Are you Unpopular?

my name is anonymous & i'm unpopular.

Is there a 12 step program for unpopular folks ?

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JLNobody wrote:

I think everyone needs to have enough friends (how much is enough varies with individuals), people with whom we share our joys and sorrows, but POPULARITY only applies to the high school period of life,

I am not sure JL. I think, philosophically, popularity is a benchmark for ideas. Are we not, on this board, talking about ideas and weighing them against what the majority of others are thinking. Does this not take into account the popularity of the idea.

Take a look a rock and roll for a second. If you are a rock and roll guitarist you are going to have to take into account - at some point - the Beatles or Elvis. They were very popular, and have effected the genre.

I think our ideas are much the same.

Think of the fabric of spacetime as an anaology for popularity.

The fabric of spacetime is neutral - so is life - neutral to our ideas. But popularity of certain ideas are like mass's effect of spacetime. It tends to curve it and force you to deal with it.

So, if you have an idea about how to gain knowledge, Plato and Aristotle (to name a few) are massive planets warping your ideas and forcing you to deal with them or discount them.

Popularity in highschool is wrong because these 'planets' of ideas are the only benchmark heeded by students. I think it is a benchmark and should not be 'the' benchmark.

I also think we are kidding ourselves if we state that popularity has zero hold on our lives. We seek to be popular with our kids, or wifes (husbands) and such. It is a benchmark.

My only purpose of this thread is to ask a bunch of philosophers if philosophy tends to make them unpopular and does this matter.

TTF

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ossobuco wrote:

High school permeates some parts of adulthood, in wisps of experience revisited, every so often.

I don't envy the person who was always class president, then or now.

Friends who you can relate to, if not entirely, but at some level eye to eye, those are invigorating, however quietly.

What I said above I think Ossobuco is saying here. Popularity is a portion of our lives.

I am very open minded to what I have stated and wish to be refuted.

TTF

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TTF, i think there's at least two definitions of the word unpopular. there's unpopular as in lacking popularity: unrecognized, ignored, neglected, and so on. then there's unpopular in the sense of being actively disliked by the majority of people. i think you were using the 2nd meaning, or perhaps something else related to my 2nd meaning. that being the case, i generally try to follow Polonius' advice and be true to mine own self, even at the risk of unpopularity. mind you, if i have a philosophic difference with someone, i try to be civil & diplomatic, but i will stick by my principles.

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yitwail wrote:

TTF, i think there's at least two definitions of the word unpopular. there's unpopular as in lacking popularity: unrecognized, ignored, neglected, and so on. then there's unpopular in the sense of being actively disliked by the majority of people. i think you were using the 2nd meaning, or perhaps something else related to my 2nd meaning. that being the case, i generally try to follow Polonius' advice and be true to mine own self, even at the risk of unpopularity. mind you, if i have a philosophic difference with someone, i try to be civil & diplomatic, but i will stick by my principles.

Frankly yitwal I think I can confused your two definitions and are using them as if they were the same.

I mean the latter and wish to clarify. Good eye.

TTF

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i infered your meaning from your original post, but being pretty much unpopular in both senses of the word, i couldn't resist making a silly reference to alcoholics anonymous. btw, i think it's not impossible, but perhaps unlikely, to be unpopular in one sense but popular in the other. what i mean is, if i were popular among a few like-minded people with whom i shared some unpopular core beliefs, that's a state i'd prefer, to the opposite. popularity matter more within the inner circles of one's acquaintances. then, by being true to myself, i remain popular, as in well-liked, by the innermost circle, which is my own self.

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Making things more confusing: many times speaking in a way that is true to yourself can result in a kind of popularity, as people tend to shy away from wishywashy get along folks and respect one who expresses opinions straightforwardly.

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ossobuco wrote:

Making things more confusing: many times speaking in a way that is true to yourself can result in a kind of popularity, as people tend to shy away from wishywashy get along folks and respect one who expresses opinions straightforwardly.

Where do you live Ossobuco - so that I may live there as well?

I think the vast majority of the people want wishy washy and non-confrontation. I think that saying what everyone likes to hear makes you popular.

TTF

p.s. I finally have a featured question! Weeeehoooooo!

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Hm, interesting question.
I don't think you can be unpopular in all aspects of your life,
there is always something you're good at.

I was very popular in high school, being accepted seemed
so important. As I grew older I was less afraid of becoming
unpopular to make my point and follow my opinion.

Today, as I am even older (Methusalem) I know my selfworth, and thrive to be recoginized in my professional life, I know I am with my family and close friends, and being popular or unpopular with the rest of society is not so important any longer. Being wishywashy would be worse
in my book.

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I live in California, TTF (no, no, not outer space!)

Maybe we're a breed apart out here. I lived for a long time in a community famous to itself for vivid arguments about various issues - Venice, California.

I spent years of my early life being a combination of shy and agreeable. In watching other people in action, I did tend to notice that people did not avoid those who spoke their minds calmly and thoughtfully, even when the ideas were opposing the general consensus. Perhaps it is not always ideas expressed but the manner of expression that affects popularity with others.

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its a toss-up.

i have been called the finest person some have ever met, others consider me the dictionary example of a royal flaming a$$hole.

in the fomer case it is usually while they are blind drunk. in the latter case, stone cold sober.

i get along with my drunk friends a lot better.

i chalk it up to a unique blend of charisma and body odor.

(and 101 wild turkey)

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ossobuco wrote:

I live in California, TTF (no, no, not outer space!)

Maybe we're a breed apart out here. I lived for a long time in a community famous to itself for vivid arguments about various issues - Venice, California.

I spent years of my early life being a combination of shy and agreeable. In watching other people in action, I did tend to notice that people did not avoid those who spoke their minds calmly and thoughtfully, even when the ideas were opposing the general consensus. Perhaps it is not always ideas expressed but the manner of expression that affects popularity with others.

and now you're in no-cal. you've moved up in the world. i concede your point, although one can annoy others by coming across as a self-righteous know-it-all. however, in popular culture these days, blowhards are the norm, at least among conservatives--limbaugh, o'reilly, and the like. didn't think i'd ever become nostalgic for william f. buckley. Rolling Eyes

anyway, shouting out & interrupting other people runs against my grain.

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Hmmmm. Weighing this in my mind. When I was in high school, I only thought of being popular with the boys. That was the hall mark of being accepted by one's peers. Now, I am more inspired by good conversation and exchange of ideas whether they are controversial or not.

The thing that ticks me off the most, is innuendoes and veiled insults. If a person has something to say, it should be said straight out.

I was never a groupie to rock bands, etc. but having been in the music business it was important to be popular or one didn't get gigs.

Some may consider me "wishy-washy", but I do not enjoy confrontations because it is unproductive to everyone, and it produces stress that lingers long after the discussion is through.

Now if we're talking philosophy, I simply reiterate what I have always thought to be important, and that is:

I will NOT wound another's soul.

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Letty:

That is a real 'interesting' comment - for a person like you.

TTF

p.s. Trying out my vieled insults. How'd I do?
Wink

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another, hmmmmm, thinkfactory. Perhaps the dance of the seven veils.

veil one- widow's weeds
veil two- marriage net
veil three- harem silk
veil four-40's lore
veil five- ritual jive
veil six-jargon tricks
veil seven-????????????????

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I can definitely relate to the topic of this thread.

Growing up in school, I was not popular. Yes, I had a few friends, but not with anybody who was part of the "in-crowd". I always felt awkward as a youth.

I've never been "cool". No smoking, drinking, drug-taking, partying, etc. Just a straight-laced, "average" fellow.

It didn't help that my family moved many times within the province where I live. The fact that my father worked for school boards in various districts didn't make it any easier. I was that kid whose father was head of the board, etc.

As I grew up, not being popular didn't bother me, but I was lonely from time to time. All through my adulthood, up to present day, I only had acquaintances, and never any chummy type friends, I guess. I consider my "best friend" my wife. I would be lost without her.

With the advent of internet access for me in 1999, a whole new world opened up. I made many friends being involved in a chess site.

Now that I found A2K earlier this year, I hope that there will be a few here that will consider being my friend also. Very Happy

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I'm mildly popular. Theres two sides to me: the smart and logical side and the partying dangerous side. THe latter contributes to popularity.

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Popularity...

For me at least, it's a concept that really only applied to school. It outgrew its usefulness as a guide long ago. I rarely think of how popular someone is in my day to day life, unless it's made an issue of as in hollywood or music ect.

The people I'm attracted to and the reasons why vary from person to person. Confidence, creativity, intelligence or humour in a person tends peak my interest and in some rare cases hold it for ages.

Like Letty, I too sang in bands. So it was important for gigs but now I sing for the pure joy of it. I couldn't care less if there was an audience or not and I'm having a blast. No pressure, ya know. And like Boomer I was never all that popular in high school either, but I knew a ton of people. I talked to everybody and ignored the clique boundaries. I've never had many friends though. I mean true busom buddy friends. Gems. Like Reyn so many people moved away. For a long time I felt like George Bailey from "It's a Wonderful Life". Watching everyone go...
And then I started paying attention to the people who started to come into my life or those that stayed. Lo and behold, aside from my guy...none of them would fit the mold, but I likes 'em just the same. And in the end, that all that really matters, right? :wink:

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Letty wrote:

Now if we're talking philosophy, I simply reiterate what I have always thought to be important, and that is:

I will NOT wound another's soul.

This is one that I had a hard time with. I thought truth was worth more than a persons feelings. SO I would just jam the sword to the hilt at times.

This does two things, It stops them from listening to me because they are hurt, and allows what I said (truthful or no) to be written off as the words of a prick.

Good advice Letty.

TTF

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Well, TTF, We must first be true to ourselves, no?

and I swear I am not quoting Hamlet. It's just what I feel, my friend. That is one thing that I have kept scared all these years, and I am not likely to depart from it.

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Are you Unpopular?

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