Does he like me? Or not...

Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2018 04:56 am
So there is this guy in one of my classes. He's a study abroad so he'll be leaving in three months (but he once mentioned he'll be back). On the first week of school he'd just stare at me and smile, then we got a bit closer so that doesn't happen as often anymore. He also always makes sure he sits next to me in class and lean in towards me whenever he has a question. A couple of days ago he asked me to 'go out' and so we had lunch together yesterday. He offered to come pick me up from my house, and he also paid for the meal (I tried to pay but he insisted). It was amazing, we kept talking and asking questions nonstop and laughed alot, we ended up walking to a park and spending some time there too (we ended up sitting really close to each other at some point). It was a 5hours long 'date' but i don't know if it was just like a friendly hang out or an actual date... He did say we should do that again but he didn't really make a move, like he didn't hold my hand or lean in for a goodbye kiss, so I'm not sure what to think of all this... I really like him but he confuses me. Help?
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Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2018 05:06 am
Sounds a helluva lot like a first date to me.

Want clarification? This time, you ask him out. "Hi, Dave (or whatever his name is)! I had such a great time the other day. Can we go out on a date this weekend (or whenever you're free)? There's a great movie playing at ______/I've always wanted to try the ______ restaurant/There's a terrific band playing at ________/You know the ____ club? Let's go dancing!"

Of course you choose any of the options I've given you or suggest something else. I'm just listing more common date-type activities, but there are a ton out there. Maybe something directly related to your town or school would be good. E. g. in Albuquerque, they just had a ballooning festival; in Boston, we have the duck boats, etc. Use your imagination but do the following no matter what you say:
  • Specifically say you want it to be a date.
  • Suggest a datelike day and time, which generally means any time on the weekend or an evening during the week. Lunch is possible but it's a touch more ambiguous, even if you spell out that you intend for it to be a date. Yes, some people are that clueless.
  • Make sure to suggest a specific activity and not just hanging around.
The idea here is to make it crystal clear that you want a romantic connection. And then you amplify that by spelling out in all of your communications in this conversation that you want to be on an actual date with him.

This conversation can be in person or on the phone, your choice. Please do not try to do this over email or text. You want to hear his reaction and, preferably, see it as well.

And then see what he says. Then you'll know where you stand.

Have fun either way, okay? If he's not interested romantically, then anyone who talks to you for five hours at a clip has the potential to be an awesome friend. Don't knock that, or see it as a consolation prize.
Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2018 06:42 am
Is there some reason why YOU didn’t make the followup move and call him for another get- together?

Or are you going to expect him to do all the work of developing this friendship?
Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2018 09:14 am
That is so detailed I'm so grateful!! I will try to ask him out on a date in person, because I really do want to see his reaction. Thanks again!
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Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2018 09:16 am
Well, the date was just yesterday so I was thinking I should wait a bit before asking him out myself. I did ask him to go out first a couple of weeks ago but he couldn't make it that weekend so he kind of turned me down on the spot lol I'll be sure to pick the right time when I try again.
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Reply Wed 17 Oct, 2018 05:52 am
So, small update, I told that guy that I like him and he just said that he wasn't looking for anything and 'thanks for telling me' so I'd say that was a pretty nice rejection. Now gotta move on!
Reply Wed 17 Oct, 2018 06:36 am
Hey, you got clarification and that's awesome. Now you don't have to wonder "what if'" anymore.

Now go get 'em, tiger! Smile
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