Assertiveness

Hmm, Ive not hit anyone yet but then again I tend to argue/be assertive because I feel really unappreciated and picked on at times, but I digress.

Eye contact is good.
Using the persons name to establish who you are directing your requiremtnts to,eg 'I would like X to do this task and Id like it ready by Monday.
Always listen but also make sure you are heard too.Dont laugh in the face of a staffs suggestions(my boss did that and I lost any respect I had for him)
Be firm but approachable.
Be well organised and people will see that you mean business and they will want to work well for you.

I have no idea if this will work but they are just some things I look for in a boss.

What if you are not the boss, but your co-workers are taking advantage of your niceness.

Can you be nice/friendly with people and still be taken seriously by them? Im finding it v.difficult to balance the two.

You have a job to do, if it means being assertive to get things done dont worry about your popularity.

Life has been alot easier for me once I realised that I dont mind being hated.

You can only be taken advantage off if you alow it to happen.People cant expect youto do everything and must ubderstand you have your own work to do.If you dont have the time to do it be firm and polite and say 'sorry but no'.

yeah, i think the problem with me is that I want to be liked by everybody.

So I take everyone's crap.

I did try telling someone off, but they got this hurt look in their eyes.

Yikes!

Human emotions are damn complicated

Most people want to be liked by everybody. That's one of the differences between assertiveness and aggresion. Assertive people get the job done without trampling the feelings or opportunities of others whereas aggressive people get the job done and make sure they get ahead in the process, oftentimes by making sure someone else takes the fall when things go poorly.

Can you give some more specifics about your situation?

Well, im pretty young, so I have to deal with very experienced people, mainly guys who have an innate aggressiveness, as well as working with someone who is passive aggressive.

What kinds of things do they do to take advantage?

Stand up straight, keep your shoulders back and look them in the eye.

How do you dress at work? If you dress down, people perceive you as less competent versus if you dress up.

How would you define dressing down?

Well, im basically not heard. Or am given menial tasks/passed over.

Well, it's difficult to give any really good advice without knowing more about the situation, like what's your position with respect to the others and what kind of work do you do? For instance, if you're an intern, it's not likely that things will change. The best thing to do might be to look and see what someone else with the same position as you does and what kinds of assignments they get.

But, depending on the kind of work you do, the best thing for you to do might be to choose one of these more experienced people to be your mentor. Pick someone who you would like to be like and who seems patient and looks like they could use some help. Offer to help them. Bond with them. Learn everything you can about how they do their job. That person will, more than likely, recognize your potential and see to it that you get better assignments. Also, respect is somewhat contagious. If people don't know a lot about you, but they respect X, and X respects you, they will probably default a little respect to you or at least give you the benefit of the doubt, which you don't seem to be getting now. Is there someone there that you think might fit this bill?

As for not being heard, I have some advice there but it might be more helpful if you could give a scenario so I can be sure that my advice is appropriate.

i am an intern and i feel cos im a quiet and calm person, i get passed over for jobs and therby compromising my training. Im not a pushy person.

That also relates to not being heard. My supervisor doesnt listen2 me. He goes over my head and makes me seem stupid cos he doesnt have the patience to listen to me.

Im just tired of people ignoring my wants, just bulldozing me, and generally being selfish. I try to be very considerate and it bothers me when its not reciprocated and i dont know how to get people to treat me the same/listen to me.

I must disagree to some extent with the ideas expressed above. In fact, your career is a popularity contest, because if the managers, or even the other employees, don't like you, your career isn't going anywhere. In real life you can afford to be a little nasty. In an office, you can't, or it will come back to haunt you. Therefore, you can and should be forceful at work, but you must never display temper or meanness, unless you wish to commit political suicide.

Well, violet, I'm afraid you might be expecting a bit much for your position. People look at interns as someone to do their dirty work. The up side to that is that in the process of doing their dirty work, you might learn something. If you're not learning anything at all and the tasks assigned to you are not appropriate (such as making coffee if you're not an administrative intern) then you might look for a different position for your next internship. I assume this is for the summer, so I wouldn't go getting all upset about a temporary situation.

Still, now that I know you're an intern, my advice above is even more true. You need to find someone who has knowledge that you want and bond with them. If you come in, as an intern, and act as if you are entitled to be treated as an equal to more experienced people, you are asking for shitty busy work. You're there to learn. Take each assignment with a positive attitude and try to find what you can learn from it. When they see that you approach each assignment with a positive attitude and are willing to learn, they will give you more.

thanks freeduck.

(it is a 2 year training program, and then employment)

I will try to be patient and positive.

Thanks to everyone else who tried to help.

Good luck, violet. Keep us posted on your progress. We'll be rooting for you.

I agree. You don't have to wear an evening gown and a tiara on your head, but you should look like you made an effort. People definately respect that.

I've learned that even something like one piece of jewelry can effect how people react to you. I have this one pin, it's copied from one that Faberge did. It's a small rectangle with a beautiful turquoise stone, set in silver.

It's very beautiful, but understated, elegant, and classic. One day in the wintertime, I wore a white turtle neck shirt, gray slacks, and this pin. It was the only piece of jewelry I wore.

It was amazing. Everyone, from my boss on down, treated me with extra respect that day. Not only that, I had a doctor's appointment that morning -- even my doctor treated me with noticeably more respect!

And there was the time I found a dress at Saks that reminded me of a Chanel dress that I'd seen a picture of Jackie Kennedy wearing. I copied that look, wearing just a strand of pearls with it. It always brings me respect!

Oh, I know you're thinking -- Saks? -- a dress? -- isn't that going to be expensive? Well, I've had that dress for four or five years and it still works. Some things are worth the investment, coz' they never go out of style.

Hey, maybe we should start a workplace fashion thread!