I had no idea Dutchy, I thought she was in an old folks home at Brighton with Spendius, do you think I was misinformed?
You could be right about spendius, but Bette Midler is an exceptional artist and beautiful too, did you know that?
No, I had no idea he lived in Brighton, I have checked G earth and it has a pier. Do you like piers?
Love them. Have you been under one?
They have several advantages in life.
Quite handy for disposing of unwanted items.
Diving practice.
Angling bases.
Jet Ski bases
Boat launching
Disembarking from sea going vessels
Some have theatres on offering light entertainment in the summer
season
Oyster bars
Strange tubby ladies in white coats and wicker baskets on their heads
offering cockles, mussels and perry winkles for sale at exorbitant prices.
They can become established as rave venues for scantily dressed
youngsters doing peculiar dances with war paint all over their bodies.
A what the butler saw machine and telescope is usually positioned to
attract the bored saps and deny them their cash.
In winter, the odd drunk will challenge the mightiest waves with Johnny
Walker confidence.
The metal weighs in quite well when they eventually collapse onto the
beach.
I understand American tourists find them attractive, would you like to
buy one?
I have enjoyed some dalliances in my teenage years with the Scottish lasses who frequent Blackpool for the summer season.
Do you have any Peers of the realm titles for sale?
How does Lord Ellpus sound?
I don't know, why don't you bang him and I will listen out?
Respectable widows don't go around banging people, Try, do they?
Is there such a thing as a respectable widow?
Sorry not tonight. Some other time perhaps?
what is the oppodite of progress?
Not really, I was hoping Try would have been in the area, he appears to be interested in purchasing a 'Title' there are several available, but I need to know what his requirements are and I can then try to match the same.
He may want to be a Lord, Duke, Earl, Baron, Sir or other, he may have preference to a certain coat of arms?
If you come across him on your travels would you be so kind as to point him in my direction?
I had just finished installing a ceiling mirror in Stormy's home when I was told about the problem with the title. Do you think I would be better advised discussing this with a real lord such as Lord Helpus?
You wouldn't wish to end up Lord Helpus of Droitwich Manor would you Sir Try?
Now I can arrange full transfer of title with an approved Ministry of Transport Vehicle Testing Station Serial Number embossed through the centre. There will of course be extra fees to pay for this additional service on top of the £50,000..00 (cash only ) fee for the desired title or similar at the agents discretion.
You will of course be aware that it is in your own interests to check the Court Circulars for any engagements you will be required to attend on the first of each month. You may be called on for jousting tournaments at
Caernarvon Castle and there will be the obligatory transfer of the keys ceremony at Lancaster Assizes. Failure to comply will result in you being taken to a place of dark corridors, musty cells and hot braziers complete with enforcers of the laws of the realm. These men are usually outstanding in producing the desired effect having spent two years in active service at Guatemala Bay.
It will be a requirement of the transfer that you agree to undertake a series of elocution lessons at the Shakespear School of Excellence, after all we cannot permit you to be swanning around London sporting your title with innocent bliss and rambling on in an American accent. The natives would class you as a fraud and throw you into the river Thames without further ado, tact or diplomacy.
Now can we continue?
I fear the impediments placed on such onerous duties would impinge greatly on my schedule. I was thinking of one that came with; hunting, shooting, fishing and garden parties with the Queen of England, Do you got any of those?
Of course, you would enjoy cucumber sandwiches on the lawns of Buckingham Palace, the same to be served on brown oat meal bread lightly buttered with Irelands finest, the crusts removed, hot tea with milk and sugar in bone china tea cups.
Your now approaching the expensive title range, would £75,000.00 plus VAT at the applicable rate on date of payment be acceptable to you Sir?
