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Need Help Breaking Up This Paragraph

 
 
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2019 12:46 am
Hi Everyone,

I am in the process of writing for a Kickstarter project that I am working on and was hoping someone could help me break up this paragraph appropriately. What was originally supposed to be a normal size paragraph is now a huge block of text as you can see Smile Since I didn't write this to be broken up, I didn't really set it up in a way where there are many separate thoughts. Any help would be appreciated.

Golden Fox Studios is a mom and son dev team living in a small town outside Nashville,TN. For the past year, we have worked countless hours and have made many sacrifices to create what you see here today but we have loved every minute and hope that this is just the beginning of our adventure! It is our dream to start a new trend in the FPS genre that will set new standards for the gaming industry. We realize that this dream is quite ambitious and we know that it will not be easy. Unfortunately there is never a way to anticipate all the possible challenges in game development and this holds true for even the most seasoned game developers. So while we can't impress you with our previous big game titles or decades of experience, we can promise to use our unrelenting determination to overcome the many possible roadblocks that may arise during the development process. We believe that hard work and perseverance are the keys for success not only in game development but in life as well and we strive to carry these principles through to the end. This game means the world to us and we will do whatever it takes to make it happen! We are realistic, however, and know that we can’t do it alone but we believe that with your involvement and support we can venture through this journey together and build something truly amazing!
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2019 02:47 am
@nicoleitig,
I'd put them as follows.

Golden Fox Studios is a mom and son dev team living in a small town outside Nashville,TN. For the past year, we have worked countless hours and have made many sacrifices to create what you see here today but we have loved every minute and hope that this is just the beginning of our adventure!

It is our dream to start a new trend in the FPS genre that will set new standards for the gaming industry. We realize that this dream is quite ambitious and we know that it will not be easy. Unfortunately there is never a way to anticipate all the possible challenges in game development and this holds true for even the most seasoned game developers. So while we can't impress you with our previous big game titles or decades of experience, we can promise to use our unrelenting determination to overcome the many possible roadblocks that may arise during the development process.

We believe that hard work and perseverance are the keys for success not only in game development but in life as well and we strive to carry these principles through to the end. This game means the world to us and we will do whatever it takes to make it happen! We are realistic, however, and know that we can’t do it alone but we believe that with your involvement and support we can venture through this journey together and build something truly amazing!

I would avoid abbreviations like dev, the exclamation mark, and use obstacles in place of roadblocks.

nicoleitig
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Apr, 2019 06:34 am
@izzythepush,
Yes this sounds much better and thanks for the suggestions Smile
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