14 year old daughter getting attacked

Welcom to A2K, rosie. I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. This is one of those problems that is so difficult to solve. The mob mentality among teenagers is strong and very hard to overcome. Right now, these stupid girls perceive your daughter as weak and are attacking her because they're pretty sure she won't hurt them back.

It's very hard to say what to do in a situation like this. You don't want to advocate fighting, but you don't want your daughter to get the message that it's ok for others to beat on her. Especially when it's very difficult to do anything about it through other channels.

No advice for you here, but here to listen nonetheless.

Re: 14 year old daughter getting attacked


Keep being persistent. They will have fear of the police when they find themselves doing community service and having a record only purged when the turn 18 IF they don't get into any more trouble.

I don't advocate fighting either but perhaps it is time your daughter took self defense classes. It will benefit her in many respects; being able to defend herself should the need arise and building her self esteem. She will no longer be able to see herself as a victim. Which is the hardest part for her, I am sure. She is scared and giving her the power to defend herself will alleviate some of that fear.

Good luck with this. Teen girls can be worse than vipers.

I am so sorry - what a horrible thing. In my opinion I would side with Bella on both counts. In the mean time, would it be possible to try and arrange that your daughter is never out alone? Not necessarily with a parent, but maybe another friend. It would be less likely that she is harrassed if she has some support. I would try not to have her out and about as much as possible by herself (horrible to think you may have to drop off and pick up your daughter at this age). Also, if haven't already, I would notify the school about this issue, and ask if they could keep an extra eye out. I am sure they would not want to have a safety issue at their school.

How horrible for you and your daughter to go through
such agony rosie.

I tend to agree with Bella as well, self defense classes
will help your daughter in more ways than one, and
pressing the issue with authorities (school/police) is
a necessity in order to prevent further harassment.

rosie3174- Welcome to A2K!

Young girls are so weird. Can your daughter give you any reason why this girl turned on her? For young girls, friends become enemies over the most inconsequential things.

You say that you have filed charges. Are the police following up? I think that this kid needs a good scare. Have you spoken to her father?

I do think that your daughter would benefit by things that would build her self confidence, and make her feel stronger. A class in martial arts would go a long way. Also, a course in assertiveness training will give her better tools to cope with life's problems.

Thanks for all the replys. My daughter wasnt alone when she was assaulted, her 14 year old cousin was with her. And the school is aware of the situation. The girl that assaulted my daughter assaulted another girl at their high school yesterday and was taken to lockup last night.

I completely agree with Bella about self-defense classes. Some form of martial art would probably be most effective. Sometimes just the projection of confidence can be enough to back the little vipers down.

The police did question her and she admitted to assaulting my daughter, but because shes only 16 all they can do is refer her to Social Services, and unfortunately theyre pretty useless in the county we live in. That knowledge comes from personal experience. Theres a long history between my daughter and the girl who started this but this last instance was because she claimed my daughter called her fat.

OK- So you can't force the girl to behave, and your local social services department won't help. Would you be able to schedule a conference with you, the girl's mother, your daughter, and the school guidance counselor?

Or, better still, how about a meeting with only the guidance counselor, and the two girls? Girls of that age are constantly making tempests out of teapots. Maybe if the counselor is any good, she can have the girls talking, and working things out.

Ug. So juveniles can't be charged with assault in Wisconsin? WTF?

Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Lockup seems promising, especially that the specific circumstances were that she assaulted someone ELSE (in terms of the revenge factor.)

I think a self defense strategy is a poor choice. In most places the law requires that the assaultee(?)/victim flee, hide or refuse to defend themselves. Otherwise both parties are charged with delinquency, assault and/or creating a public disturbance. The daughter could be in as much legal trouble as the other girl if she attempted to defend herself. I would suggest hiring a lawyer (an expense, I know) but this girl seems to be on a downward spiral of violence.

Its all up to the juvenile intake worker on what will happen to this girl but the chances of anything significant are very slim. Besides the girl that started the harassment is still around and the rest of her friends are just as bad.Her 10 year old sister was suspended for writing her principal was a 'bitch ass nigger" on the bathroom wall of her elementary school.Her mother found nothing wrong with this because the child is mixed race. This is the ignorance of the parent that Im dealing with.

I think the self-defense strategy was more of training than of action. Girls like the attacker here usually pick easy marks. Self-defense training and self-confidence derived from that would make rosie's daughter a not so easy mark.

Also, if the girl can attack her and not be charged, I find it hard to believe that the victim would be charged for defending herself.

It is more likely that both would be charged with creating a public disturbance or something similar. Then the authorities do not have to take side and at the same time can claim that they are maintaining public order.

That's all they can do? Let me tell you about the way it is in my county, and see if you don't see a pattern. If the police take a juvenile into custody, the officer is required to stay with them till the parents arrive - even it that means staying beyond the end of the shift. Somehow, they seem to prefer verbal warnings.

What?!?! I was shot with a paint ball gun by a 16, 17 and 18 year old and I pressed charges. Assult and battery. They were tried. I can't believe that you can't press charges. Where do you live?

The only way that bullies like this will ever back off is if the entire school (and I do mean the entire school) confronts them. Who is to know why these losers act this way - it's really so pointless - but unfortunately it happens. They get away with this crap because no-one - the school, their parents, their peers, their principal, the authorities, social services, others - will bother to properly reprimand and provide real consequences for their stupid behavior. If the student population were to have a meeting and decide that these girls would be boycotted (ignored and avoided at all costs) on the school grounds and elsewhere, it would make for a very unhappy small group of girls and they would soon change their habits, or drop out of school - either of which should get them off your daughters case. These things take hold because people see it happening and are thankful first that it's not happening to them, and second they don't want to get involved for fear of being hurt, abused, bullied themselves, or third because they don't care. Have people learned nothing from Columbine and other schools that were destroyed because of behaviors and attitudes such as this that were allowed to go unchecked or not taken seriously.

Ooh Bella, I was also shot once (by a jackass with a BB gun). The police, when investigating the incident, asked me if I would press charges if they caught the shooter. I said no, I wanted half an hour in a locked room with the little ****. I'd make him sorry he ever picked up a BB gun. Sometimes we're a bit too P.C. these days. There are occasionally times when a good old fashioned kick in the arse by a parent would not be the absolutely worst thing in the world.