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HELP! My boyfriend of 7 months admits he runs from love?

 
 
Reply Sun 10 Mar, 2019 05:58 pm
My boyfriend of almost 7 months was so loving and tried really hard in the beginning to win my heart (due to me having walls up). It worked! We have had a wonderful time together and totally in love. I have met his family and son and he has met mine.
Then BOOM about 1.5 months ago he goes distant. Still communicate everyday but different. I tried talking to him about it and didn't get anywhere. We were together all day a few weeks ago and had a wonderful time and he was back to his same sweet self. He is letting more and more time go by now before seeing me.
We did go out to eat 2 weeks ago and he admitted that every time he loves someone, he runs. His relationship with his ex wife has caused him to think nothing will work out. He doesn't know what to do. Tried telling him I'm not her. I told him that until he says he doesn't want to see me anymore I am considering us together. He hasn't ended things but is still being distant. I just don't know what to do or think. I'm in this for the long haul and I'm not pushing him but being supportive and trying to show him I'm different and not giving up on him. He is a Cancer male. Does anyone have any advice for me?

I really do love this man and he loves me but he has become so hot and cold Sad
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 155 • Replies: 7
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Mar, 2019 09:25 pm
@Broken4now,
Seven months is not much time for someone to decide to commit. He’s feeling burned from his ex - how long has he been divorced?

He’s been honest. He’s just not ready.

Start dating others and get a new life. If he cares about you he will realize he might lose you and will start to pay more attention to you.

As it is now, he’s not even a boyfriend.
Broken4now
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Mar, 2019 08:42 am
@PUNKEY,
As hard as that was to hear, thank you!

His divorce has been over 7 years ago so not fresh at all.

Just hard to understand someone loving you so much one day and scared the next. I do appreciate his honesty.

Thing is he says if I start dating someone else, he will be gone.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your advice! You are the only one that answered.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2019 06:31 am
Whoa - seven years and he’s still playing the victim? (At least that’s the story he gives you)

How much do you know about this man?

His erratic schedule with you makes me suspect he is seeing someone else. Plus he’s told you that you cant see others in spite of his neglect to your relationship.


Broken4now
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2019 09:13 am
@PUNKEY,
I know 7 yrs is a long time to carry that around. She did a number on him with with turning up pregnant when she was supposedly on the pill (I do understand sometimes it happens anyway). She lied to him throughout the marriage and then filed for divorce, got a big chuck of money out of it, and tried to get his retirement after just being married a few years.

I know him very well. We have been very close. I've spent time with his family and child. I in no way think he's seeing or talking to anyone else. He even gave me the pass code to his phone which I have never used and won't. I do respect his privacy. He's is very attentive when with me and doesn't play around on it or anything. If he gets a call it's his family.

He's text me last night and was down. I told him I was living the dream too - NOT! Told him at least I was for awhile. He said he did too. Told him I think we are both just miserable now. It's true.

So for the life of me I don't get why when he loves me and I love him, that he can't get over thinking I'm just going to hurt him. That's why I keep hanging in there because I'm hoping he will see I'm here for the long haul.

I'm not pushing him. I just hope after days or weeks of him being depressed without me that he will think......OK, this girl really does love me and she doesn't run away from problems. Then in my dream world we will be alright.

Am I crazy to think that way? Thank you again for offering advice.
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Broken4now
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2019 09:15 am
@PUNKEY,
He doesn't have his son this week so if the entire week goes by without trying to see me, I guess I will have to admit a lot of things to myself Sad
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2019 11:49 am
People who love each other move mountains to be with each other.

Why hasn’t he made a big effort to be with you?

Are you saying he was burnt so badly 7 years ago that he cant trust a woman and wont let anyone get close to him?

What has he been doing for the recent past in terms of his love life? Perhaps it’s a recent hurt he’s not over.





Broken4now
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Mar, 2019 02:12 pm
@PUNKEY,
You ARE SO RIGHT! When you love someone, you find a way. I'm glad you stated that!

He moved mountains to be with me in the past. That is why this is so SHOCKING!

Basically that is what he says.....that every time he loves someone he runs to protect his heart!

He texts everyday and was very down last night. Told him I wasn't living the dream either. But at least I did for awhile and he said he did too.

The girl he dated before me he wasn't that into. He said he never even told her he loved her. Before that I believe it's been awhile since a relationship. I guess the fear comes when he falls in love. He thinks it means he is getting closer and closer to marriage. Which in the beginning he acted like that was exactly what was on his mind with me. I told him that we could date for years, nobody says we have to get married.
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