I really love this girl and i don't know what to do.

Reply Sun 13 Oct, 2013 03:27 pm
I really love this girl and i don't know what to do.
For over a year now I have been madly in love with the most perfect and beautiful girl I have ever met. We are good friends and talk often. Recently my feelings for her have been getting out of hand, I have started to feel majorly depressed and have started to isolate myself. There have been times over the past weeks where I have harmed myself by scratching my arms until they bled, BUT, I am recovering from this state, however I was always, and still am constantly thinking about her no matter what I do. Knowing that I couldn’t go on for much longer with these strong feelings, I finally got the guts to ask her out. I understand the concept of Yes and No, but when I asked her, her reaction gave the impression that she was glad I came forth and asked her, she said that she wasn’t ready for another relationship since her last one ended badly. I post this is because I am unsure what to do next, should I wait an appropriate amount of time and try again, or should I just accept the scenario?
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Reply Sun 13 Oct, 2013 03:28 pm

Actually, what you have written so far on A2k is troubling. You have indicated that you have done self-harm, which is a tip-off that you need professional help for your emotional issues.
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Reply Sun 13 Oct, 2013 03:39 pm
Also, the bad news is, none of us are anywhere near perfect. You are idealizing someone to love and lust after, basically an object.
I agree with Ragman that you could benefit by talking with counselers.

Adds, love has nothing at all to do with someone being totally wonderful.
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Reply Mon 14 Oct, 2013 03:31 am
When you started a similar thread about a month ago, you received eight replies almost immediately, but for some reason you ignored those, waited a month and started this almost identical thread.
Are we to take it that you will bugger off again and return with a new thread in mid November?
Is it maybe that the previous replies were not to your liking?

I would suggest re-reading the posts of those who were good enough to take time out to help you, and at least acknowledge that you are taking those suggestions on board.....or not, as the case may be.

Even the brokenhearted can remember their manners.
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Reply Thu 19 Dec, 2013 10:45 pm

"There's no such thing as a perfect soul mate. If you meet someone and think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction cause your soul mate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your s***."
- Madonna


Do you believe there is a specific someone out there put on earth just for you? Rabbi Shmuley says many people don't believe in soul mates because they're afraid of such a special commitment. While soul mate love may seem overwhelming or unattainable, Rabbi Shmuley says it's something we should all strive to have. "If you believe in a soul mate, you believe in love," he says. "You believe that love is something more than accidental [or] capricious. It is something unique, special [and] miraculous.
"Rabbi Shmuley says everyone looking for love should keep this in mind:
Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else, Rabbi Shmuley says. Instead, he says people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. "A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks," he says.
A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. "There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well."
A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. "When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result," he says.
When distinguishing a soul mate from someone who is merely a partner, Rabbi Shmuley says you should use this soul mate checklist: 
Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
Is this a good person with a good heart?
Do I respect this person?
Does this person love children?
Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person's plight?
Is this person charitable? 
Not just in pocket, but in person? 
Do they give of themselves to others?
Is this person nonjudgmental?
Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
Is this person humble and not arrogant?
When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?
Once you find your soul mate, Rabbi Shmuley says you'll feel whole in many ways. "'Soul mate' simply means someone with whom you have a soulful connection," he says. "It's not purely physical, it's not even purely emotional—it's deeper than that. You just feel you are like one spirit, one soul.
"Today's Shmuleyism"
To find the perfect soul mate, focus not on what you have, but what you lack. By identifying that one big thing we are missing, we are guaranteed to find someone who makes us feel whole."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Finding-a-Soul-Mate#ixzz2mfHhhicI

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