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Thu 28 Apr, 2005 07:46 am
for sometime now my fiance and I have wanted a baby. However we have one huge problem. My mother is making sure that won't happen. I still live at home, while attending college. My fiance and I see yeach other on the weekends, and ect. We've been trying for a baby for sometime, however the big problem is that im on the pill. My mother makes sure I take this pill every night, as she knows we want a child. This sounds really scarry, but she actually watches me take my pill every night, as she takes hers at the same time. Short of not taking it, is their a way I can take it and still get pregnant? I don't know what her problem is, my fiance and I have been together for over 3 years, we are both wanting this. Please help us!!! My Fiance is 24, Im going to be 21. The problem with this is my mother watches me take the pill out of the dial pack. And trust me we've both told her we want to take things to the next level. It's not a question of when we are getting married, or financially. My fiance is the manager of an Information Technology department at a telephone company.
Ok yes that is the same name on the other one. I have my reasons for posting that. We are having no troubles. I love Dave with all my heart, and would yes die for him as he would for me too. We are going to be living together in a few months. I am so excited. Yes I was 17 when we started dating, he was yes 21. I was working at subway when we met. I know this is confusing, but now that my suspicions are confirmed, I don't have to worry.
How old are you?? You could always take an asprin when she takes he pill and pretend to take your pill... or just tell her that you and your fiance want to take then next step and start a family! When are you getting married... when will you live together?
I have the same questions as CL. Obviously you need to be out of that situation before you get pregnant. I mean if she's that bad about pills, how is she going to be about everything involved in raising a child?
Or do you WANT her to be involved? If you are relying on her to provide a lot of the childcare and/or financial assistance once the baby is born, I think she has a right to have some say in it now. If you can't afford to live on your own now, what makes you think you'll be able to afford to raise a child?
At any rate, the answer seems to be to get on your own two feet -- living together if not married (why not wait 'til you're married if you're already engaged? don't really get that part), on your own, away from your mom, and financially self-sufficient -- before you go ahead with this.
Forgive my dark ages style of thinking but arnt you supposed to get married first.
Your mum does sound very controlling to a freaky level .
I think you are still too young to have a kid.
You say you want to take it too the next level but to me getting married, building a solid relationship, getting enough money to run a house and bring up a family should all happen BEFORE you have a kid.
It seems you are jumping the gun a heck of alot.
Ask yourself why you want a baby right now.
are you doing it for you, your fiance or both?
I think,despite her odd ways, your mum is just looking out for you.What if you have a child, the relationship doesnt work and your left with the baby?
You want a baby while still going to college? I think Mom sees herself being forced to care for a baby while you finish school and is protecting herself from an odious task. If it's your baby it's your problem. I can't see how you can balance the babying with completion of your schoolwork. I urge you to complete your schooling before accepting the mother role.
Sorry I didn't see that you said you age was 20 earlier when I posted.. My bad... Anyways I am 20 also and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we live together...
My question is why do you want to have a baby so badly?
Is it because your maternal insticts are kicking in, because everyone you know is having kids, because you want something to love that will automatically love you back, because you are trying to make sure you and your fiance are always connected?
Or is it because you want to settle down and have a family? If it is the last answer then you should wait until you are settled first and you can support a child for 18 years...
Being your age I also want a child very badly... but I know I have to wait because right now I don't want a child for the right reasons...
Also you have so much more life ahead of you, go live a little first before being tied down with so much responsibilty!
My last relationship lasted for four years and I thought we would be together forever.. boy was I wrong....Think about it and good luck in whatever desicion you make!
~Issy~
She's edited a couple of times since we posted, CL.
If you're not having any financial problems, why are you living with your mom, nicole?
What is keeping you from getting married?
Now dave&nicole has posted another question from the dave side of things. :-?
oK.. Now I am really confused!!!
Christ me too.
I didnt realise and think ive just given conflicting help.
Heh!
We'll see if any explanations are forthcoming. If not, whatever, maybe useful to someone else down the line. <shrug>
I agree with you that your mom should not sit over your shoulder and make sure you take your pill. Seeing you are in college you are an adult and therefore capable of making your own decisions. There is no way I know of sort of not taking the pill of getting pregnant.
However, I can also see your mom's point of view. Although I do not agree with how she is going about it. It seems she only has your best interest at heart. She wants you to finish college and for you and your fiancé to be married. It will be very difficult to have a baby and complete college. Since you are 21, you have plenty of time to have a baby, why not wait until you finished college, are married and living with your future husband? Maybe you should have a heart to heart talk with your mom and ask her about her concerns? They may be legit or maybe it is something more emotional and you both could work it out together.
Ok, I see that your wondering what is going on, someone with the same name just wrote that posting. Your all confused. No we are not having troubles, it's all so complicated. Yes I was 17 when we started dating, and he was yes 21. We met at subway where I use to work. Now that I have every thing covered. Hope you all understand?
Well, no. It wasn't just the same name, it was the same account. If I click on your account name (dave&nicole), there are three posts under it -- your first post here, your most recent post here, and in-between, a post from the dave side of things (same ages, etc.)
That means that someone sat down at your computer, or someone knows your password and how to get into your account.
It's all rather immaterial, I don't particularly care, just saying no, not everything is covered just yet.
Now there's more editing. Good grief.
dave&nicole, if this little escapade is any indication, I don't think you're nearly mature enough to get into child-rearing yet. Wait.
I did the same thing as you sozobe. And if you go back to the other post - the first entry is just edited to say ok.
I agree with you, whatever the situation is, it does appear you are too immature to have a baby. But don't feel bad about that at 21 I was too immature to have a baby too. The difference - I realized it at 21. Believe me - enjoy yourself and do some crazy things you can when you are 21 and childless. I finished college, got a job, traveled and basically was irresponsible for several years before I settled down. I did not have a baby until I was 35. At 35, I was much more mature and ready emotionally to handle all the responsibilities of having a child. At 21, I would have been a horrible mom - I would have still loved my child, but much too selfish and self-centered (as you should be) at that young age.
Get married, move out, then think about kids.
Or at least move out.
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