Educational question...need advice for 4th grader.

You know, I don't really have any good advice. I have tutored kids who had these problems, but each was different. There is a book I read, however, that might be helpful to you. It was called How to Parent So Children Will Learn . I read it a while back and it's full of really good advice that does work. I'm thinking I might buy it and read it again now that my oldest will be entering kindergarten.

chispita--

Welcome to A2K.

Frequently kids pick up parental habits. Do either you or Mo's father have a tendency to be a bit slapdash, hurrying through tedious chores so that you can move on to more enjoyable pastimes?

Freeduck- I'll have to look into the book.

Noddy-

Actually I'm a little bit of a neat freak. I don't hurry unless, cleaning the or doing laundry... I hurry but so I have enough time to make sure everything gets done right and not left behind for later. I always try to teach my boys that if "we" do things right the first time then we don't have to go back and re-do it.

As for their dad, I can't say. We have been divorced for 7 or 8 years.. to answer for him would not be right. However when we were together he did tend to not get things done. He was a major procrastinator. From what both of the boys tell me when they are with their dad it's all fun and games. The oldest once told me that he liked going with his dad because he was the fun easy going one and I'm the tough one.

What is funny is Andy the oldest is a clean kid.. he has picked up on getting things done right the first time and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. My husband and I joke that Andy got all the common sense and Mo wasn't around when it was being passed out.. Little adult humor (not in front of the kids) :wink:

Is it possible that part of Mo's problem is that he sees Andy as "the Organized One" and by being slapdash and hasty he's creating his own individuality?

That is very true. I have always thought that. You know how kids always pick up on that kind of stuff even when we don't say it. Mo says "Andy is the smart one in math and I'm the smart one at spelling." I try really, really hard not to compare them or say, why can't you just be like... I was the "perfect" one growing up and my sister and brother resented me because our parents always said that to them. As adults they told me while we were growing up they just figured if our parents had already decided they weren't smart then they couldn't fail. I don't want Mo to think like that... and I do tell him he is smart, he just has to take the time to do things.

Mo and I talked lastnight, I explained to him how important it is that he take his time in everything he does. He started to compare himself to Andy again I told him we were talking about him not Andy. I reminded him that Andy is his own person and eventhough they love eachother and he loves to hang out with his big brother he needs to start doing things on his own. We thought letting them chose different sports to play (Mo is in baseball & Andy is in water polo) might give them the opportunity to grow independently of each other.

Since their dad and I split Andy has felt like he has had to be responsible for Mo. That's another issue, but one in the same. They've been so close for all these years that it's hard for them to split up. They "fight" a lot when they are together and can't seem to be apart. Andy is going to 7th grade next fall and I'm really scared that Mo depends on Andy a lot. During our conversation last night I told Mo it's okay for him to be his own person, to make his own friends and find the sport he likes the most and stick to it with out Andy. I told him that just because they do different things doesn't mean they have to stop being best brothers...

I also told him that if at the end of the quarter his teacher tells me he is still rushing then I will have to pull him out of baseball. and let me tell you he loves baseball but he knows I stick to my word... so I hope he really starts taking his time at school.

Does anyone have any other advice on how to make sure kids don't feel like they are being compared to their siblings? Or that they are the "black sheep" of the family.

It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. Hang in there. Kids adjust. It could be that Andy going into 7th grade is just what the doctor ordered.

I was very close to an older sister. So close, that I didn't speak -- she spoke for me. We were much younger than your boys, but the principle is the same, I think. When she started kindergarten and I was the only one left in the house, I started speaking for myself. I'm sure that she enjoyed the freedom of not having to speak for me anymore.

You seem to really know what is going on with your boys and the fact that you are so on top of it probably means that they will be fine.

FreeDuck thank you for the compliment..

It's funny that you should say your sister spoke for you... That is still true for my boys. If they are together and someone asks Mo something he looks over at Andy and says "Andy, tell them"..

Andy has expressed that he sometimes gets tired of having to "carry" the weight for both of them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and I hope that when school starts in the fall Mo doesn't start hanging out with the "wrong" crowd.

Being a parent is definitely the hardest job I've ever had, but the most rewarding!

See if there's any way you can manage to turn it into fun. Ask him if a story was bad or good and why. What would make it better? If that fails you can always fall back to bribery.

Oops! Noticed that you're a newbie. Welcome to a2k. I hope someone comes up with an answer to your knotty problem.

bobsmyth-
Thank you for both the welcome and the advice.

Chispita--

You're on the right track providing that you don't give into temptation and rush through the remaking of Mo. If I had a pillow, I'd cross stitch a motto for you: "Constant dropping wears away the stone."

I know very little about sports, but it seems to be that a Baseball Addicted boy would accept that he can't rush through batting practice or catching practice or stretching exercises and expect to improve his play.

Good luck.

That's a good idea. Another approach would be to use books about baseball or other things that he's actually interested in.

Noddy - I also don't know a lot about sports but you are correct... When he started out he was afraid of the ball and couldn't throw very well. My husband spent hours practicing with Mo and told him that it took time, then when he got on the team and hear that a lot of the other boys had been playing since they were 4 yrs old he got a little discouraged. We told him that he should be proud of himself, everyone else has been playing for 6 yrs and he just started and he's already doing better then some of the other boys. Not because he's better but because he loves it and puts the time into it.

FreeDuck, I'll use baseball to encourage him in his school work. That's a great idea!