Gay daughter, homophobic ex.

Reply Thu 25 Oct, 2018 09:02 am
My daughter came out last year. I was supportive, but I wasn't sure how seriously to take it (she is 13). A little while ago she asked me to help her talk to her mother (we divorced 6 years ago).

That didn't go well... I invited her mother for coffee to my house and started to explain how I thought it was important for our daughter to feel our support. Mom starts yelling, daughter runs to her room crying. Then Mom leaves furious that I turned our daughter gay (she is actually upset because I bought her flannel shirts... you know the power flannel has on impressionable young minds.

Now my daughter has her first relationship. It is cute. They snuggle when they are together and send emojis every night.

She can't talk to her mom about this. Mom is trying to get her to go straight... this involves constsntly mentioning to my daughter how cute boys are (pointing out boys in movies and in the street). My daughter finds this both frustrating and funny.

I never want to be between mother and daughter, but this is difficult. There is a big part of my daughter's life that she can't share with her mother. And my daughter is angry with her mother ... she deals with it with pointed humor. It is a difficult position, I want to listen to and support my daughter and let her express her feelings, but I don't want to be in a position where I am fighting her mother.

The good thing is that I am the bad guy. Her mother says I turned my daughter gay by buying her gay clothing and letting her watch anime. This makes things a little easier between the two of them.

If anyone wants gay kids... I apparently can help
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Reply Thu 25 Oct, 2018 09:22 am
That's a tough situation. I doubt your ex really thinks you turned your daughter gay, but as you say, it is better to make you the bad guy than to take out her feelings on your daughter. I think you are hewing the right path here; support your daughter, let her handle the situation with her mother knowing that you have her back. No way you want to be between the two of them, but if your relationship with your ex is such that you can recommend PFLAG, it might be worth pointing her in the direction of support and education.
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Reply Thu 25 Oct, 2018 09:26 am
(she is actually upset because I bought her flannel shirts... you know the power flannel has on impressionable young minds.

Not to make light of this - but this made me chuckle. Do you know my daughters both wear flannel - it is in -

I think her mom is probably is scared and using this as an excuse because if it is you that "made her gay" she may not really be gay. Not that - that will help you out.

Can your daughter talk to a counselor at school maybe? At my daughter's high school they have an adjustments counselor - this counselor might be able to help her with how to talk with her mom about this. And at the very least make her feel better.

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Reply Thu 25 Oct, 2018 12:24 pm
I would suggest a good therapist for both of them. You love your kids no matter their preference.
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