Fun Things For Stressed Women to Say At Work

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THINGS STRESSED WOMEN SAY AT WORK

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf@ck you.

2. You say I'm a b!tch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is finished.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like ****. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense. Just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

I challenge you all to work at least one of these into your conversations today at work. Might be a little stress relieving.

Feel free to add your own witticism. Laughing

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You forgot,

"you suck ALMOST as much as my driving skills"

"I was going to demand you fetch me a sandwich, until I realized I'M the one wearing the skirt"

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Who invited engineers to the meeting? Next time, only marketing people!!!

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Hmm. Can't figure out how to make it big enough to read.

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Ha!

(If you click on the image, takes you to a full-sized version.)

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I like number one a lot.

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I like: "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable." I HAVE to use it on someone soon!

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Same here, Dag. Along with 17 and 20.

Actually, I'm never supposed to let anyone know about this, but...

I was visiting a dear friend several years ago as she was preparing to move out of her boyfriends house. They had lived together for several years. When I walked into the house she was crying. I didn't understand. She was standing there crying and bending over with her legs crossed.

Then, she finally gets out enough for me to understand her... "I... have to...show...you...something!"

She gets herself together enough to stand upright without peeing her pants, walks into the master bedroom and points at the shelf in the closet.

I still didn't get it.

What?

A wig?

NO! She pulls it down and there's "Glenda." She had just found it and was in hysterical laughter when I arrived. She had reached up to get something of hers and felt the hair, which scared her to death. She then pulled it down to see what it was. OMG!

Do you have any idea how hard it was to sit at the same dinner table with him that night???

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heehee

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I have seen a miracle!

Slappy admits how bad his driving is - AND that he waers a skirt - all in the same post!

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squinney wrote:

Same here, Dag. Along with 17 and 20.

Actually, I'm never supposed to let anyone know about this, but...

I was visiting a dear friend several years ago as she was preparing to move out of her boyfriends house. They had lived together for several years. When I walked into the house she was crying. I didn't understand. She was standing there crying and bending over with her legs crossed.

Then, she finally gets out enough for me to understand her... "I... have to...show...you...something!"

She gets herself together enough to stand upright without peeing her pants, walks into the master bedroom and points at the shelf in the closet.

I still didn't get it.

What?

A wig?

NO! She pulls it down and there's "Glenda." She had just found it and was in hysterical laughter when I arrived. She had reached up to get something of hers and felt the hair, which scared her to death. She then pulled it down to see what it was. OMG!

Do you have any idea how hard it was to sit at the same dinner table with him that night???

If it had been me...

On the day I was officially leaving, I would have inflated "Glenda" and left her in my place in "our" bed.

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I had wanted to have her sitting at the table when he got home, but neither one of us was willing to blow her up!

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Wow, and here I thought all those inflatable-women stories were just jokes! How silly of me.

Here's my favorite women-only joke:

What do they call that useless skin around the penis?

A man.

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I hate that joke.

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dlowan wrote:

I hate that joke.

Oh, and I love it! How come you hate it?

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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

I like that! Laughing

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Perhaps because that other skin isn't totally useless?

It is good for taking out the trash.

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BorisKitten wrote:

dlowan wrote:
I hate that joke.

Oh, and I love it! How come you hate it?

Well, I hate to get all serious - but that is the type of joke that disgustingly sexist men have used to put down women - presumably for millenia.

I have always taken a strong political stand on those jokes - and I do the same when they are used on men.

I think it is a real put down - and would likely offend a lot of men.

Sorry to raise it on a silly thread...

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I laughed at that penis joke, BUT I see dlowans side.

I always thought those John Bobbett jokes were really horrible. Like, you should be able to turn a joke around somehow and still have it be funny.

If someone wrote a joke about a man cutting off a womans breast or her vulva and throwing it out a car window - I don't think anyone would laugh (or at least I hope not)

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Fun Things For Stressed Women to Say At Work

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