`Home alone' deaths

Its horrid to think of people dying on their own.
Even worse to think they had no relatives or neighbours who cared enough to call in on them.
I hope if I get my own place Id have the decency to call in on elderly neighbours, to see if they need anything if Im off to the supermarket or just in general.

As the result of a divorce I have been pretty well estranged from my family. I speak with my two sons but of course they are adults, live elsewhere and have their own lives.

Tonight I did something I had been putting off. I addressed them a letter and enclosed a copy for their mother who has not spoken to me in nearly 18 years since she left me. I laid it out for them. Explained in detail the health which is not awfully bad now but will eventually get worse in the not too distant future. Explained the financial situation which happens to be good where I am concerned. My ex wife is the only one mentioned in my will.

We married when she was 18 and I was 22. For all but the last two of our thirty years of marriage she gave me everything. Sex was magnificent, being with her was wonderful. She ran the house, raised the kids during my several unaccompanied years overseas on military assignments. My legacy is my house here in California near the coast. It is a beautiful place. I wish she would live in it when I am gone but that is probably not realistic. It's her's to do as she pleases with. My guess is she will sell and divide the proceeds among the six children. That would be just as well.

I told my sons cremation is what I wish. No religious services, no military burial. Just dispatch me to the oven as quickly as you can.

I am no longer religious. I was raised a Catholic but I have seen enough in my life that discourages me from having any strong belief about "God" other than a supreme power whatever it may be or a "hereafter." Nevertheless I won't rule it out. May sound strange to you but I am a little curious about what actually happens, if anything, once I am officially dead. I am not consciously aware of it but I might subconsciously owe my general ambivalence about death to the fact that about 38 years ago 10 Marines were incinerated, blown to bits on the spot when the Viet Cong blew up a helicopter during a Medevac. I was their infantry platoon sergeant. All I received were superficial burns a head wound and six months in the hospital.

I put all that business out of my mind within months after it happened, didn't think about it for years until about five or six years ago. I now think about April 5, 1967 at Duc Pho frequently. I've never told anyone exactly what happened including my wife and children. I correspond now and then with a couple of Navy Corpmen that were there in my platoon. They know. We are way, way, way overdue. It's about time don't you think.

Anyway I'm relieved I wrote the letter tonight. My "family" will be aware of things now and it won't come as a great shock when it comes. Not that it should anyway because I am 68. In the event I forgot something I gave them the name, address and number of a fellow Marine that will pick up the slack. If necessary.

It has been suggested that at least 60 elderly people every day in Britain die alone.

It probably won't make any difference at the time but I would prefer to die at home rather than in a hospital. Even alone. I think most people would.

I agree with that.
home death is preferred.

I dont really know how i feel about having my family around though.
I guess that is their own choice, but I wouldnt balk at dying alone. Just because the last few minutes of my life are spent alone, doesnt mean my ENTIRE life was alone..

Though , the original post was about someone who had been dead 6 years?

i think we as human romanticize death too much. Once the deed is done and the body is " vacated" for lack of better terms, there is nothing left to do.
Having someone next to you when you die isn't going to change the fact that you ARE dying. Those last minutes are not one to gauge the quality of ones life on either.

I do have to say that it is sad , someone died and none even thought to question the loss of contact for 6 years..
for all we know, that my have been the deceased's wish.. ?

I live in a retirement community. Regardless of where you live though I believe most people find the holidays stressful. I notice the fire truck has been making more frequent visits these past few weeks.

While I was out walking my dog another fire truck passed me. Chalk up another old timer for Saint Peter and his pearly gates. :wink:

Yeah.
I worked in nursing homes for 9 years.
Noone alive can tell me that there is any other time of year KNOWN for death.

The holidays always.... ALWAYS .. brought on the highest amounts of deaths most of the homes I worked in, had all year.

of course, the cold weather played into it as well.
Sickeness was every where.

If holiday deaths are , in a way, psychological, I would be the first to agree.

Well I know I don't enjoy the holidays as I did when I was little or when I was married and had small children. I never missed large get togethers of any kind because they were loaded with stress.

These days I limit my celebrations and visits and attempt to continue the yearly routine through the holidays. About the only thing that really disrupts is the loss of mail service for a couple of days. I am not going to get a heart attack over that! :wink:

Anyway we are through with them until next year, thank God.

I understand that the death of 5 elderly people home alone in Sydney Australia has came as a shock to Australians.

You broke my heart by this

that's some sad news...
How is the possible?
That is some sad news that should not be a reality anymore.
I have a mother that lives by herself who is in need of my care very often, to think of her living without anyone paying attention to her makes me ill.

I make sure she is taken care of and her friends are still around to spend time with her and when i am not there she also have a hope monitoring security system that is installed so i can keep an eye on her actions while i am not physically there. this way, someone can be notified if she needs assistance and we can keep an eye on her.

cases like these are just plain sad.
i hope no one else should hear about or experience these kinds of things.

Mary

The thing is, with rapidly increasing numbers of people choosing to live alone, we need to set up mutually supportive networks to support each other in old age. I would much rather live alone that persist with a bad marriage, or live with family, simply for convenience.

You are absolutely right msolga. As I become older I desire more independence, more privacy than ever. I cannot speak for everyone; there are many people who have had many friends their entire lives and need them at least as much when they grow old. But for example, I belong to a group of retired professionals and some of them are now in varying degrees of senility, some barely ambulatory.

What is gradually happening is what originally was intended to be a friendly, light hearted weekly get together is becoming a drudge. People insist on talking publicly about their various ailments, they gossip about members unable to attend meetings. I am now gradually withdrawing from the group. Whereas I never missed lectures if I do go I am selective about which lectures I attend. I am not going to get drawn into a circle of pathetic, infimed old people who have nothing better to do than speak of their ailments.

if you are a private person it is fairly simple to plan ahead for the days when you will NOT be up and around as you now take for granted.

The thought of being ill and having people bothering me or asking me how I feel is unimaginable. I enjoy privacy and independence.

To the end. The only company I need or wish to have is my dog. :wink:

LAST NIGHT THERE WAS A PROGRAMME ON TV,A BIT GORY ABOUT PEOPLE EMPLOYED WHO HAVE THE NICE JOB OF DEALING WITH THESE THINGS.