You've gotta have friends ....

"..A network of good friends was, in statistical terms, equivalent to a 22 per cent reduction in the risk of dying during this period when compared to those who had close ties with their children or relatives. "

... and it could well take some of the pressure off grown-up off-spring, too!

Not surprising, eh?

Not really, Deb, but that determination that some olds have, to live their lives almost exclusively through family, is. Especially when the spouse of an older person has died. Makes life very limited, I think. AND unhealthy, according to this study.

I'd have to agree with this.

My mom has had a group of girlfriends who meet up once a week and go out together. They rarely miss their night out and have done this for as long as I can remember. When each of the women had illnesses or problems, they all got together and threw in advice, hugs, support and a good ole laugh. There are seven women. Each of them have had quite serious illnesses from breast cancer to a stroke (my mom recently). I believe that without these women my mom would not have recovered as quickly or as well as she has. Not only did her friends come by and clean her house, take turns cooking, drive her to doctors appointments, one even hired a therapy masseuse to come to the house so my mom didn't have to wait months for the hospitals therapy appointment. While all of this help is important I think it was the humor that they brought with them that really made a difference - it brought my mom out of her depression and gave her will to get better. Relatives know you well but friends can sometimes have the audacity to tell it like it really is and for you not to be offended. She spent more time laughing at their antics and the rude things they'd say to her than fretting over her condition and now that she is doing better they have told her that they expect my father to come out to their houses and paint, build sheds, plant flowers, to repay them for all their help! My mom volunteered his services, much to his dismay and I have yet to hear the end of it from him (although he is secretly delighted at how well she is doing and appreciates all her girls have done to help - but will never admit it in front of them! He loves playing the pained-male too much).

Frequently in family situations the loving support goes only one way. In friendship the support is more give and take.

Seven excellent friends, Heeven! Your mother is very blessed. And will probably live to be 104!

And friendship is voluntary, Noddy. If friends support you & spend time with you they mean it, they're not acting out of duty.

You are certainly right msolga. Ideally your friends will be old friends as well. Unfortunately if you moved around a great deal during your career your old friends will not be close by when you settle down.

I would never make friends just for the sake of making friends. I didn't when I was younger and I don't now. It really is a matter of personal choice. I enjoy solitude probably more than crowds. My social life centers around things of common interest. I would never enjoy senior centers. I belong to the Elks but I rarely go there any longer because most of the members are old. I love my retirement neighborhood because most people mind their own business. There is a very fine line to walk here. I make certain I don't cast responsibility to the winds in establishing a friendship with a new neighbor. Why? Because first and foremost he is a stranger that I know nothing about. He might possibly be something awful like a prohibitionist, scientologist or even a liberal.

I smile, nod my head and take my time. I let him talk away soaking in all he has to say, asking a question here, another there on key points I need to file away in my little "nice to know file" upstairs. If I consider him trustworthy I may put him down on my Christmas card list but hopefully I needn't go any further in our relationship. For fun, I resort to my Friday Group on our local college campus.

Always good to have a few friends but not too many because sooner or later they are going to want something. Then it will be something else.