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Wed 18 May, 2005 03:11 pm
For the past few months, I have been unable to access my balances for my pension, retirement, etc....everything other than my 401K.
So I go to the idiotic website where this information is supposed to be. There is a message there saying that they are in a quiet period and the data should be accessible sometime in June. This message has been there for at least three or four months now.
So I go through the maze of pages on the site, and finally find a number for what I think is the HR department that might help me. I call it. Of course, it's an automated system, designed to keep carefully hidden any number where there might actually be a live human person that might actually try to help you. So after about twenty minutes of getting automated messages and menus tossing me to and fro like a cork in a raging sea, I finally get through to a person. She tells me I have the wrong department. I act snotty. She acts snotty in response, but finally transfers me to the right department.
Finally, I have reached my destination! I am cautiously optimistic that I might actually have an answer to my simple question, after a full half hour of struggling through the technology obstacle course that they have so thoughtfully set up for their much-appreciated employees.
So I ask her, I say, "I've been looking for my balances on the HR website for my retirement information, but all I can find is my 401K balance. Where can I get that information?"
"Sorry sir, but that information is not available at this time."
"What?" I say, agitated, "but that is MY information! How could it not be available to me!?"
"It's a quiet period. I can't help you."
"But what if I were going to leave, and I needed to know what I had at that point?"
"Then you'd have to put in your resignation and we'd open up a case on it, and blah blah blah..."
I couldn't really hear her after this because there was too much steam shooting out of my ears...
If this place had a pulse, I'd choke the goddam life out of it.
In conclusion, if you are thinking about taking a job at a big corporation, do yourself a favor. Take a butter knife, heat it up over an open flame for about an hour, and then slap it onto some fleshy part of your body, perhaps a thigh, or the soft flesh of your neck, until it sears into your skin, and you smell your own flesh cooking...
This will give you some idea of how it feels to work at a big corporation, and perhaps make your decision easier.
You'll thank me later.
I'm so worried that you won't actually get your hands on your funds, that this vested thing was all a big tease...
Find yourself a job that you think you can get passionate about (in a good way) or even just that doesn't do that whole butter knife thing, and then QUIT! Run for your life!!!
Thanks for your suport, Soz. I will start planning my escape as soon as I get back from Italia. I think this "quiet period" has to do with our recent acquisition/merger/whatchamacallit with Bank One.
At least I hope so.
BANK ONE! They're still in business? I wouldn't even accept one of their preapproved, guaranteed frequent flyer mile credit cards. It marks you as someone who can't get credit with a real bank.
Kicky you know I can emphasize with you. Your company's (thankfully no longer mine) HR department is a farce. I really could get good information whenever I dealt with them. The people on the phone lines only know one or two things and when you come upon a unique question they are always unable to answer it. Did you try asking for someone higher up when you were talking with this person? Sometimes I found that has helped me - it will take a zillion hours to get that person that really can help you, but if you are persistent, you can usually finally get some one that actually knows something.
One horrible experience I had there, was trying to get approval for payment of my husband's crown. Now our dental insurance says they cover (I think it was 60 or 80%) of the crown. The insurance company refused and after several calls, they said I had to get it approved through a process at my company. Well, you are supposed to send a letter (not even an email) through the mail with all the data. To follow up you have no options as HR will not give you their phones numbers and they are not listed any where. Months later I get a call with a message (believe me I kept that number and name) and after arguing with him for a while, he finally got back to me and said wait this doesn't seem right, they should pay for it. No ship Sherlock, it states in black and white that they pay for crowns (and have for me in the past), so eventually it worked in my favor - about 6 months or more later.
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