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he liked my bff and now me ?

 
 
Reply Sun 24 Nov, 2019 01:43 am
So there is this guy-colleague of my best friend in university, they are in the same group, who used to like her a lot for half an year- sending flowers to her, always asking her out, eventually they became good friends but he still hoped for smth more to happen between them even though she always saw him as just a friend and never wanted anything more. A month ago he added me on facebook and started texting me( i'm in the same course in uni but just in a different group- we are like 400 people in the faculty so we never met each other) and said that when he added me he didn't know who i was: even though my friend was mentioning me to him, we have a lot of photos together etc. eventually for the past month we started going out in the same group- with my bestie ofc, and he started texting me a lot, everyday asks me how i'm doing, always keeps talking etc, we run into each other a lot because it turned out also our jobs are near to one another, etc. now it's our exam session so you know- this is always a safe topic for conversation starter Very Happy exams, school, work etc. and he never flirts in annoying way, in fact we have inteligent conversations which i enjoy and i'm almost certain that as soon as the exams are over and we have free time he will ask me to go out: just the 2 of us. i start to like him but the thing that bothers me is that i feel like i'm just the replacement of my best friend and even though she encourages me to try with him, she never liked him, has another boyfriend now etc, i have the fear that deep inside he is still not over her :-\ and another thing- he is not my usual type when it comes to looks, he has a charm, doesn't look bad and dresses good, but i don't feel like burning desire Very Happy so what do you think i should do?
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jespah
 
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Reply Sun 24 Nov, 2019 09:53 am
@fierainquieta95,
  • You don't have to go out with everyone who asks you out.
  • You don't have to have a burning desire to go on a date with someone or even have a relationship with them.
  • Of course you're a replacement for your BFF. News flash-- after the first relationship or crush, everyone is a replacement for that. There is nothing bad, shameful, or second class about any of this. It's reality.
  • The vast, vast majority of people realize that their first crush or relationship was never meant to last. This is not a bad thing.
  • The vast, vast majority of relationships do not last. There is nothing wrong with this. There is actually a lot that is very right about this. We learn who we are, and what we can tolerate. That is important information in your life.
  • If your pal has any problems with you perhaps going out with a guy who used to send her flowers and doesn't anymore, and they never dated (and she has told you the opposite, so believe what she is telling you), then your friend has an inflated sense of entitlement. The guy's not branded with her mark.
  • By the way, even if they were married, he still hasn't been branded by her like cattle.
  • Take him on face value unless you specifically, with concrete proof, know otherwise. Assume he is interested in you for you and is over your pal. Anything else is just anxiety talking.
  • Tell your anxiety to go to hell. It can be very refreshing.
  • A "type" isn't too terrible meaningful. If you like him, then, surprise! He's your type.
Good luck with your exams and if you decide to go out, have fun. Don't give any of the rest of this a second thought.
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