Girls, Boys and Computers

Make sure that gifts such as computers are distributed fairly between the two? Enroll her in math and computer science classes when she's older?





And get the boy some dolls, for gosh sake!
(OK, action figures.)

I've never really thought of using a computer as "active" but I guess using a paint program is a pretty active thing.

You might try some "active" videos. Mo and I have been doing a yoga video that he really likes. I know they make some dancing, movement type things for kids.

The gender roles thing is a bit more complicated!

I've noticed that, say, at the playground, boys are typically let off the hook much easier for rough-housing than girls are.

The messages are out there even if you try to be equal at home.

er, hi. :-)

While obviously I identify with a lot of this, one aspect I'm not familiar with is the the whole balancing act with two kids. So that adds a layer of complexity.

Does she want to play with the computer/ paint? That was sozlet's favorite from when she was like I dunno 1 or so, too.

Maybe some sort of schedule? Trade every month, or something?

No chance of carving out a little electronics area somewhere, TV and computer for both of them? Maybe the computer in the art area if you have one?

As DrewDad says, there are probably lots of ways to provide a counterweight, classes and activities and such.

is it too big and bulky to only put it together when it is being used? And maybe store it in a closet or something?

Ha ha. He actually has a baby doll that somebody gave to my daughter when she was born. He liked it and she was a newborn so we let him keep it.



Good point. I still have the credibility with them right now, though, and my child care provider is totally in line with me about that sort of thing, so I have to hope that, at least for the time being, they will fall back on ours when presented with conflicting messages.



Very much so. She enjoys it but also wants to even more because he's doing it.



Switching might work. We do have plans to finish the attic into a guest suite/entertainment area and that might be a good place for them then. But what to do in the mean time...

With the computer located in his room, there are access limitations for her. He can throw her out whenever he wants to. Granted, she's only three, but she wants to do everything he does, and has voiced more than once a perception that anything different between her and her brother is different because she is a girl and he is a boy. She's only three, I know, but I swear kids make conclusions in their little heads that are really hard to re-reason later.

I guess I think it more likely that she will get the idea through outside influence that computers are for boys and that any reinforcement from me will be the death knell for any sort of technical pursuit for her. And she shows (to my observation, anyway, a motherly biased one) talent in that regard. She is excellent (better than her brother) at pattern matching and she amazed my husband by demonstrating to him that two triangles make a square. My son also shows talent (a contraption builder, like Mo, and already doing simple addition), but I don't see any limit on his pursuits in the near future.

Thanks for the advice, all. I will think about the switching plan idea. That could work, though it could fall unimplemented by my laziness.

No, in fact we just re-did his room and got him a very cool media cabinet from Ikea with a flip out desk. My thinking was it could be a good place for him to do homework when he starts school, but it is designed for a computer and that's where it is.

That's sort of the other part of my dilemma. We are doing her room next (thank God for Ikea) and we have tentatively decided to get her the exact same combination of furniture but re-arrange it to her preferences (shelving will be hung lower).

Maybe I am overthinking this whole thing.

no. i dont think you are OVERthinking at all.
it is good to pay attention to these things . As your kids have pointed out.. things are diffrent for a boy then a
girl and vice versa.. as a parent it is your job to create as much of a balance as you can. Doing that just bites the BIG ONE in times like this...

when will her room be done?
Can you work into your budget a way to buy her her OWN computer? a small cheap one like her brother has?

and maybe switch her TV out at that point?

Goodwill has old computers for *cheap*. Like $20 or something.

I was thinking of hitting a few yard sales and scratching together enough components to build her something. It's definitely an option. We are hoping to get her furniture in the next couple of weeks. She might be so distracted by having a nice, organized room that she won't even think about the computer.

Good idea -- taking her tv out if she gets a computer. Just have to find some place to put it...

(quick aside, I am indescribably jealous that you have an ikea nearby. i bought stuff before we moved, but now I'm getting into the next level of needing stuff and maaaaaaaaaaaaaan do I miss it.)

(heh, more on topic, kid's on my lap, all snuggly, just looked up at me sweetly and said, "mama...?" I thought she'd say "I love you" or something mooshy, instead with full moosh treatment she said, "what's your password?" The scamp!) (The making the computer go to sleep and only re-opening it with a password thing is working great. TOO well from her perspective...)

THAT is cute!
Oh, and by the way, there is an IKEA in dallas that ships anywhere.. well.. I think ALL Ikeas do that. But if they dont and you are missing your Ikea Soz, go to the dallas warehouse on the net.. order to your hearts delight!

If it isnt too bulky to move around Free... what about setting it up on the kitchen table when in use?
Talkabout central location!

The scamp, indeed!

Sadly, we don't have an Ikea nearby. There is one in Pittsburgh and I occasionally make the trip, but more recently we were all in Baltimore and decided to do our shopping while were there. I'm thinking of ordering by phone for the next go-round. There is just no other place where I can find such functional and cheap furniture. I don't care if it will fall apart in 5 years because they'll outgrow it anyway. I am so excited about how my son's room turned out once we set it all up. He now has a place for everything, and I mean everything, and actually enjoys playing in his room. Can't wait to do the same for the ducklet. Jeez, environment is just so damned important, it seems.

hmmm.. idea
what about letting ducklett create her own balance by asking if she wants a computer or maybe a newER tv/vcr?
let her pick her electronics?

That could work. I kind of think she's too young to choose yet.

Just saw your kitchen table idea. I could do that, but I think that what would happen is that it would stay there and we would start eating around it, and "whoopsee, spilled the yogurt again" -- you get my drift.

The problem with Ikea, and I've discovered this the hard way, is that they only ship about 25% of what appears in their catalogue. :-? I got a gift certificate for Christmas, and tried to order this, no, how 'bout that, no, and on and on. SUPER annoying. They're really focused on the store experience, want you to physically go to the store.

Ended up having my dad go to the Ikea in Minneapolis, buy something for me, and ship it to me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Environment IS important. sozlet and I just had a redecorating her room session last night, making plans. Not so bad right now, but kinda haphazard. (And the best parts are from Ikea!!)

the other half of the kitchen table idea, is that when it is turned off, it is put away?
( yeah, more lugging and moving things for YOU .. but.. ?)

Yeah, haphazard is how I would describe my daughter's room (and my son's before). I knew we had a problem, but it was really underlined when I'd ask them to pick up their toys and they'd say they didn't know where to put it. Pretty much no storage furniture or bookshelves.

I love the Ikea store experience (even though it's exhausting). In fact, how we decided what to get duckie for his room was by looking at one of the displays and just writing down everything that we liked about it, then going back and picking it all up. I can become overwhelmed by the combination choices and trying to imagine what to put where.

shewolf, the other problem with the kitchen table idea (though I like the idea of them being able to play on the computer and be with me in the kitchen) is that our kitchen has design issues as well. There's already a limited amount of counter/table space and I'm not anxious for yet another thing that doesn't really belong in the kitchen to make its home there. It's a neat idea for the remodel, though.

Do you have a portable kitchen timer?

Having a mechanical clock keeper--just the facts, sir-- makes brothers a great deal less subjective in sharing beloved objects.