that I'd have a near death experience, but I'd only be able to experience crippled states that were as horrible as the ones in my waking life, then that wouldn't worry me at all.

The crippled states of my waking life were nothing in comparison to the ones in my nightmares. If I were to be worried about experiencing the crippled states of my waking life during a near death experience, then that worry would only last for something around 10 minutes or so, and I wouldn't be in the worst state of my life at all. Therefore, this just shows you how much worse those crippled states in my nightmares were for me to be so traumatized, and for said worry and misery to last such a long time.

What Would The Worst State Of Suffering Be Like?: To extend on this packet, I'd just like to ask a question. What would the worst state of suffering, or the most horrible experience possible, be like? Of all possible brain states (or soul states, if we have souls), what would be the worst possible state?

This would be an interesting question for many people, including Buddhists. What would be more interesting is if there was a brain model of the worst state of suffering possible (such as what it would look like on a brain scan). Now, I'm not saying I've experienced the worst state of suffering possible.

But, I can at least give you insight based upon my own personal experience because those crippled nightmare states I've had were the worst experiences of my personal life. So, I'd like to begin by saying that anything can give a misleading impression of the most horrible experience possible.

For example, if there were two tough guys at the gym, talking to one another, and one tough guy asked the other one what the most horrible experience possible would be like, then the other would give his own tough guy impression of it. He might say: "I've never experienced it myself. But, it must be pretty brutal, man!"

To which, the other tough guy might reply: "Sounds pretty badass! I'd love to have this experience myself!" As you can see here, the most horrible experience possible shouldn't be treated in such a casual manner because the tough guy impression doesn't convey what the experience is actually like.

If anything, the tough guy impression acts as a mask that conceals just how horrible of an experience it really is. I'll give a few more examples. If a child on Halloween day asked what the worst possible experience would be like to other casual, people, having fun on Halloween day, then that child would get a spooky, fun impression of what it would be like.

So, this would act as a fun, spooky mask that conceals the experience. Another example would be if a student asked my question to a fun, happy, science teacher, and the student became intrigued, and wanted to have this experience as a science experiment. That would be putting a fun, happy, science mask over the experience.

As you can see, anything can act as a mask. That's the reason why the most horrible experience possible doesn't belong in the context of any given environment, whether it be a tough guy environment, a fun, Halloween environment, or a fun, science environment. Such environments would only serve to project a misleading atmosphere upon the most horrible experience possible.

The most horrible experience would be its own, unique atmosphere. It would be its own, unique, mental realm, completely separate from those other ones mentioned. Even if, let's pretend, I really did have the most horrible experience possible, and explained my experience to my mother, or to anyone else, that would still give a misleading impression of it because other people might say something, such as:

"We're human beings, and we all have horrible experiences. I remember the time I lost my father, and how horrible of an experience that was for me. It's completely normal to have these experiences." Even if I said my experience was nothing normal, other people still wouldn't understand. Therefore, the only way a person can truly understand is if he had the worst experience possible for himself.

I mean, I can't tell if certain people, who've had emotional traumas, experienced something as horrible as I did. But, all I'm saying here is that there are many misleading impressions out there in the world that only serve to blind people. I'm also able to talk about this in a normal, casual tone of voice, since I'm doing just fine now.

So, even my tone of voice might give a misleading impression of my experience. The idea, would, therefore, be to cast away all misleading impressions (or masks), and to look at the experience itself. People have to set aside their own personal masks, and they must understand that the most horrible experience possible goes beyond what impression they give it.

As a matter of fact, I don't think any work of art can convey the worst experience possible, since it's so horrible. Even the words "painful," "brutal," or "agonizing" cannot describe the worst experience possible. Like I said before, the hopeless states of my waking life were crippled states that can be described as "brutal" or "hell."

But, the ones in my nightmares were whole new experiences, and these were the absolute worst states for me. They cannot be described as "hell" or "brutal." So, I think the worst experience possible would have to be during a dream state, since dream states are far more profound and powerful experiences than what we have in our waking life.

The worst experience possible could also be had during a near death experience, or a drug induced state, since these states are also far more profound and powerful experiences than our normal, waking state. I know many people who've had near death experiences, since I read about them online.

These people reported they've had beautiful, magnificent experiences, and that no words, or work of art, can convey just how beautiful these experiences were for them. So, I think the best experience possible would also have to be during a dream state, a near death state, or a drug induced state. I'd like to say one last thing here.

There are two aspects of an experience, and that would be the profoundness of that experience, and the intensity of that experience. An example of profoundness would be that the horrible experience you've had from having lost a loved one would be more profound (worse) than the horrible experience you've had from something, such as having lost in a video game.

So, in order for an experience to be the worst possible, then it not only has to be the most profound, but the most intense. If you've had the most profoundly horrible experience, but that experience not being very intense, then that wouldn't be as horrible as having that experience at a very high intensity. The same idea applies to the best experience possible. Lastly, the worst experience possible would be the worst life to live, while the best experience possible would be the best life to live.

Other Person’s Response: If a person just had a thought or belief of red without seeing red, then he’d be perceiving the idea of red, but not actual red.

My Reply: Correct. The same thing applies to good, bad, etc. So, if a person had no ability to feel any emotions, and he had the thought or belief that something was good, bad, etc., then he'd just be perceiving the idea that this thing is good, bad, etc. But, he wouldn't be perceiving it as good, bad, etc. So, he wouldn't be perceiving actual goodness, badness, etc. in regards to that thing.

Other Person's Response: You define love as an emotion. But, a person could define love as an action. So, love is defined by the individual. That means love doesn't have to be an emotional state or a mindset. It can just be the act of protecting or helping someone.

My Reply: But, that definition of love treats our actions as being superior to our state of mind. If we were to go by a definition of love that completely leaves out our emotional state and mindset, then we might as well say that an inanimate object saving a person's life would be love.

A trampoline is just an object that has no mindset or emotions, and we might as well say it loved someone because it protected that person from a fatal fall on the concrete floor.

We might as well also say that serial killers and psychopaths doing helpful deeds, just for their own sinister gain, would be love. After all, it doesn't matter what mindset or emotional state they're in, according to this definition. As long as they're doing these helpful deeds, then that's love. So, I disagree with this definition of love.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy says that the only way something can matter to us, and the only way we can have a positive or negative perspective, is through our emotions, and not through our mindset alone. So, if someone felt a negative emotion, such as feeling that he's a pitiful human being who should give up on his goals and dreams, and he had a positive thought, such as thinking he's still a beautiful person who should persevere, but that thought couldn't make him feel that way, then that means that thought couldn't matter to him, and neither could it give him a positive perspective. As long as he's just feeling negative emotions, and not any positive emotions, then that means only the negative matters to him, and not the positive, since positivity is absent without positive emotions.

My Reply: Correct. There can be no positivity without positive emotions, and there can be no negativity without negative emotions. So, only our positive and negative emotions color our world in positivity and negativity. Our thoughts and beliefs alone can't. So, our thoughts and beliefs alone can't be positive or negative (i.e. they can't be good, bad, beautiful, horrible, disgusting, pitiful, etc.). But, I still refer to our thoughts and beliefs as being positive and negative, just for the sake of convenience.

Other Person's Response: So, only our emotions color our world in beauty, magnificence, horror, tragedy, goodness, badness, etc.?

My Reply: Yes. Without our emotions, then our lives would possess no beauty, magnificence, etc.

Other Person's Response: Not only does negative thinking cause us to feel negative emotions, but it causes us nightmares. Nightmares are a result of our brains tuning into the lower, hellish, spiritual realm. So, nightmares come from hell, and so do negative emotions.

My Reply: Yes. This is what religious believers would say. Especially the New Age spiritual believers. As for positive emotions, and beautiful, amazing dreams, they come from heaven. Our souls are at a lower frequency when we have negativity, and our souls are at a higher frequency when we have positivity.

Other Person's Response: There are heavenly, spiritual beings (angels) who don't want us to grieve over the loss of our loved ones, since they go to heaven when they die, and aren't forever gone. These angels say that grief is just negative energy and unnecessary suffering that we don't need. So, that says there are forms of suffering that are unnecessary.

My Reply: Yes, and I think my miserable struggles were also unnecessary, and I would've been better off never having them. My miserable struggles weren't grief though. They were induced by worries and negative thinking, as I said earlier. As for loved ones going to heaven, there are many accounts of people who have near death experiences, where they learn this isn't the only life, and that we are immortal souls that survive bodily death. The angels say these accounts are a blessing, since they give people hope and prevent grief. So, if these angels don't want us to grieve, then why don't they just use their healing powers to heal those who are already stuck in grief, and why didn't they heal me of all my misery?

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy says that emotions are the only things that give goodness, badness, etc. to our lives/mental universes. So, if I only felt bad about things, and I never felt good or any other positive emotion, such as beauty or magnificence, then I'd have nothing but the bad in my life. But, I'd want the bad because the bad makes me a stronger person. It builds my character.

My Reply: You act as though having the bad is a good thing. But, you need to feel good in order to have some good in your life. As long as you're not feeling good, then you shouldn't be acting as though you have something good going on in your life. That's why you shouldn't be acting as though having the bad is a good thing. Also, you'd have to feel good about the bad in order to see the bad as good. So, why feel bad at all? It would be better if we just feel good all the time because that would be bringing our lives more and more goodness.

Other Person's Response: Since emotions (value judgments) are the only goodness, badness, beauty, etc. that exists, then that means it's not our actions and deeds that determine whether we're good, bad, beautiful, or disgusting people. It's how we feel about ourselves that determines this. So, if a psychopath felt that he was a beautiful person for torturing living things, then that means he's perceiving himself as a beautiful person, and it's this perception/emotion/value judgment that makes him a beautiful person. His act of torturing living things wouldn't make him a bad, horrible, or disgusting person.

My Reply: Correct. Seeing yourself as a beautiful or disgusting person is the only thing that makes you a beautiful or disgusting person. But, if you saw yourself as a beautiful person, while another person saw you as disgusting, then you'd be beautiful from your perspective, and disgusting from that other person's perspective. So, you'd be a beautiful person in your own mental universe, and you'd become disgusting in that other person's mental universe.

Other Person's Response: If a psychopath saw himself as a beautiful person for torturing living things, then that would make him a better person than someone who helps humanity, but is struggling with a lot of negative emotions, and sees himself as a disgusting person?

My Reply: Yes. Being a beautiful person is better than being a disgusting person, and that's why that psychopath would be the better person. That's why I'd choose to be that psychopath than to be that struggling individual. My own mental universe needs to be filled with positivity, such as beauty and goodness. That means I need to be a beautiful person in my own mental universe, and that's why I'd choose to be a psychopath who feels a lot of positive emotions, and feels beautiful about himself, than to be that struggling individual.

Other Person's Response: What if you had to be that struggling individual only for a very short time? Would you still choose to be that happy psychopath?

My Reply: No. I'd just bear through the struggle until it's over, since I'd have my positive emotions again very shortly. But, if I had to live most or my entire life with little to no positive emotions, then I'd choose to be that psychopath. As a matter of fact, I think I'd choose to be that psychopath than to be someone who has an overall, significant loss of positive emotions in his total lifespan. After all, a life that consists of more positive emotions is the better life to live. So, choosing to be that psychopath would be the better choice.

Other Person's Response: Let's pretend that you perceived yourself as a disgusting person, and someone else perceived you as a beautiful person, since you were polite, kind, and helpful. At least you brought beauty to that person's life, since his perception of beauty brought beauty to his mental universe.

My Reply: But, I wouldn't be able to see that as a good, valuable, or beautiful thing without my positive emotions though. As long as I'm just feeling negative emotions, such as feelings of disgust, misery, horror, etc., then I can't be a good, valuable, or beautiful person in my own mental universe, and neither would my mental universe possess any goodness, value, or beauty.

Other Person's Response: According to your philosophy, a life of eternal bliss would be the best life for anyone to live, since such a life would possess an eternal amount of intense beauty, love, goodness, magnificence, etc. But, there are people who'd find such a life to be a worthless existence that's nothing good or beautiful. Such people would prefer to die and never exist again than to live such a blissful life. As a matter of fact, there are people who'd prefer to live miserable, unhappy lives.

My Reply: But, it would make no sense to treat an eternally blissful life as a worthless existence that's nothing good or beautiful, given that such a life is the most worthwhile, good, and beautiful existence there is. So, it would only make sense for people to prefer living an eternally blissful life.

Other Person's Response: Is it possible that someone could witness a certain event, not have a single thought or belief about it, and automatically feel bad or horrified about the event? If that's so, then we don't need to have thoughts or beliefs that certain things are bad or horrific in order to feel bad or horrified in regards to said things. That means a person could witness certain events, automatically feel bad or horrified about one event, and exclaim:

"That event is so bad or horrific!" From there, he could witness another event, automatically feel amazement or beauty in regards to it, and exclaim: "Wow, that event is amazing or beautiful!" Such exclamatory expressions were spawned by the emotions themselves, which means it was his emotions that gave him information about the world (in this case, those events he witnessed being bad, horrific, amazing, beautiful, etc.).

My Reply: You could be right.

Other Person's Response: If there was some sort of technology that could bestow upon you all the knowledge that exists, then would you use that technology to make yourself an all-knowing genius?

My Reply: Yes, since all that knowledge would serve an immense benefit for me. If the technology didn't cost too much money, then I'd pay for it. Also, I'm not interested in learning things. So, I'm unwilling to acquire knowledge by dedicating my life to studying up on things. That's why I'd choose to have all the knowledge handed to me by using that technology. Having all this knowledge would enable me to realize the truth in regards to controversial topics, such as whether there is an afterlife or not, whether vaccines cause autism or not, etc.

Other Person's Response: Did the theory of relativity completely erase that fear you had in regards to the Earth speeding?

My Reply: No. There's still some fear left. The thing about phobias is that you can't completely erase them through reasoning alone. That's why I still have this fear. I know I talked about a technique I performed in a later packet, which I claimed erased the fear completely. But, it didn't.

Other Person's Response: If you continue to experience this fear, then that's actually exposing yourself to the fear. By exposing yourself, you eliminate the fear. When people expose themselves to their phobias, their phobias vanish.

My Reply: Yes. But, let's pretend my fear could never be eased to any degree whatsoever, regardless of what I thought, regardless of knowing that theory of relativity, and how much I exposed myself. That means I'd have to live with intense fear of the Earth speeding, and that fear would completely overwhelm me. I wouldn't be able to live like that, and nor would I be able to function, since I'd be utterly consumed by the fear.

Other Person's Response: You say your mind is stuck on some misery-inducing worry, and that this worry has kept your ability to feel positive emotions shut off. Has it also shut off your ability to feel this fear you have in regards to the Earth speeding?

My Reply: Yes. For the most part, the fear isn't even there. But, sometimes, it pops up a bit. If I were to be fully recovered from this misery-inducing worry, then I think that fear would fully be there much of the time. Fortunately, the fear would be reduced, due to the theory of relativity.

Other Person's Response: I heard you fear that mental, racing sensation you get when you're speeding, and that you thought this sensation was too much to handle. When you thought that, you said you were actually thinking this sensation must be avoided. So, by avoiding that sensation, you were making the fear worse. You then thought to yourself that, even if this sensation was too much for you to handle, that doesn't mean it has to be avoided. So, that eased the fear. But, there's still some remainder of that fear?

My Reply: Yes. Like I said, I tried to reduce this fear as much as possible by thinking certain ways and knowing certain things, such as the theory of relativity. But, all of these things haven't completely erased the fear.

Other Person's Response: I heard you say, in a later packet, that you'd rather experience fear than rage, since rage puts you at risk of harming yourself and others. But, you've changed your mind, which means you'd rather experience rage, since panic is such a frightening, overbearing experience for you.

My Reply: Yes. For example, when my fear of the Earth speeding was intense, that's when I changed my mind and decided I'd rather experience rage.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy says that the only way people and things can matter to us would be through our emotions, and not through our mindset alone. Positive emotions make people and things matter to us in positive ways (such as: "Wow, that was such a beautiful and amazing moment"), negative emotions make people and things matter to us in negative ways (such as: "That was such a horrible, pitiful, disgusting person"), and having no emotions means people and things can't matter to us at all.

My Reply: Correct. The component that makes people and things matter to us, and allow us to perceive people and things as good, bad, etc., wouldn't be our reason component (our thinking alone). It would be our emotional component. Also, hearing, smelling, and seeing are separate components as well. They'd be the audio, olfactory, and visual components. Again, our reason component alone can't allow us to hear, smell, or see.

Other Person's Response: Is your emotional component the only component that has ever allowed people and things to matter to you, and allowed you to perceive people and things as good, bad, valuable, beautiful, horrible, etc.?

My Reply: Yes. That's been my personal experience.

Other Person's Response: Our emotional component can be disabled though, and our ability to hear, smell, and see can also be disabled. That's why there are people who are deaf, blind, and can't smell.

My Reply: Yes. But, our emotional component can be disabled very easily, unlike our audio, olfactory, and visual components, since there are many factors that can take away our ability to feel certain emotions, such as feeling tired and not feeling up to doing certain tasks, feeling panic or excitement one moment, only for those feelings to soon wear off, etc.

Other Person's Response: Your philosophy fails to meet the demands of daily life. Life's a challenge, and such a challenge demands a better philosophy than the one you have. If reason alone couldn't make people and things matter to us, or allow us to perceive people and things as good, bad, valuable, etc., then we wouldn't have a properly functioning society that's able to meet life's challenges. For example, if someone was miserable and didn't feel like doing something important, then he'd require his reason component to perceive that important task as valuable, worthwhile, good, and beautiful. If emotions were all that we had to rely on to perceive value, worth, goodness, badness, horror, and beauty, then we wouldn't get very far in life or in any given endeavor.

My Reply: Well, this is the philosophy I have for now, and I don't know what can change my philosophy.

Other Person's Response: Life's unfair because positive emotions are fleeting, and life comes with a lot of miserable, unhappy, and apathetic challenges where we don't feel up to doing certain things, but still have to do them. Your philosophy makes you a victim of life's unfairness. If you had a better philosophy, then you wouldn't be a victim of your miserable struggles. That means you wouldn't be giving up on your hobbies when you're miserable, and you'd be seeing the pursuit of your hobbies as good, beautiful, valuable, and worthwhile, even when you don't feel up to doing them. So, even while you're miserable, suicidal, and feel like giving up on your hobbies, your reason component would still compel you to persevere. Like the person above me said, solely relying on emotions is very self-defeating, and won't get you very far in life or in your hobbies.

My Reply: You're right. But, like I said, this is the philosophy I have for now.

Other Person's Response: You can change your philosophy right here and now in the comfort of your own home, which means you don't need to talk to your therapist, you don't need to seek knowledge or contribute to humanity, etc. All you have to do is think to yourself: "Do I really want to be in a position where I give up on my composing when I'm miserable? No, I don't! I wish to perceive my composing as good and valuable through my mindset alone. I don't need my positive emotions to perceive goodness or value. So, I can be miserable and see my composing as good and valuable. Therefore, there's no need for me to give up composing when I'm miserable."

My Reply: I thought this many times and it didn't work at all for me. So, my philosophy still remains the same. That means I'm still giving up on my composing until my positive emotions return.

Other Person's Response: I heard that, when you go some place that's away from home, that fear of the Earth speeding gets worse. You said it's because home is your comfort zone, and any place that's away from home would be outside your comfort zone. Sure, that fear is still there, even while you're at home. But, the fear isn't as bad as being away from home.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: When people are miserable and commit suicide, that doesn't erase their problems. Their problems are carried on over to the afterlife. They'll remain in a state of misery that's 24/7 for hundreds or thousands of years, since that's their penalty for their act of suicide. They won't be able to will themselves out of this misery, which means their misery-inducing problems will continue to linger with them.

If you were to commit suicide, since you've experienced intense fear that was overwhelming, and you wanted to escape said fear, then you'd remain in a chronic, 24/7 state of fear in the afterlife that would last hundreds or thousands of years, since that would be your penalty for your act of suicide.

You'd be in a non-stop state of panic, and that would be a horrible existence you'd definitely want to avoid. So, it's better for you to remain in this life and face your fears. In this Earthly realm, panic can't last 24/7. It only lasts for brief moments. Furthermore, your fears can vanish when you expose yourself to them in this Earthly realm. But, if you were to try to escape your fears by suicide, then your fears would continue to linger with you in some hellish afterlife.

My Reply: Don't worry. I'm not going to commit suicide. Also, god or his angels wouldn't be all-loving, all-just beings if they were to give me such a penalty.

Other Person's Response: You're wrong. Reason alone does allow people and things to matter to me, and it does allow me to see people and things as good, bad, beautiful, etc. For example, there were moments in my life where I was unable to feel any emotion whatsoever. But, I still had the thought in my mind that being there to support my family mattered to me, and was valuable and beautiful in my eyes. That thought worked for me.

My Reply: You must suspend everything that has led you to the conclusion that reason alone can do this. Instead, you must ask yourself whether your reason component alone really does this for you or not, or if you just think it does when it doesn't. So, when you're unable to feel any emotion, are you really able to perceive value and beauty in regards to things through reason alone, or do you just think you're able to when you're not? I've concluded that my emotions are the only perceptions of beauty, value, horror, etc.

Other Person's Response: Another question a person must ask himself is whether he's able to be in a loving or proud state of mind through reason alone.

My Reply: Right. Also, when someone is proud, that means something matters to him. But, since reason alone can't allow things to matter to us, then that means we can't be proud through reason alone. Like I said, we can only be apathetic without our emotions, which means we can't be proud, happy, sad, frightened, or angry without our emotions.

Other Person's Response: People who struggle with a lot of negative thoughts and emotions, and see themselves as disgusting people, sometimes end up committing suicide. So, I understand why you'd prefer to be a happy psychopath who sees himself as a beautiful person than to be that struggling individual who might end his life someday.

My Reply: Yes. I was that struggling individual during my miserable struggles. I felt many negative emotions, including feelings of disgust in regards to myself, and I couldn't help but feel these negative emotions. That means I saw myself as a disgusting person, and I also felt like ending my life. Sure, I was still a beautiful person in the eyes of others. But, as long as I'm having those negative emotions (negative perceptions), then that means I'm still stuck seeing myself as a disgusting person, and I'm still stuck with other negative perceptions as well, such as having the desire to end my life.

Other Person's Response: If you harmed yourself, since you saw yourself as a disgusting person, then you'd be harming someone who's disgusting in your eyes, but beautiful in another person's eyes.

My Reply: Yes.

Other Person's Response: Even if you were still a beautiful person, regardless of the fact you saw yourself as disgusting, you'd still be seeing yourself as disgusting, as long as you're feeling disgust in regards to yourself. So, even if you knew that you were still a beautiful person, knowing this wouldn't make a difference for you, since you're still seeing yourself as a disgusting person who's deserving of harm and eradication.

My Reply: Correct.

Other Person's Response: So, in other words, knowing that you're still a beautiful person wouldn't matter to you, since you're feeling a negative emotion (a feeling of disgust) in regards to yourself, which means you can only matter to yourself in a disgusting (negative) way, and not a beautiful (positive) way.

My Reply: Correct. Again, the only way people and things can matter to us is through our emotions, and emotions make people and things matter to us in positive or negative ways.