Ponytail hell

Broader context, me thinks. Hmm, I used to wear two ponytails sometimes.. a bit of a difference, wonder if it would matter..

I think that would freak me out as well. Have you had a talk with Mo since he's been old enough to understand a little bit about his situation?

I guess I would think about it in the broader context. But I've never been in your situation.

Next windy day, I think I'll try a hat!

Absolutely yes we talk about it. But he has never wanted me to pretend to be other mommy.

Listening.

I think that you're entitled to say that you don't like dressing up as Other Mommie. You like being you.

Does Mo have any costume hats? Fireman's hat? Cowboy hat? If he wants to play dress-up, then he is the one to dress up.

Mo can make dress-up rules for himself because he belongs to himself, but you belong to yourself and you don't want to play that particular dress-up game.

I did tell him that I like to be me and not other mommy.

Other hats/costumes are a great idea! We have tons of that kind of stuff. I suppose I do need to set some boundries for "let's pretend".

Ah, Boomer. Take heart that he noticed and made the connection. I think it is important for him to understand his unique situation and I find it 100% appropriate for him to, at this age, be adjusting to and exploring his "family."

I would likely handle this by first praising him for noticing that "yes, your other mommy does wear her hair like this alot. Very good of you to notice, Mo." Then play a game where you point out differences like... "but, did you notice that my hair is brown and her hair is _____?" Then ask him to find other similarities and differences like length of hair, color of eyes, size of feet, etc. (Yes, size of feet. Make it funny.)

Then you can end with one more thing the two of you have in common... We both love Mo!

Damn - trippy. Sounds like he wants/needs to act out his relationship with her, with you ... for some reason. Having trouble placing/dealing with his relationship with her, and kinda re-enacting it to ... make sense of it? Within the safe context of being with you? Or re-enacting it with/to you in order to show you, when he cant tell you about it in words? Or ... some other reason still ...

It'd be interesting to find out why he does it - to find out what's brewing in his head, what he's grappling with (cause it seems like he's having trouble grappling with something right now, enough to have to express it through strange avenues) -- though probably not necessarily a good idea to go along with it ...

Squinney, that's great advice.

Here's how were the same and here's how we're different.

.... so if I start with a Squinney and segue into a Noddy.......

The fact that we had the weird blow up the other day (to which I made no connection between hair and moms) and that he ressurected the hair thing two days later as a mommy thing is damn trippy.

I took the ponytail down and he called me other mommy for a bit and then seemed to lose interest so at least I've bought myself some fence sitting time.

Knowing Mo, it will come up again.

If you have cooperative dogs, I suggest dressing them up, too.

Just because a dog has a fireman hat, he isn't a fireman.

I predict Mo may become the most talented and insightful poet in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Boomer, can't you just talk to him? Ask him how he feels and why the ponytail got such a reaction? Can you reassure him that you love him and tell him how lucky he is to have two mommies cause some kids only have one? Does he communicate at a level where he could tell you why he wanted you to put your hair back in a ponytail?

Just seems like at this age I could talk to my kids and even if they couldn't find the right words I could work out a glimps of understanding and ask questions until I figured it out. Might also help him figure out how he is feeling by having to think about your questions.

This would likely take place while the two of you are having quiet time, tucking in at night, or working quietly in the garden. I also found drive time (while they are strapped in a carseat) a good time to have their attention to talk about things.

If he can't communicate his feelings verbally or tries to change the subject / ignore and move to something else, maybe you could ask him to draw you a picture of how the ponytail made him feel.

I'd feel more comfortable with helping him work through rather than divert too much, if that makes sense.

I agree with nimh re: working out the relationship. You might also ask your pediatrician for advice.

Why not shave your head, Boomer? Just to see what happens.

I wish, Squinney.

Mo isn't very verbal. He gets really frustated when he's asked to explain anything. The day he got so mad about the ponytail I tried to get him to tell me why and he just couldn't.

This morning it clicked why he got so mad.

He knows, I hope, that I love him. I try to show that with every action and every word. And we say "I love you" to each other all of the time.

I did talk to a counselor based on the recommendation of his pediatrician but our insurance won't cover extended counseling for him.

My friend, the nurse, gave me some tips on how I might be able to get counseling paid for through the state but getting the state involved adds a whole extra dimension.

I suppose I need to talk to my attorney first.

<sigh>

If all of Mo's "issues" could be solved by my bald-headedness belive me I'd be first in line for the razor.

<sigh>

I'd be really happy with a poetic soldier. I'd be happy with a literate dish-washer as long as he wasn't asking women to pull their hair into a ponytail before chopping them to bits.

Boomer--

The sun is going to rise tomorrow.

Mo will have several super-charming moments. He'll have some bratty moments, too. He's versatile.

You will have some doubts--doubts come with motherhood. You'll also have some moments of great pride--that's motherhood too.

Hold your dominion.