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Confused about my sexual orientation

 
 
Reply Thu 21 Feb, 2019 08:36 pm
I am 53 years old and have come to a point in my life where I've realized that the "normal" gender roles for women have created issues with every man that I've been with. I was raised with no fixed gender identity but ended up as a heterosexual, however, I'm so tired of trying to play the feminine role. I usually choose very aggressive men (I was married for 18 years) but they still can't keep me from being assertive (I'm sure that is not the proper word to describe my behavior). Lately, some issues have surfaced that have caused me to question my choice of sexual orientation.
I'm looking for some answers, pointers, or comment to help me understand.
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Fri 22 Feb, 2019 09:29 pm
Can you explain the “feminine role” you are so tired of trying to fulfill?
tammykwestfall
 
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Reply Fri 22 Feb, 2019 11:43 pm
@PUNKEY,
Yeah, I'll try. Usually, it includes being demure, trying not to do things really well, trying not to look too smart, making sure not to challenge "male authority," making sure I wear the right type of cloths and hair style, not having control in the sexual arena, making sure I don't have fun (friendly) with other males or females, not being to muscular. I know there is more but, I hope this brings across the idea of what I meant by "feminine role."
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 10:11 am
@tammykwestfall,
Everything you have listed are stereotypes of the traditional female role - outdated, confining, and limiting.

You need some new “tapes” to play in your head on what the modern woman is.

Go to the nearest university and take some physical education classes or join in on some intermural sports.

Your head space needs an “update”!

Have fun re- defining yourself.
tammykwestfall
 
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Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 07:05 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thanks for your suggestions. Unfortunately, I am, I believe, what most would consider a "modern women" some might use the term "feminist." I just completed my MA in Visual Anthropology (documentarian) and am also physically fit. I hike, rock climb, weight train, bike along with a few other activities at lest five times a week.
I divorced my x-husband because I felt he was no longer right for me and have been single since (about 13 years). Up until just recently I believed that it was because I was afraid to reenter a relationship but in the last four weeks or so, I started feeling like it might be that I'm tired of not being myself. The only men I meet and feel like I can be myself with are gay.
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