Grandparents with no sense

Yup, my MIL definately favors my oldest daughter over my younger one. She also favors her daughter over my husband. I'm not sure that all gifts have to arrive in pairs, but I do think over the long run they should balance out.

Having your husband talk to his parents might be a good idea.

Wow. That was the rudest thing I have heard in a longtime. Grandparents should not openly behave that way. It is understandable that they favor one over the other, but they should be the ADULTS in the situation and not show it.
I have NOT been in this situation so i can offer nothing but a comforting word... but I do have a suggestion!

If it isnt too late, take that 20, turn it into 2 tens and say that the grandparents told you to do that because they didnt have 2, they only had 1 so they wanted you to split it up for them.
Then turn around and tell the grandparents you had to do that and why... maybe they will understand.
And if they want to send only one gift at a time they need to send it in YOUR name so that you can give it out in a respectful way..... on b-days and such.. not just out of the blue in front of the other child.

I'm kind of curious - why was your daughter's picture in the paper?

I think something like this would be okay if say, she'd won the spelling bee or some prize or had done something noteworthy.

If it was more of a human interest thing "little girl enjoys sunny day in the park" - then I would think it's a problem.

But if unequal gifting is a problem like you describe then most definately have a chat with them about how they hurt your son's feelings.

My younger brothers wife's family does that ALL the time! They completely favor their grandson over their granddaughter and make no bones about it. My brother has tried talking to his in laws about equal treatment but they just don't seem to get it or just don't seem to care. My brothers wife complains about all the time, but she will not talk to her own parents about it at all and I can't figure out why...

I grew up in a family where all four of "us kids" knew we were loved equally by our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins. I could never, ever fathom such partiality in families.

Funny that you should ask about her pic in the paper. It was a human interest story about an after school club that both my children attend once a week. She got her pic in the paper, he didn't. That did not seem to bother him much since he's not one for the limelight.

Instead of forging a letter from the grandparents, write a letter to the grandparents. Explain how they made your son feel, and tell them that they are not to do it in the future.

Splitting up the 20 couldn't work in this situation Shewolf, although that's a great idea I have used in the past. In his letter, it was pretty specific that the 20 was for her.
So, like a good mother, I just forged a letter and stuck twenty bucks in the envelope. He'll be arriving home from school in a few minutes and the first thing he'll ask, like he did yesterday is "did I get a letter??" and I'll say "I don't know, why don't we go check?"
Just last week, before my daugther's letter arrived, he asked my why at Christmas his sister got clothes and a toy from grandpa and he only got a shirt. Like I said, grandparents with no sense!

Great idea Drew

This is tough, because on one hand you never want to see your children hurt and grandparents are suppose to be the super fun always lovin' always got cookies people.
But on the other hand, I think it's important for kids to learn life lessons early. If she had done something significant, like win a spelling bee or something (as someone mentioned) then I could see her getting a letter and money, and perhaps him just a letter. He would have to understand that when we achieve something important we are often rewarded. But if they sent her the letter and money for no reason (which it sound like they did), and him nothing, that to me is harsh. And the Christmas presents thing...that's pretty harsh too. I'd tell the grandparents that if one gets, both get. Or neither will. You might have to intercept mail from now on.

Yeah, okay then, they're being jerky and they need to be set straight.

I wonder too about the message it sends by sending a little girl money for "being adorable".

But maybe that's just me.

I hear ya Boomerang. My daughter is very photogenic, and has had her picture in the paper 4 times this year so far. Seems every event she attends, her pic is used in the paper's article about it. I think she's getting a little embarrassed about it. The first time she was so excited, but this latest one, when I said "hey you're in the paper", she kinda looked sheepish and said "yeah, I know".
Mail interception is definetly in order from here on out Bella. My son is extremely shy, and he needs confidence building, not hang ups about his grandpa liking his sis more than him. The forgery worked lol. He tossed the letter aside when he found his 20 bucks, and went running for his wallet. He's saving for a dirt bike

Sounds like she has a level head and a good mother!

I work as a portrait photographer and have seen more than my share of little girls with too big an investment in being "adorable".

I don't know if you're the thank you card type but you might consider having the kids write thank you notes for the money to their grandparents.

Of course, you would add a little note to the bottom of your son's explaining his hurt feelings and your remedy. That might drive the point home loud and clear.

I was in this situation when I was a child. My grandmother favored one of my brothers over the rest of us. She was his godmother so he always got extra attention and gifts. For example every Saturday, she would take him out and it would be their day together. She also had a room in her apartment that was full of toys just for him to play with when he came over. It was rare that any of the rest of us even went over to her apartment.

Now reading the above it sounds hugely unfair and you would think there would be major issues between us all on this. The funny thing was there really wasn’t any resentment because of this. I can’t explain why other than we all accepted their unique and close relationship. I am not saying that we were not jealous at times because of it, but it was such a part of our lives that it was not much different than normal jealously you may get at times between siblings. Maybe because our age differences were far even apart for a greater understanding of different sorts of bonds or perhaps my parents were just good at explaining to us that grandmom had a special relationship with my younger brother because she was his godmother.

The hard thing is you may not be able to change your parents’ reactions and how they treat your children. But you may be able to cushion the blow by how you handle it. Maybe there is something you can have for your son that is special. Is he interested in any sort of sports? Maybe he could be a “star” (at least in your eyes) in soccer or T-ball or swimming. Something that his sister is not involved in that will be special for him.

Link makes an excellent point when she says " -The hard thing is you may not be able to change your parents' reactions and how they treat your children-"

SO... what about giving grandparents limitations on what they can spend on your kids?
Yeah, horrible thought, but lemme clarify....

If you tell them that they can only spend about 20 per CHILD on christmas, and thier birthdays... maybe that would curb this awful flaunting of favortisim. There arent many BIG wonderful kid toys for under 20 bucks so the playing field will be level when it comes to gift exchanges. it ishard to tell someone they cant spend X amount of money if they want.... but if they refuse to acknowledge how thier actions are not only hurting your kids, but HURTING you more ( having to spend 20 and forge a letter... lie.. cover.. etc) then they need limits and you MAY be able to start there.
This behavior is damaging for these kids. If they refuse to curb it , then they should be treated as kids as well. Immaturity doesnt stop at age 21.
( sigh ) im sorry you are going through this. Grandparents shouldnt be the cause of frustration. That belongs to Mother / Father in-laws.

Thxs everyone for all the great advice. My husband is going to talk to his parents. They are divorced, but they have both been guilty of this in the past. When our son was smaller we did not fret so much because he was too little to notice. Now he's aware and it has to stop.
He'll also tell grandpa he owes us twenty bucks