I think I screwed up my marriage...

Reply Wed 27 Feb, 2019 07:59 am
I think I screwed up my marriage.

I dug us into a financial hell hole and didn't tell my husband. I was afraid to. He found out last night I ran the credit card up. I used it to pay bills but still...

3 1/2 years ago I was able to let my husband leave his job so that he could stay home and heal from workplace bullying and start up his own business. I own a daycare and soap business. I made plenty to support the household but I suck at budgeting. My husband also has expensive taste. Cars... So I always got him what he wanted even though I needed the money for other things or to save for a new roof, etc. I feared talking to him about finances. I just wanted him not to worry and wanted to handle everything myself. I failed miserably.
Last night he found out I ran the credit card up and he freaked out. With good reason. Now I'm scared I screwed things up for good. I've been married for 14 years and we've been together 20 years. I'm his second marriage and his ex wife was a liar and now I can't believe I lied too. I always wanted to be better. I let fear take over.

Do you think I have any kind of hope of making my marriage work?
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Reply Wed 27 Feb, 2019 08:29 am
Do so by being proactive about not letting this kind of thing ever happen again. You need a financial adviser. Talk to your bank about getting a referral to someone who is reputable and won't cost you an arm and a leg.

Running up the credit card = a low credit score which means it's harder to get loans and if you get any offers for more credit or for loans, the interest rates and other terms are unfavorable. Fortunately, you can turn this around (although it will take a while) by paying on time or early, every single time. Stop buying on credit until you have dug yourself out of the hole.

And don't just pay the minimum, or you'll be in debt forever.

Your husband also needs to own up to his part in all of this. Unless you truly and actively lied about affording cars (as opposed to "don't worry about it" or something equally ambiguous), he is a big boy and should have asked more questions. In the end, when a competent adult signs a contract or a tax return, they are responsible even if they didn't read the document.

I am not saying your husband should not have tried to trust you before. What I am saying is most people can't afford really expense champagne stuff and he would have to be truly naive and foolish to think you could, particularly if there were other flags (e. g. less expensive clothes or food or the like, smaller gifts, smaller vacations, etc.) showing him your pocketbook was more beer than champagne.

But either way, even if you actively and truly lied to him about finances, your best bet is to actively work for it never to happen again. And that means far more than a promise.

Oh and see if there's anything you can sell, even at a loss, particularly of his expensive toys. While he didn't actively get you into this mess, he is still responsible for half the costs and it would be helpful if you could unload the car or whatever and get some ready cash to pay down your debts.
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Reply Wed 27 Feb, 2019 08:30 am
Of course. But you better get your ass in gear and build a plan to get yourself and your husband out of the difficulty. Lots of couples have made similar mistakes and pulled through. Get some help with budgeting. Stick to the plan.
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Reply Wed 27 Feb, 2019 01:27 pm
Did he contribute in any way? (You said he got to stay home and start up his own business. So he just was allowed to spend his $$ on himself? )

This could have been written about an indulged child who has no concept of money. And you got stuck with reality.

What is the interest rate on your card? Maybe you can get that down.

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